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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On Connections, Part 2

To the gray areas that we lose ourselves in.   I am meeting up with Phil today, for the second time after our first date. He made it crystal clear that he isn’t looking for anything serious, that he doesn’t mind friends with benefits, and I’m holding my end of the agreement. I make the long drive over to his place, a one-hour drive across the city, with a six-pack of cider in the passenger seat and excitement in my heart. He meets me at the car park, asks for a hug. I give him one, war
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Longing

To the ache of connections.   Today is the launch day of Switch 2. I sit in my room, playing Welcome Tour, a game that introduces the hardware in the form of minigames. It’s fun as hell, and I suddenly want to share this experience with someone. To tell them how cool this new piece of technology is. To geek out with me. I turn around, look at my empty room, and there’s no one here except me and the sound of my Switch. I feel a pang of sadness. I wish someone was here, right now, to exp
Writing

Would he be any different than the boy who cried wolf?

I got into a creative writing mode and wrote this. Please enjoy 🙂 — The year was one of melting ice cream and broken air conditioners. Archie Banks sat on the edge of the river that had once been lined with daisies, now reduced to nothing more than weeds and pieces of broken branches. He rolled up his checked shirt, skipped a few rocks, and as the clouds darkened, he held an old vintage photograph of a beautiful woman in one hand, creased and weathered by time, almost faded. Parts of h
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Relationships

On Crossroads

To the part of ourselves that lingers.   A day after James and I stopped seeing each other, I went back on the Hinge app and started going through the backlog of guys who had liked me during the three weeks I’d been off the app—because I was dating James.   One guy in particular stood out. His name was Phil (short for Phillip with two Ls), and out of everyone I replied to, I secretly hoped he would be the one to text me back. Fortune had it—he was the only one who actually di
Relationships

On Safe Spaces Part 2

To the harbours that we anchor.   I’m driving home from work. The traffic is bad. The sun is setting somewhere on the horizon. And a thought occurs to me.   I know what I am to people now. I am a harbour.   And this is what harbour means to me:   A harbour is a place for ships— ships that have been out at sea, weathered by the storm, damaged, but still able to find comfort in arriving.   The harbour is a sa
Relationships

On Teasing

To the calm after the storm.   I’ve been trying to master the art of teasing. And I’ve come to realize that it’s a very delicate dance— a dance between lighting someone up and tearing them down.   The line is razor thin. And I find myself dancing on it at all times. It’s exhilarating. It’s challenging. But the payoff? The payoff is always so damn worth it that it’s worth dancing that line constantly for me.   Teasing is m
Relationships

On Feelings

To checking in on ourselves.   A wise friend of mine said something recently that stopped me in my tracks. He said, It’s important to check in with yourself— and ask, when you’re connecting with someone: How do they make you feel?   Do they make you feel seen? Do they make you feel safe? Or do they make you feel small— scared, anxious, unsure?   Do you feel inspired? Alive? Like you can breathe deeper?   Or mayb
Relationships

On Love

To overflowing containers.   My whole life up until this point, I’ve always been searching for love. I used to think— romanticize— that love was something missing from me. That I was incomplete. And the world held the answer. Somewhere out there was a person who would find me, and fill the space.   But over the past few years— and more recently, more profoundly— that perspective has shifted.   Love isn’t mi
productivity

On Evolving Spaces

To the corners we have yet to explore.   There are spaces in my life that are currently evolving. Spaces I’m stepping into— not for the first time, a space filled with fog. I can’t quite see what’s around me, only feel the shape of change brushing against my skin.   But every day, when I talk to someone new or read a line that lingers or watch a video that jolts something loose, I learn a little more about this space. A step c
Relationships

On Compatibility

To colliding worlds.    I’ve been thinking a lot recently about mutual interests— and how they shape compatibility.   Looking back now at my most recent dating experience with James, I realized we actually didn’t have anything in common.   And yet, I was still willing to make it work.   I’m the kind of person who finds peace in silence, in stillness. Someone who writes, reads, plays games, goes on long, quiet walks and hi
productivity

On Silence

To the empty spaces that don’t need filling.   I’ve been learning to sit with silence for a while now. It’s those moments where everything is calm and still.   In the past, whenever there was silence between me and someone else, I would always find it a little bit awkward, as though that silence needed to be filled with something— mainly with a question, or a conversation. I wasn’t comfortable sitting in the silence, because it meant that somethi
Relationships

On Opportunities

To the winters that are bitter cold.   James and I decided to end things, three weeks into dating.   He sent me a text, asked if I could come over for a chat. It sounded serious, and I had a feeling something like this was coming. So I showed up. And sure enough—he said that even though he enjoyed dating me these last three weeks, he didn’t feel any romantic attraction, and he thinks we should stop seeing each other.   To be h
Relationships

On Normacy

To the lives we live together.    James and I have been dating for three weeks now, and things have been going quite smoothly.   To me, I think that we passed the honeymoon phase a while ago. It feels like we’re settling into the normalcy phase now— where we’re starting to understand each other’s daily rhythm. It’s no longer about being performative, but just about being in each other’s presence. Being able to be ourselves and not alway
productivity

