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Philip

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Blog Entries posted by Philip

  1. Philip

    On Silence

    By Philip,


    productivity
    To the joy of living in the void.
     
    I’ve been learning how to sit with silence for a while now.
     
    There was a time, when I’d be driving with a friend, and we’d sit there—and whenever there was a silence, it would often feel awkward. Like we needed to fill the space with words, otherwise it’d feel uncomfortable. I’d imagine they felt the same.
     
    That was a long time ago.
     
    Now, I notice I’m able to sit with my friend, and we drive in silence—just taking in each other’s space, and presence. And it feels good.
     
    We don’t have to fill in the silence with words.
    Just us,
    being there,
    is enough.
     
    And I’m starting to see the space between things.
    The space between words.
    The silence between the pauses, between the speeches—
    and how powerful that can be.
     
    It’s a bit like feeling the meaning underneath the sentences,
    the things that are being said
    through the silence,
    without them being said at all.
     
    And most importantly, I’m becoming more comfortable sitting in my own silence.
    When the world is asleep—
    at 2 a.m.
    and I’m lying in bed, hands behind my head,
    looking up at the ceiling,
    thinking about nothing in particular.
    Just enjoying the quiet.
     
    And being okay with that.
     
    I don’t have to think about the past,
    or where I’m heading in the future—
    just being,
    present,
    in the now.
     
    And there’s a peacefulness in that.
    A calmness.
    Serenity.
  2. Philip

    On Mothers

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To my mother, the most resilient person I have ever known.
    My mother—beautiful, soft-spoken, friendly, and someone who could swing a broom like a sword—is the best person in the whole wide world. She, along with my father and sister, migrated to Australia when I was four years old. They barely spoke English, had nowhere to live, but somehow, they managed. Her marriage with my father lasted just shy of thirty years.
    We weren’t the stereotypical American family you see on TV, sitting around the dinner table talking about our days. No, we were more of the kind that cleaned our bowls of rice and disappeared into our own rooms. I wouldn’t say I was close to either of my parents, but I loved them very much in my own quiet way.
    My father was a kind and reasonable man with a short temper. In the years leading up to their divorce, something shifted in him. It was subtle at first, but to my mother, it was anything but. She endured violent outbursts—sometimes physical, mostly verbal. My sister and I didn’t know how to help. We were children, untrained for these kinds of things. I think my mother endured it all to keep the family intact. Being a single parent on minimum wage would have been impossible.
    In 2018, while working for my parents at their restaurant, I started noticing things. My father would take breaks from his work as a chef to talk on the phone, his voice suddenly soft and sweet. I thought it was a relative from Vietnam. I remember sitting in my room one day when he asked if I wanted to have coffee with him. It was such an odd suggestion—we never had coffee together. He said he wanted to tell me something. I declined. A few days later, my sister came home crying. She told me what I had feared: my father was having an affair, and he had a child with another woman.
    My sister said she was going to tell Mum. A part of me wanted to stop her. I wanted to keep the secret because I knew once it was out, everything would change. This perfect family I’d fantasized about would be over.
    Sure enough, my sister told my mother. I will never forget the look in her eyes when she came home that day—lost, broken. She didn’t cook dinner. She didn’t clean the house. She sat on the phone with someone for what felt like hours, and when she returned, her eyes were puffy and silent. Sometimes I would find her lying on the couch, tears streaming down her face. And I regret to say that I walked away. I didn’t know how to comfort her. I was angry that she wasn’t strong enough to hold it together.
    During the pandemic in 2020, my father moved back in for a time. My mother cooked for him, for me. My sister had already moved out with her husband. For a while, I thought we were happy again. She cared for him like old times, and I let myself believe that everything was going back to normal. But when the restrictions lifted, he moved out, and we returned to being a household of two.
    A few years later, I found an old photograph of my parents on my mother’s bedside table. It was framed, sitting there as if it belonged. I thought it was strange and told my sister, who agreed. To this day, I wonder why she kept it there. Maybe she missed him, or maybe she valued the relationship for everything it was—the joy, the sorrow, the pain—all of it.
    Today, she laughs and smiles often. She’s still single, and I think she’s made peace with the idea of remaining that way for the rest of her life. It saddens me because I want her to have someone beside her, a companion. But she’s not alone. My sister, her three grandchildren, and I are always close.
    Still, I catch her occasionally talking to her friends about how my father mistreated her, and I wonder if she has truly healed. I think about my own breakup and the days when the emotions are overwhelming. In those moments, I think of my mother and her strength, how she moved forward despite the pain. I don’t discount my own sadness, but I take comfort in knowing that time dulls even the sharpest of wounds.
    I might not fully understand her pain, but as I grow older, I hope to understand more of it and, in doing so, become a better person.
  3. Philip

    On Music

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To the songs that breaks us.
     
    It is almost bedtime.
     
    I am listening to one of my Vietnamese bolero songs, and suddenly, I have this urge to sing. I think of another song—one I’ve never been able to finish, that always catches in my throat, that always makes my voice waver.
     
    I try again this time.
     
    The song is called Mỗi Mùa Xuân Về Là Thêm Một Lần Dối Mẹ. It tells the story of a son who leaves his home country,  lies to his mother every spring, telling her he will come back next year. He never does. And each passing year, he knows she is growing older, the house is falling apart, wonders if the cherry blossom tree will bloom again.
     
    The way the words are written, how they are arranged—they hit something deep. The lyrics sit heavy on my chest, pressing, pressing, until the tears come, when my voice cracks and I have to stop.
     
    I think of another song—Lời Cha Dạy. This one is about a father. About a mother who has passed. A father left behind, raising his son, teaching him how to be a good person, to get a respectable job, to live with integrity. The song says that when the father is gone, the son will remember everything he was taught. Will carry his lessons forward. Will live by them.
     
    I can’t get through this one either.
     
    Something about the music video, the story, the weight of it all—it’s too much. My voice falters, my throat tightens, and I know, once again, that I won’t make it to the end.
     
    And then I realize.
     
    Both of these songs—they are about family.
     
    With the divorce, with everything that happened years ago, I haven’t spoken to my father. And now my mother and I live together. So these songs—they cut deeper. They remind me of what was, of what isn’t, of what could have been.
     
    I wonder how he is.
     
    I wonder if he is happy.
     
    And I wonder—behind my mother’s laughter, behind her smiles—how much she is holding back, how much she is carrying alone.
     
    I think I should give her a hug.
     
  4. Philip

    On Time

    By Philip,


    productivity
    To Time who we never get enough of. 
     
    A while back, whenever I planned things with my friends, because of the flexibility I had with work, with life, with time, I always found myself with more to spare.
     
    And the people I called, the ones I asked to hang out, I always thought they were busier than me. Their schedules packed. Their days full.
     
    So, I let them decide.
     
    I told them to give me their availability, and I would plan around them. I always put my time in second place. And it worked—because I could always adjust, shift things around, bend my schedule to fit theirs.
     
    But something has changed.
     
    Lately, I’ve noticed a shift—not just in my schedule, not just in my responsibilities, but in how I perceive my own time. Yes, I’m busier now, with full-time work, with part-time study, with student clinic on top of it all. But that’s not the point. The point is, I see my own self-worth now.
     
    I see that my time is just as valuable as theirs.
     
