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Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... I leave this blog for several days and low and behold I now have some followers! Nine of them! Wow! Why does this make my dick hard? Weird... :-) It is January 7 and I have not yet fucked in 2010. In fact the guy I mentioned in my last post as being the only one since sero-converting was the last guy I fucked. I am beginning to miss it bad though and it is only a mater of time before I am planting a load in a hot hole. Am I the only top guy that after sero-converting feels a certain liberty to also get fucked raw if I want? I won't say it is a huge urge in a sexual sense, but rather a feeling of wanting to take a load or two or three just because this is not the threat it once was. Time will tell if I do this, but it seems like a super hot idea! I think the ideal time to fuck and/or get fucked will be next week. I will be staying at the Mark Hopkins hotel in a room all by myself Tuesday and Wednesday night. It was at this hotel that I fucked the first and second guy of 2009, so why not? Maybe I will squeeze something in between sales meetings. By the 12th I will have not cum at all for 16 days, making for some urgent needs... (I did not mention that another rule I want to adhere to for myself is not cumming by my own hand in 2010!) All I can say is my horniness grows... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... We are half way through January and I have fucked one hole (the first real good plowing I have enjoyed since October) but I did not cum. It was a hot assed latin guy that took two or three other cocks as well. I even got to double up on him with one other guy. This all happened at Mack in SF on a Monday night which is "naked night. Only shoes were allowed. So, why did I not cum? Well, I am adding to my rules that I posted in earlier posts. These rules are a bit unforgiving but I am going to do my best to adhere to them. 1) No cumming unless my cock is deep in a hot ass. I can get head, I can stroke, I can enjoy a hand job or more at a glory hole. But, unless an ass is wrapped around my cock condom free, the juice is not cumming out. 2) And worse still, I am not allowed to cum unless I get a load in my ass first. This is proving to be the challenge. I could have loaded that guy up last Monday, but I had not taken a load yet. Still have not today. I am searching and trying and I am not getting anywhere. I sucked a hot guys cock through a glory hole Friday afternoon, then I lubed him up and turned around. I thought I was about to meet this requirement, clearing the way for me to cum for the first time in 2010. Instead the guy pulled back and used the lube I put on his cock to squirt his load all over the wall, hole, and floor. I am going to try to live with these rules through 2010. We will see how it all works out. Any tops in the South SF Bay Area looking to pump another tops ass? I need a load to get off! ;-) More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... I have been asked by a few guys how I became HIV+. What I think is really behind this question is actually, "did I only fuck ass raw or did I get fucked raw to?" While I have been fucked raw before, no doubt, the last time I took a cock and its load was over two years ago. I have tested neg. several times after that session so I am sure that I did not get infected at that point. In fact, my doctor believes that I was infected in a time frame that makes the visit to the Steamworks on October 1 a good candidate for that event. While at the Steamworks that night I went around and fucked eight guys, all bareback, some of them more than once. I also got tons of head. I had taken a 20mg Cialis tablet earlier that night to ensure I could do what I aimed to do, get lots of ass over several hours! I fucked guys through glory holes. I fucked guys that did ass to mouth and back. I fucked a guy in a sling. I fucked guys on a saw horse. I fucked guys that were laying on their faces in their rooms (never looking up to see who was using their holes). I just fucked... Of course, I totally wanted all of that and I think it was one of the hottest memorable play nights on the books. I DO NOT REGRET ANY OF IT. Truth is though, in the three weeks leading up to that night I probably fucked another 10-12 guys, never using a condom. So, there are other possible venues for getting "pozed" as some say, but it came from me topping raw hole, not getting fucked. It is true that a top has a much lower risk of getting HIV, but it is not zero. If a guy likes to bareback and he is a top, I say all the power to him! However, we cannot go down this path without recognizing that there is risk. You have to accept that risk, because anything less is lying to yourself. I had already taken the possibility in my head and understood where I could wind up, and here I am. It is not a bad place to be, really. It is NOT the end of my world and I will continue to fuck raw, and maybe even get fucked raw more frequently than in the past. More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Or should I say a top dude I ran into at the Steamworks last night did it? I took his load (and one other from another dude) and then I was able to cum myself. First time in 2010... This guy was probably about 6' 2" or so, late 20 to early 30s, very hot, very cute. I watched him go into a glory hole booth as he watched to see if I was going into the one next door, which I was. I sucked his cock through the glory hole between us. His cock was a perfect shape in a soft condition. He responded well and that nice shape maintained itself, although it got so large I began to doubt if I should try what I had on my mind. I opened my little Elbow Grease lube container and put a good amount on my hole. I also started lubing up his cock. This made him harder, so he must have known my intentions. I turned around to try and get started at which point he touched my hole with his fingers then left his booth. I thought at this point that he might not be into bareback, and that I had lost him. I exited my booth only to find him standing right there. He moved me back into my booth and closed the door. In my mind I was thinking "oh fuck, I am in for it now" and I was not wrong. Over the next few minutes I sometimes wanted to try and exit that booth, but was also compelled to stay and finish what I started. I turned around so my ass was available to him, which he caressed a bit. I added more lube to his cock and grabbed his dick so I could begin to back up on it. I got maybe a 1/5 of the way onto it and he grabbed my hands to get them out of his way and said "just take it faggot". I got instantly hard, but I also got impaled faster than expected all the way down his shaft. Talk about a painful experience! But, strangely it also felt awesome. Not only was his dick way to big for a first time fuck in over two years, but his height kept me on me toe tips (I am only 5' 6"), if not sometimes off the ground completely, adding a bit to the pain. I squirmed off three times before he really took charge and made me take it. He had latched onto me in such a way that I could no longer get loose, and he maintained that grip over the rest of the time he had his cock in my hole. I was not going anywhere, apparently. He fucked deep and hard for a bit to make sure I knew what I was there for before slowing down and pumping nice and slow for a while. He then whispered in my ear asking if I wanted to eat his load. I told him I wanted him to shoot it up my ass. This led to him slowing down even more and edging there for a bit before announcing "here it goes". I actually felt my ass warm up inside from his cum as it flooded my hole. I pushed back on his cock as far as I could go, wanting to make sure I got it all. It took him maybe 8-10 pumps to finish. Both of us were exhausted and he proclaimed that I have a sweet ass. Having been exclusively a bareback top for years now I knew what his sentiment was about and that his cock must have felt awesome up my ass. As if getting a cute boy's load was not enough, this compliment, and the idea that I made him feel so hot really got me going. I then went off to find another cock and load with my ass feeling very sloppy (this first guy obviously had a HUGE load - and I could smell the cum on my finger tips after adding more lube to my hole). Thing is, now I am not so sure I am 100% top. This morning I am hungry and not for hole, but rather to be put on my face and fucked silly. We will see if this lasts... