Hey buddy,

How’s life treating you?

I met up with Cô Bình today for coffee. After Kevin leaves for Vietnam, you’ll grow closer to her, and I can see why he used to confide in her. She’s retired, but very wise. We went to a coffee shop in Airport West, and it was such a good feeling when I sat down with her—I just felt at ease, calm, almost sleepy. It was as if my parasympathetic system kicked in, like she was an old friend I didn’t have to perform for. I could just be myself, share my life.

Kevin’s doing fine in Vietnam. He’s even started dating again, from what Cô Bình said, and I’m honestly happy and excited for him. We both agree that our wish for him is to find someone who appreciates him and for him not to overextend himself too much, because people can take advantage of that very quickly.

On an unrelated note, I’ve been thinking about the money I’ve spent lately on a lot of purchases—things I probably wouldn’t have spent on myself in the past. This includes the singing lessons and the home renovations, and I actually feel really happy spending that money on myself. These things add real value to my life. It’s not wasted on drugs, alcohol, or random stuff that’s fleeting or doesn’t add to my character or life in general.

You know how we’ve got different budgets at the moment for things like tech, travel, clothing? I’m thinking of combining all of that into one yearly budget and calling it a personal development fund instead. Because some years I don’t spend money on tech or clothes or travel, and in those times I could use that extra budget for home improvements or courses instead.

Phil’s birthday is coming up, and at first I thought about getting him some preserved flowers that cost around $150 because he’s special to me. But I’m second guessing it now—only because I feel like I should get those flowers for mum first. I know she’d love them. She’s always buying flowers, even though they fade and die and the cost adds up. I wonder if she buys them to appreciate the fleeting nature of life and death. Maybe by knowing something will die, we appreciate it more, you know?

The second person I think I should buy those flowers for is myself. Because I’m worth loving too. And then, only then, should I buy flowers for other people. That’s something I want you to think about hehe.

Phil once mentioned that there’s an evolving space in his life when it comes to finding a partner. He doesn’t quite know where a partner fits in. And I ask myself that same question—which has also become an evolving space for me. Today, I’m inching closer to the answer.

You see, friends come and go. I share things with them (after sharing them with myself first), and I’m lucky if I get a reply. Most of the time the replies are delayed. People come and go. But I think a partner matters because they become a constant in your life. Someone you can share things with. Someone who will be there when you need them.

I’m learning to show up for myself. I’m learning to write to you. But it’s a one-way street right now. There’s a quiet loneliness in doing this, because I can’t really get excited about what you’re up to, since, well, you’re me. I already know what you’re going to go through. You can’t surprise me the way a partner might. So that’s where I’m at right now, buddy.

Oh, my wrist is getting a lot bigger now, and I’ve misplaced one of the chain links for my Apple Watch. It means I can’t expand the size of it. If you happen to see it, can you do me a favour and tape it to something so we can find it in the future?

Stay awesome. Chat soon. xx