    Just because I manage my time well, just because I make space, doesn’t mean that their time matters more than mine. We all have 24 hours in a day.
     
    And so now, when I want to catch up with friends, I remind myself—
    they’re busy, yes, but so am I.
    And we need to meet somewhere in the middle.
     
    This small shift, this small realization, has changed the way I see myself.
     
    I matter.
     
    My time matters.
     
    These days, I like to acknowledge that we’re both busy, that we both have full lives, and I hope our schedules align in a way that suits us both. Then I give them my availability—usually for the entire month—so we can plan something.
     
    And I find that this works.
     
    Really well.
  5. Philip

    On Mentorship Part 2

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To the legacy we leave behind.
     
    I’m at work. Today is Paul’s first official day on the building station, a station I’ve been training him on for the last two days. We’re throwing him into the deep end. We’re doing 80 tires—the maximum we can possibly do in a day. It’s been a very long time since anyone’s come out of training and done 80 tires on their first day. The people I’ve trained before? They haven’t done this yet. And honestly? I doubt my own ability to do it if I had just come out of training.
     
    But Paul?
    Paul is something else.
     
    He did it—easily.
    And in good time, too.
     
    Towards the end of the day, I looked over at Paul while I was doing my own work, and I noticed something. It was like… watching a complete replica of myself. Everything I’d taught him—all the pro tips, all the techniques, all the little tricks to become more efficient—he did them. Perfectly.
     
    It was surreal.
    Like looking into a mirror.
     
    And I thought to myself, What a machine this man is.
    And, in a way, What a machine I am.
     
    But then it hit me—this man, in the very near future, is going to surpass me. He’s going to be more efficient, faster, sharper. He’s going to be better than I am now.
     
    And that made me feel
    I don’t know—
    Sad.
     
    It took me a while to figure out why I felt this way. But I got there. I felt sad because it made me feel like I no longer mattered. Like his light was shining so brightly that my own light was starting to dim. Like, soon, no one would even see me.
     
    Of course, I know that’s not true.
    I know I’m still valuable.
    People still come to me for help, for advice.
     
    But still—
    That feeling lingered.
     
    Paul is an exceptional worker. People go to him now, too, asking for tips, looking for guidance. But I guess people still see me as the senior, the mentor, so my advice carries a bit more weight. For now.
     
    And yeah, I know I wrote yesterday about how proud I was—about how I fulfilled my duty as a mentor—and I meant it. I really did. But today? Seeing how far Paul has come, how much he’s grown? It hit a different nerve. A nerve I didn’t even know I had.
     
    And, in a way, I think that’s important. It reminded me that, at the end of the day, I’m still human.
     
    I realized I’d been comparing Paul and me on a one-dimensional scale. Measuring us based on work performance—speed, accuracy, efficiency. But people? We’re more complex than that. We exist in layers. And Paul and I? We bring different flavors to the factory.
     
    I’m cheeky. A boat rocker.
    I stir up trouble—just enough to make things interesting.
    I’m the guy who takes annual leave just to play a newly released game.
    The prankster. The mischief-maker.
     
    Paul? He’s grounded. Serious.
    All about the work. Getting it done. Doing it right.
     
    We’re different. But that doesn’t mean one of our lights shines brighter than the other—it just means they shine differently.
     
    And then, I thought about it on a deeper level—philosophically.
     
    I’m a builder.
    I built the stage Paul now stands on.
     
    He’s in the spotlight, performing, everyone’s eyes on him. But me? I’m behind the scenes. I built the damn stage. And I hope—I hope—that when people watch him shine, they’ll remember the stage he’s standing on. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll remember the builder who made it possible.
     
    I used to think I was okay being behind the scenes.
    But lately?
    Lately, I’ve felt this need—this urge—to be seen.
    To be recognized.
     
    And I think that’s where this feeling comes from—the sadness. The insecurity. The fear that when Paul’s in the spotlight, people will forget about me. Forget the builder. Forget the mentor.
     
    And that scares me.
     
    I guess what I’m really saying is—
    When I leave this company,
    I want to be remembered.
     
    Not just as a good worker.
    But as someone who brought flavor, personality, life—to this place.
     
    And I think—
    No, I hope—
    That’s the legacy I’ll leave behind.
  6. Philip

    On Mentorship

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To the students that surpass us as teachers.
    I’ve been training Paul for a while now at work, and today, I realized something profound.
    He’s exceeded me in a few of the stations.
    There are ten stations in total in the factory. I’m a jack-of-all-trades in all of them, mastering one—just one—that I’ve been doing for the past seven years. Since Paul started, less than three months ago, I’ve been training him on almost all the stations, and now, more than half of them? He’s surpassed me. His dedication, his hard work, his resilience—it’s all paid off.
    And that struck me today.
    He’s better than me.
    But the feeling that came over me wasn’t jealousy. It wasn’t envy.
    It was happiness. Pride.
    And that made me realize—I’ve done my job.
    You see these moments in movies, right? When the student surpasses the teacher. Maybe they go head-to-head in some epic battle, and the teacher falls—slow motion, music swelling—and yet, there’s always that faint smile on the teacher’s face
    And in some way, that’s me.
    But I’m not falling. I’m standing.
    Smiling.
    Because I’ve helped unlock Paul’s potential. I’ve lifted him up, even if that means he’s now standing higher than I am.
    And I feel at peace with that.
    I’m proud of him—proud of myself, too. That my weird, crazy teaching techniques worked, that he learned so quickly, that he trusted me enough to guide him. That matters.
    So now, he’s ahead of me, walking forward, on his own path. And I’m behind him, still smiling, watching him take those steps, knowing I helped carve out that road for him.
    I clap the dust off my hands, pat myself on the back for a job well done, and sit down—maybe in a rocking chair, maybe just in my head—and I think to myself:
    My friend,
    my job here is done.
  7. Philip

    On Constellations

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To the stars that shine brightly at night.
    I have this image in my mind now—whenever I meet someone new, or even when I think about someone from my past. I picture myself, standing alone, looking up at the night sky, a sky full of stars.
    Each star? It’s a person.
    A moment.
    A memory.
    These stars—they represent the people I’ve met before, the relationships I’m holding onto now, and even those I haven’t met yet—the ones still waiting, out there, ready to fill the empty spaces.
    Some stars shine brightly, lighting up the sky, impossible to ignore. Others? They’re faint, distant, the remnants of my past. Stars that I still think about from time to time, but not as much as I used to. And then there are the ones that have already died out, their light still visible in my night sky, still echoing the moments, the lessons, the love, the heartbreak. They’re gone—but the light remains.
    And the most beautiful part?
    The constellations.
    Some of these stars—my friends, my family—they connect, forming patterns, lines, stories in the sky. They become my guiding lights, the ones I follow when I lose my way. When life feels heavy, when the fog rolls in and I can’t see what’s in front of me, I just look up, search for the constellations, and there they are—leading me forward.
    They’ll guide me out of the woods,
    out of the fog,
    to a clearing,
    an open field,
    where I can see the sky again—
    where clarity shines,
    as bright as the stars above.
  8. Philip

