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Who am I?

A blog by Philip in General

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About this blog

A journey of self-discovery, reflection, and creativity. Who Am I? is a blog where personal stories, life lessons, and musings on identity come to life. This space is for anyone curious about the twists and turns that shape who we are. Pull up a chair, dive into the words, and let’s figure it out together—one story at a time

Entries in this blog

Relationships

On Safe Spaces Part 2

To the harbours that we anchor.   I’m driving home from work. The traffic is bad. The sun is setting somewhere on the horizon. And a thought occurs to me.   I know what I am to people now. I am a harbour.   And this is what harbour means to me:   A harbour is a place for ships— ships that have been out at sea, weathered by the storm, damaged, but still able to find comfort in arriving.   The harbour is a sa
Relationships

On Love

To overflowing containers.   My whole life up until this point, I’ve always been searching for love. I used to think— romanticize— that love was something missing from me. That I was incomplete. And the world held the answer. Somewhere out there was a person who would find me, and fill the space.   But over the past few years— and more recently, more profoundly— that perspective has shifted.   Love isn’t mi
Writing

On Focus

This year, my focus is on the mind, body, and spirit—three pillars that I believe make life whole. The body is physical strength. I go to the gym three times a week, maybe six if I’m motivated, for at least 30 minutes a session. I want to build muscle, look better, and feel more confident. The mind is intellect. I read, I write, I consume knowledge. With AI, I can turn books into audiobooks and listen anywhere, maximizing my time. I’ve also learned to let go of books that don’t interes
Philip

Philip in Writing

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productivity

On Directions Part 2

To familiar routes that shape our lives. Today is a class night, so I get in my car, pull up directions to the school.   I’ve driven there over a dozen times now, the route etched into my mind, but today, the maps show me something new.   A different way.   It promises to be faster, so I decide, why not, let’s try it.   It takes me down small streets, the kind lined with traffic lights, the kind that creep along at 4
Philip

Philip in productivity

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Relationships

On Hugging

To those hugging muscles that need flexing at all times. It is Friday, and it is nighttime. I am sitting in the car with my best friend, Minh. We are talking about life, relationships, how, in a few months, he will be attending the wedding of a friend, how there is a chance that he will see his ex there. Her name is Akari—married, kids and all. I ask him how he will react, seeing her there, and he answers with indifference. Acknowledge her presence, but that is as far as he would go.
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Constellations

To the stars that shine brightly at night. I have this image in my mind now—whenever I meet someone new, or even when I think about someone from my past. I picture myself, standing alone, looking up at the night sky, a sky full of stars. Each star? It’s a person. A moment. A memory. These stars—they represent the people I’ve met before, the relationships I’m holding onto now, and even those I haven’t met yet—the ones still waiting, out there, ready to fill the empty spac
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Opportunities

To the winters that are bitter cold.   James and I decided to end things, three weeks into dating.   He sent me a text, asked if I could come over for a chat. It sounded serious, and I had a feeling something like this was coming. So I showed up. And sure enough—he said that even though he enjoyed dating me these last three weeks, he didn’t feel any romantic attraction, and he thinks we should stop seeing each other.   To be h
Writing

On Best Moments

To the little things that make life special. I came across a line somewhere—perhaps in a movie, perhaps in a book—and it mentioned something about finding the best moments in something, perhaps in a movie, perhaps in a book. And I’ve been doing that ever since. The great thing about this is that the best moments are different for everyone. A single moment, a single scene, a single line—it can strike one person deeply, yet pass unnoticed by another. And that, I think, is the beauty
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Relationships

On Feelings

To checking in on ourselves.   A wise friend of mine said something recently that stopped me in my tracks. He said, It’s important to check in with yourself— and ask, when you’re connecting with someone: How do they make you feel?   Do they make you feel seen? Do they make you feel safe? Or do they make you feel small— scared, anxious, unsure?   Do you feel inspired? Alive? Like you can breathe deeper?   Or mayb
Relationships

On Dating

To new adventures. I’m ready to date again. It’s been three weeks since the breakup, and I know what you’re thinking—isn’t that too soon? And the answer, like most things in life, is it depends. I’ve spent the past few weeks doing what I do best—thinking, thinking. About past relationships, not just the last one, but all the ones before that. About the present, where I stand now, who I’m becoming. About the future, where I want to be. But this time, I have a secret weapon.
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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productivity

