TownTravellerMan

Oh no I definitely agree with that. I wrote this all when I got back late last night so I might have misinterpreted my own thoughts lol. I used to feel like that years ago but not anymore. But it's not just about feeling empowered I get really horny if I don't have sex at least once a week. I know first world problems. But my cock is always leaky when I'm really horny and I don't really jack off that much anymore. Used to spend too many hours doing it. It's all about what I give and get from the experiences at a book store or place. Maybe sex with one guy will satisfy me if it's satisfying enough or just the mood I'm in. Or maybe it will take multiple guys. I also still like to be subservient and probably a little too much but guys definitely pick up on it. There was several events going on this past weekend too so the bookstore was an easier out for me but effective. I'm not quite sure if I'm ready for events like cumunion. I feel you have to either get there really early before most guys show up or you have to really be willing to put yourself out there and available for anyone and everyone to use. Which I mean I know is the point but the professionals out there know what they are doing at these events and even some tops or sirs seem to navigate and assist the one their with. It's really kinda fascinating. But something I'm not ready for at the moment.

Ah it's been a while since I posted here. But also been a while since I have really kinda had sex. I did a few weeks ago head out to the bars, baths, and bookstore and it was not good. Was not in the right mindset for any of it but ended up fucking and breeding someone at the bookstore. And after that encounter I did spend time and fuck and breed someone I like. But it's been a hectic week and i'm still sort of trying to deal with shit from the past but made good progress this week. I was beyond frustrated especially sexually frustrated. There were several events going on this week and I thought of heading to the bars or baths. But did not want a repeat of the last experience. Also someone recently told me that going to the baths and bookstores can be empowering. You can feel confidence and feel sexy and have fun doing it I definitely agree with that even though it's situational. Alright now time to the stuff people actually care to read about the sex and loads and whatnot. So I decided to go on an app before I went out. I sort of looked on there a little before I actually headed to where I was going. I saw an older daddy top post that they were looking for a bottom to fuck. Well I mean it's been a while since i've crafted a message to send to a guy let alone a top but I did alright apparently. While we were talking back and forth I went to the bookstore. I was happy to learn that I can cum and go from the bookstore as well quite literally. The parking lot was packed so I was excited as well. I saw several cute guys walking around. I went into a booth and an older daddy went into the booth. I crouched on the ground and saw his face and his cock released from his pants. The cock was pretty huge and thick but it also looked wet. He started putting his finger in my mouth and of course I sucked his finger. Once he was done with foreplay he let me suck his cock. It was really slimy I wondered if either he fucked someone or if there was a certain lube on it. After sucking him for a while and listening to him moan and felt his cock thrusting in and out of my mouth. He pulled away and asked me to come into the booth. I happily obliged. I went in and started sucking him even more and playing with his nipples. He took his cock out of my mouth and commanded me to lick and suck his balls. I always love exploring every part of a guy so I happy licked and sucked his balls. He started jacking his cock furiously. I tried to to go back to his cock but he grabbed my head and pushed me down on his balls. I was loving licking and sucking his balls and moaning. I heard him start to grunt and breathe heavier and he pulled me off his balls and shoved me back on his cock. I took his cock all the way and felt the hot cum slide down my throat. Oh it tasted good and it was a large amount. He thanked me and pulled up his pants and left. I checked my messages after and got another response from the app hook up daddy. It was still being planned so I walked around a little bit more and spit the cum out in the bathroom. It felt like my throat was numb and my mouth so he must have had numbing lube on his cock. I walked around some more after that and saw another grey daddy but this one had a hat on. I went into a booth and he went into the other one. He had a nice uncut cock. It was soft at first but it got hard pretty fast. He kept pulling all the way out and shoving his cock all the way down my throat. It was fucking hot and I didn't even hear him make a sound when he blew his load down my throat. Another tasty load. That's probably 2 anyone is keeping track. I walked around some more. After some more back and forth with hook up daddy it was determined that I would go to his place and get fucked and bred. He even sent me a few videos of him fucking boys. Damn he really knew how to get a boy excited. I drove to his place and had to follow the instructions for the complex. Once I got inside he opened the door basically naked. He was a hot salt and pepper daddy with a little goatee and nice furry chest. He told me to make myself comfortable. So I stripped down and left my orange jockstrap on. He grabbed me and we started making out. He was a pretty good kisser and I sucked and licked his nipples. I was trying not to rush but he seemed pretty anxious and horny so I made my way to his large curved thick cock. Damn it felt great to suck and take it all the way down my throat. I've been a little nervous with sucking cock lately since I was used to "one" for a high number of years. So getting to suck different cocks and sizes and types is not only fun but can be intimidating sometimes. I was enjoying sucking his cock and having fun. He pulled me up and we made out some more. He then commanded me to get on all fours. I felt lube at my hole and felt his finger go in my tight hole. He tossed me some poppers and I immediately took a hit knowing I was tight and he was big. I tried my best to take his hard raw daddy dick but fuck it did hurt a little bit. Fortunately he was patient and took it out a little bit and then slowly pushed it back in. I took another hit of poppers and felt his cock go all the way in me. Ugh fuck I can still remember it. I started to back myself up on his dick but he told me to let him do the work. So I tried to open my hole as much as I could and let him take control. Fuck it felt so good I was moaning and groaning and felt him pulling all the way out and pushing it back in. He was starting to grunt and I knew he wouldn't last long. He got on top of me and fuck I felt him go deeper in me. He started pile driving me and then he shouted out and I felt his huge load flood my hole. I clenched my hole a few times and backed my ass on his cock a little more as he was coming. He seemed to love that. He then pulled out completely and thanked me. He said he hasn't cum in