TonyRedux

lol! looks like S*a*t*a*n is a banned word here...food for more paranoid thought?

i agree that some of what i've read here is horrific and *****ic in the "Doom-To-All-Life" sense, but from the details provided it is still a stretch to justify the OP's reaction.

So last night at the tubs, there were toursists in town for Gay Ski Week at Whistler. This guy comes in dressed way kinkier than is the norm here - it's a pretty conservative place and few people flaunt their kinks. He's a bit drunk and I wanted to avoid him, but then he came into my room and devoured my ass, so I didn't mind.

But then he starts fingering me deep, telling me to hit the poppers, and I do. OK so poppers make me not jut horny but a bit loopy sometimes. I'm definitely one of those annoying popper talkers. Some guys love it and others hate it. Whatever, just trying to explain my headspace. Anyways, I can feel his fingernails, which weren't trimmed. Right away my head goes to all the bugchasing stories on here of guys using their fingernails to scratch inside a guys rectum. I'm poz, but still. Anyways I freak right out. I'm a big guy and have a very short fuse. I told him I thought he was a shit and how dare he try that crap on me... though his befuddled expression kind of suggested he had no idea what I was talking about. This kind of calmed me down and made me realize that maybe he just didn't know that he needed to trim his fingernails, cause when I first flipped over I wanted to break his hand and smash his skull into the locker.

holy shit! dude, u spazzed out a bit.

Go fuck yourselves all you selfish immature bad fuckers. Fucking is a two way street. If you want a guy who gets fisted and takes your dick like a tunnel go for it. As a bottom I like to control the movements to change things up on occasion. a good top will let the bottom work their dick. One of my favorite things to do on a long dick is have them stay still while I grind their cock in a quick jackhammer motion with my wet sweet hole. Just got myself hard, going out a little later to get dicked. I also like to glide over a hard cock with my hole when the guy either stops to hold back from cumming, or has just cum. A good fucker loves that shit.

I also like to get pounded as soon as it's worked in. I like to start from behind and then flip over to missionary. That's how I get the most deep dicking. Sniff some poppers and hold on for the ride.

u were mistaken to think i was addressing u when i said "go fuck urself", when in fact i was addressing the men in the personal experiences i shared...regardless, what u describe above is actually u fucking urself using some top, an act of self-lust. i have no use for or interest in bossy or fidgety bottoms directing my action. my lesbian-solidarity is political and familial, not sexual at all...and rare indeed is the bossy bottom who even knows what the fuck he's doing when it comes to making Cock Feel Good.

the single most important part of any gay male buttfucking is the top's dick, period. anything that diminishes that will either take a secondary role or will inevitably diminish the fuck itself. every bottom who laments their lack of access to good tops must confront this fact at some point.

when i worked my first Black Party in 2008, i started out in jeans n tee, and by the end of the night i was outfitted in a full leather get-up as guys were literally just giving me stuff to wear. i rarely bother with it tho, very cumbersome in actual sex. way too hot n sweaty...i overheat. a harness on a bottom can be useful in doggy, i find everything else gets in the way.

seeing the cover of David in the backyard of my tenement was i was 9 years old was a huge turn on, n leather was a fetish into my early 20's. like many of my teenage fetishes, like doublefucking, i've come to find it more interesting to fantasize about than to live out.

i've come to value Maximum Fuck, which is best facilitated by Maximum Ergonomics...this combo ends up neutralizing the appeal of most kinks for me. they get in my way.

u'd think 8+ inches would be a plus, but many guys r used to "internet inches" n view my cock with terror...it does get rock hard n my head is fat, bulbous n bone hard. add to that my fuckstyle is very rigorous n a bit sadistic, and what u get is the need to determine quickly that a bottom can ultimately take my fuck...if he can't, the sooner i know it the better.

i'm pushing in slow and deep from the start, but not SUPER-slow. i know how to stretch ass vs tearing it, and the former feels better than the latter, but if a bottom doesn't trust me or can't submit, it's all for nothing. better to find that out on my terms 60 seconds in, rather than allow a bottom to control the motion and put up with 20-40 minutes of half-hearted bullshit b4 they bail out "ur too big n too hard man, i'm SOOOO sorry!!"

go fuck yourself, dude.