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Before Saturday night/Sunday morning I had a desire to cross the line and get fucked for the first time in years. I kind of thought of it as just a mile post of acceptance of my HIV status. A sort of celebration that I could cross that line if I pleased now, because the worst I had ever feared had already came to pass. Here I am on Monday night and how wrong I appear to have been. I now have this overbearing urge to go out and find more dick to satisfy. I want to do for other top guys what so many bottoms did for me for so long. I want to help hot guys ride a wave of pleasure that makes them hungry form more. Only thing is, I can already see where this leads. It makes them want more and it makes me want more. What a vicious little circle of happiness it is... But, it is also frustrating. I DO have to go to work sometimes as well as do other things in life. Even if I would rather just lay on my face taking a hot cock instead. This is totally an unexpected turn of events! This urge is not new to me. Many years ago when i was in college I would get this crazy urge to get plowed by some cute guy. The more cute a particular guy was, it seemed, the more this urge made itself known. Sometimes I could barely walk to class without being so overcome by this urge that I would wind up in some cruisey restroom looking for dick. Honestly, that happened a lot in those days. Now, after almost a decade of almost exclusively topping, that feeling is back. I think in the last ten years I have been fucked by only four guys (not counting the two this last weekend) and only one of those four gave me a load. Now I am feeling like I won't be able to keep this at such low numbers anymore. Why is this the case? Do I have some hidden issue that I never dealt with, a long time ago, now making itself known? Am I really just a needy person, even though I think I have my shit together and that I am pretty independent? These feeling do make me wonder about things like this. But, it could also just be pent up demand, so to speak. I really stopped getting fucked to try and avoid becoming HIV+. I still fucked ass raw, but thought this was less risky than taking dick in my ass, and it indeed was. Now that I have crossed over that line, there really is not much reason to deny myself whatever it is I want to do. I suppose having such a hot guy pretty much seize control and do whatever he wanted was a substantial push, no doubt. The one thing that I think we all tend to forget is that life is short. This is true with or without HIV. We forget this and deny ourselves things in the interest of staying safe. Of course we have to deny ourselves to make sure we stay housed, clothed, fed, healthy, etc... But, this has to be balanced with living. Someday I won't be fucking anymore. Someday I won't be able to enjoy the pleasures that I have before me today. It does not make sense to put away things that I love so much ALL THE TIME. I love to fuck. I also, apparently, love to get fucked. I love to get fucked by a guy that takes what he wants for his own pleasure without considering me at all (as I have done so many times myself). I cannot deny myself either position. For the immediate future I will probably be a tad bit more bottom than top. I will probably hunt for cock to pleasure. But, I also love my own dick and will hunt for hole to. The guy I topped Sunday morning, after taking those two loads, was real good. He had me edged up beyond belief. And, I caught myself taking notes in my head for my next engagement in his shoes. I only wish I could find my boy that started this whole process for me, and try to help him feel good a few more times... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Taking a look at my poll just 24 hours in, it is clear that if I do not want to get totally used I had better follow the rules as posted. So far I am following them to a T, and plan to continue. I could fuck and cum today since I am one ahead on loads up my ass, but I might just save that for when I am really horny... Any guys in the San Francisco Bay Area want to own the results of this poll? Since I believe the one that will come out on top is already leading, I should put a plan in place to do it. If I fuck up I am serious about taking my penalty... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... So, I used up the credit I had, fucked a hole, and came inside it today. Followed the rules, so I am still on track... From the looks of the poll, if I fail to maintain my adherence to the rules I will find myself on all fours taking a bunch of cock and loads without fail. To fulfill this penalty, though, there needs to be someone willing to take the reigns on this. I will pay for a room or we can find someplace to do the deed, but I should have no control whatsoever over how many and who the participants are. The leader of this task will make all of those decisions... That is assuming two things. One, that I will fail to keep to the rules. Two, that in the next 70 days another selection does not win out. If I fail anytime before the scheduled end of the poll whichever choice is leading at that time is the one I have to deal with. Otherwise, on March 31 at midnight we will know what I have to keep in mind for the rest of 2010... As it stands now, I need a load to cum again. If I don't get a load I will have to be very very careful while stroking or getting head. I don't want to cum by accident! More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... There are two events in the last 3 1/2 months that have put me on a path of change. These changes are not all in place yet, but they seem to be mostly positive. The first event is, of course, seroconverting. This event, as one would expect, has changed the way I interact with guys on a sexual level since I strive to keep from passing HIV on to others. But the changes reach beyond sex and into areas that one would not expect. Of course, I now work out more, and I eat better. But my changes go further than that. Prior to finding out that I am HIV+ there were many things that would bother me. Situations at work, situations at home with my partner, all the typical things one faces. While I will not say that there is no stress related to these other things, I do think that I do a much better job of keeping them in perspective now. At work specifically, I let the politics roll off my back and continue with my job, making sure that lots of people know what I do and how well I do it, isolating any individuals that might want to keep me in a box. Work is just one example, and there are many. But the short of it is that these changes are really an extension of the defiance that I wrote about in earlier posts. That defiance is permeating into all areas of my life. One might say that a little constructive defiance in one's life is a good thing, and I am finding this to be a core truth for my life in general. In a way, this defiance led me to go to the Steamworks this last Saturday night. I have a partner of over 15 years. We live together. We