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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On Dating Profiles

To boats worth rocking.  I’ve been thinking a lot about my dating profile lately. Paul and Jordan have been helping me with it too—half-joking, half-serious—but I think there’s some truth in what they’ve suggested, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually use it. We started with my roots. My parents are from the southern part of Vietnam, far from the city, near the border. My dad’s from Cà Mau, my mum’s from Bạc Liêu—and that, apparently, makes me a country boy. It’s funny, because I’ve ne
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On Destinations Part 3

To those who search the world all over, only to return home to find it. Recently, there’s been this guy at work that I’ve been crushing on—Paul. He’s 43, Vietnamese, about chin-height on me, and has one of those smiles that actually reaches his eyes. He’s an exceptionally good worker, and I often find myself feeling safe around him, like everything’s going to be alright. One time, when we were working together, our hands touched, just for a second, and I felt this tingle running throug
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On Dating

To new adventures. I’m ready to date again. It’s been three weeks since the breakup, and I know what you’re thinking—isn’t that too soon? And the answer, like most things in life, is it depends. I’ve spent the past few weeks doing what I do best—thinking, thinking. About past relationships, not just the last one, but all the ones before that. About the present, where I stand now, who I’m becoming. About the future, where I want to be. But this time, I have a secret weapon.
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On Hugging

To those hugging muscles that need flexing at all times. It is Friday, and it is nighttime. I am sitting in the car with my best friend, Minh. We are talking about life, relationships, how, in a few months, he will be attending the wedding of a friend, how there is a chance that he will see his ex there. Her name is Akari—married, kids and all. I ask him how he will react, seeing her there, and he answers with indifference. Acknowledge her presence, but that is as far as he would go.
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On Safe Spaces

To environments where we can become ourselves. I’ve been thinking a lot about spaces lately—how to create them, shape them, make them feel safe. I want people to feel more at ease around me, to be more themselves, to let their guard down, to speak without fear of judgment. I’ve been practicing two techniques, both of which I picked up along the way. The first, from a trainer at my massage class. He suggests slowing down my speech—very slowly, deliberately—and that by doing so, the clie
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On Bridges

To the planks that others lay along the way. I’ve been contemplating my role in the dynamic with Sean and Phong. Phong, drawn to the physical, evident in the way he enjoys my massages, the kisses, the closeness. Sean, pulled more to the cuddling, to the conversations, to the endless flow of thoughts that we share. And I’ve wondered. I’ve wondered if I am a bridge, a connection between the two of them. I am the bridge Phong crosses, through touch, through intimacy, to fin
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On Loneliness Part 2

To the shadows that make the light shine more bright. I am in bed, restless. Someone walks into my room, without a knock, without a word, and lays beside me. He feels familiar, and I try to ignore him, but he won’t go away. Tonight, I am not alone. Tonight, loneliness is with me. I’ve been trying to outrun him for weeks now, filling my schedule with meet-ups, with chores, with noise. But that can only last so long. Sooner or later, in the quiet moments of the night, he will c
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On the pursuit of Happiness Part 2

To chance encounters. I am at Sean and Phong’s apartment, sitting around the living table, each of us in our own chair. Small chats, questions, smiles, to get to know each other. There are half a dozen peace lilies on the floor next to the window, their leaves wavering with the wind from the balcony. On the table, a puddle of condensation is forming around the bottom of our mango smoothie cup.  The conversation turns towards massage now. Why I did it, what I wish to accomplish. Phong m
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On the pursuit of Happiness

To mementos that we collect along the way. I am parked outside of Sean and Phong’s apartment. I was confident on the drive here, in my resolve, in my decision to come. But now, now I am nervous for some reason. A part of me wants to chicken out, to turn the key, to drive back home, to where it’s safe, to where it’s quiet. But I’ve been looking forward to seeing them all week, so I muster the strength, send Sean a text: I’m here. I think I am nervous because I don’t know how we’ll conne
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On Massage Part 2