around two weeks so it was a huge load. We got dressed and he said to come back when I need to get bred again. I told him I will and I meant it. He said he'll sleep great tonight now. I left but my night was not over. In the past years I'd get a great fuck but that was it. I sometimes wanted more but had to be content with the fact that it was all I was getting. I know I used to be very whoreish cumslut like in the past years ago. Regardless of the reasons I decided to go back to the bookstore. I figured it would still be packed and I wanted to have some more fun whether it was more loads or not. When I got back there I got lucky and got a spot. There was a cute silver bearded daddy sitting in his car. I tried to see if he was interesting but he was on his phone. Damn would have been fun to suck him in the car lol. Another time perhaps. I went back inside and was happy I didn't have to pay again. I walked around and saw some of the same guys but also some new guys. I went into one of the booths and saw a bearded daddy through the glory hole. He looked at me grinned and took his cock out. He had a smaller cock but it was pretty thick. I was really enjoying sucking on it and he had a lot of precum. I sucked him and he invited me into his booth. I sucked on his nipples some and he played with mine. I crouched down again and sucked him off. He shot his load in me it was a smaller load but I enjoyed it. We thanked each out and I exited the booth. I walked around some more and and saw a really cute guy with stubble hair couldn't quite tell his age but definitely older. He sort of looked at me. I decided I need to piss and after pissing I walked back into a booth. I crouched down and saw that it was him. He took out a huge curved thick cock. I immediately started sucking him. I was feeling confident in my oral skills tonight and he moaning and saying how good it felt when I sucked him. He then pulled away and asked to see my dick. Of course I said okay and pulled down my pants and went down to my jockstrap. I took my cock out and stuck it through the whole. I was semi hard but once he took his cock in my mouth I got hard pretty fast. Damn he had a hot mouth. I don't get sucked much but it felt really good. I was fucking his face a little too. He pulled away and I heard him speak. I crouched down and he asked what I like. I told him I am pretty much versatile. I figured with him i'd be anyways. He said he is and suggested we got a private booth. We both left the booth and found a private one. He had a cute face and we sort of felt each others body's and played with each other nipples through the shirts. Then he leaned down and I leaned in to kiss him. He was a very good kisser. Very passionate and I could feel his passion in each kiss and motion. It felt really good. We explored each other's body for a little bit and then I sucked on his nipples. I decided to take off my shirt and he took off his. After we both sucked each other's nipples I went down to his crotch. He pulled his pants down and I sucked on his hard cock again. Fuck it felt so good and much easier to suck him then it was in the glory hole. He told me he's normally a top but he is bottoming more lately. He said I had a nice ass though. I asked if he wanted to fuck me and he said yes. I never pushed out the huge load from the older daddy app hook up. He pulled out a little lube and put some on his cock and my hole. Damn when his cock pushed into my hole it felt so good. I felt the curve and I felt the load from before help to guide his cock all the way into my ass. He started fucking me and it felt so good. I was started to cry out because he was by far the biggest i'd taken that night and he was also pushing the previous load deeper. He started pulling all the way out and pushing in me. I felt the tip of his dick pull out so close to my hole entrance without pulling out. Fuck it felt so good. I was loving how passionate he was fucking me and then he pulled out and said it's his turn to get fucked. I was more then happy to fuck him. He was way tighter then I thought he would be. I used some spit but my cock foreskin was pulling back when fucking him. Damn he felt so good. I did some of what he was doing by pulling all the way out and back in. He moaning and groaning and loving it. I saw a hot ass in a booth earlier in a jockstrap. I thought about fucking them but I don't fuck much and have decided when I do fuck I want it to be someone I want to fuck not just a random hole at least for now. He asked me to breed him and I was already getting close. I felt my cock tighten up and felt my week load unload in his hot ass. Damn this guy is tropy he's cute and sexy and has a nice thick curved dick and he's great at being actually versatile. After breeding him and pulled out he thanked me. We both got dressed and he started asking some questions like if i'm around here and I said I am. No numbers or contact info was exchanged I generally don't do that at these kinda places. We said we'll see each other around. I decided I wouldn't empty any of the loads in me and haven't so far and just kept them in me. He didn't breed me but I felt a lot of precum back there. I walked around and went back to my favorite booth lol. A cute guy with a nice black goatee walked in. He said hell yeah and pulled out his cock. It was soft but I could tell it would get bigger. It was so fun feeling it grow while I was sucking him. I was enjoying it and I know he was when I heard a ping notification. I acted like I saw a ghost and immediately pulled off and pulled my pants up. I looked at my phone to see if there was any notifications. I was dreading texts or calls even though I knew it was impossible but nothing is really impossible. I was surprised to not find any texts or calls. I looked back in the glory hole and the guy was gone. When I left the booth I didn't see him. Damn paranoia but slightly justified. I walked around some more and did a walk rotation. It seems like guys were kinda clearing out or just not really anyone new. I went back to the booth and an older daddy with a white goatee walked in the other booth when I entered. He looked a little cautious at first but when he was me crouched down he smiled and pulled out his cock. Another uncut cock and it was soft. I started sucking on him and tasting his precum as his cock started to grow. I was having enjoying sucking him and he was starting to fuck my face. He pushed his cock all the way down my throat and started fucking me from that angle. Damn it felt so good and I heard him shout and felt his load go down my throat. Another load sucked yum. He thanked me and I left the booth. I walked around some more and was starting to wind down myself. I saw the cute stubble versatile guy. I smiled at him and lightly brushed my hand over his shirt and chest. He smiled back and grinned. I walked around some more and saw him standing at a booth. I went in the other one and in no time started sucking his dick again. He was nice and hard again and I was loving his thick curved cock. This time I suggested we go get a private room. We went back to making out and back to some passion. After I started sucking his dick I asked if he wanted to fuck