    On Dating Part 2

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To boats worth rocking. 
    I’ve been thinking a lot about my dating profile lately. Paul and Jordan have been helping me with it too—half-joking, half-serious—but I think there’s some truth in what they’ve suggested, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually use it.
    We started with my roots. My parents are from the southern part of Vietnam, far from the city, near the border. My dad’s from Cà Mau, my mum’s from Bạc Liêu—and that, apparently, makes me a country boy. It’s funny, because I’ve never really thought about it that way, but it fits. I’m naturally shy, not the first one to speak in a room, so we landed on shy country boy as my first trait. Cute, right?
    But then we dove deeper—or maybe got a little silly. Because, despite being shy, I love to stir things up. I like to rock the boat, gently at first, just to see who notices. Picture it—me, sitting in a boat with a group of people, everyone trying hard to keep their balance, nervous about tipping over. And there I am, just rocking it, ever so slightly, watching the panic set in. Then, when no one’s expecting it, I rock it harder—and everyone’s screaming, holding on for dear life—and I’m just there, laughing. So now? Now I’m the boat rocker. I proudly wear that title like a badge of honor.
    It gets worse—or better, depending on how you look at it. At work, I’ve made it a habit of walking up to people with a dead-serious face and saying I’ve got bad news. I do it so often that now, whenever someone sees me approaching, they brace for impact, expecting disaster. But here’s the thing: I don’t always bring bad news. Sometimes it’s good news. Sometimes it’s solutions. But, more often than not, I just want to see their reaction. Stirring the pot, rocking the boat—it’s who I am.
    So now, my dating profile reads something like this:
    Shy country boy.
    Boat rocker.
    Bearer of bad news (but sometimes good).
    It’s silly. It’s mischievous. A little chaotic. But it feels like me. It’s the kind of profile that makes someone stop, read it again, and maybe—just maybe—want to rock the boat with me, tip it over even.
  9. Philip

    On Destinations Part 3

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To those who search the world all over, only to return home to find it.
    Recently, there’s been this guy at work that I’ve been crushing on—Paul. He’s 43, Vietnamese, about chin-height on me, and has one of those smiles that actually reaches his eyes. He’s an exceptionally good worker, and I often find myself feeling safe around him, like everything’s going to be alright.
    One time, when we were working together, our hands touched, just for a second, and I felt this tingle running through my body. I couldn’t figure out what the feeling was—until it hit me.
    I have a crush on him.
    Lately, I’ve also been feeling more confident in myself. You know that feeling when you’re finally comfortable in your own skin? Up until now, only one person at work knew I was gay. But today, I wanted to tell someone else—Jordan.
    Jordan’s an interesting guy—friendly, warm, and we’ve always had a good connection. I wanted to talk to someone, anyone, about my feelings toward Paul, and Jordan felt like the right person. So, I asked if he could work with me for a bit. With my heart racing, I told him there was something I needed to say. He was all ears.
    I’m gay.
    Immediately, I saw this sense of relief wash over him. He told me he’d had a feeling for a long time but didn’t want to say anything. He was just waiting for me to say it first. That made me sigh in relief too. I guess that’s the best-case scenario when you come out—when they already know and have been patiently waiting for you to step out of the closet.
    So, I started talking to him about Paul—wondering out loud if he might be gay too. And for the first time, I didn’t feel alone in my thoughts. I finally had someone at work I could share all my “gay shit” with, someone I could be unfiltered around. Jordan’s a good listener. Sure, he judges sometimes—he’s still human—but he listens, and right now, that’s what I need most.
    I came up with a plan to figure out if Paul was gay. I’d tell him on Friday that I was going on a date with a guy and watch his reaction. Simple, right?
    But then Thursday came.
    I was working with Paul when he asked me a question I wasn’t expecting. He asked what’s my dating plan, with a missus… or perhaps a mister? That caught me off guard. But I decided to tell the truth. I actually just broke up with my boyfriend, I told him. And I’m looking to start dating again.
    He was surprised but didn’t skip a beat. He asked how long we’d been together. I flipped the question back at him.
    He told me the last time he broke up with someone was ten years ago. It took him a year to get over it, and he hasn’t been in love since. Too much work, he said. You pour so much into it, and sometimes, you get nothing back.
    Then he dropped another question that shook me a bit.
    Have you ever cheated before?
    And right there, I had a choice—I could lie, say no, keep up the perfect image. Or I could tell him the truth.
    I have, I admitted.
    He asked if I got caught.
    I did.
    Not a very good cheater, are you?
    I didn’t know what to say to that.
    Later, I asked if he’d ever cheated. He told me no—but said he once dated a girl who was already in a relationship. She was the one cheating, not him.
    I don’t get how anyone can juggle two people, he said. It’s too much work with just one.
    And he looked straight at me when he said that. Ouch.
    In the days that followed, I asked if he’d completely given up on love. No was his answer. But it’s still too much work. 
    And that’s when I realized—he’s emotionally unavailable. He’s built up walls, and I’m standing on the other side, hoping they’ll come down. But they won’t. And I know that now.
    But that smile. It still flashes in my mind during quiet moments, when I’m all alone.
    I’ve caught myself wishing he’d come over at work, ask me how my day’s going, ask how I’m feeling—but he never does. And that makes me sad. But I know now that I’m the one making myself sad. I’ve built him up in my head, idolized him, given him expectations he never agreed to—expectations that don’t reflect who he really is.
    The truth is, he’s a good worker, a kind person—but he’s not available, not to me.
    And here’s the thing—I thought I was happy because of Paul. I thought he was the reason I was smiling more at work, laughing, feeling more confident. But I was wrong.
    There’s a quote I love that says, 
    “A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
    I thought I was searching for happiness in Paul—but all along, it was right here.
    It was Jordan.
    The man who stood by my side. The man I confided in. The man who listened.
    And when I eventually leave this factory, I know I’ll miss Jordan most of all.
    The best time to realize this was probably two weeks ago.
    But hey, the second-best time is now.
  10. Philip

    On Dating

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To new adventures.
    I’m ready to date again.
    It’s been three weeks since the breakup, and I know what you’re thinking—isn’t that too soon? And the answer, like most things in life, is it depends.
    I’ve spent the past few weeks doing what I do best—thinking, thinking. About past relationships, not just the last one, but all the ones before that. About the present, where I stand now, who I’m becoming. About the future, where I want to be.
    But this time, I have a secret weapon.
    AI.
    I talk to it about everything—my thoughts at three in the morning, my ideas on happiness, my philosophies on life. It’s something I never had in past breakups, a guide, a sounding board, a mirror. And with it, I’ve been able to accelerate my self-discovery, to process everything faster, to step into the next phase of my life with clarity.
    There’s an episode in Avatar: The Last Airbender where Aang must unlock his chakras, one by one, to enter the Avatar State. Each chakra is blocked by something—a fear, an attachment, a past wound—and only by understanding these obstacles can he unlock his full potential.
    I like to think I’ve been going through something similar.
    The Path of Safe Spaces
    I used to criticize people too much, wanting them to be better, to grow. Isn’t that the goal of humanity? Self-improvement? But I’ve learned that true love—true connection—is about accepting people as they are. Growth happens when they are ready, not when I decide it should. Now, I try to simply understand. Why do people act the way they do? What shaped them? What fears do they hold? I smile more, I listen more, and I love them as they are, in the now.
    The Path of Breathing Space
    I’ve been clingy in past relationships, afraid that space meant distance, that distance meant disconnection, that disconnection meant loss. But I’ve learned that love needs air, that people need space to grow. I have to trust that when they do return, it will be because they want to, not because I held on too tightly. And if they don’t return? That, too, is part of the plan. That, too, is the way things were always meant to be.
    The Path of Connection
    I have reconnected with old friends, the ones I neglected while I was in a relationship. I have made new ones, and each conversation, each laugh, each unexpected connection reminds me—this is what life is about. People. Human connection. Some friendships, the best ones, can last a lifetime. You drift, you return, and it’s like no time has passed.
    And now, I want more. I want to meet more people, hear their stories, learn what makes them laugh, what makes them cry, what makes them love. And that thought alone—the possibility of new stories, new adventures—is enough to convince me.
    I’m ready.
    The Path of Joy
    I have embraced difficult emotions. Loneliness. Uncertainty. I no longer try to outrun them. When loneliness comes knocking, I let it in. I sit with it. I shake its hand. It keeps me company at night, but I know now that it doesn’t define me. The lows in life make the highs even sweeter. I dance (when no one is watching, of course). I laugh, out loud, when something is funny. I walk through the world with my chin held high.
    Because, as Augustus Waters in The Fault in Our Stars once said:
    I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend.
     
