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Smart Ass

A blog by ErosWired in General

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About this blog

ErosWired's smartass Blog on sexuality and HIV

I changed the name of this blog because... well, because apparently that's my actual name. People keep calling me that, anyway, and you know, it seems to fit me in more ways than one. So I'm going to keep writing about my news from the front lines of my fight against the Enemy, HIV, but I'm going to keep cracking wise, and if I end up sounded like I'm fixated on my ass, I'm sure some of you won't mind too much. You're welcome to become as fixated on my ass as you want. ;)

Entries in this blog

Sexual Identity

The Shirikodama

According to Japanese folklore, there is turtle-like water creature called a kappa (one of the yōkai) with a malevolent habit - it seeks to steal a human’s shirikodama. It was believed that humans carried within their bodies a small onion-shaped ball that contained their life-force or soul, which resided either just inside the anus or deeper in, called the shirikodama. The kappa greatly desire these objects (for reasons unclear) and the Japanese were warned to use caution in the water because a
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

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Sexual Identity

4,000

I just made my 4,000th post on this forum. If that were one post per day, it would equal almost eleven years’ worth of posts (I’ve only been here for six). By my reckoning, that still leaves me about 400 short of having the equivalent of one post for every day that I’ve been HIV+. By the time I reach 4,500 I’ll probably hit that equivalency. I wouldn’t have thought I had that much to say about sex. I never thought that sex played a significant role in defining me - I live alone, have n
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

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A Nuclear Option

I understand how the potential of having your sexual nature exposed to the world could be exciting when you're in a sexual frame of mind (read: horny). I understand the appeal of fantasies like being coerced into sexual compliance or performance by blackmail or other means. I understand the psychological nature of behavior like exhibitionism and submission. I can even understand getting to the point of desperation for someone to interact with that a man would place himself into a compromised pos
ErosWired

ErosWired

2
Life with AIDS

The Clock Strikes Nine

Nine is significant again for me this week - as I lie here in bed with my cat on my chest, I’m reminded that we lay in exactly this position nine years ago in the first days after my release from the hospital where AIDS tried to end me. I am now a nine-year AIDS survivor. To many in this age of ART and PrEP, that doesn’t mean much - AIDS is not a foregone conclusion from an HIV diagnosis anymore, and AIDS need not be a death sentence. It wasn’t mine. But it almost was. I was born
ErosWired

ErosWired in Life with AIDS

1
Sexual Identity

3 1/2

Three and a half inches is the width of a credit card. Or the length of a microdick - a term that I despise. There is a Top in Indianapolis who fucking terrifies me because every time he encounters me at a bathhouse he reduces me to a quivering puddle of post-anal-orgasmic jelly using just such a cock. Attached to him, it is a fearsome weapon.  I encountered another one today as I was hosting in Nashville. In the last minutes before I had to close up shop to leave, a man contacted
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

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Sexual Identity

This Is How I Know

I’m home tonight, it’s Sunday - Superbowl Sunday in fact, which signifies nothing to me since I’ve never watched football in my life. The clock was closing on 8:00 pm, and I had just heated up a bowl of soup for a late supper. I planned to read the news online while I ate it, and then probably think about getting some rest, as I had been up late the night previous. Tonight seemed like a good night to just unwind. The cat agreed; she wanted me to go the fuck to bed so she could have the house to
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

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Sexual Identity

Nine

I drove home from Nashville Sunday morning - a 90-mile drive - having spent the last night taking cock in a hotel room. I still had nine loads inside me as the result of my night of service. I don’t know anyone in Nashville, but an acquaintance from Chicago I met at IML last May had had come down to visit family, so I made arrangements to come down and take a hotel room so he could fuck me again. He also offered to be my doorman as I hosted. It was a successful night of hosting, especi
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

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Sexual Identity

Three

I failed. The shame clings to me like a handful of Styrofoam peanuts after shuffling across a shag carpet. I failed the man who trained me, my duty, my determination, my identity. Three hours. The Top fucked me for three hours, interrupted only to tag-team with each of the other two Tops who came in while he worked. He had taken me before, the last time I was in Atlanta, back in 2021. Back then, he only fucked me for an hour and a half. But then he came back and did it again.
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

