Hello beautiful,

I’m not going to lie to you, buddy—my days are getting packed and it’s still pretty hard to balance everything. Let’s break it down. To work 8 hours a day and try to get that elusive 8 hours of sleep, I pretty much only have 5 hours of free time left, accounting for things like commute, traffic, eating, showering, etc. These 5 hours are spread like this:

1. Gym

2. Journaling

3. Piano practice

4. Singing practice

5. Walking

The list above is also the order I’d rank them in, from most to least important, and walking feels so much like a luxury these days. It’s important because it’s self-care—I walk to untangle the thoughts in my mind, and it’s very calming too. But so is writing to you every night. That’s what my Monday to Friday looks like. Weekends are a bit more flexible; these days, I usually just spend that time practicing piano or singing—and, of course, our favorite thing in the world, which is napping, hehe.

Johnny has also been sending us more messages lately, which is weird because he doesn’t usually do that. We scheduled a phone call recently that he flaked on, so I think this is his way of smoothing out the friendship, which I’m not sure how I feel about. I noticed that I’ve been replying to him about once a day out of politeness. The text is still warm, though, but the energy isn’t there. And then that made me think about how Phil has been texting me lately—once a day—and it suddenly made me realize that he might have been doing it out of politeness too. Sometimes, he might just pop in to say hi, but that’s pretty much it. There’s definitely nothing more beyond that, I don’t think. And it wasn’t until I was in his shoes that I realized what’s actually happening.

So, what am I going to do? Nothing much, really. Just meet him with warmth and kindness when I see him, but not pour too much of myself into the relationship if it isn’t mutual. Relationships between friends are dynamic, and I can’t force a bond to happen if it doesn’t want to. One day, I’ll meet someone amazing, and things are going to feel easy with the connection. That’s when I’ll know I should pour more of myself in. But I haven’t met that person yet.

One last thing. Mum was singing today and I’ve been longing to do two things: listen to her sing, and give her a hug. I did both of those things today. I grabbed my gym bag and stopped myself when she was singing karaoke, just to sit there and listen to her sing. I didn’t look at my phone or anything. One day, she won’t be here anymore, and I’ll miss her singing more than anything—I just know it. So I sat there and absorbed the moment. Afterwards, she asked if I wanted to sing and I said no, and she was surprised because she thought the only reason I stayed was to sing afterwards. She was happy that I witnessed her performance, and we hugged. We should hug our mum more often, buddy.

Love you always. Chat soon xx