me again. He said yes and I assumed the position in the booth and felt his cock at my hole again. Ugh it felt so damn good. I was back to crying and moaning like a bookstore whore. I was losing a little bit of momentum when fucked me but I loved when pulled all the way in and out. I was trying to bite down on my shirt to muffle my groans and cries a little. I felt him really start to pound me and he him shout and spasm. He then stayed in me and I continued to milk his cock with my ass. He pulled and said thanks. I asked when he last came and he said yesterday. I told him it's been roughly a week for me but that the load I gave him was well needed. There was no talk of or hint of trying to get together again. This time we just got dressed and kissed one more time. We said we'd see each other and I told him I was done for the night. This was such a great and fun night. I still think the first post I did here about being nervous at the bath house and having more confidence at the book store was still fun. But I wasn't fully in the right place or head space at that time. Even though there were fun and hot sexy guys I was too hesitant. I felt very empowered tonight and had a lot of fun. I think I made the right call. I've pretty much resolved and let go of the past. And while I do have someone that I do care about a lot and that I'm seeing they don't seem to concerned if I fool around. We also aren't serious or anything right now. But it feels so empowering and free to be able to fuck and get fucked without worrying about someone checking up on me constantly or harassing me or having to worry about guilt. I haven't felt this free in a long time. I still don't know if I'll go back to being a cumdump. But I didn't feel the need to be one tonight I had fun. I will probably do this more frequently maybe once or twice a week. Very very different of how frequent I used to visit these places years ago. Again, sorry for all the fluff in between hope someone enjoyed this. Oh right and load count. Loads Swallowed: 4 Loads Taken up The Ass/Being Bred: 1 Loads Given Up the Ass/Bred: 1

Well damn been years since I've been to one of these. After going to the bath house and then the book store the other day. I kinda felt that maybe I was ready to get back into this. But a lot of questions were in my mind of if i'd return to my cumslut ways or what would happen. The truth is I was not ready for this but I went anyway. This also happened a few nights ago but finally decided to write about it tonight. It was very packed when I got there. I was really nervous when checking in but I got the pass and walked in. It's been years since I last visited this place and so much about it changed. So many corridors and I saw a familiar dark room which I used to visit. Lots of good and times that happened there. The booths changed completely but I found a few in the back. I didn't even realize at first they had a few steps you could go up so someone could put their dick through the glory hole. Reminded me of another certain place from the past. I also found a dark area with a few booths of rooms with glory holes. This looked very familiar to a certain club that's no longer around even the lighting. I almost forgot there was an upstairs so I went up the stairs. I saw familiar rooms with red doors. It looked somewhat similar from what I remembered and memories of the smell and past came flooding to me. Had some really fun times in the past. But I noticed it was empty. I saw another set of stairs behind some darkened areas. I don't remember this previously. But also these extra stairs reminded me of another place that is no longer around. Walking up the stairs I heard loud music. And when I got to the top the room was darker and it looked like a DJ in the back. And I saw lots of guys and guys bent over on benches assuming the position. Wow. I was only wearing a black t-shirt and a jockstrap underneath my shorts and some boots. Since it's been forever since I've done all this I also cleaned myself out which I haven't done in years. I walked a little more and found an area with crosses and slings and typical sex dungeon type stuff. I saw a few leather guys and guys in jock straps standing around. Also what seemed to be clothed men likely tops who were there to help their help their boys or maybe just bottoms I wasn't sure. Or maybe they were to recruit guys to fuck them. I also found a pitch black dark room that a lot of guys were in. Oh yeah this was bringing me back. Before getting into anything I left that area and saw a locker. I figured that I should get a locker. There was a wait but I was able to get one. I was a little intimidated because there were so many guys in jockstraps and leather and they seemed like professionals. I was just a man that used to be a boy years ago in these kinds of places and I knew I was probably out of touch. Regardless I decided to strip my clothes and just wear my jockstrap and boots. I had a little bit of a hard time trying to cruise guys. There were so many guys and so many in jockstraps or guys who were bent over and waiting to serve men. These were professionals and maybe in the past I was one of them or a fraction of them. After walking around for a little bit I knew pretty quickly I was out of my depth. The bath house was more of a cruising dance. I did not quite perfect it but I got better at it along the way. The bookstore was smaller and fortunately I had a lot of charisma that day. This was a huge place with so many different corridors and floors. After not having so much luck cruising I decided to go into the dark room. Darkness has always been my friend at these kinds of places. I've always had infamous times in the dark rooms. I was nervous in a sea of bodies. I quickly felt someone grab my ass. And before I knew it I was up against a guy. He seemed like he had some really nice nipples and he started sucking my nipples and nuzzling me. This was a little more my speed. While the guy was rubbing all over me another guy was rubbing my ass stroking my hole. I started making out with the guy who was on me and he was a nice and passionate kisser. Before I knew It I felt a cock head at my hole. Oh fuck here it was. I was really nervous and tight. But I knew I was clean at least. The guy tried to shove his cock into me and the other guy was holding me. I got nervous and stumbled a little I wonder how the others perceived me. I told the guy I was sorry that I haven't done this in a while. The guy was determined and got part of his raw cockhead in my hole. I unfortunately stumbled around again and he slipped out and gave up. I decided I need to catch my breath. I went back to the lockers for a moment. I saw lots of cute guys by the lockers but was trying to focus. A million thoughts racing through my mind. I was scared and nervous but also anxious and horny. I decided to go back to the dark room. No idea if it was the same guy or someone else but another guy was fingering my hole. Another guy was stroking his cock so I lightly touched him and he touched me. I decided to start sucking on his nipples and he seemed to like it. While I was sucking his cock I felt a cock at my hole again. Oh fuck here it is. I still had some