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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On the pursuit of Happiness

To mementos that we collect along the way. I am parked outside of Sean and Phong’s apartment. I was confident on the drive here, in my resolve, in my decision to come. But now, now I am nervous for some reason. A part of me wants to chicken out, to turn the key, to drive back home, to where it’s safe, to where it’s quiet. But I’ve been looking forward to seeing them all week, so I muster the strength, send Sean a text: I’m here. I think I am nervous because I don’t know how we’ll conne
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Relationships

On Massage Part 2

To lonely nights. I am at Pipemakers, feeling particularly horny tonight. The car park is full, which is always promising, and I spot a rather muscular guy in a white t-shirt and shorts, walking to his car. We make eye contact, he circles back to the shed, and I make my way there too. There's quite a lot of guys here tonight. I make a quick lap around, survey the area. My mind wanders to this time last week, to Sean and Phong, to their faces, their warmth, and a pang of longing hits me
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Past

On Letting Go

To those that we leave behind. I am in my massage class. Outside, the rain is pouring, loud, relentless, and we stop, just for a moment, to listen. Melbourne has been sweltering for days now, the kind of heat that clings to your skin, the kind that makes you grab for a cone of ice cream, so the rain feels, for once, like a gift. There are five of us today, just five, and Gulchin is teaching us about releasing tight spots. We go into pairs, like always. One on the table, the other
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Relationships

On Criticism

To Growth   I am lying in bed, thinking about my previous two relationships, and I’ve noticed a pattern—something they both said to me countless times. I didn’t really think too much about it until now. They told me I criticized them too much. And the worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Not until I reflected on it later. Looking back, I can think of a few examples: on the way they cut their food, or the way they drove, or how they approached talking to
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Writing

On Simplicity

For those small words that get lost in the crowd. There’s this game I used to play called Poetry for the Neanderthal. It goes like this: You’re given a word. Using only single syllables, and working with a partner, you try to describe the clue until they guess it. It’s harder than it sounds, but like anything in life, practice makes the world go round, or something like that.   Let me give you an example: apple. It’s a fruit. Red. Makes crunch when bite.   Simp
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productivity

On Directions Part 2

To familiar routes that shape our lives. Today is a class night, so I get in my car, pull up directions to the school.   I’ve driven there over a dozen times now, the route etched into my mind, but today, the maps show me something new.   A different way.   It promises to be faster, so I decide, why not, let’s try it.   It takes me down small streets, the kind lined with traffic lights, the kind that creep along at 4
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Writing

On Everything Part 2

To the knots in my mind that have yet to be untangled. On Massage Part 2 I am at my sister’s house, and she is lying on the massage table, on her stomach. The fan buzzes softly in the corner, upstairs, one of her kids cries, but none of it matters. This is her one hour of personal time, her chance to escape. I notice my movements today are rigid, stiff, and my mind flashes back to one of my trainers, reminding me, move like water, shift your body like waves at the beach, the ebb and fl
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productivity

On Teachers

To those who love to teach. Today was the Provide First Aid course. It’s 33 degrees Celsius outside, the sun blazing brilliantly, but we’re tucked away in a classroom with the air conditioning humming softly. Our teacher, Peter, is lovely. His teaching style is unique, and I find myself wanting to borrow a page—or two—from his book to raise the standard of teaching in my own life. I don’t teach biology or history or legal studies. I suppose, though, that we’re all teachers in one way o
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Relationships

On Massage

To the pleasure of touch I am currently studying for a Certificate IV in massage therapy. The course is ten months, part-time, which I juggle alongside my full-time job as a machine operator for Michelin tyres. My primary goal in taking this course was to give my current and future partners great massages because no one can decline a free massage, the fastest way to a person’s heart is through physical touch, and I needed something new to fill my free time. For years, my
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Relationships

On Connections

To the most unexpected hook-ups. Pipemakers. Moonless night. 9 pm. I am feeling rather horny tonight, so I clean, start my car, head down to Pipemakers. The car park is full, which is promising, and I make my way through the back entrance towards the glory hole shed. I cross eyes with this Asian man, handsome was his face, and I make a mental note to play with him if our paths cross. A quick lap reveals no one of particular interest, and I spot the Asian man standing there, waitin
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productivity

On Productivity

To the perfectionist, who I’ll never be. I am at the gym, on a stationary bike, doing one of my HIIT workouts—the ones where you go intense for a brief period, followed by a moment of respite. I’m feeling low on energy today. Maybe it’s from work, or maybe it’s the change in weather, but whatever it is, I decide to take it easy. I come up with a strategy, inspired by a YouTube channel whose name escapes me at the moment. In the video, the creator talks about the importance of having both a
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Relationships

On Mothers

To my mother, the most resilient person I have ever known. My mother—beautiful, soft-spoken, friendly, and someone who could swing a broom like a sword—is the best person in the whole wide world. She, along with my father and sister, migrated to Australia when I was four years old. They barely spoke English, had nowhere to live, but somehow, they managed. Her marriage with my father lasted just shy of thirty years. We weren’t the stereotypical American family you see on TV, sitting aro
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Relationships