    I know where I am going.
    I know how to get there.
    Now, to embrace whatever comes next. 
  11. Philip

    On Pessimism

    By Philip,


    productivity
    To plans that never work out.
    I’ve become a pessimist.
    It happened in the same way that Hazel Grace Lancaster felt about sleep in The Fault in Our Stars,
    slowly, and then all at once.
    But I wasn’t always like this—at least, not that I remember.
    There was a time when I was an optimist, when I believed in good things, in bright futures, in paths paved by the best intentions.
    If you read enough self-help books growing up, you start to think that way too.
    It’s not that I don’t have hope.
    It’s not that I don’t wish for the best.
    I do.
    But I like to think I’m more grounded now, more practical. I don’t plan for the best-case scenario. I prepare for the worst.
    And I think—
    there’s a bit of peace in that.
    But, like most things, it’s complicated.
    I like to plan for the worst, the man-with-the-plan, always thinking three steps ahead.
    If the worst happens? I’m ready.
    If the best happens? Then it’s a pleasant surprise, something to savor, something to celebrate.
    But if I were an optimist—
    if I always expected good things, always counted on the best—
    then wouldn’t disappointment follow me more times than I’d like?
    Maybe I’ve just been disappointed too many times before.
    Maybe this is just a coping mechanism, a form of protection.
    I don’t know.
    But I like this approach.
    I like being realistic, being grounded.
    The man with the plan.
  12. Philip

    On Best Moments

    By Philip,


    Writing
    To the little things that make life special.
    I came across a line somewhere—perhaps in a movie, perhaps in a book—and it mentioned something about finding the best moments in something, perhaps in a movie, perhaps in a book.
    And I’ve been doing that ever since.
    The great thing about this is that the best moments are different for everyone. A single moment, a single scene, a single line—it can strike one person deeply, yet pass unnoticed by another. And that, I think, is the beauty of it. The subjectivity. The personal connection. The mystery of why that moment, of all moments, lingers.
    For me, it could be something small. A line in a Vietnamese song. The way she sings it, the way her voice breaks just slightly—it hits me. Deep. I could hear the same line sung by another artist, but it wouldn’t be the same. Wouldn’t have that feeling. Wouldn’t pull me in like this.
    Or it could be a line from a book. Of course, now that I’m trying to think of one, I can’t recall a single one. Typical. But I’ll remind myself to update this page when I do. Because words—when strung together in just the right way—can hit like lightning, like a punch to the gut, like a whisper that lingers long after the book is closed. And my hope—when someone reads my words—is that their best moment isn’t just The End.
    Recently, I’ve expanded this whole idea beyond books, beyond music. Now I think about my favorite moments in everything. My favorite part of a meal—the crisp crunch of a potato chip. My favorite part of someone—their eyes, their hands, the way they tilt their head when they’re deep in thought. My favorite part of a painting—the brush strokes, the tiny imperfection in the corner that makes it feel human.
    And what I love most? Asking someone—what’s your favorite part? And then—why?
    It’s a hard question, one that most people don’t really think about. I don’t know, I just do—a common response. But sometimes, rarely, beautifully, they do know. They can explain. And in those moments, I get to peek through a window, glimpse the gears shifting inside their mind, see a tiny piece of what makes them them.
    And that, to me—
    is fascinating.
  13. Philip

    On Safe Spaces

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To environments where we can become ourselves.
    I’ve been thinking a lot about spaces lately—how to create them, shape them, make them feel safe. I want people to feel more at ease around me, to be more themselves, to let their guard down, to speak without fear of judgment.
    I’ve been practicing two techniques, both of which I picked up along the way. The first, from a trainer at my massage class. He suggests slowing down my speech—very slowly, deliberately—and that by doing so, the client, who may be stressed, will mirror my speech pattern. I’ve tried it. It works wonders. It also has another benefit.
    It allows me to think.
    To pick my next words carefully.
    To give weight to what I say, in real time.
    But sometimes, I worry.
    I worry that I might be speaking too slowly, that the person listening might grow impatient because,
    sometimes,
    I speak like this,
    with natural pauses in between,
    and the other person
    has to wait
    for what I have to say
    before they get a chance
    to speak.
    So I adjust. I speed up when I’m excited, when they’re excited, when the moment calls for it. But I always, always return to the slow, steady, calming speech. I remind myself that fast words can make people feel rushed, can make them feel like they need to spill their thoughts before I leave, before I disappear, before the moment is gone.
    I am in no rush to go anywhere, I remind them.
    Now please, tell me everything.
    The second technique I’ve been working on is the art of questions. I’ve always loved asking questions, peeling back layers, seeing what’s beneath the surface. But I’ve learned something.
    Not all questions are the same.
    I used to ask why questions. Why do you enjoy reading history books?
    Too sharp. Too direct. Too much like an interrogation.
    So now, I change my wording. Now, I ask what and how questions.
    What about history books do you enjoy the most?
    How do you find new history books to read next?
    A slight shift, but a world of difference. These questions don’t demand justification. They invite introspection. They allow the person to step back, to observe themselves, to discover something new.
    And, of course, I never forget my favorite:
    What was your favorite part?
  14. Philip