saliva or maybe lube back there. The guy had a decent size cock and it started to push past the ring and into my tight clean hole. I moaned out in pleasure because it felt good. I started sucking the guy in front of me even more. Both guys were loving spit roasting me and I was nervous and hesitant but I was enjoying it but also a little reserved. I think they knew that so the guy fucking me pulled me off the guy I was sucking and pushed me against the wall and a bench. Now he was really starting to fuck me. Fuck I was getting barebacked in a dark room by someone I couldn't even see. I heard him moaning more and I was moaning and crying out in pleasure. I still feel like there was a little bit of defiance or hesitation in my rhythm but the man didn't care he kept fucking me and started fucking me harder. Before I knew it I heard him shout and I was moaning and yelling as I started to feel my ass filled with cum. Fuck I was getting bred. He shouted some more and pumped me a few more times and then pulled out. Ugh my hole felt so wet but I had so many mixed feelings in my head. I regained my composure and got past the sea of mean and went back to my locker. What happened next changed the night and the rest of the next few days to come. I opened my locker to look at my phone and saw a call from my ex. We had just broken up recently but decided that we will both do our own thing in life and he wished me the best and told me to go do what I want. The first call and voicemail was kinda more inquiring. The next few calls and texts made my heart sink. He said that someone he knew saw me there and he called me all kinds of names and slurs. My chest dropped and I didn't know what to do or think. I put my phone back in the locker.. God dammit. My mind was filled with frustration and guilt. I was monogamous with him for so many plus years never cheated in relationship. He told me to go have fun and live my life. I didn't necessarily come to the event to be a cum dump. I didn't really know what I was looking for. Was I looking for sex, a friend, a potential interest, romance, or affection? Or was I really there just to take whatever I can get and as much as I want. I figured well what's done is done. It did not matter what I did from that point on in the night. No matter how much more cock or loads I take or give i'll be labelled as a whore, slut, cumdump my fate was sealed. But I didn't care at that point. I went back into the dark room. I ran into a sexy older daddy. He grabbed my cock and started playing with it. Someone else grabbed my ass again. Oh fuck here we go again. The sexy daddy was jacking me off while the other man with a huge cock was pushing into my hole. He was a lot bigger then the other guy. I felt my hole start to strain a little taking his huge raw cock. I cried out when pushed into me and heard him groan. The sexy daddy was playing with my body while the man behind me was fucking me. Damn it felt good but at the same time I felt sad and guilty. I tried to push the feelings away but I think some hesitation did overcome me. It didn't matter the man was enjoying my hole and I heard him grunt and I felt a huge load in me. Looks like load number two. I felt over the sexy daddies body and thought about doing more. But I felt guilty after taking a second load. I decided to go the bathroom and push the cum out. Fortunately I was still clean I was sort of proud at how good I did with the prep beforehand. But I felt some shame pushing two loads out. I went back to the open area where the bottoms were bent over the benches. I tried my best to cruise but I think I was somewhat mentally broken from the texts and calls that haunted me. I decided there was no way I could cruise openly so I went back to the dark room. This time no one was groping me. So I saw someone or silhouettes of a larger stocky man. I felt his body a little bit and then felt his cock. It was thick and girthy. He seemed to be approve and then he kissed me. I kissed him back and we both started making out. I started kissing his chest and he kissed my face. He sucked on my nipple for a little bit and I sucked on his. I started exploring more of his chest and before I knew it I was on my knees. I started sucking him and he was already getting harder. God it felt so good to be sucking cock again. I really enjoyed my lips going up and down on his cock. I started swirling my tounge around his cock and he moaned more. Another man started getting near us and he looked cute. I groped his chest and he groped mine. He started groping the daddy I was sucking too. I then heard them both make out above me and it turned me on even more. The other guys started grabbing my head as I was sucking the stocky daddy. He grabbed my hair for a moment and I started sucking his cock. Damn his cock was huge. While I was sucking his cock the other stocky daddy was rubbing my hole and playing with it. I got up and started licking the man's nipples and kissing his neck. The man took this as a cue and started kissing me. While we were making out the stocky daddy's cock was pressing at my hole. Fuck here we go again. In no time at all I felt his cock push into me. Fuck it felt so good. The guilt and sadness was starting to melt away. The visual image and scent of these two hot daddies surrounding me, making out, and sucking them both off in intervals was driving me so damn horny. They both encouraged each other and I was started to hold onto the other guy as the stocky daddy was fucking me. I heard him start to tense up and fuck me harder. I was really holding onto the other guy for stability and I felt my hole flood again with another man's cum. It was feeling less guilty and more like pleasure. The guy who I was holding on started stroking his cock furiously. The stocky daddy grabbed me and we started making out again. Before I knew it I felt ropes of cum on my leg and thigh. The man was jacking off and cumming on both of us. Fuck that was so hot. We all sort of groped each other one last time then a simple pat before they disappeared and I left the dark area. I decided to go back to my phone to check the time. More text and calls and some that were very personal things that again made my chest sink and filled me with guilt and panic. There was nothing I could do at this point to make it any better. I figured I guess I'm a sinner and might as well continue the night. I tried to cruise around a little more but still just was not in the head space. I decided to go back to the dark area and it wasn't as crowded now. But that didn't stop someone from grabbing my dick. My dick was getting hard and they felt like they had a nice furry body. They then bent over and I saw their ass in a jockstrap. I doc like topping sometimes but the mixed feelings I was in. I wasn't really in the right space. I then felt someone grab my ass and they started grabbing my body. They pushed me against a wall and I felt a HUGE cock push against my hole. Oh fuck I wasn't sure if I was ready for this but it didn't really matter. They slammed their cock in my ass and I yelped out. I tried hard to keep balance and also try to open up my hole as much as I could. They were fucking me rough and aggressive and