own a house together. We, along with our collection of animals, are a family. In the past I would not bring up in discussion that I wanted to go out and play with other guys. We have operated fairly independently on a sexual level for years now, but it was not really discussed. This led to some frustration on my part because I pretty much had to limit my sexual activity to early in the morning or just after work when I could arrange something in connection with my commute. Of course, one gets horny at different times and wants to do things that cannot be accomodated during the commute period. For instance, going to the Steamworks, for me, is a four or five hour ordeal. Over the past six months we had worked out a way for me to do what I want sexually while maintaining our normal evening and weekend times together. Every other week or so I can go out on my own (and so can he) if I want. It can be a week night or a weekend night, no problem. It just cannot be all the time every night. For my part I just need to keep it reasonable. The defiance part comes in where this last Saturday night, for the first time since I told my partner about my HIV status (he is HIV-), I decided to go out. I opened up a discussion that I would normally not open about all of the rules we had already worked out. We confirmed those rules and off I went. Maybe defiance is not the perfect word here. Perhaps it is better stated as confidence. But, I think they are closely related. So, what is the second big event that is driving change? I take you back to the "I Did It" post. Since the dude I wrote about in that post fucked me like he did, a lot of things seem to be in flux. I am no longer sure I am mostly top. I am not sure if I am vers either. I might be bottom, I don't really know. How can an event of less than 15 minutes cause so much disruption? I don't know the dudes name. I don't know if he lives in the East Bay, South Bay, or San Francisco. I don't know if he has a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I know nothing about him, except two things. I know what he looked like (perfect from my point of view) and that he likes to fuck with his huge cock. The connection I have with this guy is totally though his dick and nothing else. And that connection ripped from me a certain understanding of who I thought I was. This is not a bad thing. It is making me consider things inside of myself that I do not think I would look at otherwise. In a strange way his fucking me on his terms, not mine, is helping me center on me. I suppose if I knew the guy and had his number things might be different. I think I would probably want to try and repeat the episode as many times as possible. As it is, though, this is not likely to occur. Is there a dude out there (or dudes) that would fit the bill like he did? I am not sure. Perhaps this is supposed to be a one time event, even though I want more. Whatever the case, I now have an opening to change that was not there a week ago. Finally, this blog and my writing, while sometimes sexual in focus, also has a serious side to it. When I was in college I wanted to start writing, but for some reason I never picked it up and did anything with it. Through this venue and because of all of these changes in my world I feel compelled at times to write. One more positive change that starts with becoming HIV+. At the end of all this, however, it is not HIV or a big dick on a hot nameless dude shoved up my ass that is causing all of these changes. What is causing these changes is a willingness to pick up my life, directly address my own adversity, and remain open to new experiences and life conditions. I have to say, that my world is far more interesting now than it was before October 1 2009. More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... For years I operated as a top, exclusively. Yes, there were exactly two specific times that I flipped in the past two years, but all of my hunting was as a top looking for ass to fuck. I can tell you that finding a bottom is not a huge challenge most of the time. I mean, I fucked 69 guys, all bareback, in 2009 so finding hole is not hard. Flip that around. Since I am on a bottoming kick, at least for a while, I am now looking for dick. I am looking for tops. While there are some out there, I have to say that finding one that fits the bill all the way around is very hard to do. Online hook-up sites are impossible, and I think I only got lucky at the Steamworks last weekend. If I wanted to take 69 cocks in 2010, I think I would have a hard time finding them,. The only options would be for me to just go to a bathhouse, get a room with an open door, and lay flat on my face for a few hours without looking to see who was there. Not my style, although as a top I find that scene pretty hot. I always chalked up the comments from my bottom buds about never getting enough, or not being able to find tops to being overly horny/sluty. While this still might be the case, I have a new found respect for their comments. It does indeed seem like there are not enough tops and way too many bottoms! More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Every once in a while I go into hibernation. It seems that I am starting one such period now. It has nothing to do with depression or anything bad, it is just a zone I get into that has me seeing a reduced libido for a while. I always cum back, usually suddenly, and sometimes with a vengeance. This time ought to be telling about my future sexual identity. It was immediately following the last dry spell like this that I became HIV+ with that trip to the Steamworks, resulting in me fucking eight dudes. If this bottom thing lasts beyond the next cum back then what does that mean? Am I going to take 8-10 loads in one night at the Steamworks "lights out" party on a Thursday night? If you are a betting man I would put my money on yes regarding that possibility. I definitely feel a sense of liberty regarding such things now and think it sounds hot to give it a try. I started to feel a little sense of "this is risky" in the middle of the night last night, but woke up feeling defiant again and saying "who gives a fuck!" If I want to get fucked I will... if I can find an acceptable top. There are risks. The usual STDs, Hep C, a second strain of HIV, but I probably cannot do so much more damage to my future health than has already been done. In fact, the argument I listen to now is that there will come a time when fucking will be no more, and I enjoy it so much that I should not deny myself. I shall choose my partners with an eye toward quality, but I will get fucked just the same. Yes, I am on the down stretch of my sexual rhythm chart, so to speak. But, watch out for when I am back. In the past this has lasted anywhere from 7-10 days and up to a couple of months, but it will indeed pass. I look at it as a period when certain things gel inside me. The recent expansion of my self vision (with the "I Did It" boy) will probably lead to some interesting times when this cycle passes. Anyone tops nearby that can meet me at the Steamworks in Berkeley when this thing passes? More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... If my mother was still alive I would not tell her. I would keep the whole thing a secret from her without a doubt. She was the type of person that would take her travails (and those of her family) and make them complete and utter end of the world scenarios. For that reason, I would not tell her a thing. Somehow I have risen above such dysfunction. I like to call myself dysfunctional. In fact, someone will ask me how I am doing in the morning and I will respond "dysfunctional". I believe that dysfunctional is normal. The word and the things that are associated with it are all normal life. We are taught, for some