Hello beautiful,

I’ve been slack with sending you messages lately. Life has been busy, but I know that’s no excuse. So here I am, in the locker room at work—my little confessional booth—taking a moment to get some of these thoughts out.

Today, I want to talk about Suf. We’re still sending daily voice memos, though he’s missed a day or two when he’s been busy. The rhythm between us feels like it’s shifting—it’s slower now, and I catch myself hesitating before sharing the more intimate parts of my life with him. There was a beautiful couple of weeks when our connection felt effortless, but now I can feel it waning. I think I just have to go with the flow and adjust to this new tempo.

We caught up for a hike on Sunday. On the drive there, he was fairly quiet, and right at the start of the hike, he told me he doesn’t like to talk much when hiking—he prefers to listen to the birds and the sounds of nature. I was disappointed by that, because for me, hiking has always been a social thing. Sometimes I even listen to music on my earphones. So, there were moments on the hike when I felt lonely, even though he was walking just behind me. I kept glancing back to check on him, and it wasn’t like walking alone, where I can just be in my own rhythm.

Originally, we’d planned for him to stay for dinner afterward, but at the last minute he said he felt too sticky and sweaty and wanted to head home. I didn’t feel let down exactly—more like it didn’t matter either way. We hugged goodbye, and that was that.

The time we spent together also confirmed something I sensed from the beginning: he carries a kind of angry, bitter energy, especially when he talks about his ex. It’s understandable given what he’s been through, but it’s heavy, and I noticed myself drifting into a thought I felt guilty for: that I wished I were hiking with someone else, someone I could talk and laugh with.

Another small thing: there were a few moments during the hike when I started singing, because you know how much we love to sing while walking. But I caught myself feeling self-conscious, worried it might disturb him—that maybe he wanted me to be quiet. And then I was stuck in this strange place of asking myself: do I minimise myself to fit his comfort zone, or do I keep expressing myself freely? I reminded myself that one day, nature will still be here, but I won’t—and maybe that means it’s worth hearing me sing, even if it breaks the silence for a while.

So that’s where things stand, buddy. The connection is still warm, but different now. Slower. Changing. I’m just sitting with it and letting it be what it is.

Stay awesome. Stay you. Chat soon. xx