Hello beautiful,

I’m still talking to this guy I recently met on Hinge—his name’s Jan—and I want to spend a bit of time reflecting on him today.

He’s 28, which is right on the borderline for the youngest age I’d consider dating. So far, our conversations have been pretty casual. We talk about music, movies, books, travel, cooking—simple things. I asked him if he ever reflects on his feelings or does any kind of introspection, and he said he only tends to do that during difficult periods in his life. Right now, things are going well for him, so he hasn’t felt the need.

To be honest, it feels like we’re just treading shallow waters. We don’t really dive deep into life or feelings, and I’m not sure what to make of that. I mean, I’ve got a few older friends who I can go there with—though not always for long—and of course, we’ve always got our old man when we need to unpack the deeper stuff. I also get that a partner doesn’t have to be everything for us. But I think about people like Phil or Suf, who’ve clearly lived through a lot and know how to wade through life’s heavy stuff, but also know how to laugh and take things lightly. I don’t think Jan’s quite there yet. Maybe it’s his age. Maybe it’s just who he is.

I’ve got this gut feeling that what I see now is what I’ll get. To be fair, we haven’t met in person yet—we’re hoping to catch up sometime next week—so we’ll see. But you and I, we’ve learned to trust our gut, haven’t we?

I guess the real question I’m sitting with is: If he’s not someone who naturally leans into emotional depth, am I going to be okay with that? I’m someone who shares a lot about my day, especially how I feel about my day. More than anything, I want a partner who can hold that space—someone who can listen, give me a hug, and just be present with me in it. I don’t know if Jan can do that. And if he can’t, it means I’ll have to find another outlet, which probably means I won’t be able to share a large part of myself with him.

We’ve been through this before, haven’t we? With Kevin. Where I couldn’t share my thoughts fully and he eventually felt lonely, isolated—even while in a relationship. I can already see how that kind of emotional gap could create slow, subtle drift.

Still, I’m going to let the universe surprise me with this one. I don’t want to overthink it and accidentally manifest the worst-case scenario before I’ve even given it a real shot. But don’t be surprised if I come back later and say, “I told you so.” 😞

Stay awesome, buddy.

Chat soon xx