To environments where we can become ourselves.

I’ve been thinking a lot about spaces lately—how to create them, shape them, make them feel safe. I want people to feel more at ease around me, to be more themselves, to let their guard down, to speak without fear of judgment.

I’ve been practicing two techniques, both of which I picked up along the way. The first, from a trainer at my massage class. He suggests slowing down my speech—very slowly, deliberately—and that by doing so, the client, who may be stressed, will mirror my speech pattern. I’ve tried it. It works wonders. It also has another benefit.

It allows me to think.

To pick my next words carefully.

To give weight to what I say, in real time.

But sometimes, I worry.

I worry that I might be speaking too slowly, that the person listening might grow impatient because,

sometimes,

I speak like this,

with natural pauses in between,

and the other person

has to wait

for what I have to say

before they get a chance

to speak.

So I adjust. I speed up when I’m excited, when they’re excited, when the moment calls for it. But I always, always return to the slow, steady, calming speech. I remind myself that fast words can make people feel rushed, can make them feel like they need to spill their thoughts before I leave, before I disappear, before the moment is gone.

I am in no rush to go anywhere, I remind them.

Now please, tell me everything.

The second technique I’ve been working on is the art of questions. I’ve always loved asking questions, peeling back layers, seeing what’s beneath the surface. But I’ve learned something.

Not all questions are the same.

I used to ask why questions. Why do you enjoy reading history books?

Too sharp. Too direct. Too much like an interrogation.

So now, I change my wording. Now, I ask what and how questions.

What about history books do you enjoy the most?

How do you find new history books to read next?

A slight shift, but a world of difference. These questions don’t demand justification. They invite introspection. They allow the person to step back, to observe themselves, to discover something new.

And, of course, I never forget my favorite:

What was your favorite part?