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Smart Ass

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About this blog

ErosWired's smartass Blog on sexuality and HIV

I changed the name of this blog because... well, because apparently that's my actual name. People keep calling me that, anyway, and you know, it seems to fit me in more ways than one. So I'm going to keep writing about my news from the front lines of my fight against the Enemy, HIV, but I'm going to keep cracking wise, and if I end up sounded like I'm fixated on my ass, I'm sure some of you won't mind too much. You're welcome to become as fixated on my ass as you want. ;)

Entries in this blog

A Nuclear Option

I understand how the potential of having your sexual nature exposed to the world could be exciting when you're in a sexual frame of mind (read: horny). I understand the appeal of fantasies like being coerced into sexual compliance or performance by blackmail or other means. I understand the psychological nature of behavior like exhibitionism and submission. I can even understand getting to the point of desperation for someone to interact with that a man would place himself into a compromised pos

ErosWired

ErosWired

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished - Vol II

Against my better judgment I broke down and hosted again in Louisville tonight. It wasn’t entirely on my own accord - I had received a text earlier in the week from a man up here who had fucked me last fall and wanted to know when I would be back because he wanted my ass again. In case you haven’t followed my posts, it’s my firm and genuine, honestly-held belief that it is my duty to surrender my body to any man’s use at his request, so this amounted to a summons. I ended ip paying nearly $

ErosWired

ErosWired in Hosting

The Clock Strikes Nine

Nine is significant again for me this week - as I lie here in bed with my cat on my chest, I’m reminded that we lay in exactly this position nine years ago in the first days after my release from the hospital where AIDS tried to end me. I am now a nine-year AIDS survivor. To many in this age of ART and PrEP, that doesn’t mean much - AIDS is not a foregone conclusion from an HIV diagnosis anymore, and AIDS need not be a death sentence. It wasn’t mine. But it almost was. I was born

ErosWired

ErosWired in Life with AIDS

Slut Economics

My understanding of the principles of economics is rudimentary at best. And why would I need it anyway, as I never have any money? Of course it could be the reason I never have any money, but that’s beside the point here. I do grasp, at least, the concept that people tend to ascribe greater value to things that are harder to obtain or are few in number, and lesser value to things that are easier to obtain or are in greater number. Gold is valuable because, aside from its lustre, it is harde

ErosWired

ErosWired

A Little Push

I hadn't planned on it, and didn't expect it. Well - I didn't expect it. I was cleaned out, and lubed up. What I planned on, or at least hoped for, was a pleasant encounter with some willing top who might like the look of me and have some fun. You never knew at this campground, but it was a gay campground, so the odds were good, and even if the goods were sometimes odd, I didn't much care. But it was a crapshoot, because I was there alone, and it always seemed like the action happened

ErosWired

ErosWired

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished Redux

I hosted again in Louisville last night, having discovered serendipitously on my last visit to town that Sunday nights are apparently neither remembered as the Sabbath nor kept holy among the man-fuckers in Louisville. The trip was reasonably successful, with seven loads and six men serviced. Well - seven, sort of. He was the third to come along. He hit me up on Sniffies, and at first he said he wished he could fuck me but he had no car (cue sound of violins), so I cut the conversation

ErosWired

ErosWired in Karma

Down to a Science

There's a difference between being fucked and being bred. If you're a bottom, you know what I'm talking about - you know when a man is breeding you, and you know when a man is just fucking you. The question is, how do you know? How about the way he acts? Oh, no, that's not the way; And you're not listenin' to all I sa - wait a minute, that's Cher... I mean, part of it is the way he acts, the subtle shift in tone of his voice, the difference in the position and firmness of his grip

ErosWired

ErosWired

There’s a Reason My Ass is Hanging Out of My Underwear, Guys

Back to the bookstore for three more loads tonight, regrettably all swallowed. “Regrettably” as in “not bred deep into my ass”, but far be it from me to complain about •any• load another man wants to pump into me. At one point I had a cock in each hand and one in my mouth, trying to rotate between them and do them all justice. Still, there seems to be some dynamic about the adult bookstore scene that I’m not catching onto when it comes to sending out the message that “The fucktoy is in posi