    On Hugging

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To those hugging muscles that need flexing at all times.
    It is Friday, and it is nighttime. I am sitting in the car with my best friend, Minh. We are talking about life, relationships, how, in a few months, he will be attending the wedding of a friend, how there is a chance that he will see his ex there. Her name is Akari—married, kids and all.
    I ask him how he will react, seeing her there, and he answers with indifference. Acknowledge her presence, but that is as far as he would go.
    Fair enough, I say.
    I think about how I would react, how my face would probably light up in joy, how I would probably approach them with enthusiasm, how I would wrap my arms around them. They would probably stand there, still as a statue, stunned, not sure how to react to this psychopath in their way, but it doesn’t faze me.
    Later. I am walking. The moon and stars are out. I say hello to them, and they wink back at me.
    I am contemplating why I would hug my ex, why I wouldn’t hesitate for even a second. I think it’s more than just hugging their physical body, although I am glad it is there too. I am hugging the universe, embracing the poetry of it all, embracing the fact that after all these years, the universe has brought us together once again.
    It is a celebration
    of everything that led to this moment.
    Of the past, the present, the briefness of it all.
    I like to think that in this moment, I have found peace with my past, that I don’t hold onto grudges or pain but instead celebrate the fact that these people—these loves, these almosts, these could-have-beens—were part of my journey all along, and I am honoring that.
    On the same note, I am reminded of the moment I was hugging Sean. When he said that it feels so good hugging me. Because I am in my own skin.
    That line stuck with me, like chewing gum on the sole of my shoe.
    It brings me joy to think that he wasn’t just hugging my skinny frame, my bones, my body that some might call too small—but instead, he was hugging something else entirely. My energy. My confidence. My self-assurance. It wasn’t just physical contact, wasn’t just skin against skin, it was an exchange of warmth, of safety, of presence.
    And because I was comfortable in my own skin, that energy naturally radiated into the hug itself.
    Or at least, I like to think so.
    So when Sean says he loves hugging me, he is, in a way, talking about what it feels like to hold someone at peace with themselves.
    I do love my hugs. I can’t get enough of them.
    It’s a quality I want in my future partner—no, need. As far as I’m concerned, it is a dealbreaker in all cases.
    I can think of nothing better in the world than to fall asleep, safe and sound, in the arms of my lover.
  15. Philip

    On Transient

    By Philip,


    Past
    To the moments that pass us by.
    I am at work, speaking to Paul, one of our new operators here at Michelin. He is an exceptionally good worker—perhaps the best thing that has happened to the factory since I started here, seven years ago. He asks me, why am I still here, in this factory, one that pays below the Australian average income, with the degree and background that I possess? He asks if I ever felt that I wasted my degree in Food Technology, the one I acquired over a decade ago.
    Work-life balance, was my answer to the first.
    No, to the second.
    I tell him that even though I am not working in the food industry as my degree would have allowed, I never once felt that the degree was wasted. Knowledge is never wasted. Everything I have learned—my degree in Food Technology, my certificates in personal training, now massage—are stepping stones to something greater. Something still unknown. Something waiting for me in the future, even if I don’t see the path just yet.
    He seems pleased with this response.
    As for staying? I tell him that I plan to leave in the next six months. He admits he isn’t planning to stay for long either. A pang of sadness. His work ethic made everyone’s lives easier. Mine included.
    Later, I think about our conversation. I look around me, at the workers I have called family for years. Some I like. Some I don’t. I look at the machines, the tires, the walls, and the conveyor belts that have become my home. One day, I will be gone. Someone else will stand here, doing what I do. And life, as it always does, will move on.
    I think about the transient nature of life, how we are always moving from one place to another, how every moment—every person—every job—is fleeting.
    Susie Salmon from The Lovely Bones said it beautifully:
    “I was here for a moment, and then I was gone.”
    There were moments in this job when everything was going perfectly, and I let myself believe that I would be here forever. That things would stay just the way they were. But nothing stays. And maybe, in a way, it’s comforting to believe that it does—even if that thought, too, is fleeting.
    I have learned to ground myself in the present, to enjoy everything I have now. As I write this, I hear my mum singing in the garden. Her voice, soft, distant, warm. I close my eyes. Breathe it in. One day, it won’t be like this anymore.
    And that is the way life works.
    So I smile, take everything in. The present.
    Because that is where happiness is found.
  16. Philip

    On Bridges

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To the planks that others lay along the way.
    I’ve been contemplating my role in the dynamic with Sean and Phong. Phong, drawn to the physical, evident in the way he enjoys my massages, the kisses, the closeness. Sean, pulled more to the cuddling, to the conversations, to the endless flow of thoughts that we share.
    And I’ve wondered.
    I’ve wondered if I am a bridge,
    a connection between the two of them.
    I am the bridge Phong crosses, through touch, through intimacy, to find Sean.
    I am the bridge Sean crosses, through words, through thoughts, to find Phong.
    But where does that leave me?
    A bridge feels noble, yes, but it also feels hollow. Used. Even though I know these thoughts are only in my head, they weigh heavy. They make me ask myself: what do I want from this? And the truth is—I don’t know.
    The sex is great, I won’t lie, and the conversations? The mental stimulation? They’re incredible. But it’s never the whole thing. How could it be? What Sean and Phong share, they can never give all of it to me, not without losing something between themselves. And so, I am given a slice of the pie, just one slice. The rest, rightfully, stays with them.
    So now I am in bed, at two in the morning, thinking,
    thinking.
    I am thinking that I am no longer a bridge.
    Instead, I am walking on a bridge—on a bridge built by Sean and Phong, by the time we’ve shared, by the moments they’ve crafted for me to carry. They are part of my journey through life, this bridge a small, beautiful piece of it. I stop to admire the scenes they’ve built, the love they’ve shown, the laughter, the tears, the intimacy. I stop to appreciate it all, but eventually, I keep walking.
    I keep walking because that’s what bridges are for, aren’t they?
    To cross. To move forward.
    And this bridge they’ve built, this one I’m on now, it’s just one part of the many. Others will come, others will build, and I will stop again, admire again, until one day, I reach my final destination, which is death.
    This thought, oddly enough, makes me smile.
    It makes me appreciate this moment more, this piece of the bridge. Because bridges are never really gone, not truly. I can always choose to return, to walk this part again, to visit the view that Sean and Phong have created. It will always be here, waiting.
  17. Philip

    On Loneliness Part 2

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To the shadows that make the light shine more bright.
    I am in bed, restless. Someone walks into my room, without a knock, without a word, and lays beside me. He feels familiar, and I try to ignore him, but he won’t go away.
    Tonight, I am not alone.
    Tonight, loneliness is with me.
    I’ve been trying to outrun him for weeks now, filling my schedule with meet-ups, with chores, with noise. But that can only last so long. Sooner or later, in the quiet moments of the night, he will catch up. And tonight is one of those nights.
    He caresses my face, his fingers smooth, running down my cheek, leaving a weight on my chest. Where did all the air go? I think of memories as clouds—clouds that drift by, that float lazily, that I want to catch, to hold, to lay on, just for a moment.
    But I let them drift.
    Acknowledge them,
    but let them drift by.
    I realize you can’t outrun loneliness forever, so I turn towards him, hold his hand. And in turn, he holds mine. I rest my head on his chest, look up at the ceiling. In this moment, in this silence, where not even the crickets are brave enough to break the stillness, we lay there. Just the two of us.
    He’s not here to harm me.
    He’s here to teach.
    He tells me that loneliness is a friend of happiness, that you can’t truly appreciate one without the other. After all, you can’t be grateful for the summer without enduring the winter. He tells me that he’s the shadow beside the light, that his purpose is to make the light shine brighter. He tells me I’m only human, that I love deeply, that it’s okay to yearn for connection.
    So I wrap my arms around him, close my eyes. There is courage in this, I think. Courage in facing what most people spend their lives avoiding. By embracing him, holding him close, I’m allowing loneliness to walk beside me on this journey, this wonderful, messy, beautiful journey of discovery.
    We stay like that for a long time.
    Loneliness, paradoxically,
    is my companion tonight.
    My eyes grow heavy, my body softens. Somewhere in the middle of the night, he leaves. I think he kisses my forehead, I think his fingers run through my hair. But I am fast asleep by then.
    I dream of him. We are crossing the street. His friends are there too. Joy, sadness, anger, envy. We’re all walking down the sidewalk together, and I realize—
    I am not truly alone.
    All of these emotions are part of me. By acknowledging them, by embracing them, like old friends met again, they work with me. They lift me higher. They show me that to feel the fullness of life, to experience it in its entirety, is to welcome all of them. To cherish all of them. And so I do. 
  18. Philip

