To those that we leave behind.
I am in my massage class. Outside, the rain is pouring, loud, relentless, and we stop, just for a moment, to listen. Melbourne has been sweltering for days now, the kind of heat that clings to your skin, the kind that makes you grab for a cone of ice cream, so the rain feels, for once, like a gift.
There are five of us today, just five, and Gulchin is teaching us about releasing tight spots.
We go into pairs, like always. One on the table, the other
Near Home—January, 2024
It was the last Saturday of the month. This was the end of the week where I had had to re-schedule two meets and be stood up by the third. I usually went to the bookstore on weekday afternoons. But I had tried a Saturday afternoon before, and found it much more varied. I had an early lunch, and took off…
The parking lot is jammed. I have to park on the street. Something I have never done in all the years I have been going. I go into the straight theatr
To Growth
I am lying in bed, thinking about my previous two relationships, and I’ve noticed a pattern—something they both said to me countless times. I didn’t really think too much about it until now.
They told me I criticized them too much.
And the worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Not until I reflected on it later. Looking back, I can think of a few examples:
on the way they cut their food,
or the way they drove,
or how they approached talking to
It was late on a Friday night, the bars would only be open for an hour more. The bar I was at was pretty dead and there weren’t any prospects so I decided to walk down the street to another bar. As I was walking I noticed a guy a few years younger than me walking toward me. We made eyes at each other and we both turned to look back when we passed. We both stopped and walked back to meet up. “You just come from the bar up the street?” He asked me. “Yeah, it’s pretty dead there,” I said. “I was h
For those small words that get lost in the crowd.
There’s this game I used to play called Poetry for the Neanderthal. It goes like this:
You’re given a word. Using only single syllables, and working with a partner, you try to describe the clue until they guess it. It’s harder than it sounds, but like anything in life, practice makes the world go round, or something like that.
Let me give you an example: apple.
It’s a fruit. Red. Makes crunch when bite.
Simp
Near Home—January, 2024
On Sunday, the third week of January was full of playdates. Three to be precise. By Monday, there was one. I landed a work gig and now had a conflict with Friday. My fisting bud graciously agreed to come to the playroom two weeks later. Another bud had his own work conflict, his boss couldn’t let him have Wednesday off. We agreed to meet the following Wednesday instead.
That left my Tuesday meet. Maybe. He was a young man who had stood me up befo
To familiar routes that shape our lives.
Today is a class night,
so I get in my car, pull up directions to the school.
I’ve driven there over a dozen times now,
the route etched into my mind,
but today, the maps show me something new.
A different way.
It promises to be faster,
so I decide, why not,
let’s try it.
It takes me down small streets,
the kind lined with traffic lights,
the kind that creep along at 4
(Note: this is a completely fictitious blog entry. How could any of this be true?)
It’s been a little over a year since my last report. I thought I might just delete this account. I thought I would delete it when I finally stopped . . . well, everything. I now understand that I can’t but more importantly I don’t want to.
the training has continued. Here’s an example of a typical lesson.
I was on my way to wok, determined to get there and not fuck around. But driving has a
To the knots in my mind that have yet to be untangled.
On Massage Part 2
I am at my sister’s house, and she is lying on the massage table, on her stomach. The fan buzzes softly in the corner, upstairs, one of her kids cries, but none of it matters. This is her one hour of personal time, her chance to escape. I notice my movements today are rigid, stiff, and my mind flashes back to one of my trainers, reminding me, move like water, shift your body like waves at the beach, the ebb and fl
To those who love to teach.
Today was the Provide First Aid course. It’s 33 degrees Celsius outside, the sun blazing brilliantly, but we’re tucked away in a classroom with the air conditioning humming softly. Our teacher, Peter, is lovely. His teaching style is unique, and I find myself wanting to borrow a page—or two—from his book to raise the standard of teaching in my own life.
I don’t teach biology or history or legal studies. I suppose, though, that we’re all teachers in one way o
Near Home—January, 2024
The morning after I played with GaryM, I knew I would be headed to my favorite haunt. I had ended that session quite content, but I was hankering for more. What I found proved to be an explosive session…
I arrive just before 2pm. There is one older white man in the straight theatre. He is in the cocksucker’s seat, but I am pretty sure he’s not there to give head. He seems enthralled by what I think is very average porn. I sit off to the side. My dick
To the pleasure of touch
I am currently studying for a Certificate IV in massage therapy. The course is ten months, part-time, which I juggle alongside my full-time job as a machine operator for Michelin tyres. My primary goal in taking this course was to give my current and future partners great massages because
no one can decline a free massage,
the fastest way to a person’s heart is through physical touch, and
I needed something new to fill my free time.
