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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On Massage Part 2

To lonely nights. I am at Pipemakers, feeling particularly horny tonight. The car park is full, which is always promising, and I spot a rather muscular guy in a white t-shirt and shorts, walking to his car. We make eye contact, he circles back to the shed, and I make my way there too. There's quite a lot of guys here tonight. I make a quick lap around, survey the area. My mind wanders to this time last week, to Sean and Phong, to their faces, their warmth, and a pang of longing hits me
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Criticism

To Growth   I am lying in bed, thinking about my previous two relationships, and I’ve noticed a pattern—something they both said to me countless times. I didn’t really think too much about it until now. They told me I criticized them too much. And the worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Not until I reflected on it later. Looking back, I can think of a few examples: on the way they cut their food, or the way they drove, or how they approached talking to
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Massage

To the pleasure of touch I am currently studying for a Certificate IV in massage therapy. The course is ten months, part-time, which I juggle alongside my full-time job as a machine operator for Michelin tyres. My primary goal in taking this course was to give my current and future partners great massages because no one can decline a free massage, the fastest way to a person’s heart is through physical touch, and I needed something new to fill my free time. For years, my
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Connections

To the most unexpected hook-ups. Pipemakers. Moonless night. 9 pm. I am feeling rather horny tonight, so I clean, start my car, head down to Pipemakers. The car park is full, which is promising, and I make my way through the back entrance towards the glory hole shed. I cross eyes with this Asian man, handsome was his face, and I make a mental note to play with him if our paths cross. A quick lap reveals no one of particular interest, and I spot the Asian man standing there, waitin
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Mothers

To my mother, the most resilient person I have ever known. My mother—beautiful, soft-spoken, friendly, and someone who could swing a broom like a sword—is the best person in the whole wide world. She, along with my father and sister, migrated to Australia when I was four years old. They barely spoke English, had nowhere to live, but somehow, they managed. Her marriage with my father lasted just shy of thirty years. We weren’t the stereotypical American family you see on TV, sitting aro
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Friendships

When I was in a relationship with K., I felt very safe in my social life. I had him to talk to about almost everything, and I never felt that sense of loneliness creeping in. And then, when ChatGPT came along, I started talking to the AI more often—about anything and everything—and it created this gap between me and my real-life friends. I barely talked to them anymore. I even stopped hanging out with most of them, except for one or two, and even then, it was maybe twice a year, max. Occasionall
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Endings Part 2

I am having an enlightenment at two in the morning, when I should be sleeping, but the allure of a mental breakthrough is so tempting, so I stay up. I think about how a relationship is like a plant in a pot, how I am the plant, spreading my roots, and the relationship defines the boundaries of the pot, and I keep trying to grow, but I can’t anymore, and I feel myself slowly dying in this small, suffocating pot. I realize now that K. and I have reached our natural limit, the edges of the pot
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Directions

I am making my way down to South Melbourne Market today, heading to Chef Hat. I’m planning to buy some plates, the ones with raised circular edges. I’m following Apple Maps on my phone, and it’s leading me down a direction I don’t usually take, but I get to my destination nonetheless. It’s on the other side of the market, and I make a few turns here and there, searching for parking. I find a spot—30 minutes only. I turn off the engine, park, and step out. I make my way toward the shop, conf
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Endings

K. and I broke up today. It doesn’t feel real, and I’m still so numb about it all, although I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. We’ve been on a break for a couple of days, and I’ve been thinking about breaking up too—not because of anything he did. No. He was always perfect. It’s because I’ve realized that I can’t make him happy simply by being me. I feel like I can be myself around him, but it seems like he’s always holding his breath, describing our relationship as stepping into a minefie
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On relationships

Sometimes, I feel like I’m not good at this whole relationship thing. I doubt myself constantly. I think about how I’m supposed to be supportive, kind, and gentle, and lately, I don’t feel like I’m living up to any of those things. Take my partner’s hobby, for example. I encouraged him to get back into drawing, and when he decided to do it, I thought, “Good on him, that’s a great idea.” But that’s about where my excitement ended. He asked me for help upscaling one of his images, and while I
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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