I've been worried about my hole. I've had a fissure on and off for years, but maybe a year ago I decided to see a colorectal surgeon to get it fixed properly. She managed to get it healed just using creams, but I wasn't quite confident that everything was OK. Late last year it did reopen a bit, so I took the creams again. When it seemed healed up I went to a sex party and the first guy to fuck me was this black guy with a huge, rock hard cock. He wasn't gentle and I could feel it ripping as he shoved in. Two seconds later I ended it telling him I just couldn't take a dick that big. I got fucked by some other guys at the party, but the black guy had fucked up my hole.

So after a few days of trying to push it, I decided to take it easy. I used the cream for a few weeks and it seemed better. I figured I'd try to stretch my hole myself - taking it easy and just building up a tolerance for size so when a big dick shoved in hard in the future he wouldn't do damage. Problem was I was missing a butt plug that gave me a good stretch without going too far. I tried a medium Pig Hole that I have to use on bottoms when I top. I could get it in (with a lot of effort), but it was too big. By the time I pulled it out it usually did some damage.

So I got a small Butt Hole which was better, but the first few times I used it was really hard to get it up there and it also seemed to do some damage - but far less than the medium Pig Hole. But every time I used it I'd be sore the day after.

Finally I said "enough" and made another appointment with my colorectal surgeon. She's a straight Indian woman. I wasn't sure how she was going to take a discussion of getting fucked and playing with toys, but after some initial awkwardness on my part it was clear it was a conversation she's had many times with many patients (she's a butt doctor in a relatively gay neighborhood - Hell's Kitchen).

When she examined me at first she thought she saw a fissure, but then she said it just looked like some sort of abrasion - like a rug burn. I had gotten comfortable with the idea of getting surgery to loosen things up, but then realized maybe I didn't need it after all. So later that day when one of my vers fuck buds hit me up I cancelled plans with a bottom to go swap loads with my bud.

Problem was, when I got there I went into the bathroom and checked my douche and I wasn't 100% clean. In the past he's jacked off and pushed in when he came, so after I fucked him I suggested that and told him I wasn't completely clean. But he kept pushing in and really liked how my hole felt on his dick, so he decided to just fuck me even if I wasn't completely clean.

He tried to be gentle, but that's easier said than done for him since he's got a thick 10" dick! Honestly I was amazed I could take it. It only really hurt when he "hit bottom" (my "2nd sphincter"). Most of the time I just felt incredibly full. He actually fucked me for quite a while before blowing his load deep inside me.

So taking his big black cock gave me some confidence. If there's no actual tear, I'm going to keep trying to stretch things so I get looser. I'm already noticing a change. The small Butt Hole used to be difficult to get in my ass. Now I can get it in pretty easily - it's just it gets really sore after about an hour. I can see where my ass might be getting abraded by it, but if that's all that's happening that'll get better.

My hole is getting looser, so I'm hoping I won't need surgery. It would be really cool if I could get to the point where I could take just about any dick. I know I'm starting late, but I really wanna be one of those bottoms who takes 100 or 200 loads in a year.