Today it is tough for me to come even close to understand those who feel superior for moral or whatever reasons for not searching for sex in the first place. Everyone should search for whatever he needs or lacks, but I totally feel the initial post, since I had to face many times a kind of arrogance of those who felt like being in a higher position as humans for the sole reason because they don’t search for sex in the first place.
Having said that, years ago I have been one of them, but had to realize how much I was influenced exactly by many aspects, that have been mentioned here in this thread already: religious or moral ideals, Heteronormative ideals, especially since I grew up in a conservative and heteronormative environment, where are you are most likely to adapt what you see around you as exemplary lifestyles. It was just an instinct inside of me forcing me to differ what I have adapted from what I actually want, that helped me to develop my actual nature beyond the limits of upbringing.
In this thread terms like respect or treating sex as something precious were already mentioned, which is definitely legitimate.
But - I believe as well in sex as something precious, cause someone can be respectful towards sex in spite - or even because! - of being a cumdump or a random fucker. Wanting sex is something that I would consider as sharing, no matter immediately on the first meeting or after dating x times. Sharing something that you and anyone else have something in common: The same desire, the same lust, and the same goal. And the fulfillment of supporting and satisfying each other.
The connections that we create, based on getting to know each other, exchanging Conversations and thoughts can be beautiful without question. But I - and I’m sure many others as well - have experienced, that even a chance encounter with a stranger and the shared moments for some hours, for a night, or so, for the sole reason to fulfill each other’s lust can be beautiful as well. Even if we part ways after that, meaning if those encounters haven’t stayed in my life after the act, the fulfillment and happiness have always remained to have shared something in common with a fellow man even just for a moment. I keep on cherishing those moments. An intellectual connection isn’t necessarily in any case better or does necessarily have a better quality time than One, where the physical connection plays an important or even the only part.
I came to meet amazing guys that have become close people in the course of time in my life today through random sex initially and we grew together unexpectedly. Thus for me, anonymous sex with random dicks or holes, just for the sake of fulfilling sex drive can in fact be something special for me, that I feel very much respect for. In comparison to heteronormative options to meet or date, the gay hook up culture or cruising culture is a unique culture and even a tradition on its own.
A tradition that needs to be kept, because:
⁃ it is a kind of communication, A space that we can still claim our own where we are among “same species” because we share the same desires and goals
⁃ according to my perception and experience, dating apps haven’t actually replaced cruising culture. Actually nothing has replaced meeting in person and seeing the person in front of us with eyes and senses. Which is why I’m also no big fan of dating apps… Met too many guys online who claimed in their messages to be fond of having sex and behaved reluctant and inhibited when I finally met them. Those who I would meet, for example in bath houses directly face-to-face, are mostly the ones who have already left their inhibitions at home.
I have heard men claim how empty or depressed they feel after having anonymous sex. But I think the issue doesn’t go back to the anonymity of the act itself but within some personal issues of those men. Maybe some men are just not into it - that’s ok. And maybe some have anxieties or other reservations not to practice like this - that’s also ok. But it is very poor of such people, to place themselves in a higher human position than those, who don’t have any trouble with or even found a passion in hooking up like this, and can see a unique meaning for themselves in it.
To wait for the “perfect (sex) partner” by thinking that sex should be something special, would be for me something like limiting my sex drive and degrading a fellow potential sex partner by being to choosy myself… at least that would be my mindset. Because anyone else could also be choosy about me and reject me as a sex partner anytime believing “sex is precious and I’ll have to wait for the perfect one”. Without realizing what I could offer.
No matter if I remember every name of casual encounters or even didn’t have exchanged any word with them at all, I still remember looking in the eyes of the men that I fucked and how they were looking me in the eye while I was cumming deep inside of them. For me, those moments remain special. I know former relationships in my environment, be it queer or straight, where the ex-partners even remember less about each other 🤣
My conclusion:
⁃ It seems to be the environment where many people adapt certain ideals that day endorse in those dating apps or generally in public discussion, but it seems to be personal experiences that leads us to places like here or wherever we share our experiences and to people with similar interests… like here.
⁃ no matter how “dirty”, “slutty” or whatever sex is considered in a heteronormative or religious environment, or even by guys in those mentioned dating apps, it is the kind of sex what I have come to experience as: sacred. And it’s up to no one to question or place it in a moral position if he hasn’t been in our shoes. And it’s up to no one to shame anyone for it. Especially if we have already embraced and owned it.
