It's taken me a long time to get to this point, but I think I'm finally there... For the longest time I just couldn't get into the mindset of being a bottom. A little over two years ago now there was one hookup at MAL where a guy fucked me - I wasn't into him and afterwards I was like "why am I doing this?" After that I didn't get fucked for a year and a half. Then the end of last summer I let one of my fuck buddies fuck me. Then I waited another 5 months and let him fuck me again, but I still wasn't really enjoying it. I mean I felt like I needed it, but one of the problems is that my fuck buddy is like 9 1/2 or 10 inches and thick - it hurt like hell and just wasn't enjoyable since I almost never get fucked and I'm tight.

I think it was also psychological. In the past, while part of me wanted to be poz, another part of me wanted to stay neg. Now it's hard to find the part of me that wants to stay neg - I'm all in - I just want to be poz. These days my arguments for staying neg are things like "I'm going on a trip in a few weeks - it would be really suck if I had fuck flu and couldn't go".

Even when I went to IML this year - going into it I wanted to get back into bottoming and taking loads, but something held me back and I didn't. Finally I decided to just jump back into it and decided this weekend would be the weekend I'd do it. I researched all the sex parties, bathhouses, etc. and came up with a plan. Friday came and I did a deep cleaning and created some new profiles on the hookup sites. Almost immediately one of the guys in the neighborhood who's fucked me before and hit me up (TonyRedux on here).

The problem is Tony has a big cock and he's not gentle at all. Getting fucked by him is PAINFUL. Well, a couple hours later he came over and fucked me. He was a little gentle but it hurt like hell. I had used a butt plug before he came to try to loosen up a bit. I'm glad I did, but it wasn't enough. As he was fucking me and I was literally screaming in pain I was thinking "why in the hell did I start getting back into bottoming with him?" But I got his load...

That night I had dinner with a friend, then came home, checked that I was still clean and decided to get fucked some more. There was this guy not far away who wanted a scene in his pitch black apartment. His pics were hot and his dick was nice, but not huge, so I figured what the hell... I thought it was a little weird that he only told me what block he lived on, not his exact address. I showed up on the block, texted him, and didn't hear back, so I left after 10 minutes. Later he got all huffy with me - saying he couldn't respond because there was a delay and he didn't get my texts for a half hour. Whatever. That's exactly why I asked for his address earlier. It's his fault he didn't give it to me. But from a safety perspective, it just didn't feel right. A pitch black apartment, and a top who wasn't completely forthcoming...

So then I headed over to a sex club I'd heard was pretty hot. Given the neighborhood I expected it to be a mostly Latin and Asian crowd - my being bearish might not count against me with that group.

I get there and explore a bit. There's a dark area with a bed, but 3 bottoms were already camped out there asses up. But no one was really paying attention to them. So I walked around a bit and explored some more. Unfortunately 9 out of 10 guys were more interested in my dick than in my ass. And when I did find a guy who was at least somewhat interested in my ass he didn't want to fuck raw.

But eventually things got busier and the crowd got more uninhibited. There was this one masculine, sorta rough-neck Latino who wanted to fuck me. He had a bit of a pencil dick but I didn't care - in fact given how tight I was that seemed like a good thing. We went into a booth and I bent over and he fucked me but he didn't cum. As he was leaving I told him "I really want your load" - but I think it was too early in the evening for him to blow his load.

I had brought a condom just in case I could get someone to give me an oral load - I figured I'd spit it into the condom and then dump the contents of the condom into my ass. So I tried sucking guys - but nothing ever came of it. There was this one hot young guy with a thick tapered dick who I sucked. His balls were drawn up so tight I don't know how he managed to not cum, but he never did. At one point I turned around and impaled myself on his cock. But as I figured out a few minutes later - he was a bottom and wanted to get fucked - so he pushed me off his cock at which point I went back to sucking his dick (my first ATM). But as I mentioned - he never did cum - no one came when I sucked them... It was sorta disappointing.

But what did happen was that while I was sucking the hot guy all of a sudden I felt all this wetness on my back. Someone in the crowd had blown a huge load all over my back. So I scooped up as much of it as I could reach and then fingered the load into my ass. It wasn't the best way to get a load, but at least I now had cum in my ass.

Later the rough-neck Latino was over in the dark area by the bed and wanted to fuck again. This time there were only two bottoms on the bed and he pushed me between them. I don't think they were very happy about it, but they had to respect that I wasn't just ass up waiting - I was actually getting fucked. The top fucked with a lot more intensity this time. All of a sudden he stopped and just held his dick inside me. I knew that meant I got his load. A moment later he pulled out and disappeared into the crowd. I got up and let the bottoms have their bed back. But seriously there should be a "no one on the bed unless you're fucking" policy.

After that I walked around some more and discovered a room with booths with glory holes - really big ones that you could back your ass up to. One guy did fuck me briefly that way. I think he was Asian, but not sure. His dick wasn't all that big and kept slipping out of my ass. I had to hold my hand just under my hole to make sure when he pulled out too far that he went back in my ass. But it didn't last and I didn't get his load.

Then another room I discovered had couches. I got on all fours and presented my ass for whoever wanted to fuck it. This one guy came up who had a big mushroom head. He was completely hard - I just lubed him up with some lube I had and he slid right in. The couch was too low, so I had to position myself in this really awkward way to get things to work for the top. He fucked for a while, but then stopped. But then later I saw him again in the same room and he fucked me some more. The position was so uncomfortable for me that I almost didn't make it to the end, but I hung in there and he did finally cum.

One of the things that struck me the first time the guy with the mushroom head fucked me was that I'm actually pretty good at bottoming. I don't know what's changed - maybe it's just psychological. Maybe I just needed some practice and my hole stretched a bit. But it felt good to bend over and let guys fuck me. I'm finally a bottom - or rather I'm vers. I still like to top and did manage to fuck a bunch of guys that night, but that's another story... The point is, I've completely embraced being a bottom and taking loads.