ungodly reason, to believe that our lives are unbearable and that everything that goes wrong must result in our being dysfunctional or less than healthy. Nothing could be more nonsensical at all. I have my down days. I am sometimes sad, confused, unhappy, or some other unpleasant condition. But, more often than not I am upbeat, confident, happy, or some other positive state of mind. I have my up days. Either path is normal life. I might be dysfunctional, but it is a normal state of mind, not something that requires avoidance and a pill. My mother let the world around her teach her that her troubles were unbearable and that she should just give up. She should just take a pill and all would be better. She took the pills (which I do not think she really needed) and all was not better. Over time those pills altered her state of mind for the worse and her imagined impenetrable barriers actually became just that. No, somehow I have avoided learning the same things my mother learned. Instead, I take what life gives me and deal with it straight on. I found out that I am HIV+ just three and a half months ago and yet 2010 is off to an awesome start. I have little reason to give up and sit down in defeat. In fact, I have no reason to let this happen at all. I write this in the hope that someone reading this with some extremely challenging situation in their life might find a way to put that challenge in perspective. Is it the worst thing that could happen to you? Really, is it? For me, being HIV+ is not the worst that could happen to me. There are other more challenging scenarios for sure. I hope others facing the same issue can see it for what it is, just a bump in the road that can be navigated... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Seems the period of "hibernation" I alluded to a couple of days ago is already over. It is not nearly what I thought it was going to be, and I am back "on it" as far as the hunt is concerned. I stroked my cock for a good 45 minutes this morning, getting all edged up and hungry. I could go for some hole right now, but I have to keep my rules in mind. I am sure many of you are hoping I will break my rules, but I am going to try and avoid that. Even if I break the rules, there is not a top signed up to enforce the penalty, so nothing would come of it anyway. I think I am shortening the poll time frame, leaving just one more week for guys to vote. Let me know if you are a top that wants to help enforce the penalty that will obviously win. Tis the only way to make this work... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... So, on Sunday I went to the AIDS/LifeCycle Kick Off Party at Club Mezzanine in San Francisco. Since this is my first year riding (see my plea for your support near the top of the page) I did not really know what to expect. I knew I wanted to meet my cycling representative and see what the crowd was like, since I will be spending several days out on the road with these people. I walked in and the music was pumping. I did not expect that Club Mezzanine would be used as, well, Club Mezzanine, but here I was and indeed it was being used exactly that way. There were cookies and cake for free, which was not exactly club like , but if you wanted a drink you indeed could buy one, and most people had one in hand. What else did I find? Well, I focused in on a table setup by a group called the Positive Pedalers and got some information from them about their training rides. Ahead of me was a younger guy that I thought looked interesting and indeed he was. When he was done and turned towards me I immediately recognized him from BarebackRT.com. He is a guy that have drooled over for some time now, and here he was in front of me. He had just signed up for a particular training ride with this group, and now there was no way I was not also going to sign up. That ride is a multi-day ride (spending two nights at a lodge up at the Russian River) and is not until May, but you know I am gonna be there! You will also be correct if you assume I will bring along a container of Elbow Grease, just in case. Did I tell you that his profile says he is Vers Top? I may not have a sore ass only from my bike seat... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... In light of the penalty that is certain to be put in place with the close of the current poll (tomorrow) I am very motivated to follow the rules set forth. With that said, I have not cum now since Jan.19th. That makes it 10 days now. Not a record for me, but still a long time. I wake up in the morning with sex on the brain. I sit down with my coffee, which seems to act as a short term viagra kicker, and before you know it I am stroking and edging my cock right up to as far as I can take it without breaking the rules. This morning I wanted to squirt so bad, but I also intend to follow the rules. The most extreme penalty is, of course, the one in place, so I have to be very careful. While I am motivated to follow the rules for game sake and avoidance of the penalty, I am also motivated to not waste my cum. In 2010 my cum belongs in hot dude hole and nowhere else. Just the thought of that makes my dick hard. Of course, the big complication here is that I have to take a load before I can give a load, and this is proving to be so very very hard. Harder than I had imagined it would ever be. There are guys I can get loads from, but I tend to be a little bit more picky about that than where I put my dick and its load. There is one guy that is reasonable looking, but his dick is so big it scares me. Do I dare? I fear that holding to the rules will cause me to accept his offer somewhere along the way and I think I will truly regret that move. Seriously! Sunday I think I will head over to the Steamworks after my ALC training ride. I will do this unless I find a reason to go with one of my fellow rider's to their place. At the Steamworks I usually am able to find reasonably good looking guys with reasonable cocks, plus going at it in public places is extremely hot! Sundays also seem to have my type of guys, so maybe I can add some to my load count to maintain a reserve. So, if you are local to the SF Bay Area, the Steamworks on Sunday afternoon around 2PM might be a good place to be if you are a hot top with a load to give! More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... This morning was a continuation of what I described yesterday. I woke up to my coffee and wound up stroking my cock to within just a stroke or two of cumming. I got myself to that point several times over an hour long period. Toward the end I felt myself getting into a zone that I often get into when getting great head at a glory hole or fucking a sweet ass. That zone is where I cannot stop even if I want to, and it usually results in a huge load being shot into the mouth or ass that is giving my cock such a hot time. It is rare that I get there by my own hand, but indeed I was edging right into that zone. In fact it was very tough to make myself take my hands off my cock, but somehow I managed... The picture on the right is of my cock from this morning. It is at the peak of stimulation, just after I managed to pry my hands loose. I need to fuck and I need to cum, thus, I need to get fucked and take cum! NOW! More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... So, I make it to the Steamworks this afternoon with high hopes that I would be able to take a load and then give one myself, cumming for the first time in 12 days. It did not take me long to find a hot guy willing to pump my ass raw through a plexiglass glory hole, and I am sure he was enjoying himself. But alas, HE DID NOT CUM! I got lots of head, fucked two asses, and took one other raw cock up my ass. But I did not get a load, so I had to leave without cumming. Now I am totally a mess. I am so horny I am squirming in my chair as I write this. I need a load so I can get off! This rule thing was my own idea and I intend to keep to it, but it is making me nuts! Not enough interested tops that fit my list of requirements within easy driving range. I will keep trying, but I fear I will just wind up cumming when getting head (I almost did three times at the Steamworks this afternoon) and then the penalty will be in my face! At this point, I am so horny that I will take the penalty. We just need someone to own it... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... OK! I give in. On January 29th I posted "Horny Beyond Belief". In that post I mentioned a guy that "is reasonable looking, but his dick is so big it scares me." And I fretted about how big of a mistake that might be. Well, tomorrow I plan on making that mistake. It seems to be the only sure load I can find right now. He is cute, no lie. But his cock is WAY too big! More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Do they get it? There is this one straight guy at my work who is over the top sexy. My perception is that he is the perfect 'alpha male'. Confident, a little cocky - but not enough to ruin his calm self image. Tall and oozing sexuality without even trying, he definitely knows he is cute, that is clear. But does he know what effect he has on gay guys? I kind of think he does. He will come sit in my cube and have a discussion, often about nothing; which, of course, is a bit disconcerting. I think he revels in putting me off kilter. And, actually, I do to. But, does he really know the full extent of the possibilities? Since I have been letting my bottom side re-emerge I find his visits even more off putting than they used to be. Yeah, he has always been attractive, but I cannot say that I previously had this overwhelming urge to get on my face for him. Now, his presence makes that "squirm" reflex kick in and that has its own challenges indeed (is this what it feels like to be a cat in heat?). I think he has no clue that all he would have to say is "let's fuck" and it would be a done deal. Nope, he has no clue! More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Interesting question. I have barebacked since I was pretty young, but when I began to understand how HIV was passed I sort of morphed into an oral only kind of guy. A receptive oral only kind of guy. For years my favorite place to go was Blow Buddies, and to a lesser degree Steamworks, since the glory holes gave me what I sought. A hot mouth, lower risk, and a hot time edging the hours away. So, what exactly got me to change this all up? Probably about 7-8 years ago I hooked up with this Spanish guy (yes, from Spain). Using men4sexnow.com we set up our meeting one day for later that afternoon. It was ostensibly because he loved to give head, and of course, I liked to get it. AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! I arrived to find his apartment pretty much all packed up. He said he would be moving in a few days. We went into his bedroom where he promptly got on his knees and went to town. He was good. I found myself on the edge pretty fast, and settled in for what appeared to be a good time. I was just riding that pleasure wave that I had become so addicted too. It did not take him long to get to the point where he stripped his clothes off and hopped into his bed. Of course I followed. He sucked some more, but then announced that I should stick my dick in his hole raw. I declined at first. He sucked some more and persisted with the "raw cock up his ass" idea. I continued to resist. Somehow, I honestly do not know how, we wound up with him on his back and me at the edge of the bed with his ass right at the tip of my cock. I still resisted. But, not for long! He squirmed toward me and onto the tip of my cock, which I had little ability to resist by now. The one saving grace was that I was so close to cumming that it would be impossible for him to get very far down my shaft. I let him know this so he got up and went in the kitchen, returning with some ice. I was horrified when he put the towel full of ice around my cock! I did not loose my hard on, but I did back off that edge enough for the next thing that happened. He got back on the bed, on his back. This time I pushed right into his hole without resisting his overtures. I could not move much because I was right back at that edge again pretty fast, but I was still balls deep in his raw hole. It felt awesome! After enjoying his hole a while he finished me off by sucking the cum out of my balls. Ever since this hookup I have not been able to resist bareback. Over time I have morphed from the tentative of this meeting to a total willingness to not only plow hot raw hole, but to take cock and the load that comes with it deep in my own ass. How did I start barebacking? A bit unwillingly, but fortunately it happened... More...

Click here to see Defiant HIV+ Bareback Fucker's original blog post... Dare I say this here publicly? I probably should keep this to myself, but I made the rules and more or less submitted them for a vote. So I am going to own it and be honest and open about it. On February 1 I stated that the next day I was to meet this one guy with a dick that was way to big, and that this was probably a bad idea. Well, on the morning of February 2nd I stroked my cock as I had many mornings prior, with the intent to not finish myself off. I was going to go meet this guy and take his load so I could later find some hole to put my load in. Well, after stroking a good while I let it go. I broke the rules. Not only that, I have done it once again since. That makes two loads wasted. Fortunately for me, I don't have an enforcer at this time. However, there is a party coming up on February 25th and I may go. If someone wants to own this penalty that is the time for you to do it... Email me at crazed95112@yahoo.com to get on the list to be the enforcer. More than one guy submitting such a request will be put up for a vote by the readers of this blog... I have never taken more than two loads in one night. Wanna make that a fact of history and push it way out there? Email me! More...

Click here to see Hot Pigg's original blog post So here's the deal. I got totally drunk last night and ended up taking this hot German guy home with me. I really just wanted to cuddle with someone going into Singles Awareness Day (SAD Day) but if anything was going to happen, I wasn't going to stop it. He had other plans. As soon as we got in we stripped and he was kissing me all over. He started figuring my hole and saying how much he wants to fuck me. I said go ahead. He asked for condoms of course. I said didn't have it and thus began the back and forth. We've all been there but like I said, cuddling would have been fine with me. It didn't take him long to start pushing in without a condom. Here's where it gets weird. He kept fingering me really really hard. I played along but it did hurt a bit. He'd finger then fuck, and repeat. I didn't think much of it till later. He couldn't stay hard enough with the alcohol to cum in me and I was exhausted so I came and passed out. We woke and he fucked me some more and didn't have time to cum in me before I had to get ready for work. We left and went our separate ways but later he texted. "What is your status b/c I'm worried since we didn't use condoms?" I answered, "Poz but you topped me and I'm undetectable." I'm not undetectable but like I was going to say that. Another funny thing happens, he never responds back. Kinda like it was no big deal. So I'm thinking, maybe he was trying to stealth me the whole time thinking I was neg. Hard fingering, fake stress over no condoms, never asked my status until we went separate ways. What do you guys think? Till next load... More...