normally I do like that but right now I was kinda mixed. I was trying to pull away but they wouldn't let me. They grabbed me and held me and I felt their cock get bigger. I started really moaning and shouting out and I heard them yell really loud when I felt another huge load flood my hole. I moaned and groaned and sighed as they pulled their wet cock out of me and left the room. Fuck. Although it did feel good the texts and calls I kept checking between had me kind of checked out. I decided to head back to the locker. More and more awaited me. Not only that but I kept getting called. I didn't answer a single one. And I also decided that I guess this is the end of my night. I was originally going to also go to a bar afterwards and kinda check it out and maybe dance and then head back to the event after. But after everything I read I decided I guess I'll just go home. I got dressed and went down the stairs. I did go past the darkly lit area with the glory holes. I saw maybe one or two people but decided not to. I went back to the area where it looked like the original glory hole booths the place used to have. But there was now a platform for guys to go above. When walking that way that's when I saw him. It looked like a semi older man dressed in all black with some piercings and a huge bushy beard. His eyes also looked intense and I locked onto his and he locked onto mine. I thought there's no way he'd be into me . So I walked past him but he also walked behind me. I thought maybe I was imagining this and when I went towards the platform I thought he was going into a room but he walked back to where he was sitting. I walked past him again and figured he'd get up and leave but he didn't. So I sat down not next to him but somewhat near him where he could see me. I looked for any indication but he was on his phone. I decided to grope myself and then he looked over. I then decided to go for it and sat next to him. He looked at me and I gently touched his chest. His shirt was soaked in sweat. But he let me and he looked at me. The spark was initiated. I slowly started rubbing his body and he started groping mine. He had an intensity to him. And I looked at him nervous and slightly scared but I decided to start sucking his nipples through his shirt. I heard in a deep voice "yeah boy". To my surprise I felt piercings on the nipples. Huge ones. He lifted his shirt and I saw and felt sweat and hair on his chest. His nipples intimidated me for a moment but I took the plunge and took them in my mouth. These were huge ring nipples so I wasn't entirely sure how to do this but he encouraged me. I was sucking on his nipple and his piercing at the same time. I was gently sucking away when I heard "harder boy". He liked it rough? Okay that's what I like so I started sucking on them harder. To my surprise I heard him say "Harder boy". He then showed me I can grab and twist his nipples which I did. I then looked up at him and nervously had a sense of yearning and affection when looking at him. He must have seen it too so we both leaned in and started kissing. His tounge exploring my mouth and mine exploring his. I was moaning and he was moaning. We broke away for a moment and I still saw the intensity in his eyes. I started kissing his face and his cheek and he started moaning even more. Then I went for it and started licking his face. He seemed to really like this and said "good boy:. I licked his face more intensely and licked the other side as well. He then kissed me but this time he held my mouth and started blowing into my mouth and held my nose. What..was this? He was pushing air into my mouth and I was feeling light headed. My arms and legs started to grow weak and I felt like I was going to collapse soon. He then broke away and kissed me again and said "Good boy". Was that breathe play through kissing? Wow what an intense man. He did this a few more times and he started also slightly punching my chest. He told me to hold it and stay still which I did. He started giving me slight orders and my natural submissive instincts kicked in. He would compliment me as a good boy after I performed well for him. After that we made out some more. I decided to speak and asked "Sir do you want to go to a room perhaps". He smiled and me and said "Sure boy". He put his sweaty shirt back on and we both went upstairs and found a room. It wasn't completely private but it was somewhat enclosed. He lifted my body up and started kissing me again. He was strong and I was putty in his hands. He did some more breath play and also twisted my nipples harder. He put me on the bed like area and we lay next to each other making out and exploring each other's bodies. He flipped me over and started playing my ass and groping it. I was moaning out in pleasure. He then started spanking my ass. It's been years since I really had my ass spanked but my instincts remembered some of it like to push my ass out and not pull back. I did hesitantly a few times almost pull back but I also anticipated his hand. I yelled out when he spanked me it hurt but wasn't too bad but the pain felt kind of good. I thought I had his rhythm figured out but then he started spanking both my ass cheeks back and forth and I started yelling out unable to predict his next move. He then put me on my back and started playing with my cock. I was hard and my cock was dripping. To my surprise he started sucking my cock. And damn he was good at it. I was enjoying and loving every moment of it. He pulled me up and we started making out some more and he did more breathe play, more nipple play, and a little more punching. Some in my stomach and some in my rib area. He said I have great energy and that I'm a very good boy. He said I respond so naturally with his direction and that it flows. We also embraced a few times and I was able to really hold him tight and release the stress, pain, guilt, anger, and shame I was feeling from earlier In the night. I think he could sense this. He asked me a few times if everything was okay and I just smiled and said yes. It was getting near the end of the night and they were starting to close up. To my surprise he asked if I wanted to go his place. I was so nervous, happy, excited, sad, and felt guilt, and also horny at the same time. He said I didn't have to if I don't want to. But I just smiled at him and said yes. We kissed again and we both left together. But that's a story for another time. I will say that since that night I haven't really been kept awake horny and trying to jack off or edge myself. I also haven't felt the need to cruise guys or porn online. I'm not sure if it was the communion event or the man I met at the end of the night and stayed the night with. But I think I got a sense of satisfaction and maybe found what I was looking for that night. Whether what I was looking for was to be a whore, cumdump, or find someone to be intimate with and even go home with. In a sense I did a little bit of everything that night and so much more. And I don't know the answer to if I am a whore or cum dump again. But I guess i'm still exploring myself right now. Who knows what the "next" load will be. Oh right and load count at the event was 4 guys that bred me lol.