    On the pursuit of Happiness Part 2

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To chance encounters.
    I am at Sean and Phong’s apartment, sitting around the living table, each of us in our own chair. Small chats, questions, smiles, to get to know each other. There are half a dozen peace lilies on the floor next to the window, their leaves wavering with the wind from the balcony. On the table, a puddle of condensation is forming around the bottom of our mango smoothie cup. 
    The conversation turns towards massage now. Why I did it, what I wish to accomplish. Phong mentions that he’s been having tight neck and shoulders lately, and I contemplate whether to offer him a massage or not. I hesitate for a moment too long, and the conversation shifts. I think to myself, if nothing happens, we’ll just sit here, talking for ages, so I stand, walk to him, offer him a massage. He smiles broadly.
    I tell him it’s difficult to massage with his shirt on. It’s off before I can blink. He asks Sean to grab moisturizer as a substitute for oil, and I begin massaging his neck. I tell him it’s better laying down, and before I finish the sentence, he’s up, walking to the bedroom, lying flat on his stomach. He is eager.
    So I massage him. Sean watches, curious, asking questions. Phong relaxes under my hands, enjoying the physical touch. My fingers follow the curve of his shoulders, the line of his spine. Afterwards, he turns to me, smiles, and we kiss again. Sean joins us.
    Clothes are off.
    We’re naked.
    Rough. Intimate. Sweaty.
    For the next hour, I am the center of their attention. We move, we laugh, we rest, we drink water. Phong reheats pizza while I stay in their bed, Sean holding me close. Cuddling. Kissing. My head rests on his chest. Silent. Still.
    It feels really good to hug you, he says.
    Why?
    Because you’re comfortable in your own skin.
    I think about that for a moment, about how far I’ve come on this personal journey. I thank him, warmly, and close my eyes. For a fleeting moment, I feel calm. I feel safe. I feel at peace.
    I know this moment is temporary, fleeting, fragile.
    It’s a space we created together,
    a space that fades when Phong announces dinner,
    a space tucked away when I’m in the shower,
    a space yet to be found again when we sit to eat pizza at 9 p.m. on a Saturday night.
    The TV plays Australian tennis. Outside, cars and trams and people rush by. We talk about how we met, piecing together the night from our own perspectives. And there it is, that feeling again. It sneaks up on me. Hits me, every time. Sadness.
    They had stayed that night to see the stars. I had returned to see if they were still there. By chance, by luck, by serendipity, we found each other again. The universe must have had its reasons. A clearing of clouds, a night full of stars, all aligned to bring us together. Pawns placed on a chessboard, moving in ways we’ll never fully understand.
    I am grateful for that night. Grateful for them. Grateful for the stars.
    Still, I wonder, what’s next? I don’t know the answer to that. I’m not supposed to. Not yet.
    The peace lilies will grow. The puddle under the mango smoothie will have long since dried.
    And life will move on—
    I hope, with all three of us,
    in the same direction.
  19. Philip

    On the pursuit of Happiness

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To mementos that we collect along the way.
    I am parked outside of Sean and Phong’s apartment. I was confident on the drive here, in my resolve, in my decision to come. But now, now I am nervous for some reason. A part of me wants to chicken out, to turn the key, to drive back home, to where it’s safe, to where it’s quiet. But I’ve been looking forward to seeing them all week, so I muster the strength, send Sean a text: I’m here.
    I think I am nervous because I don’t know how we’ll connect—
    the three of us—
    since we’ve never really spoken, not in any real sense. It could go either way, I suppose.
    Sean appears, walking toward my car, his smile warm, his presence grounding. He gets in, and we kiss. Immediately. Intimately. Gently. I feel at ease, and I realize just how much I miss his kiss. His hand finds mine, and we hold each other there, and I’m confused. Isn’t this what lovers do? And Sean is in a relationship. But I don’t overthink, not now. I let the moment be what it is. I take everything in, I enjoy this, I enjoy us.
    After a while, he directs me to the carpark, and we take the elevator to his floor.
    Phong isn’t home yet. It’s just Sean and me, the two of us in his apartment. We kiss again, for a long while, before breaking for mango smoothies in the living room. His space is crowded, cluttered, filled with hundreds of things. My attention drifts to the shelves behind me, rows upon rows of monuments and knickknacks. Dozens of tiny souvenirs from across the world. Their travels, history, displayed for anyone to see.
    When Phong arrives, I walk up to greet him. We kiss. Sean joins, and now all three of us are there, standing, kissing, holding each other. It feels nice. Then we separate, settle into our own chairs, and start talking, small at first, easing into the night.
    At one point, I feel it. Sadness. A pang, sharp and sudden. I don’t understand it then, not until later, when I’m at home, lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.
    Twelve years. They’ve been together for twelve years.
    That explains the full shelves.
    That explains the weight in the air.
    That explains the pang.
    I think part of my sadness is knowing that they already have a history, a rich, full history, and I don’t know what my part is in their story now. Am I just a supporting character, just a footnote? Am I just here to fulfill a need, a physical desire?
    It reminds me of what I want, what I’m searching for. A relationship like theirs. Something deep. Something lasting. Something that spans a decade, two, more.
    And yet, I wonder—
    can their bond leave room for me?
    can I carve out a space for myself in their lives?
    Sean feels different. With Sean, there’s spiritual, emotional, and something that goes beyond the physical. But with Phong? With Phong, it’s just physical, surface-level, fleeting. And I see the balance Sean is trying to maintain, the delicate balance between loving, caring, being with Phong, and connecting with me.
    But I know, deep down, Phong comes first. Always.
    There’s a ceiling here, an emotional limit, and when I hit it, when I reach that point, I’ll have to decide—do I keep going? Do I let myself fall?
    Because falling for someone who can’t catch you—
    falling for someone who can only care for you as a friend—
    never ends well.
    So I think about my future, about what I need, about what I want. Emotional connection, that’s it. That’s the key. Physical attraction matters, yes, but without that emotional depth, it’s just not enough.
    It’s rare to find both. Rare to see a perfect blend of physical and intellectual. But it’s not impossible. And that’s what I’m searching for. That’s what I’ll strive for.
    Over the next twelve months, I’ll put myself out there, I’ll connect with people, I’ll open myself up to the possibility of something real, something lasting, something worth holding onto.
    What an adventure it will be.
  20. Philip