For years, my
To the most unexpected hook-ups.
Pipemakers. Moonless night. 9 pm.
I am feeling rather horny tonight, so I clean, start my car, head down to Pipemakers. The car park is full, which is promising, and I make my way through the back entrance towards the glory hole shed. I cross eyes with this Asian man, handsome was his face, and I make a mental note to play with him if our paths cross.
A quick lap reveals no one of particular interest, and I spot the Asian man standing there, waitin
My Playroom—January, 2024
GaryM was coming back to the playroom for another session of wet fun. I was looking forward to seeing him again. I spent the evening before thinking about what new things we might try—or how to make things we’d done slightly different. I went to bed, still musing over what we might do.
And it went on all night. I would sleep for an hour and suddenly wake up—not even remembering what it was that woke me up. After this happened three times, at ever
To the perfectionist, who I’ll never be.
I am at the gym, on a stationary bike, doing one of my HIIT workouts—the ones where you go intense for a brief period, followed by a moment of respite. I’m feeling low on energy today. Maybe it’s from work, or maybe it’s the change in weather, but whatever it is, I decide to take it easy. I come up with a strategy, inspired by a YouTube channel whose name escapes me at the moment. In the video, the creator talks about the importance of having both a
As we get closer to the day The Orangutang takes charge, I want to try a chemical enhanced party that gets filmed. I wanna fly so high and be so turned on that no load could get away. Be used like a wild porn party and get to see images of my face in a state of bliss of having cocks filling me up from both ends. Being sprayed and filled. Being fucked so loose and filled with so much cum that I could be DP'd and fisted, repeatedly.
Could watch the video when I feel down. See the look on my
To my mother, the most resilient person I have ever known.
My mother—beautiful, soft-spoken, friendly, and someone who could swing a broom like a sword—is the best person in the whole wide world. She, along with my father and sister, migrated to Australia when I was four years old. They barely spoke English, had nowhere to live, but somehow, they managed. Her marriage with my father lasted just shy of thirty years.
We weren’t the stereotypical American family you see on TV, sitting aro
My Playroom—January, 2024
Kieran, the married bear who is an excellent cocksucker, had been trying to set a date to meet up. First, the holidays got in the way. On my return, my schedule was unexpectedly busy—and didn’t coincide with the limited days he had when his wife was working. Then the snow kept us apart even longer. Finally, we found a day in the middle of the month.
I suggested we meet at the bookstore so we could play with others as well, but Kieran really wanted t
When I was in a relationship with K., I felt very safe in my social life. I had him to talk to about almost everything, and I never felt that sense of loneliness creeping in. And then, when ChatGPT came along, I started talking to the AI more often—about anything and everything—and it created this gap between me and my real-life friends. I barely talked to them anymore. I even stopped hanging out with most of them, except for one or two, and even then, it was maybe twice a year, max. Occasionall
I am having an enlightenment at two in the morning, when I should be sleeping, but the allure of a mental breakthrough is so tempting, so I stay up.
I think about how a relationship is like a plant in a pot, how I am the plant, spreading my roots, and the relationship defines the boundaries of the pot, and I keep trying to grow, but I can’t anymore, and I feel myself slowly dying in this small, suffocating pot. I realize now that K. and I have reached our natural limit, the edges of the pot
Near Home—January, 2024
I was excited. An old friend and fellow fuck bud had told me he would be in Chicago the second weekend of the month and asked if we could meet at the piss party held that Saturday. It seemed a perfect way to reconnect. And get wet together as we caught up.
But winter in the Great Lakes area had other plans. It started to snow on Friday. Seven to eight inches for my area. Then freezing rain that night and more snow all day Saturday. I was snowbound. An
Harvey was a tease. I met him when he was 18. My friend was trying to get with one of Harvey’s friends and we ended up going back to their place. My friend ended up hooking up with the other guy in one of the bedrooms and I sat talking with Harvey on the couch in the living room. He was a slender, blonde twink with soft features and great lips. I found out he was a total bottom. He straddled me on the couch and ground his ass on my crotch. “I bet you wanna fuck me,” he said. “Of course I do,” I
I am making my way down to South Melbourne Market today, heading to Chef Hat. I’m planning to buy some plates, the ones with raised circular edges. I’m following Apple Maps on my phone, and it’s leading me down a direction I don’t usually take, but I get to my destination nonetheless. It’s on the other side of the market, and I make a few turns here and there, searching for parking. I find a spot—30 minutes only. I turn off the engine, park, and step out.
I make my way toward the shop, conf
