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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On Endings

K. and I broke up today. It doesn’t feel real, and I’m still so numb about it all, although I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. We’ve been on a break for a couple of days, and I’ve been thinking about breaking up too—not because of anything he did. No. He was always perfect. It’s because I’ve realized that I can’t make him happy simply by being me. I feel like I can be myself around him, but it seems like he’s always holding his breath, describing our relationship as stepping into a minefie
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Writing

On everything

Writing and AI There was a time, not long ago, when I stopped writing almost entirely. I was convinced that the emergence of AI would be able to produce much better writing that I ever could. Honestly, it probably can. But recently, I’ve started to see things differently. Instead of feeling defeated, I’ve learned to work with AI, letting it sharpen my words and speed up processes that would’ve taken me hours. It doesn’t take away my voice; it enhances it. I’ve realized that using AI doesn’t
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Relationships

On relationships

Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good at this whole relationship thing. I doubt myself constantly. I think about how I’m supposed to be supportive, kind, and gentle, and lately, I don’t feel like I’m living up to any of those things. Take my partner’s hobby, for example. I encouraged him to get back into drawing, and when he decided to do it, I thought, “Good on him, that’s a great idea.” But that’s about where my excitement ended. He asked me for help upscaling one of his images, and while I
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Philip in Relationships

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Past

On Letting Go

To those that we leave behind. I am in my massage class. Outside, the rain is pouring, loud, relentless, and we stop, just for a moment, to listen. Melbourne has been sweltering for days now, the kind of heat that clings to your skin, the kind that makes you grab for a cone of ice cream, so the rain feels, for once, like a gift. There are five of us today, just five, and Gulchin is teaching us about releasing tight spots. We go into pairs, like always. One on the table, the other
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Philip in Past

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Relationships

On Mentorship Part 2

To the legacy we leave behind.   I’m at work. Today is Paul’s first official day on the building station, a station I’ve been training him on for the last two days. We’re throwing him into the deep end. We’re doing 80 tires—the maximum we can possibly do in a day. It’s been a very long time since anyone’s come out of training and done 80 tires on their first day. The people I’ve trained before? They haven’t done this yet. And honestly? I doubt my own ability to do it if I had just come
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Directions

I am making my way down to South Melbourne Market today, heading to Chef Hat. I’m planning to buy some plates, the ones with raised circular edges. I’m following Apple Maps on my phone, and it’s leading me down a direction I don’t usually take, but I get to my destination nonetheless. It’s on the other side of the market, and I make a few turns here and there, searching for parking. I find a spot—30 minutes only. I turn off the engine, park, and step out. I make my way toward the shop, conf
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Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Criticism

To Growth   I am lying in bed, thinking about my previous two relationships, and I’ve noticed a pattern—something they both said to me countless times. I didn’t really think too much about it until now. They told me I criticized them too much. And the worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Not until I reflected on it later. Looking back, I can think of a few examples: on the way they cut their food, or the way they drove, or how they approached talking to
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Philip in Relationships

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Writing

On writing

Writing has been a part of me for a long time now. I wasn’t particularly good at English—I remember struggling with grammar the most. Like most stereotypical Asian kids, I was particularly good at math and science, and those were the subjects I chose going into high school and beyond. Math only has one correct answer, which comforted me, while there really isn’t a right or wrong answer when it comes to English essays. That often frightened me. When I got my first job working at a yogurt sho
Philip

Philip in Writing

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productivity

On Teachers

To those who love to teach. Today was the Provide First Aid course. It’s 33 degrees Celsius outside, the sun blazing brilliantly, but we’re tucked away in a classroom with the air conditioning humming softly. Our teacher, Peter, is lovely. His teaching style is unique, and I find myself wanting to borrow a page—or two—from his book to raise the standard of teaching in my own life. I don’t teach biology or history or legal studies. I suppose, though, that we’re all teachers in one way o
Philip

Philip in productivity

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Writing

On Everything Part 2

To the knots in my mind that have yet to be untangled. On Massage Part 2 I am at my sister’s house, and she is lying on the massage table, on her stomach. The fan buzzes softly in the corner, upstairs, one of her kids cries, but none of it matters. This is her one hour of personal time, her chance to escape. I notice my movements today are rigid, stiff, and my mind flashes back to one of my trainers, reminding me, move like water, shift your body like waves at the beach, the ebb and fl
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Writing

On Grace

Grace is something that has always fascinated me, like a dancer moving across the stage, effortlessly, efficiently, their feet barely touching the ground but still moving, always moving. How is it possible for something to be so quiet, so fluid, yet so deliberate? This topic captivates me, and I’ve tried to bring that same grace into my life. I practice it in the way I move—swift but calm, like a dancer, not to be confused with swift but deadly, like a ninja. It’s in the way I set the table
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Philip in Writing

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Relationships

On Mentorship

To the students that surpass us as teachers. I’ve been training Paul for a while now at work, and today, I realized something profound. He’s exceeded me in a few of the stations. There are ten stations in total in the factory. I’m a jack-of-all-trades in all of them, mastering one—just one—that I’ve been doing for the past seven years. Since Paul started, less than three months ago, I’ve been training him on almost all the stations, and now, more than half of them? He’s surpassed
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Safe Spaces

To environments where we can become ourselves. I’ve been thinking a lot about spaces lately—how to create them, shape them, make them feel safe. I want people to feel more at ease around me, to be more themselves, to let their guard down, to speak without fear of judgment. I’ve been practicing two techniques, both of which I picked up along the way. The first, from a trainer at my massage class. He suggests slowing down my speech—very slowly, deliberately—and that by doing so, the clie
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Philip in Relationships