On Productivity

To the perfectionist, who I’ll never be. I am at the gym, on a stationary bike, doing one of my HIIT workouts—the ones where you go intense for a brief period, followed by a moment of respite. I’m feeling low on energy today. Maybe it’s from work, or maybe it’s the change in weather, but whatever it is, I decide to take it easy. I come up with a strategy, inspired by a YouTube channel whose name escapes me at the moment. In the video, the creator talks about the importance of having both a
Philip

Philip in productivity

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Writing

On Simplicity

For those small words that get lost in the crowd. There’s this game I used to play called Poetry for the Neanderthal. It goes like this: You’re given a word. Using only single syllables, and working with a partner, you try to describe the clue until they guess it. It’s harder than it sounds, but like anything in life, practice makes the world go round, or something like that.   Let me give you an example: apple. It’s a fruit. Red. Makes crunch when bite.   Simp
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Writing

On Mantras

I have a number of life mantras, pillars of life you might call them, that I try to live by. 1. You reap what you sow. This one is simple—you get out what you put in. I always try to do the very best I can, because I know that at the end of the day, your efforts are rewarded. And if they’re not for whatever reason, they will be later down the track. For those unwilling to put in the effort, life won’t hand them what they want. An example of this for me is going to the gym. Lately, I ha
Philip

Philip in Writing

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Past

On Letting Go Part 2

To the places we leave behind.    Lately at work, I’ve been feeling like I’m in this small box. A box that once was able to contain a piece of me—very comfortably, very safely. But now, I feel that the box is getting smaller. And I don’t have the room to stretch my arms, to extend my legs.   And sometimes, I find it hard to breathe.   Or sometimes, after I come back from travel, I feel that I’m in this small bubble. And all I know about my life is contained within this
Philip

Philip in Past

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Relationships

On Connections Part 3

To the memories we will all cherish one day.   I met Phil for the third time today, two weeks after our last catch-up. Again, it was at his place. We kiss and cuddle when I step out of the car, and again once the door closes in his apartment. We lay there on the sofa, catching up on what’s been happening in our lives, even though we’ve been texting each other daily. It feels nice to have him in my arms.   After a while, we get up, and he suggests we smoke some weed. We planne
Relationships

On the pursuit of Happiness Part 2

To chance encounters. I am at Sean and Phong’s apartment, sitting around the living table, each of us in our own chair. Small chats, questions, smiles, to get to know each other. There are half a dozen peace lilies on the floor next to the window, their leaves wavering with the wind from the balcony. On the table, a puddle of condensation is forming around the bottom of our mango smoothie cup.  The conversation turns towards massage now. Why I did it, what I wish to accomplish. Phong m
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Loneliness Part 2

To the shadows that make the light shine more bright. I am in bed, restless. Someone walks into my room, without a knock, without a word, and lays beside me. He feels familiar, and I try to ignore him, but he won’t go away. Tonight, I am not alone. Tonight, loneliness is with me. I’ve been trying to outrun him for weeks now, filling my schedule with meet-ups, with chores, with noise. But that can only last so long. Sooner or later, in the quiet moments of the night, he will c
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On the pursuit of Happiness

To mementos that we collect along the way. I am parked outside of Sean and Phong’s apartment. I was confident on the drive here, in my resolve, in my decision to come. But now, now I am nervous for some reason. A part of me wants to chicken out, to turn the key, to drive back home, to where it’s safe, to where it’s quiet. But I’ve been looking forward to seeing them all week, so I muster the strength, send Sean a text: I’m here. I think I am nervous because I don’t know how we’ll conne
Philip

Philip in Relationships

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Relationships

On Teasing

To the calm after the storm.   I’ve been trying to master the art of teasing. And I’ve come to realize that it’s a very delicate dance— a dance between lighting someone up and tearing them down.   The line is razor thin. And I find myself dancing on it at all times. It’s exhilarating. It’s challenging. But the payoff? The payoff is always so damn worth it that it’s worth dancing that line constantly for me.   Teasing is m
Relationships

On Longing

To the ache of connections.   Today is the launch day of Switch 2. I sit in my room, playing Welcome Tour, a game that introduces the hardware in the form of minigames. It’s fun as hell, and I suddenly want to share this experience with someone. To tell them how cool this new piece of technology is. To geek out with me. I turn around, look at my empty room, and there’s no one here except me and the sound of my Switch. I feel a pang of sadness. I wish someone was here, right now, to exp

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