Hello beautiful,

Just waiting for dinner to cook, so I’m sending through a quick message. Suf came over today for lunch, and it was really nice. I’m glad we’ve been sending voice memos to each other over the past few days because his voice—and now his presence—felt familiar and comforting.

After lunch, we cuddled in bed. He’s a really good cuddler, much better than most guys I’ve met. He squeezes me tight, and I could feel a lot of warmth radiating between us—and I don’t just mean body heat. We talked about life in general, and I realised he reminds me a lot of Phil in one specific way: he doesn’t ask too many questions to get to know me. Instead, we just lay in the silence, which was nice in its own way. Most of the time, I’m the one asking questions to get to know him, or I’ll share stories about myself.

Here’s a little theory I’ve been sitting with—flimsy, but it helps make sense of things for now. I think both Suf and Phil are still trying to find themselves, and because of that, they don’t yet have the container to fully hold someone else. Maybe that’s why they’re not that curious about getting to know me deeply. They’ve both just come out of long-term relationships, and they’ve both made it clear they’re not looking for a partner right now. So perhaps, in their minds, there’s no need to dig deeper. I don’t know. It’s just a working theory.

We ended up kissing too—holding each other’s dick—but we didn’t go any further than that. I’m not sure I want to go further physically with Suf. I don’t want him to become another friend with benefits because I feel like our dynamic might shift if we head down that path. He told me to promise that I’d let him know if my feelings for him change, and I agreed. That moment made me realise that Phil and I never had a conversation like that. We knew there was a possibility of something more, but we never actually discussed checking in with each other or setting emotional guardrails. I guess we should’ve done that sooner.

So, where do I go from here with Suf? I think I’ll continue being his friend. Right now, he’s taking up a lot of my emotional bandwidth, but not in a romantic way. It’s more of a let’s-see-where-this-goes sort of thing. I’m just going with the flow. And to be honest, I want to build a real friendship with him before I even think about diving back into dating. What we’re building right now feels special, and I don’t have the time or energy for anyone else—and that’s okay.

I’m doing alright, buddy. I hope you are too.

Chat soon xx