For fucks sake this is going to be really long. If you don't like reading a lot or get annoyed by lengthy ranting and inner dialogue or reflection this might not be the post to read. If you care more about load counts and stuff then skip to the Load Count and Stuff. I also tried to organize this in parts with bold and underlined text if that helps. Whelp. Just a little bit of an introduction. I have been in a relationship for several years now. Unfortunately things didn't work out over the last few years and it ended recently. Somehow I was monogamous for a number of my years despite my youth being a notorious enjoyer of random sex encounters. It's been a while and since things were finalized with the ex I decided that I was tired of being horny at night. We had sex semi regularly once a week but a week but that was the past and this is the present. In a familiar but new city at the moment. Things have kind of slowed down so instead of having to edge myself at night I decided to get a haircut and have a fresh start. Enjoyed looking around in a gay area at some shops and stores such as a leather store. A great way to sort of excite myself. After that nervously I headed over to the flex bath house. The Bathhouse I've been to this place..many..many times in the past years ago before the relationship. I was nervous but excited at the same time. For an afternoon it was actually relatively busy. I had fun walking around and the sort of glancing/cruising game that people played. But I played with a guy with a room door opened. Seemed like a cute bi guy. We had fun kinda groping each other but he stated that he prefers to bottom and although not regularly a top I don't generally turn that down when the chemistry is right. He was a great cocksucker too really enjoyed having my dick sucked. It's not something I always enjoy so maybe it was the vibe or place but I was loving it. He guided me to his hole and he was surprisingly a little tighter then I thought. I asked if he's been fucked today and he said by one or two guys. I enjoyed his tight hole but I was gentle with him initially. I used to kinda just rush to come but I was having fun fucking him. He got a little hesitant and said he doesn't take loads back there he prefers it on his face or body. I fucked his mouth a little more but just a little hesitation and still mixed feelings I didn't come. He said he needed a break so we split ways. I saw some really hot bears there too. Some of them seemed like they were in a group and a few of them glanced or acknowledged but out of the cruising game so wasn't entirely sure. I found one of them later in a room jacking off. He was a really sexy bear daddy with a beautiful white beard and body. I looked at him jerking off and grabbed my cock underneath my towel and he invited me in. He was quick to suck my cock but I really enjoyed his masculine grip it suited his look and demeanor. I sucked his cock too and damn it was a nice cock and I could tell he was enjoying it. He didn't want to come yet so I fucked him some more. His ass was more loose then the bi like guy but it also felt wet and it was really turning me on and he wanted me to breed him. I was more then happy to breed him he was a sexy daddy and I was enjoying the moment and sort of putting the past behind me. He also had a nice patch of hair on his ass that was really sexy so it turned me on even more. I guess if I am doing the load count I used to do I gave one load so far lol. After that I went to take a shower. I saw another bear who I saw earlier and could not quite tell if he was into me or not. I went over the dark room area and went in one of the stalls and he went into one next to me. I stuck my cock through and he started sucking it and damn he was good at it. He stuck his through and I started slowly sucking him. I wanted to try to remember things I did with my ex so I was trying hard to please him. He stopped me partially and asked if I wanted to go to his room and of course I agreed. He had a bigger room. And pretty much immediately in his room he took control. He sort of guided me to the bed and explored my body. His lips and mouth pressed against my nipples and he passionately licked my body. He even licked my ears and face and we also kissed briefly. In short time I was sucking his cock again. He seemed to really straddle over me and forcing it down my throat. He was pretty big so I gagged a little bit. He changed the positions around and we were starting to 69. After I sucked him for a bit he changed the angles so I was licking and sucking his balls. He had nice hairy balls and then he angled it more so I was starting to lick his taint? I think. And then eventually he had me angled where my face was at the crack off his asshole. I haven't eaten ass in a very long time did not even do it with my ex. For some reason with this man I was willing to do pretty much anything I wanted. I shoved my nose, face, and tongue into his crack and rimmed him. I was hesitant at first but I was really enjoying it. The smell, the hair, and everything about him was driving me crazy. Next thing I knew he was rimming and fingering my hole. I was getting a little bit nervous but he had me suck his cock some more. He kept calling me a good boy as I was doing it so it encouraged me more. Before I knew it his cock was at my hole and I was on my back and then side. I was really nervous but I let it happen. I tried to open up but I was a little tight. He had a good girth to his cock so damn it felt good in me. It felt different then my ex in a good way. He kept pumping me with slow strokes all the while we locked eyes and he was exploring my body. I was moaning and really getting into it. Then something happened. He asked if I liked getting fucked and said he was going to cum and if I want to get fucked. I told him yes I love it and he asked again if I want to get fucked and if I like to get fucked. I don't know why I said this but I said I like getting fucked and fucking. So we switched positions and I started fucking him. I just recently bred the silver daddy and the level of passion we had was giving me some kinda mixed worries. I ended up getting soft and he said thanks and that was basically it. Ugh I fucked it up somehow. It was really intense passion and I guess I just wasn't what he was looking for. That's fine though. I walked around a little bit more and I don't think I did anything with anyone else. I decided it's time to leave but I wasn't done. Part of me wonders if he did breed me he was satisfied if I would have been as well. The Bookstore I decided to go to a popular bookstore next that I haven't been to in forever. I had no idea what the charge was but I had cash on me. The parking lot was very full so I was feeling good about this. I walked inside and saw the backroom and the charge and said that I want access. After paying I walked in the dark corridor of video booths with porn playing and guys walking around cruising. I was surprised that there were several hot guys when I came in. A few daddies and bears and I felt like I was in heaven. I walked casually but slow and then I saw him. Cute guy with a sort of mohawkish hair style and a goatee and a piercing. He looked directly at me when I walked by him. I happened to walk by a booth so we went in the booth together. We stripped our shirts and he started sucking my nipples, kissing my neck, and body and then sucked my cock a little bit. I played with his nipples but I was a little hesitant. I was really attracted to him but I try to reserve some passion if I am not sure if the guy likes It. I decided to move up high and he moved his face so I decided not to kiss him and kissed his neck instead. He was moaning and then he kissed me. He was a very passionate kisser which I like. I love to kiss. When he stripped I was surprised and impressed by all the tattoos he had on him. The passion continued and then he turned me around and he started playing with my hole. He was sort of doing that when we were kissing anyways. I felt his hard cock at my hole and I got nervous. I didn't even suck it and we said no words but he pushed inside. I was tight still but I