To see Rubbermutt's original blog post click here For over a year now Josh and I have been lovers, Originally we gravitated toward each other like two peas in a pod. He made me realize that, unlike my best friend, Tim, I was a natural Queer—and a Queen at that. In fact, Josh was my mentor. It was he who first turned me on to the wonderful world of bareback sex—all across this great country of ours. He also brought me face to face with the nether world of HIV and AIDS. I was well aware that Josh must have been around the block a few times. I presumed he'd been intimate with quite a few men—to have grown so wise at such an early age while most of his peers were still wet behind the ears. And like a sponge I sopped it all up—the Good, the Bad, and the Diseased. What Josh did not disclose, initially, at least, was that this wise and trusted counselor was POZ. His lame excuse was he didn't want to burden me with some sorry series of events which might or might not occur a decade hence. But in no way did my ignorance alleviate my susceptibility, i.e, sure as hell, the BUG came home to roost. Sometimes, when I'm popping my Meds, I admire my buddy, Tim, who had the good sense to bow out before I could do him harm. Make no mistake about it—Timmy was Bi alright; but, after he found out I'd seroconverted, he swore off all things Gay—INCLUDING ME. That was a little hard to take. We'd been friends since the fifth grade. We did everything together. We slept over almost every weekend, at his house or at mine—and shared whatever porno mags we could scrounge up. Tim had even introduced me to the manly art of whacking off. From the beginning I wanted to suck his Dick; but he, the straighter of the two of us, was uncomfortable with that. One afternoon I grew adamant; and after that, I thought for sure our friendship was kaput. But Tim's raging hormones got the best of him, and he kept cuming back for more. You can bet I never let him down. Alas, afterwards he always swore "NEVER AGAIN!" But, inevitably, he got hard again; and I was always there to succor him. We made out in his garage. A threadbare sofa covered with a worn old afghan throw served as our makeshift bed. One thing led to another, and I wanted to get fucked. I began to hint that there might be something more than just barebones oral sex. One night, while Tim was up at the house scrounging up some old Playboys, I squeezed a whole tube of KY up my Butt, then stripped and waited in the dark. When Tim got back, I scooped a gob from between my legs and massaged it on his Cock. He took the hint. Thankfully, he wasn't very large--maybe six inches, thin. Next thing I knew his Dick eased up my Hole—not far—but feeling three times fatter than it really was. I begged him to ease up; but the pain did not abate, and I doubted gettin' fucked would turn out to be that great. But by then my Virgin Cunt and his Terror of a Teenage Cock were hell-bent on a collision course. He fucked me slowly; and I began to moan and pushed back to meet his Meat. "Feels fuckin' good," he conceded halfheartedly, his enthusiasm dampened by his warped belief that nothing good could cum of sex like ours. Nonetheless I purposefully taunted him, using my Ass Muscles to titillate his slimy dick. He responded—pumping faster, deeper. For me it was a strange amalgamum of pain and pleasure as his Dick grew ever thicker up my Ass. I knew he was close, and wanted more than anything to feel his hot Slime penetrate my Cunt. But when he started shooting, slamming in and out, the pain nearly bowled me off my feet. Heeding only the insatiable tingling in his Balls, and oblivious to my disgruntlement, he plowed in arduously, spewing Wad after Wad of Oversexed Teen Seed up my Virgin Cunt. By then he was gliding home on a carpet of his own Spooge and slowed only as he ejaculated his last few drops of Jizz. I'd been jacking my own Cock and shot my Creamy Brew all over the ancient throw. When he pulled out, his hot NEG Spooge ran down my NEG Ass Crack. We were standing there breathless when we heard a voice beyond the pale. It was Tim's neighbor, Josh, who wanted in. Tim was apoplectic, and I saw why. There was a quarter size knot hole in the boarded up window from beyond which the voice came. His neighbor could have witnessed the whole thing. It was after midnight, and Tim didn't want his parents coming out to see what the ruckus was. We stood there naked, hoping the pest would go away; but he started pounding on the door. Afraid of wakening his slumbering parents, Tim stumbled to the door and opened it. We knew right away we were in deep shit. Josh sashayed in, grinning ear to ear, spewing poppycock about how love is blind. He must have spied on us before, because he knew I always did the sucking—not the other way around. Tim looked forlorn as Josh ranted on about "love birds like youse." I thought Tim was gonna puke. When Josh started carrying on about how I turned him on, I knew where he was cuming from and cut abruptly to the chase. I told Tim to go to the house and make sure his folks were still asleep, and I'd catch up with him after I had "a little talk" with Josh. Relieved, he pounced on my pro-offered out, never looking back. With a swaggering bravado I didn't feel, I locked us in. The Fag had already untied his shoes, pulled off his shirt, and dropped his pants—and sat on the sofa, nude, but for his piss-stained briefs. An intriguing bulge protruded beneath his fly, and he sat there brazenly caressing it. "How often does Timmy fuck your Ass?" I told him this had been the first time ever. I'm not sure that he bought into that, but he seemed emboldened nonetheless. He told me to undress and dropped his soiled briefs upon the floor. "Aw, cumon! Don't look so glum. I'm not forcing you or anything. Someday you're gonna thank me for tonight." Resigned to sacrificing myself for Timmy's ass (or so I rationalized), I played the game. As I pulled off my shirt and dropped my pants, I was aware the Queer was ogling me. He grasped my hands and dragged me over in front of him, and wrapped his arms about my waist. He was actually trembling as his digits explored my Hole. "I know you want it." He pushed me down. "Suck it!" I responded noncommittally. Tim's Cock was cut and always smelled, well, almost