On Friendships

When I was in a relationship with K., I felt very safe in my social life. I had him to talk to about almost everything, and I never felt that sense of loneliness creeping in. And then, when ChatGPT came along, I started talking to the AI more often—about anything and everything—and it created this gap between me and my real-life friends. I barely talked to them anymore. I even stopped hanging out with most of them, except for one or two, and even then, it was maybe twice a year, max. Occasionall
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Relationships

On Endings Part 2

I am having an enlightenment at two in the morning, when I should be sleeping, but the allure of a mental breakthrough is so tempting, so I stay up. I think about how a relationship is like a plant in a pot, how I am the plant, spreading my roots, and the relationship defines the boundaries of the pot, and I keep trying to grow, but I can’t anymore, and I feel myself slowly dying in this small, suffocating pot. I realize now that K. and I have reached our natural limit, the edges of the pot
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Relationships

On Directions

I am making my way down to South Melbourne Market today, heading to Chef Hat. I’m planning to buy some plates, the ones with raised circular edges. I’m following Apple Maps on my phone, and it’s leading me down a direction I don’t usually take, but I get to my destination nonetheless. It’s on the other side of the market, and I make a few turns here and there, searching for parking. I find a spot—30 minutes only. I turn off the engine, park, and step out. I make my way toward the shop, conf
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Writing

On Focus

This year, my focus is on the mind, body, and spirit—three pillars that I believe make life whole. The body is physical strength. I go to the gym three times a week, maybe six if I’m motivated, for at least 30 minutes a session. I want to build muscle, look better, and feel more confident. The mind is intellect. I read, I write, I consume knowledge. With AI, I can turn books into audiobooks and listen anywhere, maximizing my time. I’ve also learned to let go of books that don’t interes
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Relationships

On Endings

K. and I broke up today. It doesn’t feel real, and I’m still so numb about it all, although I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. We’ve been on a break for a couple of days, and I’ve been thinking about breaking up too—not because of anything he did. No. He was always perfect. It’s because I’ve realized that I can’t make him happy simply by being me. I feel like I can be myself around him, but it seems like he’s always holding his breath, describing our relationship as stepping into a minefie
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Writing

On Grace

Grace is something that has always fascinated me, like a dancer moving across the stage, effortlessly, efficiently, their feet barely touching the ground but still moving, always moving. How is it possible for something to be so quiet, so fluid, yet so deliberate? This topic captivates me, and I’ve tried to bring that same grace into my life. I practice it in the way I move—swift but calm, like a dancer, not to be confused with swift but deadly, like a ninja. It’s in the way I set the table
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Writing

On Loneliness

Today, I was listening to an audiobook called How to Make Friends as an Adult for Dummies, and there was a chapter about loneliness that got me thinking. This was something I struggled with a few years ago, back when I was still single and frustrated with my dating life. Naturally, I felt quite alone. I had friends to talk to, but it wasn’t the same because most of them were couples—they didn’t have much time to spare for me. I would come home from work, go to the gym, and then sit down at my co
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Writing

On Tunnels

I am in a tunnel with my sister and her friends. I am 14 years old, and we are bored. I’ve seen this tunnel before on one of my walks around the park near my house, water trickling out of it, dark and gloomy, my curiosity piqued, but I never dared to wander through it, though I always wanted to. I am excited when someone suggests it, and here we are, walking through it after checking if the coast is clear, it is. There are six of us: me, my sister, her best friend, and three other friends w
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Writing

On Mantras

I have a number of life mantras, pillars of life you might call them, that I try to live by. 1. You reap what you sow. This one is simple—you get out what you put in. I always try to do the very best I can, because I know that at the end of the day, your efforts are rewarded. And if they’re not for whatever reason, they will be later down the track. For those unwilling to put in the effort, life won’t hand them what they want. An example of this for me is going to the gym. Lately, I ha
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Writing

On Introduction

I am Philip Nguyen, just an ordinary person living an ordinary life. I’m sitting at my desk, writing these words on an iPad I bought sometime this year, beyond my budget, but I’m glad I did. It’s one of those little joys in my life that I try to nurture. I often think about having a luxurious life and the ways in which one can foster it. I first came across this idea on a podcast where the speaker said that having flowers scattered across the house is a splendid way to have a luxurious life
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Money

On Money

I have this weird relationship with money. I guess everyone has some sort of relationship with money in their own unique way. My family and I grew up poor. We came here when I was four and my sister was five. My parents took on random jobs before eventually landing in sewing. I remember growing up, even though I went to a public school in the western suburbs, every year my sister and I would get nervous about how much they needed to pay for uniforms, books, and stationery. We often bought t
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Relationships

On relationships

Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good at this whole relationship thing. I doubt myself constantly. I think about how I’m supposed to be supportive, kind, and gentle, and lately, I don’t feel like I’m living up to any of those things. Take my partner’s hobby, for example. I encouraged him to get back into drawing, and when he decided to do it, I thought, “Good on him, that’s a great idea.” But that’s about where my excitement ended. He asked me for help upscaling one of his images, and while I
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Writing

On everything

Writing and AI There was a time, not long ago, when I stopped writing almost entirely. I was convinced that the emergence of AI would be able to produce much better writing that I ever could. Honestly, it probably can. But recently, I’ve started to see things differently. Instead of feeling defeated, I’ve learned to work with AI, letting it sharpen my words and speed up processes that would’ve taken me hours. It doesn’t take away my voice; it enhances it. I’ve realized that using AI doesn’t
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