tried to loosen up. I heard him taking a hit of poppers and then he pushed in further. Fuck it hurt but it felt good. I was trying not to moan too load being in the video booth but I couldn't help it. His cock nice and thick and my hole was getting wetter. He started to fuck me faster and I couldn't help it I had to moan out some more. He shouted out and he bred my hole without a word. He did not fully pull out he fucked my hole some more and damn my hole felt full of cock and cum. I tried to open up as much as I could so he could drain his load and shove a few more pumps. Once he pulled out he smiled and said that I am a sexy boy. I said he's a sexy man and that it was incredible and I loved it. We kissed again while we were putting on our clothes. He told me he'll be around for a little bit and asked if I will. I said yeah so we parted ways. I decided to stay and cruised around a little more. I saw a little bit of a younger guy with a nice beard. He went into a booth and I went into the opposite one. He had a nice long cock with a bit of bush. I started slowly sucking him and heard him moan. I was trying to focus on sucking him and enjoy it more when he asked if I wanted to go into a booth together so we did. He left his shirt on and sat down and pulled out his cock. I got on my knees and sucked him. I was sucking a little too fast for him I think my ex liked it fast so that's why I'm familiar with. He had me start to take it deeper and took some poppers and gave me some. He had suck him deeper and he was a lot longer and bigger then my ex so I had a little trouble. I apologized a few times but he said it was fine and was enjoying it. He asked if I wanted his load and I said yes. I sucked him some more but he seemed to enjoy being sucked more then anything with no contact. He said he needed a break and wasn't ready to cum yet. We parted ways. I walked around some more and found a dark room area. To my surprise the cute mohawk tatted guy was there. He passionately made out with me. There were some guys sucking and groping around us and we were making out. After a great make out session I started sucking his nipples and this time his cock which was hard. Damn it felt good sucking it knowing it was in me previously. While I was sucking him a guy behind me was grabbing my ass. He started fingering my ass. It seems like the guy I was sucking was encouraging the guy playing with my ass. He got up and I started sucking the other guy and he got behind me and started fucking me again. I never even pushed out his load in the bathroom because someone else was in there. Damn his cock in me felt good again. It was so fucking hot sucking some random guy in front of me too. He fucked me for a good while and I could see a crowd start to gather around us. He pulled out of me and put his cock in front of me. I immediately started sucking him and tasting his cock felt so good. The guy I was sucking got behind me and pushed his cock in my hole. Fuck I was getting spitroasted again. He felt good but I think he was getting nervous of the people around so he got soft I can't blame him I know it happens. The mohawk guy who was fucking me and making out with me suggested we go back to the room. So much more passionate kissing when we were back in the room. He kept exploring my body and I explored his. I sucked on his nipples, licked his chest and neck and loved every moment of intimacy with that man. I enjoyed sucking his cock again and looking up at him while he was looking down at me. He pulled me up and turned me around and he fucked me again. He started to say that I'm a good boy and being a good boy for daddy. He said I was making him proud and it made me just try to open up my hole even more. It did not take long until I was moaning again in pleasure and he was shouting as he bred me again. Fuck. He didn't pull out immediately like last time and fuck he shot in me again. Holy shit this man had stamina. Eventually he pulled out and I realized there were no more napkins. He said he'd go get some and be right back. He came back quickly and I wiped the cum off my ass and he wiped his cock. We embraced again and made out more while we were dressing. He said there's no need to rush getting dressed he wanted to enjoy it. He again said how sexy while we were getting dressed and I told him how sexy and hot he is and that I love his tattoos. He told me he's heading home now that he gave all he could give basically. I think saying he's at his limit and that he hopes to see me again. I told him i'll see him around. Such a hot fucking guy. He loved fucking my hole and making out and didn't seem to mind and got off when others were fucking me and even encouraged me to suck others. I almost wanted to ask for his number but being recently single I hesitated. Not sure if I regret it or not but I may or may not see him again. Time will tell. After exiting the booth I went back to the dark room. It didn't seem too busy but I saw someone standing there with a bulge or a silhouette of them. I grabbed my own cock and they kept grabbing theirs. I gently groped the man's bulge and he took his cock out. Damn it was really thick. I stroked it some more and it got hard quickly and he encouraged me to get on my knees. I started sucking him and damn his cock was really thick I was trying to take all I could take and he started moaning. As he moaned more all of a sudden the lights came on. What the fuck. He said they might be cleaning and suggested we go to a room. We went to a booth but a different one then the one i've been in. Taking a glance at him damn he was a sexy man. Big beautiful full bushy black beard and he seemed pretty stocky. When we were in the booth he started feeling my body a bit. I took off my shirt and he took off his. I wanted to go for his nipples but wasn't sure what he was into. He surprised me and started groping me more aggressive. He grabbed my hands and put them behind my back. Oh fuck he was that kind of man. He licked and sucked on my nipples and kissed them and then he kissed me. He was a great kisser not as passionate as the other guy but I loved his dominant traits. He called me a good boy too and I simply responded "Thank you Sir". I called a few men tonight Sir I guess old instincts don't go away. He let me suck his nice thick cock again and damn it was thick I tried my best to swallow it so he gave me poppers. He didn't just give me poppers though. He took a huge hit and then opened his mouth and kissed me and exhaled the poppers into my mouth and throat. Holy fuck. This man was insane. I felt the poppers spinning around and I went back to sucking him having an easier time and he started playing with my hole. He kissed me more and then told "I want to fuck you but I don't fuck here". That kinda caught me by surprise. I sucked him more and he said he needs a break and isn't ready to come yet. But he told me when he is that I should be around and I'll take his load. I don't fully know what he meant by that unless he considers guys at book stores whores and wants to only fuck guys one on one at a non public place. Regardless I loved the aggression and dominance he displayed and the passion. I had fun. I walked around a little more and to no surprise didn't see him. I did see a booth open and someone on the other side. I looked in through the peep hole and I saw an older man a gray haired daddy with a bulge in his pants. He looked at me and he got up with his underwear on. I thought he was going to leave but he grabbed his bulge and pulled out a nice thick cock. He started stroking it and I eagerly got on my knees and opened my mouth. His cock looked a little wet at first I wondered if it was a condom but then realized it was probably lube or he fucked someone previously. He pulled me closer to the peephole and I took his cock all the way down my throat. Fuck he had a great rhythm fucking my throat and I was in rhythm feeling his hard cock go in and my lips tasting his cock. Before I knew it he was pumping a little harder and I tasted something salty and sweet. Was that cum? Hot damn he was cumming down my throat. I moaned in pleasure and pumped harder pumping all of his