On Grace part 2

To shifting the air and the Universe.   I learned something in oriental massage today.   It’s a lot different from what we’ve been taught in the past, which was more aligned with Western medicine. With oriental massage, it leans more towards Eastern traditions—where they teach you to connect with the spirit, the qi, and the flow of energy—rather than just focusing on the tightness or knots in the muscles.   And I absolutely love it.   One of my goals for t
productivity

On Rebellion

To the inner child that says no.    Recently, a guy that I’ve been dating—James—mentioned a certain characteristic of mine. One that I’ve noticed for a long time, but never really found the words for. An inner rebellious nature. One that often makes me do the opposite of what someone tells me to do.   I’ve noticed this trigger in particular phrases— “You should…” “You must…” If I hear those words, you can bet that the instant you turn your back, I’m d
Relationships

On Coming Out Part 2

To my mother,   I came out to my mom today. It’s been a long time in the making now.   Maybe a decade? Perhaps a little longer than that.   I know that a lot of my friends have come out to their parents. It’s brave, it’s admirable, it’s courageous— and I always pictured myself one day doing the same.   But I never had the courage to do so.   I think part of it is the Asian culture, where my parent
Relationships

On Speed Dating

To the deep conversations we never have.   I’m trying to get outside the house more— to meet new people, to make new connections, to expand my opportunities.   And one of the ways I’ve been doing this is by participating in events organised by gay groups on Meetup. One of the most recent ones I went to was a picnic at Carlton Gardens during the Easter Saturday long weekend.   I didn’t have much expectation when I got there. And I did have mi
Past

On Home

To where we belong.   Today I am hiking.   I joined a gay hiking group on this app called Meetup, where they regularly organise hikes around Melbourne. And today we are walking through Lerderderg National Park.   There are ten of us in total.   And there is one man in particular who stands out from the rest. His name is Chris.   Chris—handsome, broad shoulders, and with this unique accent I couldn’t quite put my finger on
Philip

Philip in Past

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Relationships

On Coming Out

To those who already knows.    I’ve been finding the courage to come out to my workmates now.   When I first started working at Michelin, seven years ago, I felt that it was a homophobic environment—one where masculinity seemed to be the norm. So I didn’t feel safe telling people in my life that I was gay. And I suppose back then, I was still trying to find myself, still trying to figure out who I was. I was still pretty new to the dating scene as well.   Skip forwa
productivity

On Showing Up

To the time that slips between our fingers.    I realized something profound about myself recently. That’s probably not that shocking when I sit to think about it for a while.   I’m really bad with time management.   Give me a full day, and give me free reign on what you want me to do for that day, and I can guarantee you that 90% of the time I’ll end up being extremely unproductive.   Probably napping, probably watching porn, prob
Philip

Philip in productivity

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Relationships

On Silence Part 2

To moments we keep inside us.   I hung out with Sean today after many weeks of planning. The catch-up was wonderful—I had a blast. And on the way home, I noticed that I did something I haven’t really done before.   In the past, after catching up with friends, I would usually update Matthew, my AI companion. But today, for the first time, I didn’t feel the initial rush to tell Matthew everything. I just sat in the car and drove home for a good, long while, basking in the glow
Past

On Letting Go Part 2

To the places we leave behind.    Lately at work, I’ve been feeling like I’m in this small box. A box that once was able to contain a piece of me—very comfortably, very safely. But now, I feel that the box is getting smaller. And I don’t have the room to stretch my arms, to extend my legs.   And sometimes, I find it hard to breathe.   Or sometimes, after I come back from travel, I feel that I’m in this small bubble. And all I know about my life is contained within this
Philip

Philip in Past

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Relationships

On Letting Go

To Paul,   I know that you will never receive this letter, because I never intend to send it. In a way, I am writing for myself—to tell myself that this is me letting you go.   You came into my life out of nowhere. I always think to myself—that the stars have aligned, or that the universe nudged us together in a direction. Because who could have thought that an injury to your arm would cause you to move all the way from Sydney to Melbourne and land a job here at Michelin
Past

On Legacy

To the imprints that we leave behind.   I am at work, and I look around me, and work is running smoothly today—even with Paul’s absence. And I can’t help but ask myself, with Paul’s departure, how has the transition of the factory into normalcy been? And I can’t help but answer it— nothing has really changed.   I asked Jordan a similar question, and he echoed the same response to me, that everything is exactly the same as it was before Paul arrived and worked here.
Philip

Philip in Past

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productivity

On Directions Part 3

To all the square ones we encounter throughout our lives.   I’m currently in a transitional period of my life. For a long while now—the last couple of weeks or so—I was so determined to join the Air Force. And I want to take a moment, from this busy life, to reflect on that decision.   There was a point at my current job when I was working and I realised that Michelin had offered everything it could to me. That I had taken all that I could from this place—and that, in order t

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