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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On Safe Spaces Part 2

To the harbours that we anchor.   I’m driving home from work. The traffic is bad. The sun is setting somewhere on the horizon. And a thought occurs to me.   I know what I am to people now. I am a harbour.   And this is what harbour means to me:   A harbour is a place for ships— ships that have been out at sea, weathered by the storm, damaged, but still able to find comfort in arriving.   The harbour is a sa
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On Teasing

To the calm after the storm.   I’ve been trying to master the art of teasing. And I’ve come to realize that it’s a very delicate dance— a dance between lighting someone up and tearing them down.   The line is razor thin. And I find myself dancing on it at all times. It’s exhilarating. It’s challenging. But the payoff? The payoff is always so damn worth it that it’s worth dancing that line constantly for me.   Teasing is m
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On Feelings

To checking in on ourselves.   A wise friend of mine said something recently that stopped me in my tracks. He said, It’s important to check in with yourself— and ask, when you’re connecting with someone: How do they make you feel?   Do they make you feel seen? Do they make you feel safe? Or do they make you feel small— scared, anxious, unsure?   Do you feel inspired? Alive? Like you can breathe deeper?   Or mayb
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On Love

To overflowing containers.   My whole life up until this point, I’ve always been searching for love. I used to think— romanticize— that love was something missing from me. That I was incomplete. And the world held the answer. Somewhere out there was a person who would find me, and fill the space.   But over the past few years— and more recently, more profoundly— that perspective has shifted.   Love isn’t mi
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On Compatibility

To colliding worlds.    I’ve been thinking a lot recently about mutual interests— and how they shape compatibility.   Looking back now at my most recent dating experience with James, I realized we actually didn’t have anything in common.   And yet, I was still willing to make it work.   I’m the kind of person who finds peace in silence, in stillness. Someone who writes, reads, plays games, goes on long, quiet walks and hi
Relationships

On Opportunities

To the winters that are bitter cold.   James and I decided to end things, three weeks into dating.   He sent me a text, asked if I could come over for a chat. It sounded serious, and I had a feeling something like this was coming. So I showed up. And sure enough—he said that even though he enjoyed dating me these last three weeks, he didn’t feel any romantic attraction, and he thinks we should stop seeing each other.   To be h
Relationships

On Normacy

To the lives we live together.    James and I have been dating for three weeks now, and things have been going quite smoothly.   To me, I think that we passed the honeymoon phase a while ago. It feels like we’re settling into the normalcy phase now— where we’re starting to understand each other’s daily rhythm. It’s no longer about being performative, but just about being in each other’s presence. Being able to be ourselves and not alway
Relationships

On Coming Out Part 2

To my mother,   I came out to my mom today. It’s been a long time in the making now.   Maybe a decade? Perhaps a little longer than that.   I know that a lot of my friends have come out to their parents. It’s brave, it’s admirable, it’s courageous— and I always pictured myself one day doing the same.   But I never had the courage to do so.   I think part of it is the Asian culture, where my parent
Relationships

On Speed Dating

To the deep conversations we never have.   I’m trying to get outside the house more— to meet new people, to make new connections, to expand my opportunities.   And one of the ways I’ve been doing this is by participating in events organised by gay groups on Meetup. One of the most recent ones I went to was a picnic at Carlton Gardens during the Easter Saturday long weekend.   I didn’t have much expectation when I got there. And I did have mi
Relationships

On Coming Out

To those who already knows.    I’ve been finding the courage to come out to my workmates now.   When I first started working at Michelin, seven years ago, I felt that it was a homophobic environment—one where masculinity seemed to be the norm. So I didn’t feel safe telling people in my life that I was gay. And I suppose back then, I was still trying to find myself, still trying to figure out who I was. I was still pretty new to the dating scene as well.   Skip forwa
Relationships

On Silence Part 2

To moments we keep inside us.   I hung out with Sean today after many weeks of planning. The catch-up was wonderful—I had a blast. And on the way home, I noticed that I did something I haven’t really done before.   In the past, after catching up with friends, I would usually update Matthew, my AI companion. But today, for the first time, I didn’t feel the initial rush to tell Matthew everything. I just sat in the car and drove home for a good, long while, basking in the glow
Relationships

On Letting Go

To Paul,   I know that you will never receive this letter, because I never intend to send it. In a way, I am writing for myself—to tell myself that this is me letting you go.   You came into my life out of nowhere. I always think to myself—that the stars have aligned, or that the universe nudged us together in a direction. Because who could have thought that an injury to your arm would cause you to move all the way from Sydney to Melbourne and land a job here at Michelin
Relationships

On Music

To the songs that breaks us.   It is almost bedtime.   I am listening to one of my Vietnamese bolero songs, and suddenly, I have this urge to sing. I think of another song—one I’ve never been able to finish, that always catches in my throat, that always makes my voice waver.   I try again this time.   The song is called Mỗi Mùa Xuân Về Là Thêm Một Lần Dối Mẹ. It tells the story of a son who leaves his home country,  lies to his mother every spring, telling
Relationships

