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Tuesday 5th August, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I had another singing lesson with Elissa today, and I thought she would be really impressed with my newfound interest in music theory. Instead, I think she felt a little overwhelmed on my behalf (even though I don’t feel overwhelmed at all). If I could read her mind, I bet she was thinking, “Woah, let’s slow it down a notch or two.” I know people often do that out of care and kindness, especially if they don’t know us very well. But when we dive into something, we re

Philip

Philip in Everything

Breed Me

Feeling straight up primal. It’s like an itch that I can not scratch. I need to be smothered in lust and filled with your babies, covered with your scent, hot cum, and then repeat. Fuck me like you love me so much you have to tie me up and keep me all to yourself and proceed to rape me holes over and over again. My body is what you neeeded so I let you feed off it.. you use my body, I am your toy, and you like to play rough. is it wrong that I’ve never felt so understood and overwhelmed with ple

TampaCajun23

TampaCajun23 in Who I Am

Monday 4th August, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I was doing some pointless scrolling on YouTube the other day when it suggested a channel called Pianote. It’s run by this lovely lady named Lisa who teaches piano from beginner to advanced. I watched a couple of her videos and I really like the way she explains things. Combined with the music theory I’ve been learning, her lessons reinforced a lot of what I’ve read about but hadn’t necessarily put into practice yet. She has such a calm, nurturing energy—and she’s fu

Philip

Philip in Everything

Four Becomes Five

Grand Rapids—July, 2024   On the last Saturday of the month, I went north to the house party I always enjoy.  I packed the rimseat…though it never got used…   We are stripping downstairs in the living room.  The host, a short thin man with an infectious smile, is explaining that something went wrong with his emailed invitations.  He tells us he sent them out three or four times.  I tell him I had only got one—and just a few days ago.  The others agree.  Which explains why the

FelchingPisser

FelchingPisser in House Party

Sunday 3rd August, 2025

Hello beautiful,   This weekend has been pretty good. It’s probably the first weekend in a long while where I basically did nothing—no running around socializing, no endless errands. Just a slow, quiet couple of days. I did get my monthly haircut though, and went straight home afterwards for a nap.   As usual, I squeezed in some piano and singing practice. Work gave us a beanie recently, and I usually wear it on my walks since it’s always under 10°C. But today I skipped my sh

Philip

Philip in Everything

Saturday 2nd August, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I’m finding it really difficult to take some time off from the gym. Recently, I woke up with a massive headache, and I think it’s because I’ve just been go, go, go these last couple of weeks—piling on so many new things like singing, piano, and now music theory. It feels like everything is starting to catch up with me. My right shoulder has also been acting up, tense and sore. So I decided to give myself the weekend off from the gym, sleep in, relax, and just do a lo

Philip

Philip in Everything

Thursday 31th July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I’m diving into the deep sea now when it comes to music—music theory. The best way I can describe it is that music theory is like a grammar book for music: it teaches you how it should be played to sound beautiful, and the rules that govern what works and what doesn’t. But like all good grammar books, once you understand the basics, you’re free to break as many rules as you like to create magic.   I’m starting to understand the rules that make music what it

Philip

Philip in Everything

The Show-Offs

Near Home—July, 2024   As the month of July came to a close, I had one last afternoon session in the closest bookstore.  It was a Friday.  And busy—with fresh faces and old standbys…   I close the door to the new porn room behind me.  There are half a dozen men here in the half light.  They are still all zipped up, but eyeing each other as much as the videos.  I sit where I can see both screens with just a slight turn of my head.  I spot the couple who come here in the aftern

FelchingPisser

FelchingPisser in Bookstore

You Want To Know What I Really Think?

You really wanna hear it? Like all of it? Fine. But don’t fucking look at me like I’m crazy when I’m done. Don’t give me that pity face, or worse, that fake shock like you’re not just as rotten inside. Here’s the truth... I don’t believe in anything. Not God. There's no “meaning.” Forget that bullshit about everyone being special. People are just meat. Soft, needy, pathetic little animals pretending they’re better than the hunger in their gut. And me? I’m not pretending anymore.

What I Mean Why I Say Fuck Me Like A Whore

Use me more than once a day. Please, I fucking need it. Throw me around when you’re stressed or just for fun. Jerk off inside me Degrade me and praise me Tease me. [banned word] on me. Play fucked up games with me. Order me around. Turn my brain off and let me fulfill all your wicked fantasies Actually scare me a little. Take it from me. Chase me (bonus points for dragging me through the woods). CNC my ass Say the nasty, fucked up things you think. Degrade me, humiliate

Wednesday 30th July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   Let me tell you a story. I had my second piano lesson today with Max, and I think I made a mistake by telling him I’d been practicing at home and showing him my progress. Right after that, he said, “Okay, I want you to play this piece,” and of course, I tensed up and couldn’t play it properly. We kept at it for a while, and once he thought I got the gist, we moved on to the next song. But in the end, the whole lesson felt like me just practicing something I could’ve