ErosWired

ErosWired

2K

This blog entry marks my 2,000th posting on Breedingzone since I joined on this month in 2017. I would never have imagined I would have had that much to say on the subject of fucking, especially considering the kind of person I was in the beginning. That number 2,000 has a peculiar resonance around me just now - twelve days ago was the 20,000th day since I was born - I’ve been alive 2,000 to the tenth power days. I recently figured up that I had to have taken my 1,000th cock, so 2,000

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

Numerology

Don’t get me wrong, I’m so not hung up on numbers. My last entry happened to be about the convergence of the number 2,000 with my sex life, but that’s just a coincidence. It’s also true that my post on the forum tend to betray a kind of fascination with things like how much cock, measured in miles, has rutted my cunt, or how many average loads it takes to fill a gallon milk jug full of cum - but that’s statistics, that’s science. Numbers for their own sake - not my fetish. In fact, I mostly

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

Fuck By Numbers

For goodness’ sake. If you read the conversations on these boards, anyone would get the impression that the bareback world is teeming with men with massive endowments, and every bottom who posts his ‘true’ story encounters them regularly. When we watch porn, we apparently get confirmation of this, because there the cocks are, biiiigggger than life. So how does the average Top feel when he then unzips his pants and looks down and doesn’t find one of those? How does a bottom feel when he

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

Winter Wonder Land

How do you know when you’ve crossed the border into being over-occupied with thoughts about sex? Is it when you realize that you’ve posted almost 40 entries to a blog about bareback anal sex? That could be a hint, but in this case that’s not what’s got me wondering. Yesterday it snowed here. We got around 4-5 inches, which to some of y’all in winter-hardened places may count as a “skiff” of snow, but here it was enough to cause a 20-car pileup on the freeway, stall traffic for five solid ho

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

Keeping Score

I joined BreedingZone a year ago this month. A year ago I considered myself a committed sexual submissive, because that's what I've been trained for, but I didn't think of myself as a cumdump, nor did I think about barebacking as a choice - it was just something Men did or didn't do when they fucked me. Once I became HIV+, I didn't have any sex at all until I became undetectable, and then I let Men know I understood if they wanted to use a condom. At that point, I was glad they were still willin

ErosWired

ErosWired

Ten

I don’t know why so many of my entries seem to center around numbers - I’m not a numbers kind of guy. Nevertheless: Ten. I’m getting bred by another man in ten minutes from now, ten minutes from this moment. That’s enough time to put my whole life into a weird perspective that leads up to me being a hollow vessel for another man’s lust. Ten. Ten toes that splay and curl with his penetrations; when he forces me to an anal orgasm In missionary I can see my own big toes draw und

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

3 1/2

Three and a half inches is the width of a credit card. Or the length of a microdick - a term that I despise. There is a Top in Indianapolis who fucking terrifies me because every time he encounters me at a bathhouse he reduces me to a quivering puddle of post-anal-orgasmic jelly using just such a cock. Attached to him, it is a fearsome weapon.  I encountered another one today as I was hosting in Nashville. In the last minutes before I had to close up shop to leave, a man contacted

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

VHS

Today I was doing a little spring cleaning, digging into nooks and crannies to root out the winter cobwebs. This is an old house my papaw built in 1936 and it’s impossible to keep it dusted, so I don’t get dust mice - I get dust mammoths. As I was clearing off a bookshelf to wipe away the skunge, I came across a VHS cassette - that’s a video tape, for all you young’uns. It had no label on it and I hadn’t the first idea what was on it, or remembered putting it there. It had to have been year

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

4,000

I just made my 4,000th post on this forum. If that were one post per day, it would equal almost eleven years’ worth of posts (I’ve only been here for six). By my reckoning, that still leaves me about 400 short of having the equivalent of one post for every day that I’ve been HIV+. By the time I reach 4,500 I’ll probably hit that equivalency. I wouldn’t have thought I had that much to say about sex. I never thought that sex played a significant role in defining me - I live alone, have n

