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About this blog

The thoughts and journeys of a neg bottom flirting with the idea of becoming poz…

Entries in this blog

Being a cumdump

God, it feels good to be a cumdump!

My load count for the past few years has been really horrible. Sadly it’s been single digits (per year!) since 2018. 2015-2018 it was triple digits. The past 3 years I can kinda blame on COVID, but it’s more than that. Fall if 2017 I did the week in Key West where I left my Truvada in NYC (intentionally) and took as many loads as possible. That started a “am I sure I want to be doing this?” phase which lasted a while. Then COVID happened.  Needless to say I want to get back up to triple dig
JakeTurner

JakeTurner in Being a cumdump

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Getting Pozzed

My New Year's Resolution Is To Get Pozzed

Well, I'm still testing neg (last test was 3 weeks ago) - not that I've been taking all that many loads. My main concern lately is that I've had a bunch of trips this year. There was one around July 1st, then another early August, then one in early October, and then over Thanksgiving. And coming up there's a 2 week trip around New Year's / early January. So, doing the math… if I got pozzed fuck flu could have messed up one of the trips. I'm just too much of a control freak to let that happe
JakeTurner

JakeTurner in Getting Pozzed

1
Fuck Flu

Took Truvada last night…

…not to avoid getting HIV, but rather to try to mitigate any fuck flu symptoms I might have. I'm thinking Truvada will slow down HIV and less virus = a milder fuck flu. Not sure if that's true, but we'll see… It's not like I'm trying to get pozzed so I can experience horrible fuck flu or have it interrupt my travel plans. I'll be quite happy if I can test poz without any symptoms or just minimal symptoms. If the symptoms built slowly over a couple days I'd take them at first sign of symptoms, bu
JakeTurner

JakeTurner in Fuck Flu

2
Conversion

Thoughts 5 days after possibly getting pozzed…

A lot has been going through my mind the past 5 days since I took what I think was a toxic load… The first night I didn't sleep all that well (excitement, not worry). Then the next day I realized nothing except possibly my status has changed. But if I'm poz it does change some of my priorities. I came the morning after, but now I'm going to try to not cum except when I'm fucking someone. That said, my libido hasn't been all that strong.  I've been reading about viral loads. I knew the
JakeTurner

JakeTurner in Conversion

6
Conversion

I think I just got pozzed!

A couple hours ago I hooked up with this guy who I'd fucked in the past when he was a bug chaser and I'm like 90% sure I've got a toxic load in my unPrEPped neg ass right now. 😈☣️ When I fucked him before I was vague about my status back then since I knew I was neg and his fantasy was that I was poz and toxic, but it turned me on that he was chasing. He was this clean-cut, muscle frat boy type - not the type you'd expect to be  trying to get pozzed. Last fall he'd told me he didn't really k
JakeTurner

JakeTurner in Conversion

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8 Days, No PrEP, 33 Loads

Well, I did it. I went the full 8 days without PrEP and was as a big of a slut as my body could handle. It's not like I freaked out in the middle and stopped having sex or anything. All in all I got 33 loads (which was just 1/3rd of my initial goal and 1/2 what I really hoped for). In the process I learned a bit about my body and how I feel about getting pozzed… Just a quick note to say that PrEP is >90% effective 7 days after you stop (if you've been taking it every day, which I was), b
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

3

3 Days Off PrEP, 14 Loads…

So I did it. I went on vacation (9 days, 8 nights) and didn't take my PrEP. It feels weird going out, taking loads, and then not taking the pill that night. I wake up every morning wanting to get pozzed, but at night I'm tired and doubtful. But can't say I've got any major doubts – it's more like a nagging feeling to do the right thing.  So far Fantasy Fest has been pretty slow and I've struggled to get loads. I was hoping to get 100 loads this week, which would have required I get 13 every
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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Took The Full Week Of PrEP

