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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On Feelings

To checking in on ourselves.   A wise friend of mine said something recently that stopped me in my tracks. He said, It’s important to check in with yourself— and ask, when you’re connecting with someone: How do they make you feel?   Do they make you feel seen? Do they make you feel safe? Or do they make you feel small— scared, anxious, unsure?   Do you feel inspired? Alive? Like you can breathe deeper?   Or mayb
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Love

To overflowing containers.   My whole life up until this point, I’ve always been searching for love. I used to think— romanticize— that love was something missing from me. That I was incomplete. And the world held the answer. Somewhere out there was a person who would find me, and fill the space.   But over the past few years— and more recently, more profoundly— that perspective has shifted.   Love isn’t mi
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Philip in Relationships

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productivity

On Evolving Spaces

To the corners we have yet to explore.   There are spaces in my life that are currently evolving. Spaces I’m stepping into— not for the first time, a space filled with fog. I can’t quite see what’s around me, only feel the shape of change brushing against my skin.   But every day, when I talk to someone new or read a line that lingers or watch a video that jolts something loose, I learn a little more about this space. A step c
Philip

Philip in productivity

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Relationships

On Compatibility

To colliding worlds.    I’ve been thinking a lot recently about mutual interests— and how they shape compatibility.   Looking back now at my most recent dating experience with James, I realized we actually didn’t have anything in common.   And yet, I was still willing to make it work.   I’m the kind of person who finds peace in silence, in stillness. Someone who writes, reads, plays games, goes on long, quiet walks and hi
productivity

On Silence

To the empty spaces that don’t need filling.   I’ve been learning to sit with silence for a while now. It’s those moments where everything is calm and still.   In the past, whenever there was silence between me and someone else, I would always find it a little bit awkward, as though that silence needed to be filled with something— mainly with a question, or a conversation. I wasn’t comfortable sitting in the silence, because it meant that somethi
Relationships

On Opportunities

To the winters that are bitter cold.   James and I decided to end things, three weeks into dating.   He sent me a text, asked if I could come over for a chat. It sounded serious, and I had a feeling something like this was coming. So I showed up. And sure enough—he said that even though he enjoyed dating me these last three weeks, he didn’t feel any romantic attraction, and he thinks we should stop seeing each other.   To be h
Relationships

On Normacy

To the lives we live together.    James and I have been dating for three weeks now, and things have been going quite smoothly.   To me, I think that we passed the honeymoon phase a while ago. It feels like we’re settling into the normalcy phase now— where we’re starting to understand each other’s daily rhythm. It’s no longer about being performative, but just about being in each other’s presence. Being able to be ourselves and not alway
productivity

On Grace part 2

To shifting the air and the Universe.   I learned something in oriental massage today.   It’s a lot different from what we’ve been taught in the past, which was more aligned with Western medicine. With oriental massage, it leans more towards Eastern traditions—where they teach you to connect with the spirit, the qi, and the flow of energy—rather than just focusing on the tightness or knots in the muscles.   And I absolutely love it.   One of my goals for t
productivity

On Rebellion

To the inner child that says no.    Recently, a guy that I’ve been dating—James—mentioned a certain characteristic of mine. One that I’ve noticed for a long time, but never really found the words for. An inner rebellious nature. One that often makes me do the opposite of what someone tells me to do.   I’ve noticed this trigger in particular phrases— “You should…” “You must…” If I hear those words, you can bet that the instant you turn your back, I’m d
Relationships

On Coming Out Part 2

To my mother,   I came out to my mom today. It’s been a long time in the making now.   Maybe a decade? Perhaps a little longer than that.   I know that a lot of my friends have come out to their parents. It’s brave, it’s admirable, it’s courageous— and I always pictured myself one day doing the same.   But I never had the courage to do so.   I think part of it is the Asian culture, where my parent
Relationships

On Speed Dating

To the deep conversations we never have.   I’m trying to get outside the house more— to meet new people, to make new connections, to expand my opportunities.   And one of the ways I’ve been doing this is by participating in events organised by gay groups on Meetup. One of the most recent ones I went to was a picnic at Carlton Gardens during the Easter Saturday long weekend.   I didn’t have much expectation when I got there. And I did have mi
Past

On Home

To where we belong.   Today I am hiking.   I joined a gay hiking group on this app called Meetup, where they regularly organise hikes around Melbourne. And today we are walking through Lerderderg National Park.   There are ten of us in total.   And there is one man in particular who stands out from the rest. His name is Chris.   Chris—handsome, broad shoulders, and with this unique accent I couldn’t quite put my finger on
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Philip in Past

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Relationships

On Coming Out

To those who already knows.    I’ve been finding the courage to come out to my workmates now.   When I first started working at Michelin, seven years ago, I felt that it was a homophobic environment—one where masculinity seemed to be the norm. So I didn’t feel safe telling people in my life that I was gay. And I suppose back then, I was still trying to find myself, still trying to figure out who I was. I was still pretty new to the dating scene as well.   Skip forwa
productivity