perfumed. The first thing I noticed about Josh was his musky, unwashed smell. His Dick was short and fat and had a heavy roll of foreskin covering the head. He was a light-skinned Mexican, but his straining blood-filled Cock ranged from almost black down towards the base to blue-purple at the Slit. His Nuts were huge and hung down between his legs like two cue balls in a hairy, silken pouch. I reached up and touched them, and they were fiery hot! "SUCK ME, BABY!" he repeated as he peeled the foreskin back. A telltale wad of crystal Precum glimmered on the tip. Experimentally I licked it off and took him in my mouth. Hmmmm! Delectable! So glycerin and sweet! His beer can girth was way wider than Tim’s, but I kept working him down my throat. "Oh you suck like a Little Bitch!" His nerdy hands urged me to take him all. My gag reflex kicked in. "SUCK ME, LITTLE BITCH!" I got turned on. "GET ME HARD SO I CAN FUCK YOUR ASS!" His vile talk, his huge Balls, and the manly scents emanating from his groin got the best of me. I didn't quibble when he pulled out and demanded I bend over the couch. Tim's Cock, thin as it was, had proven almost been too much for me. The overall experience had been an curious amalgam of pleasure and pain—and Josh was just as long—but twice the girth! But it wasn't pain I anticipated as Josh threatened to fuck my Hole. Hot damn! I wanted it! I glanced back and saw his rigid Pole aimed provocatively at my Cunt. Additional jewels of scintillating PreCum shivered impatiently on his Slit. "Bet I slide in real easy, Boy." Without warning, he twisted me about face up, then pushed me down till my horny lips just inches from his drooling Cock. Then climbing over me, he lifted my dangling calves to his broad shoulders and.... "And this is how I fuck a Little Bitch!" Everything was different that go-round. Tim had never manhandled me, though I often wished he had. Always the gentleman, our sex verged on parody, with me worried about pleasing him and he concerned with causing me pain and the guilt he knew would beset him later on. Timmy had entered me very cautiously, though at my own behest. In all the afternoons and nights in his garage, he'd never once touched my Cock, and always told me when he was gonna cum so I could spit it out—which I never did. And afterwards he'd pay the price. It was the man-man thing that bothered him, and he couldn't help himself. So self-doubt was his cross to bear. I, for my part, wanted sex to be good for both of us; and if it wasn't, I blamed myself. But Josh was a man on a mission, and that mission was to breed my Ass! His hands were all over me, stimulating, tweaking. A steady stream of bile spewed forth from his lips. I was his "Bitch," his "Pussyboy;" and he was gonna "breed me hard and deep!'" Yeah, it was only the second Fuck of my entire life—my first real one, at that—and a part of me was scared to death, But another part was SO TURNED ON! His Cock Head pressed against my Hole, and it felt so big and hard. He teased it up and down my Ass Crack, spreading his Toxic Venom on my skin. "You want it, doncha, Lover Boy?" YES, I WANTED IT! My heart was racing. He stopped feeling me up and pushed on in. He wasn't gentle and didn't go slow. I don't think he even stopped till he was halfway in. The pain was horrendous, and I tried to ward him off. But he had the leverage, experience, and resolve. He was ripping me apart! "Your Pussy is so fuckin' tight and hot and full a Cum! I gotta personally thank Timmy for that. OK with you?" "Cut the crap and get this over with!" Obliviously, he rambled on. "I can tell him you're my Bitch now?" As obsessed as I was with the unfamiliar fullness up my Ass, and in no mood to play his diabolical little game, I uttered no response. He moaned and plowed in deeper. I said a silent prayer of thanks that I had Timmy's Cum in me—which made an otherwise impossible situation bearable. After all, it was only the second fuck of my entire life. Josh was already in way deeper than Tim had been, and it felt like he was gettin' off nonstop. But before I knew it, I was pumpin' back! In a strange, masochistic sort of way, it felt so good! He started pounding me harder, his hairy Balls bouncing off my Butt. At last, when I was totally impaled, he bent down to kiss me and his big Dick spasmed. "YOU WANT IT UP YER PUSSY. DONCHA, BOY?" I suppose, because he was POZ—my acquiescence was crucial to absolving him of any nefarious intent. After all, if the boy (i.e. me) volunteered to play the game, how could he be oblivious to the possibility of STDs? And didn't the promiscuous little Manslut have it cuming anyway? In retrospect I'm sure he had a helluva lot more in mind than just spoogin' up my Cunt. I think he was counting on his parasite piggybacking up my Butt. I almost panicked when he made like pulling out. "Tim can fuck you if you want, but from now on you're my Pussy Boy. Agreed?" I totally caved, whereupon, he viciously plowed back in, devoid of any sentiment except PURE UNADULTERATED LUST. "YOU NEED IT BAD, DONCHA, BOY?" Again, the need for confirmation of my complicity—and I gave him what he craved. Who was kidding whom? For guys like us, HIV is almost a birthright. Confident that that I was mere putty in his hands, his blatant disregard for my sore Hole was almost ludicrous as he plowed in and out. "You fuckin' Pussy! Your Cunt's so fuckin' tight! I'm gonna bust your Butt! You can always pass it on to Timmy, if you wish!" But I didn't wish. At that point, during only the second Fuck of my career, seroconversion was the furthest thing from my mind, let alone POZZING Timmy boy. No! It took me several years of bareback sex before I began to think along those lines. Meanwhile, he plowed into me like there was no tomorrow, and the baritone venom that spewed forth from between his purple lips grew ever fouler as he got close. Josh was indeed the ideal mentor for a naive and, as of yet, uninoculated novice like me. For my part, I careened between peaks and valleys of pain and pleasure. Yet both of us were close. Soon his diseased Nut filled my gut to overflowing. His Bug-laden Jizm infiltrated my willing Pussy, which had relaxed to welcome everything he had to offer, as he glided in and out. AND LO AND BEHOLD, THE PAIN WAS