I skipped some days of PrEP last week, but when it came down to it this week, I took all my pills. Part of the reason is because I had a head cold this week (started with a scratchy throat Sunday night), and when I'm tired or otherwise not at 100% I tend to just go on autopilot which means going through the motions of what I'm supposed to be doing. So I took my pills.  And I was thinking of being a slut tomorrow and starting my slutty week a day early (and getting an early start to my week+
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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Woke Up Wanting To Stop PrEP

This morning I was laying in bed jacking off to porn on my phone and I just had this intense urge to stop taking PrEP – to just be done with sitting on the fence and choose to actually be poz. I know if I go off it now there's a good chance I'll get pozzed when I'm in Key West & Ft. Lauderdale. I mean I'm advertising for toxic tops, so there's a greater chance risk will find me…  So my heart wants to be poz, but I think my rational side will prevail – at least to a point. I'll skip my p
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

2

Gangbang – Etiquette & An Unexpected Load

I went to a gangbang yesterday. I'm vers and love seeing cumdumps take anonymous loads, love the feel of a cummy hole on my dick, etc. Yeah, I wish I were the one taking the loads, but the next best thing is giving one to a hot cumdump. So I get there and there are already 3 other tops in the room. One of the tops (an older daddy) pulls out and lets another of the tops (a smooth muscular guy with a curved dick) fuck the bottom. Then that top pulls out and lets the 3rd top (a black guy) fuck
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

1

8-10 Days Of No PrEP & Lots Of Loads

So I started taking random loads before PrEP came out. And then just around the time that it was approved by the FDA was when I finally got comfortable with the idea of being a cumdump, taking any and all loads, and eventually getting pozzed. I went to a few sex parties, bent over and took loads from anyone who'd fuck me. But then I realized I could be a cumdump and stay neg if I went on PrEP, so that's what I did. That was the spring of 2013 – nearly 5 years ago now.  But I gotta say there
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

3
Sex Parties

Short, Intense, Cummy Sex Party

Went to a sex party last week. Damn it was fun! Just 6 of us there, but all the guys fucked me and 4 of them came in my ass - one guy came twice, so I got 5 loads in just an hour and a half. It was all sorts of guys too… One was this muscular little Latino who I've swapped loads with before. He was one of the other guys getting fucked - it was hot seeing him get fucked by all those guys. He managed to give me two loads at the party and I gave him my load as well. I gotta say it's really hot
JakeTurner

JakeTurner in Sex Parties

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Surprise - I wound up breeding a top!

Yesterday I hooked up with this Middle Eastern cub who'd bred me on two occasions with me bent over toilets at the Eagle. I love bottoming for him because he gave me two loads on both occasions. This time he came to my place. I was hoping to take some loads before he got there, but didn't manage to find anyone to breed me. I'm still trying to figure this top out. Not sure if he likes intimate/connected sex or more anonymous sex. He likes kissing, but while he's fucking me he seems to like to t
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

1

My boyfriend found out I'm taking loads…

A month or so ago my best friend let it slip that I was bottoming one night when he was drunk. My bf was pissed and there were some really tense moments. Then he calmed down. So I laid off sex for a little while - didn't want to fan the flames too much. But since he knew I figured I could be more open about it, a bit over a week ago now was Folsom Street East. Before we went I tried to clean out, but as it turned out I cleaned too deep and by the time I got there I was slightly messy again - s
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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I Guess My Ass CAN Take Big Dicks

I've been worried that my hole would rip with big dicks - it seemed to happen back in January and I have a history of having a fissure, but last week I took two huge cocks no problem, so it looks like my ass is going to be OK. First was a muscular black fuckbuddy of mine. His dick is 10", possibly 10 1/2" and thick. The good part is that he's pretty gentle - he knows he's big and can do damage. He really likes going deep - and that hurt like hell, but I wasn't worried about him doing damage go
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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My hole can take more than I thought…