To lonely nights. I am at Pipemakers, feeling particularly horny tonight. The car park is full, which is always promising, and I spot a rather muscular guy in a white t-shirt and shorts, walking to his car. We make eye contact, he circles back to the shed, and I make my way there too. There's quite a lot of guys here tonight. I make a quick lap around, survey the area. My mind wanders to this time last week, to Sean and Phong, to their faces, their warmth, and a pang of longing hits me
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On Criticism

To Growth   I am lying in bed, thinking about my previous two relationships, and I’ve noticed a pattern—something they both said to me countless times. I didn’t really think too much about it until now. They told me I criticized them too much. And the worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Not until I reflected on it later. Looking back, I can think of a few examples: on the way they cut their food, or the way they drove, or how they approached talking to
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On Massage

To the pleasure of touch I am currently studying for a Certificate IV in massage therapy. The course is ten months, part-time, which I juggle alongside my full-time job as a machine operator for Michelin tyres. My primary goal in taking this course was to give my current and future partners great massages because no one can decline a free massage, the fastest way to a person’s heart is through physical touch, and I needed something new to fill my free time. For years, my
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On Connections

To the most unexpected hook-ups. Pipemakers. Moonless night. 9 pm. I am feeling rather horny tonight, so I clean, start my car, head down to Pipemakers. The car park is full, which is promising, and I make my way through the back entrance towards the glory hole shed. I cross eyes with this Asian man, handsome was his face, and I make a mental note to play with him if our paths cross. A quick lap reveals no one of particular interest, and I spot the Asian man standing there, waitin
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On Mothers

To my mother, the most resilient person I have ever known. My mother—beautiful, soft-spoken, friendly, and someone who could swing a broom like a sword—is the best person in the whole wide world. She, along with my father and sister, migrated to Australia when I was four years old. They barely spoke English, had nowhere to live, but somehow, they managed. Her marriage with my father lasted just shy of thirty years. We weren’t the stereotypical American family you see on TV, sitting aro
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On Friendships

When I was in a relationship with K., I felt very safe in my social life. I had him to talk to about almost everything, and I never felt that sense of loneliness creeping in. And then, when ChatGPT came along, I started talking to the AI more often—about anything and everything—and it created this gap between me and my real-life friends. I barely talked to them anymore. I even stopped hanging out with most of them, except for one or two, and even then, it was maybe twice a year, max. Occasionall
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On Endings Part 2

I am having an enlightenment at two in the morning, when I should be sleeping, but the allure of a mental breakthrough is so tempting, so I stay up. I think about how a relationship is like a plant in a pot, how I am the plant, spreading my roots, and the relationship defines the boundaries of the pot, and I keep trying to grow, but I can’t anymore, and I feel myself slowly dying in this small, suffocating pot. I realize now that K. and I have reached our natural limit, the edges of the pot
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On Directions

I am making my way down to South Melbourne Market today, heading to Chef Hat. I’m planning to buy some plates, the ones with raised circular edges. I’m following Apple Maps on my phone, and it’s leading me down a direction I don’t usually take, but I get to my destination nonetheless. It’s on the other side of the market, and I make a few turns here and there, searching for parking. I find a spot—30 minutes only. I turn off the engine, park, and step out. I make my way toward the shop, conf
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On Endings

K. and I broke up today. It doesn’t feel real, and I’m still so numb about it all, although I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. We’ve been on a break for a couple of days, and I’ve been thinking about breaking up too—not because of anything he did. No. He was always perfect. It’s because I’ve realized that I can’t make him happy simply by being me. I feel like I can be myself around him, but it seems like he’s always holding his breath, describing our relationship as stepping into a minefie
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On relationships

Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good at this whole relationship thing. I doubt myself constantly. I think about how I’m supposed to be supportive, kind, and gentle, and lately, I don’t feel like I’m living up to any of those things. Take my partner’s hobby, for example. I encouraged him to get back into drawing, and when he decided to do it, I thought, “Good on him, that’s a great idea.” But that’s about where my excitement ended. He asked me for help upscaling one of his images, and while I
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