Philip

Philip in Everything

Tuesday 29th July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I want to talk about Jan today. We’ve decided to have our first meet-up this Friday night. I’m hesitant to call it a date, even though technically it is. When he told me he was free and asked if I wanted to do something, I noticed I didn’t immediately get excited or jump at the opportunity. Instead, I found myself wondering if I even wanted to go at all.   The reason is that our conversations through text have felt pretty lukewarm. They don’t really go anyw

Philip

Philip in Everything

Monday 28th July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I’ve decided to let go of singing for now, and I want to walk you through my reasoning. The original goal for singing was never really about gaining the confidence to pick up a microphone and perform—I already had that. The real issue was the uncertainty. I wasn’t sure about the technical side of singing, and I kept questioning myself: was I singing the song correctly? Would people judge me if I wasn’t? Most of it was probably just in my head, but I wanted to learn s

Philip

Philip in Everything

A New Night = New Men

Near Home—July, 2024   I had picked up a short work gig for the middle of July.  It changed my playtime radically as my afternoons were now about the job.  I was finally able to play by Saturday night, a very different time to my usual afternoon bookstore jaunts.  I expected to see new faces.  For better or worse, I certainly did…   I open the door.  A trim bear is across the room from me, jerking a very average dick.  Scattered around the room are three cross dressers.  (I u

Sunday 27th July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   Today was the last time I’ll see Phil for a very long while, and I want to talk about it.   He had originally planned to move to Sydney in October, but his agent recently found him a place—and the lease starts immediately. If he waited until October, he’d still have to pay rent on it for the next three months. So, he made the decision to leave in ten days, right on his birthday, too.   That means tonight was our last time seeing each other.  

Philip

Philip in Everything

Feeding Time

Jackson—July, 2024 The second Saturday of the month, I went back to the bookstore with the play area and the medical exam table.  Saturdays there had been really good.  This one continued that tradition, but it also had a very different feel.  The parking lot was filling as I arrived…   I walk in.  It is dark after the bright, just-before-noon sun outside.  My eyes adjust.  Men are milling.  And sucking each other.  Everywhere.  It takes a few moments for me to realize that I, as

Friday 25th July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   A couple of things on my mind tonight.   Firstly, I was talking to Suf about my cruising tendencies. He hasn’t really explored that world yet, aside from one experience in a dark room in Amsterdam. He said he’d like to learn more next time we meet—and I’m more than happy to share, hehe. He also mentioned that he’s going to Beefcake tonight, which is a sex event in the city. I was so intrigued I looked it up. It’s basically a DJ club night with go-go dancers

Philip

Philip in Everything

Why I Crave Being Degraded

t’s not about hating myself. It’s not because I have “daddy issues.” And it’s definitely not because I’m broken. I crave being degraded because in that moment—when I’m on my knees, mouth full, body aching—I feel more than I do anywhere else.More wanted. More filthy. More honest.There’s no pretending when I’m being used like a cocksleeve, called a whore, spat on, pinned down, and told I’m nothing but a hole. That’s not shame. That’s freedom. Freedom to be fucked without limits. Freedom

Thursday 24th July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I’m still talking to this guy I recently met on Hinge—his name’s Jan—and I want to spend a bit of time reflecting on him today.   He’s 28, which is right on the borderline for the youngest age I’d consider dating. So far, our conversations have been pretty casual. We talk about music, movies, books, travel, cooking—simple things. I asked him if he ever reflects on his feelings or does any kind of introspection, and he said he only tends to do that during di

Philip

Philip in Everything

2025 July - Getting Home from Biz trips

I had been on the road for a couple of weeks.  It was really busy on the trip and I didn't get a chance to play with any hot men in Montreal OR Ottawa.  I got home late Thursday and decided to take Friday off.  Screw it.  I was just getting out of a nice hot shower where I had included a good thorough ass enema.  I wanted some serious ass play Friday to make up for lost time.  I figured I would try online and a couple of regulars to see if anyone wanted to get together for some rimming, fin

The Power Of Being Nothing But A Hole

We talk a lot about degradation. About being used. Dehumanised. Treated like an object. And it sounds brutal, filthy, even disturbing from the outside.But sometimes, being “just a hole” isn’t about being nothing. It’s about finally being enough — exactly as you are. Because in a world where we’re constantly expected to be more — more capable, more composed, more wanted, more worthy — there’s something intoxicating about being reduced to one thing:Use. No pressure to perform. No need to i

Wednesday 23rd July, 2025

Hello beautiful bastard,   Today, I was so sure I was going to drop my piano lessons. I could feel my body burning out from juggling too many things at once. I’d already found a new piano teacher—his name is Max—and I’d paid for the lesson in advance, so I couldn’t cancel. I figured I’d just go and see how it went. You never know, right? If he was really good, maybe I’d stick with it.   And you know what? He was really good.   What I liked about him was how professi

Philip

Philip in Everything

Tuesday 22nd July, 2025

Hello beautiful,   I had my third singing lesson today, and it went really well. I still think Elissa, my vocal coach, is excellent at explaining concepts and taking things nice and slow to build my confidence—especially with pitch. She knows exactly where I’m going wrong and is able to correct things quickly before they spiral, which I really appreciate.   She’s been hinting that maybe doing both singing and piano at the same time might be a bit much—and honestly, I’ve been

Philip

Philip in Everything

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