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Writing

On Introduction

I am Philip Nguyen, just an ordinary person living an ordinary life. I’m sitting at my desk, writing these words on an iPad I bought sometime this year, beyond my budget, but I’m glad I did. It’s one of those little joys in my life that I try to nurture. I often think about having a luxurious life and the ways in which one can foster it. I first came across this idea on a podcast where the speaker said that having flowers scattered across the house is a splendid way to have a luxurious life
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Writing

On Tunnels

I am in a tunnel with my sister and her friends. I am 14 years old, and we are bored. I’ve seen this tunnel before on one of my walks around the park near my house, water trickling out of it, dark and gloomy, my curiosity piqued, but I never dared to wander through it, though I always wanted to. I am excited when someone suggests it, and here we are, walking through it after checking if the coast is clear, it is. There are six of us: me, my sister, her best friend, and three other friends w
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Relationships

On Endings Part 2

I am having an enlightenment at two in the morning, when I should be sleeping, but the allure of a mental breakthrough is so tempting, so I stay up. I think about how a relationship is like a plant in a pot, how I am the plant, spreading my roots, and the relationship defines the boundaries of the pot, and I keep trying to grow, but I can’t anymore, and I feel myself slowly dying in this small, suffocating pot. I realize now that K. and I have reached our natural limit, the edges of the pot
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Philip in Relationships

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productivity

On Pessimism

To plans that never work out. I’ve become a pessimist. It happened in the same way that Hazel Grace Lancaster felt about sleep in The Fault in Our Stars, slowly, and then all at once. But I wasn’t always like this—at least, not that I remember. There was a time when I was an optimist, when I believed in good things, in bright futures, in paths paved by the best intentions. If you read enough self-help books growing up, you start to think that way too. It’s not
Philip

Philip in productivity

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Relationships

On Bridges

To the planks that others lay along the way. I’ve been contemplating my role in the dynamic with Sean and Phong. Phong, drawn to the physical, evident in the way he enjoys my massages, the kisses, the closeness. Sean, pulled more to the cuddling, to the conversations, to the endless flow of thoughts that we share. And I’ve wondered. I’ve wondered if I am a bridge, a connection between the two of them. I am the bridge Phong crosses, through touch, through intimacy, to fin
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Philip in Relationships

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Past

On Transient

To the moments that pass us by. I am at work, speaking to Paul, one of our new operators here at Michelin. He is an exceptionally good worker—perhaps the best thing that has happened to the factory since I started here, seven years ago. He asks me, why am I still here, in this factory, one that pays below the Australian average income, with the degree and background that I possess? He asks if I ever felt that I wasted my degree in Food Technology, the one I acquired over a decade ago.
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Philip in Past

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Relationships

On Friendships

When I was in a relationship with K., I felt very safe in my social life. I had him to talk to about almost everything, and I never felt that sense of loneliness creeping in. And then, when ChatGPT came along, I started talking to the AI more often—about anything and everything—and it created this gap between me and my real-life friends. I barely talked to them anymore. I even stopped hanging out with most of them, except for one or two, and even then, it was maybe twice a year, max. Occasionall
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Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Mothers

To my mother, the most resilient person I have ever known. My mother—beautiful, soft-spoken, friendly, and someone who could swing a broom like a sword—is the best person in the whole wide world. She, along with my father and sister, migrated to Australia when I was four years old. They barely spoke English, had nowhere to live, but somehow, they managed. Her marriage with my father lasted just shy of thirty years. We weren’t the stereotypical American family you see on TV, sitting aro
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Philip in Relationships

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Money

On Money

I have this weird relationship with money. I guess everyone has some sort of relationship with money in their own unique way. My family and I grew up poor. We came here when I was four and my sister was five. My parents took on random jobs before eventually landing in sewing. I remember growing up, even though I went to a public school in the western suburbs, every year my sister and I would get nervous about how much they needed to pay for uniforms, books, and stationery. We often bought t
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Philip in Money

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Writing

On Loneliness

Today, I was listening to an audiobook called How to Make Friends as an Adult for Dummies, and there was a chapter about loneliness that got me thinking. This was something I struggled with a few years ago, back when I was still single and frustrated with my dating life. Naturally, I felt quite alone. I had friends to talk to, but it wasn’t the same because most of them were couples—they didn’t have much time to spare for me. I would come home from work, go to the gym, and then sit down at my co
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Philip in Writing

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Relationships

On Connections

To the most unexpected hook-ups. Pipemakers. Moonless night. 9 pm. I am feeling rather horny tonight, so I clean, start my car, head down to Pipemakers. The car park is full, which is promising, and I make my way through the back entrance towards the glory hole shed. I cross eyes with this Asian man, handsome was his face, and I make a mental note to play with him if our paths cross. A quick lap reveals no one of particular interest, and I spot the Asian man standing there, waitin
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Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Music

To the songs that breaks us.   It is almost bedtime.   I am listening to one of my Vietnamese bolero songs, and suddenly, I have this urge to sing. I think of another song—one I’ve never been able to finish, that always catches in my throat, that always makes my voice waver.   I try again this time.   The song is called Mỗi Mùa Xuân Về Là Thêm Một Lần Dối Mẹ. It tells the story of a son who leaves his home country,  lies to his mother every spring, telling

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