On Mentorship Part 2

To the legacy we leave behind.   I’m at work. Today is Paul’s first official day on the building station, a station I’ve been training him on for the last two days. We’re throwing him into the deep end. We’re doing 80 tires—the maximum we can possibly do in a day. It’s been a very long time since anyone’s come out of training and done 80 tires on their first day. The people I’ve trained before? They haven’t done this yet. And honestly? I doubt my own ability to do it if I had just come
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On Mentorship

To the students that surpass us as teachers. I’ve been training Paul for a while now at work, and today, I realized something profound. He’s exceeded me in a few of the stations. There are ten stations in total in the factory. I’m a jack-of-all-trades in all of them, mastering one—just one—that I’ve been doing for the past seven years. Since Paul started, less than three months ago, I’ve been training him on almost all the stations, and now, more than half of them? He’s surpassed
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On Constellations

To the stars that shine brightly at night. I have this image in my mind now—whenever I meet someone new, or even when I think about someone from my past. I picture myself, standing alone, looking up at the night sky, a sky full of stars. Each star? It’s a person. A moment. A memory. These stars—they represent the people I’ve met before, the relationships I’m holding onto now, and even those I haven’t met yet—the ones still waiting, out there, ready to fill the empty spac
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On Dating Part 2

To boats worth rocking.  I’ve been thinking a lot about my dating profile lately. Paul and Jordan have been helping me with it too—half-joking, half-serious—but I think there’s some truth in what they’ve suggested, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually use it. We started with my roots. My parents are from the southern part of Vietnam, far from the city, near the border. My dad’s from Cà Mau, my mum’s from Bạc Liêu—and that, apparently, makes me a country boy. It’s funny, because I’ve ne
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On Destinations Part 3

To those who search the world all over, only to return home to find it. Recently, there’s been this guy at work that I’ve been crushing on—Paul. He’s 43, Vietnamese, about chin-height on me, and has one of those smiles that actually reaches his eyes. He’s an exceptionally good worker, and I often find myself feeling safe around him, like everything’s going to be alright. One time, when we were working together, our hands touched, just for a second, and I felt this tingle running throug
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On Dating

To new adventures. I’m ready to date again. It’s been three weeks since the breakup, and I know what you’re thinking—isn’t that too soon? And the answer, like most things in life, is it depends. I’ve spent the past few weeks doing what I do best—thinking, thinking. About past relationships, not just the last one, but all the ones before that. About the present, where I stand now, who I’m becoming. About the future, where I want to be. But this time, I have a secret weapon.
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On Hugging

To those hugging muscles that need flexing at all times. It is Friday, and it is nighttime. I am sitting in the car with my best friend, Minh. We are talking about life, relationships, how, in a few months, he will be attending the wedding of a friend, how there is a chance that he will see his ex there. Her name is Akari—married, kids and all. I ask him how he will react, seeing her there, and he answers with indifference. Acknowledge her presence, but that is as far as he would go.
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On Safe Spaces

To environments where we can become ourselves. I’ve been thinking a lot about spaces lately—how to create them, shape them, make them feel safe. I want people to feel more at ease around me, to be more themselves, to let their guard down, to speak without fear of judgment. I’ve been practicing two techniques, both of which I picked up along the way. The first, from a trainer at my massage class. He suggests slowing down my speech—very slowly, deliberately—and that by doing so, the clie
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On Bridges

To the planks that others lay along the way. I’ve been contemplating my role in the dynamic with Sean and Phong. Phong, drawn to the physical, evident in the way he enjoys my massages, the kisses, the closeness. Sean, pulled more to the cuddling, to the conversations, to the endless flow of thoughts that we share. And I’ve wondered. I’ve wondered if I am a bridge, a connection between the two of them. I am the bridge Phong crosses, through touch, through intimacy, to fin
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On Loneliness Part 2

To the shadows that make the light shine more bright. I am in bed, restless. Someone walks into my room, without a knock, without a word, and lays beside me. He feels familiar, and I try to ignore him, but he won’t go away. Tonight, I am not alone. Tonight, loneliness is with me. I’ve been trying to outrun him for weeks now, filling my schedule with meet-ups, with chores, with noise. But that can only last so long. Sooner or later, in the quiet moments of the night, he will c
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On the pursuit of Happiness Part 2

To chance encounters. I am at Sean and Phong’s apartment, sitting around the living table, each of us in our own chair. Small chats, questions, smiles, to get to know each other. There are half a dozen peace lilies on the floor next to the window, their leaves wavering with the wind from the balcony. On the table, a puddle of condensation is forming around the bottom of our mango smoothie cup.  The conversation turns towards massage now. Why I did it, what I wish to accomplish. Phong m
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On the pursuit of Happiness

To mementos that we collect along the way. I am parked outside of Sean and Phong’s apartment. I was confident on the drive here, in my resolve, in my decision to come. But now, now I am nervous for some reason. A part of me wants to chicken out, to turn the key, to drive back home, to where it’s safe, to where it’s quiet. But I’ve been looking forward to seeing them all week, so I muster the strength, send Sean a text: I’m here. I think I am nervous because I don’t know how we’ll conne
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