5
HIV

Eight

The 14th of this month was my 8th anniversary. I am now an 8 Year AIDS Survivor. Eight years since I stopped being the person I used to be and started being this one. Because that’s what the Enemy Virus does, it climbs inside you and in every practical way becomes a part of you. Not just in the sense that there’s no way to get it out, but also in the way it becomes a part of your every waking moment - your habits, what you eat, the decisions you make, how you look at the world, and how the
ErosWired

ErosWired in HIV

4
Karma

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Redux

I hosted again in Louisville last night, having discovered serendipitously on my last visit to town that Sunday nights are apparently neither remembered as the Sabbath nor kept holy among the man-fuckers in Louisville. The trip was reasonably successful, with seven loads and six men serviced. Well - seven, sort of. He was the third to come along. He hit me up on Sniffies, and at first he said he wished he could fuck me but he had no car (cue sound of violins), so I cut the conversation
ErosWired

ErosWired in Karma

1

Cloud Cuckoo-Land

Note: This entry relates to issues I’m still thinking about, and may be later revised if I do any more braining. —— As I read the topics and posts of this forum, I am often struck with a sense that there are two different communities here, existing side-by-side, intermingling as though they were one, yet profoundly different. I’m not talking about the poz/neg divide, or the Top/bottom divide, or the chaser/non-chaser divide, or the divide between CD/TG and M/M attraction. I’m refe
ErosWired

ErosWired

9
Sexual Identity

VHS

Today I was doing a little spring cleaning, digging into nooks and crannies to root out the winter cobwebs. This is an old house my papaw built in 1936 and it’s impossible to keep it dusted, so I don’t get dust mice - I get dust mammoths. As I was clearing off a bookshelf to wipe away the skunge, I came across a VHS cassette - that’s a video tape, for all you young’uns. It had no label on it and I hadn’t the first idea what was on it, or remembered putting it there. It had to have been year
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

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Hosting

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - Vol II

Against my better judgment I broke down and hosted again in Louisville tonight. It wasn’t entirely on my own accord - I had received a text earlier in the week from a man up here who had fucked me last fall and wanted to know when I would be back because he wanted my ass again. In case you haven’t followed my posts, it’s my firm and genuine, honestly-held belief that it is my duty to surrender my body to any man’s use at his request, so this amounted to a summons. I ended ip paying nearly $
ErosWired

ErosWired in Hosting

1
Life with AIDS

Dead Man Walking

Today’s entry is brought to you by the Number 55. 55. Fifty-Five. Half-a-Benjamin-plus-five. Forty-five shy of a century - which is really what gets to the point. Today is my birthday, marking my 55th tour ‘round the Sun. Before any of you reflexively say ‘Happy birthday’, let me save you the trouble - I haven’t had one of those sine number 40, when I acquired a sense of Time, and I now positively dread them since 2014 when I nearly stopped having them. It’s not as simple as a con
ErosWired

ErosWired in Life with AIDS

3
Sexual Identity

Ten

I don’t know why so many of my entries seem to center around numbers - I’m not a numbers kind of guy. Nevertheless: Ten. I’m getting bred by another man in ten minutes from now, ten minutes from this moment. That’s enough time to put my whole life into a weird perspective that leads up to me being a hollow vessel for another man’s lust. Ten. Ten toes that splay and curl with his penetrations; when he forces me to an anal orgasm In missionary I can see my own big toes draw und
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

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Sexual Identity

Winter Wonder Land

How do you know when you’ve crossed the border into being over-occupied with thoughts about sex? Is it when you realize that you’ve posted almost 40 entries to a blog about bareback anal sex? That could be a hint, but in this case that’s not what’s got me wondering. Yesterday it snowed here. We got around 4-5 inches, which to some of y’all in winter-hardened places may count as a “skiff” of snow, but here it was enough to cause a 20-car pileup on the freeway, stall traffic for five solid ho
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