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

The Shirikodama

According to Japanese folklore, there is turtle-like water creature called a kappa (one of the yōkai) with a malevolent habit - it seeks to steal a human’s shirikodama. It was believed that humans carried within their bodies a small onion-shaped ball that contained their life-force or soul, which resided either just inside the anus or deeper in, called the shirikodama. The kappa greatly desire these objects (for reasons unclear) and the Japanese were warned to use caution in the water because a

ErosWired

ErosWired in Sexual Identity

What the Pill Doesn't Do

I got AIDS from barebacking. Not just HIV - AIDS. As in, I didn't just get the unstoppable, irremovable virus in my body, it actually had time to eat me alive. HIV destroyed my body's ability to defend itself from disease, an ability that it had developed over the course of my entire life. By the time the doctors diagnosed me, every random bacterium, virus, and fungal spore had an odds-on chance of killing me. Some of them tried. Pneumonia, fungal meningitis. The latter almost fin

ErosWired

ErosWired

He Put The Sin In Cincinnati

True confession: My ass is my weakness. For some, you grab their cock and you grab their soul. A few get weird about their nipples. For very, very men, it's the stomach - give them a piece of pie and they're putty in your fingers. For me, play with my cock all you want; it's a soldier (it definitely stands at attention and shoots) that can take your abuse. You have to know what you're doing to work my nipples, they're funny that way. But just start a fingertip down the valley at the ba

ErosWired

ErosWired

What A Difference A Fuck Makes

I believe in science. If you want to understand why something happens, the reason for it can eventually be understood if you apply science to it. I had been in a deep grey funk for weeks, and didn't understand what was wrong with me. Yeah, yeah, change of seasons, need a break from work, blah blah blah, not buying it. Exercise? No use. This was malaise. This was one of those oppressive, gnawing feelings that grabs hold of you and doesn't let go until it thunders. It was like an ache that wo

ErosWired

ErosWired

Lucky Seven

I just, this moment, realized that yesterday was the anniversary of the day I walked out of the hospital in 2014 to begin life with AIDS. I am now a 7-year AIDS survivor. There are flavors of irony in this moment all mixing together as I contemplate this conjunction of events. First and most immediate of these is that I’m currently lying naked on my bed with another man’s load of semen in my cunt, so fresh it hasn’t even had time to start leaking out. Ironic, on this day, that they call it

ErosWired

ErosWired in Life with AIDS

Valeria Messalina

From the First Century CE, Pliny the Elder wrote of the (truncated) life and (dubious) escapades of the wife of Claudius Caesar, by name Valeria Messalina. Messalina was a bad egg. She machinated her way ruthlessly around the court, cheated shamelessly on her husband to the point that it offended even Roman sensibilities (which is saying something), and used sex as a weapon both in work and play. Perhaps Pliny’s most famous account of Messalina concerns her reputed contest held one-on-one a

ErosWired

ErosWired

Fucking at Little Bighorn

[I want to preface this entry with a word to any readers whose heritage is Native American. The experiences I describe below are a true account, and my narrative of them is as objective as I can make it. My interpretation of the meaning of the events is naturally filtered by my own cultural lens, but also by my professional role, one that has to a degree sensitized me to the history, realities, and sensitivities of Native Americans. I assure you that my contemplation on the nature of the experie

ErosWired

ErosWired

Good Pussy Is Hard To Find

A small group of men entered my room at The Works bathhouse in Indianapolis last Saturday evening during CumUnion. I could tell it was a group by the sound of the shuffle of their feet, by their breathing, by the way the echoes off the walls of my small room shifted, by the play of the shadows around me. I took a light popper hit to loosen my ass, and it amplified my senses. My ass was up, facing the door (naturally) so I didn't turn to look at them. I never do. I'm a cunt. Why would I need to l

ErosWired

ErosWired

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