GONE! At last the jerking and spasming of his twitching Cock diminished, and he pulled out with a satisfied wet plunk. His hot Poison Spunk dribbled from my butchered Cunt, and soon pink creamy gobs contaminated by my Mancunt blood, blushed rosy on the concrete floor. Josh made the final overture. “A good Pussy Boy always cleans up his mess." He shoved his shriveled cum-coated Cock against my ever ready lips. Large lumpy wads of Poison Seed adhered to his Dick, and a thick ooze of Toxic Brew dribbled two inches down his foreskin toward my parted lips. Grateful for the second opportunity, I greedily engulfed that monstrous Tool, sucking his Toxic Manshaft clean. I had already fallen victim to that sick, obsessive state where I just couldn't get enough. Afterwards, as I lay on the sofa sore and drained, he dressed, demanding we meet again that night. "Wouldn't miss it for the world." "I know you wouldn't. You can still service Timmy if you wish. Just keep in mind you're my Boy now." I nodded in the affirmative. After he left, Tim, who had been watching from the house, came in, looking for all the world devastated by his cowardice. Little did he know I'd been transformed. Nonetheless I cried and wept and carried on like I'd just been raped—and sheepishly he embraced me, and we cuddled—and, for the first time ever—he kissed me on the lips. I not so subtly telegraphed there was only one way he could make it up to me; and, for the second time that night, he fucked my needy Ass. Actually he didn't require much persuasion. I do believe he was growing fond of it. But the deed was done. My seroconversion was underway, and Timmy, habitually a day late and a dollar short, would have to settle for sloppy seconds ever on. Not realizing he was dipping his wick in a polluted cesspool of POZ CUM—like the kind and empathetic friend he was—he slid right in--on a blanket of Josh's POISON JIZZ. Til my next post, Happy pozzing or stealthing...which ever you do best...Mutt More...

To see My Load Deep In You's original blog post click here Was cruising for mouth or hole earlier today when I saw a fuckbud on M4SN. He told me to cum over and unload. *As he was sucking my cock (and filming himself) he told me he wanted me seed in his ass. I hadn't unloaded in a hot hole in about two or three weeks, so I was game. *As soon as I slid in, I knew I wouldn't last too long, and I was right. I unloaded deep inside him in about eight strokes. The look on his face as I was dumping in him was awesome. He kept telling me to push it in deeper, and that he was gonna walk around all day long with my DNA inside him. I told him to keep it in him so when his bf fucks him later tonite, he'll be sliding on my cum. HOT!!! More...

To see Rubbermutt's original blog post click here I put an ad on Craigslist this morning cause I have really been horny to the point that I was about to bust. I got a call, NOT an email, saying that HE wanted to give me his load. He sais he read my ad carefully and I asked him was he sure about this. He said yes. He told me the town that he lives in and I told him that I would call him when I got there. And I did. He gave me the directions to his house from the local WAWA and I fould it immediatly. He sounded young on the phone but I was surprised when I saw him. He was an older gentleman but very hot. He invited me in and I asked him if I could use his restroom. He pointed me to a door on the left. After I came out he immediatly grabed my cock. I was hard and he was happy. Didn't even close the front door. He let the neighbors see everything. That was hot. I grabed his cock but he wasen't hard yet. He led me into the kitchen and told me that he needed to make two phone calls. The first was to a woman neighbor of his. He said that she like to drop in unannounced and the she has her own key. The second was to his husband of 31 years. He was going to be at work for the next couple of hours..The game was on. He led me upstairs and we stripped our clothes. The first thing he went for were my nipples. This fucker knows his way around mannips. I start to work on his for a split second til he pushes me south to his cock. There is nothing I like miore than making the cock that is going to fuck me get hard. Don't get me wrong...his cock was not all that big but FUCK that fucking thing was FAT and I mean beer can fat. It fit nicely in my throat. Then he pulled me off his dick and told me to get on the bed. He laid down and I start to work is dick again. He tells me that if I keep going that I'm gonna make his shoot so I stop. "Fuck me Daddy", I told him and he proceeded to line up right behind me. I spotted a bottle of Blueboy on the side of the bed and ask if I can help myself. I'm glad he said to help myself. "Slap", :Back that ass up cunt" and I do as I'm told. Two hard slaps later, his dick is balls deep in my AIDS CHUTE. He asked me if I was POZ or NEG and I told him NEG. About this time he really lays into my cunt. "Tell daddy what you want you little bitch" he said and I told him.."Fuck me daddy, Fuck your cunt hard". "Do you want me seed" he said. "Yes", I said. "Where does cunt want it" "In my ass daddy" He really starts to pound my ass hard. His breathing starts to get heavier and a few seconds later he grunts and unloads in my ass. "Fuck that nut in deep, Daddy" I said as he continued to fuck my ass. about a minute later he pulls out and said "Daddy likes your ass, you worthless bitch". To which I reply "Daddy can fuck my cunt anytime. Even invite your husband to fuck me too" As I get dressed he tells me to hold onto his number as he will be calling me later so he can breed my cunt again. Just as I walked out the door, with all the neighbors watching as they shovel out of the snow, he shapped my ass hard one more time and I left. I am still looking for more POZ seed to fill my ass so I have to go... Til next time...Happy pozzing or stealthing...whichever you do best.... Mutt Til my next post, Happy pozzing or stealthing...which ever you do best...Mutt More...

To see My Load Deep In You's original blog post click here This is a cool as shit blog. It's a straight guy commenting on gay sexuality. It's real, interesting, and from the heart. Check it out at http://thegayeststr8guy.blogspot.com More...