1
Sexual Identity

Grandmasster

Well. The site just notified me that Congratulations! You just increased your rank to Grandmaster!  I’m not quite sure how to take this. Grandmaster is a title applied to people at the pinnacle of ability in Chess. I suck at Chess. I mean, why wouldn’t I? I’m a complete submissive and play a completely defensive game strategy, which is a guaranteed loser. Don’t believe me? Try keeping a determined cock out of your ass without going on the offensive - you’re getting fucked. So there’s t
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

6
Sexual Identity

Fuck By Numbers

For goodness’ sake. If you read the conversations on these boards, anyone would get the impression that the bareback world is teeming with men with massive endowments, and every bottom who posts his ‘true’ story encounters them regularly. When we watch porn, we apparently get confirmation of this, because there the cocks are, biiiigggger than life. So how does the average Top feel when he then unzips his pants and looks down and doesn’t find one of those? How does a bottom feel when he
ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

1

Okay, Explain... Tops Trying to Fuck With Limp Cocks

I've been getting a lot of this lately - a Top decides he wants to fuck me, makes like he wants it, "Yeah, buddy, that pussy is all mine" etc., puts my body in position, fingers me up, checks if I'm wet, "Oh, man, that's a good wet boy cunt" etc., spreads my ass, lines up his hips, and... Limp noodle. Soft sausage. I mean, what? Now, to be sure, recently I've been servicing a more mature clientele, so I don't expect the raging steel rods of 20-somethings every time. I'm defin
ErosWired

ErosWired

8

A Little Push

I hadn't planned on it, and didn't expect it. Well - I didn't expect it. I was cleaned out, and lubed up. What I planned on, or at least hoped for, was a pleasant encounter with some willing top who might like the look of me and have some fun. You never knew at this campground, but it was a gay campground, so the odds were good, and even if the goods were sometimes odd, I didn't much care. But it was a crapshoot, because I was there alone, and it always seemed like the action happened
ErosWired

ErosWired

1

The Bottom's Boudoir, or, What's The Matter With You People?

There's a motif in movies of the girl at her dressing-table, readying herself for her big date, taking the time to array and adorn herself, preparing to work magic and alchemy at once when she meets the man. Many times she finds an epiphany in the mirror, her soul looking back, or she flowers into song, so rich is the setting, so pregnant with anticipation and possibility, so fraught with potential consequence. It is an intimate window onto her that gives the viewer access to pathos when she arr
ErosWired

ErosWired

3

Down to a Science

There's a difference between being fucked and being bred. If you're a bottom, you know what I'm talking about - you know when a man is breeding you, and you know when a man is just fucking you. The question is, how do you know? How about the way he acts? Oh, no, that's not the way; And you're not listenin' to all I sa - wait a minute, that's Cher... I mean, part of it is the way he acts, the subtle shift in tone of his voice, the difference in the position and firmness of his grip
ErosWired

ErosWired

1

There’s a Reason My Ass is Hanging Out of My Underwear, Guys

Back to the bookstore for three more loads tonight, regrettably all swallowed. “Regrettably” as in “not bred deep into my ass”, but far be it from me to complain about •any• load another man wants to pump into me. At one point I had a cock in each hand and one in my mouth, trying to rotate between them and do them all justice. Still, there seems to be some dynamic about the adult bookstore scene that I’m not catching onto when it comes to sending out the message that “The fucktoy is in posi
ErosWired

ErosWired

1

Thesaurus of Cock

Whenever I am not being fucked enough (okay, that would be constantly) I find myself lying here thinking too much, and occasionally about – unsurprisingly – cock. We have all been down the list of words than mean “penis” - oh, don't give me that, you're not fooling anybody, you had a big cheesy grin on your face at the time, so just admit it – and I considered it today.  This modest standalone Thesaurus of Cock boasts a prodigious number of synonyms. One source I checked noted 174 items, dw
ErosWired

ErosWired

3

Slings For The Uninitiated

In the shadowy recesses of most sex dungeons and play spaces, many bathhouses, and every sex club ever devised, is at least one sling. You may have one of your own, if you are an aficionado. Slings are a kind of useful sex furniture suspended from the ceiling, not unlike a hammock except that they are basically dissimilar from a hammock in most respects. Allow me to expound, with the caveat that I have lousy luck in slings. I have been fucked exactly four (4) times so far in slings, and hav
ErosWired

ErosWired

10

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