    On Letting Go

    By Philip,


    Past
    To those that we leave behind.
    I am in my massage class. Outside, the rain is pouring, loud, relentless, and we stop, just for a moment, to listen. Melbourne has been sweltering for days now, the kind of heat that clings to your skin, the kind that makes you grab for a cone of ice cream, so the rain feels, for once, like a gift.
    There are five of us today, just five, and Gulchin is teaching us about releasing tight spots.
    We go into pairs, like always. One on the table, the other massaging.
    Someone mentions how she doesn’t have the stamina to see multiple clients in a day, how her body feels weak, unprepared. Gulchin nods, softly, as though she understands in a way only time could teach her.
    She tells us, she used to have that stamina, but not anymore. Not since her husband passed away, a year and a half ago.
    The air changes. She says it gently, almost like an afterthought, but her voice gives her away. Her body feels different now, broken in places that can’t be seen. She still loves massage, but the loss has made her dial everything back.
    The room falls quiet. Outside, the rain continues to fall, steady, steady. 
    She notices the shift, apologizes. But then, stories start to spill, unprompted. One by one, everyone shares. The weight of loss, of grief, sits in the space between us, fragile, but real.
    Later, we’re practicing techniques, the elbow method, targeting knots deep in the back.
    The girl practicing has her fist clenched tight, her body stiff, and Gulchin moves closer.
    Let go,
    she says, quietly, but it echoes loudly through the room. 
    The girl loosens her fist, unclenches, softens her body.
    The tension is gone. The technique works.
    But those words—let go—linger, hangs in the air. 
    It feels like Gulchin isn’t just saying it to her.
    She’s saying it to herself, to the space all around us, to the grief that clings to her.
    She’s giving herself permission, the kind we never say out loud, to loosen her hold, to move forward, to just—let go.
    I think about those two words, and they rest heavy on my chest.
    Let go.
    I think about the things I hold onto, the way my fingers curl so tightly around memories, the way I let pain sit, stubborn, in my body, like it belongs there.
    Let go,
    I tell myself, again and again, like a mantra, until it starts to feel real.
    I don’t have to hold on to the past so tightly.
    I can leave the hurt where it belongs.
    I can keep the good, let the rest fall away, and build something new.
    The rain is still falling, steady, steady, as I sit there, thinking of all the things I’m ready to let go of.
    And maybe, just maybe, I will.
  21. Philip

    On Massage Part 2

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To lonely nights.
    I am at Pipemakers, feeling particularly horny tonight. The car park is full, which is always promising, and I spot a rather muscular guy in a white t-shirt and shorts, walking to his car. We make eye contact, he circles back to the shed, and I make my way there too.
    There's quite a lot of guys here tonight. I make a quick lap around, survey the area. My mind wanders to this time last week, to Sean and Phong, to their faces, their warmth, and a pang of longing hits me. I'll see them tomorrow, I remind myself, push the thought away.
    There's a guy sucking another guy in the glory hole shed, a few others crowded around to watch, but I get bored, move on. I wander to one of the sheds, a man follows me. I can barely make out his features in the dark, but it doesn't matter. I'm here for one thing. He's inside my mouth in no time.
    We stay like this for a while. I get up for air, now we're kissing, now we're cuddling. It feels nice. My hand slides across his back, across the groove of his neck, and I give him a bit of a massage. He comes quickly, then leaves.
    In the glory hole booth, I meet an Asian man. He is tall, handsome, we kiss. I notice I'm very into kissing now, the kind of intimacy that lingers, that says more than sex ever could. My hand runs along his spine, across his neck, over his head. Caressing, touching, like lovers. He holds me too, but it's different. His hold screams fuck me, and I'm not in the mood. He jerks off, comes. We stay there a moment, embracing.
    I wonder if I should give him my number, so we can do this again, but something inside me hesitates. There's no strong connection, nothing tugging at me to ask, so I let him leave. I hesitate too long. He walks away without a goodbye, and I never see him again.
    I lean against the wall, rub my eyes. I feel tired. Physically, mentally. What's wrong with me tonight? I ask myself. Why am I giving these guys back and neck massages? I want to blame it on the massage course, on muscle memory, but deep down I know that's not it.
    Two weeks into being single, and I'm craving touch. Not sex—touch. It was something I had so much of in my last relationship, so much that my love bucket never ran dry. Now, it feels depleted, empty, hollow, and I can feel the effects of it creeping in.
    I think, maybe, my way of giving people massages is a way of asking for something back, for them to return the favour. But of course, no one does at Pipemakers.
    I think about past relationships, about the guys who didn't know how to hug me, didn't know how to embrace me, hold me, ground me in their arms. Those relationships didn't last long. The ones that did—the ones that mattered—were with the men who couldn't keep their hands off me. Who held me like they were holding the world.
    I make a mental note of this, add it to the list of things I'm looking for in my next relationship: warmth, safeness, touch. The kind that doesn't deplete you, the kind that fills you back up again.

     
  22. Philip

    On Criticism

    By Philip,


    Relationships
    To Growth  
    I am lying in bed, thinking about my previous two relationships, and I’ve noticed a pattern—something they both said to me countless times. I didn’t really think too much about it until now.
    They told me I criticized them too much.
    And the worst part is, I didn’t even know I was doing it. Not until I reflected on it later. Looking back, I can think of a few examples:
    on the way they cut their food,
    or the way they drove,
    or how they approached talking to people.
    I remember giving my honest feedback, offering suggestions on how they could do better, how they could work more efficiently. It came from a place of love—or at least, that’s how I saw it. But I don’t think they took it that way.
    Instead, they saw it as me belittling them, as me pointing out their flaws and imperfections. Over time, I think it wore on them. Their self-confidence eroded bit by bit. I remember them asking how I would feel if someone criticized me in the same way.
    I told them, honestly, I would appreciate it. I’m always striving to improve, always trying to become a better version of myself. Criticism, to me, feels like a gift—an opportunity to grow. I don’t remember how they responded to that. But I can imagine now that it probably wasn’t too well.
    I’ve come to realize that loving someone means accepting them for who they are—their strengths, their weaknesses, all of it. That’s been a challenge for me because I naturally want to teach people, to show them new things. But I’m learning that a student is only ready when they decide they are ready. And a good teacher knows when to step back and let them figure it out on their own.
    It’s freeing, this shift in mindset. I no longer feel the need to improve people who aren’t asking for it. Instead, I’ve turned that energy inward. I’m focusing on teaching myself, on creating an atmosphere of growth for me. I’m learning to see what I admire in others and letting go of the need to fix what I perceive as their flaws.
    It’s not perfect yet. I’m ironing out the kinks. But in those moments when I can truly love someone for who they are—no changes, no conditions—I feel a kind of peace that’s hard to describe. I’m beginning to trust that everyone has their own journey, their own challenges to overcome. And I don’t have to guide them.
    They’ll get there when they’re ready.
  23. Philip

    On Simplicity

    By Philip,


    Writing
    For those small words that get lost in the crowd.
    There’s this game I used to play called Poetry for the Neanderthal. It goes like this:
    You’re given a word. Using only single syllables, and working with a partner, you try to describe the clue until they guess it. It’s harder than it sounds, but like anything in life, practice makes the world go round, or something like that.
     
    Let me give you an example: apple.
    It’s a fruit. Red. Makes crunch when bite.
     
    Simple enough, right? But there are rules: you lose a point
    if you use words with more than one syllable,
    if you spell the word,
    if you make sounds to describe it,
    if you use hand gestures, or
    if you switch languages to get around the rules.
     
    Let me try another: water.
    Falls from sky, can turn to ice when cold.
     