I've been worried about my hole. I've had a fissure on and off for years, but maybe a year ago I decided to see a colorectal surgeon to get it fixed properly. She managed to get it healed just using creams, but I wasn't quite confident that everything was OK. Late last year it did reopen a bit, so I took the creams again. When it seemed healed up I went to a sex party and the first guy to fuck me was this black guy with a huge, rock hard cock. He wasn't gentle and I could feel it ripping as he s
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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Top Gets Turned On By Poz Talk

There's this top who seems to really like fucking me. He gave me a couple loads a week or two ago, and we arranged to hookup again last night. Hopefully we can make it a regular thing. I can tell he really wants to see me get fucked by other guys – which would be totally cool – I love taking multiple loads. Before we hooked up I just casually asked him if he was turned on by the fact that I'm neg and he's poz. He said it wasn't a factor for him one way or the other. But last night when I went o
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

1

Only 6 Loads… :(

So my week of being a slut wasn't so slutty after all. I only got 6 loads. It started off slow with a sex party where I got fucked by 3 guys and got 2 loads. Then the next day my hole was pretty sore from the one guy with the massive dick. I don't bottom all that much and I think he may have caused a little damage. So I pretty much took the day off the next day. But I did go over to this one guy's place the next evening for a load. He was this poz hairy cub. As I was sucking him his dick did
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

0

My week of being a slut started off sorta slow

This was supposed to be my week to be a slut. My boyfriend is out of town, so I'm on my own to do as I please. At the same time I need to get some work done, etc. So while I'd like to spend all day getting fucked, I figured I'd just do stuff in the evenings. Last night I went to the party at Paddles. It started out really great. The second guy I played around with was this "very poz looking" daddy. Pretty quickly I pulled him over to the fuck bench, lubed up my hole, and aimed his hard cock at
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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Year End Load Tallies

Prior to 2013 I had only taken a total of 18 loads and most of those were in 2010 when I took 14 loads. 2013 became the year when I started taking loads in earnest. I got a total of 49 loads pumped up my ass this year, plus 9 others that I got up my ass through other means - like dumping loads from used condoms into my ass. Let's see… other stats… I bottomed on 36 occasions - usually 1-on-1, but also went to a few sex parties and small groups. Since sex parties were involved I had 65 guys fuck
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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I figured out I'm not a gangbang bottom

Was in one of my rare moods to bottom yesterday. Long story short I'm more of a top, but I've been experimenting with bottoming. In the past my "experimentation" has helped me figure out that 1) I really don't like bottoming for ugly guys - at least not 1-on-1. 2) I like quick fucks, not long ones. I'm just not built for long fuck sessions. 3) If I'm not going to get multiple loads, I can't really be bothered to clean out. I mean a hour of cleaning out in the hope of getting 15-20 minutes of fuc
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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Two Day Load From My Regular Fuckbud

Was looking for loads this afternoon. There's one guy who is really dependable so I texted him and he texted right back with a time. Never any question with him - he seems to really like my ass He's not very attractive, but he's a dependable fuck who always comes through with a load. He got here and I was naked by the time we walked to the bedroom (he likes it when I walk around, open the door, etc. naked). He had actually suggested fucking outdoors, but there was no place we could do that w
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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4 Load Afternoon

Since my boyfriend doesn't know I get fucked and take loads, my ability to hookup has been pretty hit or miss. This weekend he was doing something with a friend and I had some time to myself, so I figured I'd make the most of it. I lined up a couple tops to come over and fuck me and then wanted to take my cummy ass to a sex party. One of the tops kept delaying when he said he'd be there so I canceled with him. The other top was this average Latino guy. He got here, we stripped down and I sucke
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

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Not sure about the status of the two loads I just took...

A month or two ago I did a couple weekends where I took a bunch of loads. Didn't actually get as many as I hoped. In one case I sorta got sick half way through the weekend. In the other case I just took it easy and didn't push too much. Then there was a month or so where I didn't get fucked at all. But today I figured I'd get back in the swing of things and take some more loads. First load was from a hot fuckbuddy of mine. We've been fucking for a while now but time before last was over one of
JakeTurner

JakeTurner

0

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