cum down my throat. I nursed his cock like a good boy even if he didn't say it. His cock got soft and he pulled out and smiled. He got up and left. While I was there earlier in between the mohawk guy and the other random daddy sucking and getting fucked by them there was another old guy in a red shirt he seemed like he was cruising me. I think he tried to whisper something earlier to me but he took off after. I saw him again and I invited him into a room and he came in. He took off my shirt and started sucking my dick. His mouth felt great and then he turned me around and started dry humping me. Very aggressive. He took out his cock and started fucking me. He tried to fuck me and it was feeling good but he got soft and fell out. It happened a few times and then he basically said thanks and we separated. Maybe he fucked someone previously who knows. The random daddy who was fucking me and I was sucking his dick in between the mohawk guy came back around. I saw him and he looked cute older slightly chubby daddy with a cute goatee. We went into a room that was too small. He didn't seem to be into body contact too much so I just sucked him. He seemed to have a hard time getting hard but I could tell he enjoyed it and said he was. I pulled off and started stroking my cock. I read the situation wrong he didn't seem to bottom or be a cocksucker. I went back to sucking his cock and he got hard a few times and then he got soft again. I almost wanted to ask what he was into or wanting to do but the room was so small we barely could maneuver. We both agreed that the room was too small and thanked each other and separated. That was pretty much it. A few more guys were walking a round but they kept alternating between cleaning different areas I think it scared many off. I think I did see the mohawk guy again before the last random daddy I played with. I thought I saw him go into the dark room but it was someone else. I felt a little bad I couldn't tell if the mohawk goate wanted me to go with him. Honestly if he asked I would have whether that was a good idea or not. So after that I just drove home and showered and went on with the evening like normal until I decided to spend over an hour writing this travesty of a tale lol. I don't know why I called that one guy mohawk goatee it was more of a faux hawk but I don't care he was still sexy and I liked it. Afterthoughts Alright time for some after thoughts of all this and I guess load counts. I found out after the break up that my ex went to public play places a few times but claimed he didn't do anything. But then more recently claimed he tried to do something with a guy but couldn't. Honestly if he had just told me I would have been fine with it but I always felt like he hid those sorts of things. I think he was afraid to tell me because he knew I'd either cheat or want an open relationship like I initially wanted but kept it closed for him. I almost didn't go the bath house tonight but thought we're broken up now and we had many years together good times and bad times. But we are both moving on with our lives and I was damn horny. I don't know if I have the cruising down 100% right now. The bath house felt a little more awkward and I was more nervous. The bookstore I seemed to understand it better and have more confidence. I kinda wish I didn't say I liked to fuck when that sexy bear daddy was fucking me. The locking of eyes and encouragement he gave me fuck. I wonder if he would have been satisfied if he just came in me he was about to. He was still walking around for cruising afterwards. The mohawk goatee guy ugh. I so strongly wanted to exchange numbers in my mind I was thinking he'd be fun as a regular fuck buddy. But maybe it's too soon? I wonder if some of these guys I played with today could see the hesitation or how I was holding back at first with contact. I wonder if they've been through this before too and if they knew. With the bearded daddy bear who was aggressive. I've had similar things happen years ago. Sometimes guys will judge you as a whore at a bookstore or bath house and have limited interaction with you because they don't want to be associated with a whore or maybe they feel guilty themselves. It is what it is. I don't know if I'll start going on apps again. God I remember in my 20s always being on gay apps and bareback ones and always looking for a hook up. I had a lot of fuck buddies years ago. I had some..less then a handful who I could have seen as wanting to date. Some maybe wanted to date me. But I was so busy moving from one app to one picture, to one profile to the next I wasn't able to see some good things that were in front of me. I could still potentially reach out to some or I could just forget about them and meet new guys. I really hope I don't fall into the old trap I fell into. It was miserable and that's partially why I met my ex and we were together for so long. But I have to admit some things to myself. I love sex. Am I addicted to sex? Perhaps. I don't jerk off to as much porn as I used to in my 20s. I do still like porn and jerk off to it but I don't feel the need to do it for hours like I used to. I have changed a lot since before and after the relationship I was in. I don't feel so much like I "Need" to be in the arms of a man and actually enjoy being alone and doing things on my own. The biggest issue in the past was I always looking for a Daddy or a Sir to be their boy. I've spent years and different relationships in different roles. I used to regret my promiscuous past. But thinking on it lately damn it was a lot of fun. It was lonely at times too but I don't regret any of it. I want to have sex more. I want to take more cock, I want to suck and fuck and get my dick sucked. Not sure I want it everyday. Not sure I want to take multiple loads daily or everytime I go out. It just sort of happened today lol. I was afraid that by going out I would turn back into that and maybe I will and it's just invetible anyways. I felt enjoyment from multiple guys at both places. I didn't feel unsatisfied or empty after both places even if a few encounters didn't end the way I wanted. I'm really nervous about getting back on hook up apps but I think with moderation it will be okay just as long as it's not obsessive like it used to be. Uncertain of bars. I used to have.ALOT of fun in them but I feel with bars comes reputation. It doesn't matter if you are pleasuring a guy or multiple guys if they see you doing acts like that you might be branded a whore or slut especially if you are a bottom. If you are part of a popular or reputation group of guys then that can probably be bypassed. Maybe just avoiding the bars for now is best. I have also realized that i'm in my fucking 30s. Maybe I've gone through a bit of a mid crisis early on well it's definitely been crisis mode for a while anyways lol. I did not really realize how attractive I am because I never went to places with other gay guys when I was around my now ex he didn't allow it. It feels sort of good getting some validation from several guys tonight. I used to think that when I saw really attractive guys I was into in my youth maybe they were just using me as a pity fuck. Or maybe they could sense the low self confidence. Well time to start having more self confidence I can't believe I can say that I'm sexy and now I need to own it. Load Counts and Stuff To whoever read all this why the fuck did you do that lol. Anyways I hope you enjoyed the sex parts anyways. I used to write about sex encounters all the time so I might be a bit rusty. And I used to love writing about load counts. So yeah lets see. Sexy White Gray Bearded Daddy 1 Load I bred him. Passionate Fun Mohawk goatee guy fuck that man bred me 4 times. And that business daddy man who I swallowed his load in the peep hole 1 load taken oral. So 1 load given/bred, 4 loads taken/got bred, and 1 load taken/swallowed. For someone who wasn't even sure or trying to take loads tonight or give not bad. I don't know if this is the last post I'll have here or if there will be many more. But if there are more the next ones won't be so damn lengthy. Sorry just had to get a lot off as well.