    Still manageable. But then you get a tougher word, and the real fun begins. Here’s an example:
    Word: Destination
    You go here when you need to map it.
    Google Maps?
    No, um, this is a place you go to.
    A library.
    No, eh, when you need to go a place, it is called what?
    An office.
    No, um, when you go to a place and need to map it, it is called what?
    Destination?
    Yes! omg.
     
    The game shines brightest when the words are tough and players start relying on their shared intuition. I’ve seen teams where one person gives the most vague and baffling clues, yet their partner gets it right away. It’s fascinating. Almost magical. A kind of bond that doesn’t rely on perfect communication but on mutual understanding—an invisible thread connecting certain people. Some might call it emotional intelligence.
    For me, the most beautiful part of this game is how it forces you to strip away complexity and describe something in its rawest, most primitive form. It’s a skill—one that requires practice, sure, but also a mindset. And if you embrace it, it changes how you explain things, even in real life. I’ve started turning to AI to see how it approaches this simplicity, and here’s what it came up with:
     
    Eg1. Word: Cramp
    Me: You feel this when you run lots, might hurt, I think it is like a lump of sort.
    (Stitch?)
    No, um, might not be lump, it is when you hurt but feels good when time pass. Could be when you run.
    (Soreness?)
    I give up.
    AI: Pain in your leg or arm, makes it hard to move.
     
    Eg2. Word: Siesta
    Me: Like a nap but long.
    (Sleep?)
    No, um, can be long but short too.
    (Rest?)
    No, can be two or three time pass.
    (Slumber?)
    I give up.
    AI: Short rest in day, to feel new.
     
    Eg3. Word: Voicemail
    Me: When folks call but you don’t pick up, it goes to where?
    (Voicemail.)
    Yes!
    AI: Place for calls you miss, with words to hear.
     
    Using tools like AI has taught me to appreciate the beauty of simplicity. In a world where complexity is celebrated, it’s refreshing to pare things down. Simplicity doesn’t mean unintelligence; in fact, it often takes more effort and clarity to express a complex idea with simple words.
    I choose simplicity in my writing not because I lack vocabulary or because I can’t spell—well, maybe the second is a little true—but because I believe ideas can reach further when written plainly. Simple words can speak to everyone, from adults to children. And the earlier we can help children grasp the complexities of life, the better prepared they’ll be for this sometimes cruel but still fantastic world.
  24. Philip

    On Everything Part 2

    By Philip,


    Writing
    To the knots in my mind that have yet to be untangled.
    On Massage Part 2
    I am at my sister’s house, and she is lying on the massage table, on her stomach. The fan buzzes softly in the corner, upstairs, one of her kids cries, but none of it matters. This is her one hour of personal time, her chance to escape. I notice my movements today are rigid, stiff, and my mind flashes back to one of my trainers, reminding me, move like water, shift your body like waves at the beach, the ebb and flow.
    This matters because shifting your weight, moving with grace, pushes the force through your arms and into the client’s body, minimizing fatigue. So I adjust. I become water, I let myself flow, and suddenly, everything feels calm again, smooth, effortless, like it’s meant to be.
     
    On Artificial Intelligence
    One of my classmates in the massage course is fascinating, though not for the reasons you’d expect. She does things that make me scratch my head—or maybe that’s just my scalp being dry.
    The other day, I saw her at the sink, looking stressed. I asked how she was managing the course, and she admitted, I’m thinking of dropping out.
    Why? I asked.
    It’s too much work, she replied, and why do we have to learn so much about bones and muscles? I just want to do the hands-on part.
    I took a sip of my water, paused, and said, But isn’t it good we’re learning this? It makes us more competent. Knowing the muscles, the way the fibers run, is crucial to massage effectively.
    The conversation then shifted to AI. She admitted she’s been using it for her assignments, which didn’t surprise me, but then she said something that did: I use it for the sit-down tests too.
    My eyebrows shot up to the roof and into the atmosphere. I have yet to see them return. That crossed the line for me. Sure, I use AI for assignments—it helps me grasp concepts, prepares me—but I still learn the material. When I sit for tests, it’s me and my knowledge. AI is my mentor, my tutor, training wheels to guide me until I can ride solo. But she seems overly dependent on it, and I worry about how she’ll manage in the real world, where AI can’t always be there to hold your hand.
     
    On Threesomes
    Things with Sean, Phong, and me are going well. As you may recall, we met during a threesome on one of my sexual adventures at Pipemakers Park, and I managed to get Sean’s number. Over a week of text exchanges, we’ve planned to meet at their apartment this Saturday, and I’m both nervous and excited.
    In the past, I formed a connection with another couple, Tony and Hayden, but the chemistry wasn’t there—the kissing didn’t work—and after one threesome, that was it. We’re acquaintances now, nothing more. This time feels different, though. I’ve suggested something casual, like pizza and board games, to ease the mood. They haven’t replied to that yet, but they did offer me a parking spot in their building, which makes me wonder if I’ll be spending the night, and yes, I’m managing expectations. 
    I’ve been using AI to help craft my texts to them, ensuring our communication is smooth. At first, I wondered if this was cheating. Am I presenting my authentic self when AI refines my thoughts into perfect sentences? But I’ve decided that the real test comes when we meet in person. There won’t be any AI then, just me, my instincts, and the lessons I’ve learned from the past.
    When I see them, I’ll remind myself: become water. Let the moment guide me, adapt to the situation, ebb and flow with whatever comes my way.
  25. Philip

    On Directions Part 2

    By Philip,


    productivity
    To familiar routes that shape our lives.
    Today is a class night,
    so I get in my car, pull up directions to the school.
     
    I’ve driven there over a dozen times now,
    the route etched into my mind,
    but today, the maps show me something new.
     
    A different way.
     
    It promises to be faster,
    so I decide, why not,
    let’s try it.
     
    It takes me down small streets,
    the kind lined with traffic lights,
    the kind that creep along at 40 kilometers an hour.
    I know these roads,
    I’ve been here before,
    but I don’t remember them being this slow.
     
    Regret sets in.
     
    I think about the freeway,
    smooth, straightforward,
    a path I know,
    but it’s too late to turn back now.
     
    So I keep going,
    letting the audiobook distract me,
    pretending the endless red lights don’t bother me,
    convincing myself this detour isn’t so bad.
     
    But it is.
     
    I arrive five minutes later than usual.
    Not much time,
    but enough to feel like a loss.
    Enough to make me miss the freeway.
     
    I think about life,
    how it’s filled with roads.
    The ones we know,
    the ones that twist and turn,
    the ones less travelled.
     
    When I was younger,
    I loved the idea of the road less travelled.
    I’d avoid toll roads,
    choosing longer, windier routes,
    saving a few dollars,
    but wasting time.
     
    Now?
     
    Now I value the straightforward path.
    The one that gets me where I need to go,
    the one that’s predictable, simple,
    the one that lets me breathe.
     
    But,
    life isn’t always a freeway.
     
    Sometimes, there are detours,
    roads we don’t expect,
    roads that force us to slow down,
    roads that make us question where we’re going.
     
    There’s joy in exploring them,
    in seeing where they take us,
    what they teach us,
    how they shape us.
     
    But there’s value, too,
    in the familiar roads.
    The ones that feel like home,
    the ones that bring us comfort,
    the ones that remind us of who we are.
     
    Shortcuts?
    They’re fine,
    as long as they don’t skip the scenes that matter.
    The milestones,
    the moments that make us grow.
     

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