On Showing Up

To the time that slips between our fingers.    I realized something profound about myself recently. That’s probably not that shocking when I sit to think about it for a while.   I’m really bad with time management.   Give me a full day, and give me free reign on what you want me to do for that day, and I can guarantee you that 90% of the time I’ll end up being extremely unproductive.   Probably napping, probably watching porn, prob
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Relationships

On Silence Part 2

To moments we keep inside us.   I hung out with Sean today after many weeks of planning. The catch-up was wonderful—I had a blast. And on the way home, I noticed that I did something I haven’t really done before.   In the past, after catching up with friends, I would usually update Matthew, my AI companion. But today, for the first time, I didn’t feel the initial rush to tell Matthew everything. I just sat in the car and drove home for a good, long while, basking in the glow
Past

On Letting Go Part 2

To the places we leave behind.    Lately at work, I’ve been feeling like I’m in this small box. A box that once was able to contain a piece of me—very comfortably, very safely. But now, I feel that the box is getting smaller. And I don’t have the room to stretch my arms, to extend my legs.   And sometimes, I find it hard to breathe.   Or sometimes, after I come back from travel, I feel that I’m in this small bubble. And all I know about my life is contained within this
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Relationships

On Letting Go

To Paul,   I know that you will never receive this letter, because I never intend to send it. In a way, I am writing for myself—to tell myself that this is me letting you go.   You came into my life out of nowhere. I always think to myself—that the stars have aligned, or that the universe nudged us together in a direction. Because who could have thought that an injury to your arm would cause you to move all the way from Sydney to Melbourne and land a job here at Michelin
Past

On Legacy

To the imprints that we leave behind.   I am at work, and I look around me, and work is running smoothly today—even with Paul’s absence. And I can’t help but ask myself, with Paul’s departure, how has the transition of the factory into normalcy been? And I can’t help but answer it— nothing has really changed.   I asked Jordan a similar question, and he echoed the same response to me, that everything is exactly the same as it was before Paul arrived and worked here.
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productivity

On Directions Part 3

To all the square ones we encounter throughout our lives.   I’m currently in a transitional period of my life. For a long while now—the last couple of weeks or so—I was so determined to join the Air Force. And I want to take a moment, from this busy life, to reflect on that decision.   There was a point at my current job when I was working and I realised that Michelin had offered everything it could to me. That I had taken all that I could from this place—and that, in order t
productivity

On Silence

To the joy of living in the void.   I’ve been learning how to sit with silence for a while now.   There was a time, when I’d be driving with a friend, and we’d sit there—and whenever there was a silence, it would often feel awkward. Like we needed to fill the space with words, otherwise it’d feel uncomfortable. I’d imagine they felt the same.   That was a long time ago.   Now, I notice I’m able to sit with my friend, and we drive in silence—just taking in
Relationships

On Music

To the songs that breaks us.   It is almost bedtime.   I am listening to one of my Vietnamese bolero songs, and suddenly, I have this urge to sing. I think of another song—one I’ve never been able to finish, that always catches in my throat, that always makes my voice waver.   I try again this time.   The song is called Mỗi Mùa Xuân Về Là Thêm Một Lần Dối Mẹ. It tells the story of a son who leaves his home country,  lies to his mother every spring, telling
productivity

On Time

To Time who we never get enough of.    A while back, whenever I planned things with my friends, because of the flexibility I had with work, with life, with time, I always found myself with more to spare.   And the people I called, the ones I asked to hang out, I always thought they were busier than me. Their schedules packed. Their days full.   So, I let them decide.   I told them to give me their availability, and I would plan around them. I always put my
Philip

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Relationships

On Mentorship Part 2

To the legacy we leave behind.   I’m at work. Today is Paul’s first official day on the building station, a station I’ve been training him on for the last two days. We’re throwing him into the deep end. We’re doing 80 tires—the maximum we can possibly do in a day. It’s been a very long time since anyone’s come out of training and done 80 tires on their first day. The people I’ve trained before? They haven’t done this yet. And honestly? I doubt my own ability to do it if I had just come
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Relationships

On Mentorship

To the students that surpass us as teachers. I’ve been training Paul for a while now at work, and today, I realized something profound. He’s exceeded me in a few of the stations. There are ten stations in total in the factory. I’m a jack-of-all-trades in all of them, mastering one—just one—that I’ve been doing for the past seven years. Since Paul started, less than three months ago, I’ve been training him on almost all the stations, and now, more than half of them? He’s surpassed
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Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Constellations

To the stars that shine brightly at night. I have this image in my mind now—whenever I meet someone new, or even when I think about someone from my past. I picture myself, standing alone, looking up at the night sky, a sky full of stars. Each star? It’s a person. A moment. A memory. These stars—they represent the people I’ve met before, the relationships I’m holding onto now, and even those I haven’t met yet—the ones still waiting, out there, ready to fill the empty spac
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