I fucked a huge muscledaddy martial artist last night who had been on my buddy list for several years. It was my first full fuck after my surgery on 1/25, and it reminded me of how out of shape I am, especially on 10mg off oxycodone. He was a great fuck. I gave him a nice deep load, but on the 2nd fuck we both gassed out before I could cum. Both of my knees cramped-out. Stupid opiates. I think it made him happy, even if it was only my 10% fuck. I'm glad I'm finally back in the gym after a month off as I need to return to full power.

lol nice! well i wouldnt mind seeing that myself...are u going to the one next weekend?

maybe, depends on how i'm feeling post-surgery-wise n how my finances look...and what hubby is up to.

anybody been to the New York Party?

i was there in December, very hot n busy. i missed the January one, tho i've spoken to the organizer Cade via email. a nice n intelligent guy, but he made a comment via email about how "you'd better take your Geritol before the next party" that's stuck with me. he admits he has never seen me fuck, only that he hates to see older tops "gas out...it ain't pretty".

at some point i'm gonna haveta fuck someone in front of him...bottoms who have had both of us tell me i am a hurricane to his spring rain shower, which is typical.

Dad is a Sunni-Muslim Albanian, Mom is Orthodox Christian Montenegrin. we were raised Muslim, tho we also celebrated Easter and Xmas, particularly bcuz the latter is a week later in the Orthodox tradition than in the Western Xian one, so basically Xmas Eve/NYE-Xmas/New Years were the same for us. in terms of doctrine, Albanians tend to be much more hardcore about ethnic traditions than religious ones...were were bloodfeuding a thousand years b4 the Sicilians and have a more elaborate attachment to it, especially the mountain-clan stock my dad descends from. Montenegrins r similar, just slavic.

turns out the exact region my Dad's side is from had a gay marriage tradition recognized by local imams and priests:

http://books.google.com/books?id=1ha9GgWNmy0C&pg=PA315&lpg=PA315&dq=same+sex+unions+in+Albania&source=bl&ots=MKHDr8nVIq&sig=yvIj8U4_keJ4myP4SfA8sVDGqz4&hl=en&sa=X&ei=eqU0T7bhMoLi0QGX5NW4Ag&ved=0CD8Q6AEwBA#v=onepage&q=same%20sex%20unions%20in%20Albania&f=false

meh, sometimes I want a tight pink hole, other times I want a sloppy wet pink hole.

agreed, but i do enjoy holes across the spectrum of pink, red, brown, n sometimes black n blue

i hookup online most often, offline quite rarely. i have not had sex in exactly 2 weeks as i had surgery on 1/25, and i'm feeling like a bat gnawing thru the gates of Hell right now. back in my manhunt days, "ask me" was only useable in terms of HIV-status, and was nearly universal code for "i'm poz but i'm being coy bcuz..." out of several hundred manhunt hookups, two of the "ask mes" were HIV-negative and politically conscientious (one worked for an ASO)...all others were poz, n many wagged their finger at me for being so open about my own status.

on BBRT the proliferation of "ask me" answers is a reliable sign of flakiness...but my first priority is determining if they will take my load. i myself list "ask me" when stating whether i take loads anally or not, and to be blunt, by "ask me" i really mean "the only way u get my ass is if i'm vaguely in the mood AND i deem u worthy of seeding my ass, or it's one of those annual things where if i dont get some dick up my ass i'll turn into a werewolf n kill someone".

what never fails is that whenever i completely write bottoming off for good, within a week i get swarmed by alpha tops...some manage to hang around my buddy list long enuff to get a shot at my ass eventually. i can count on one hand the number of times i've gotten fucked that approach the kind of fuck i give....what i cant seem to do is predict b4hand who will actually get the job done. also, in the 3+ years since i've been with my husband i've had 2 of those 5 hyperpower-fucks...both times, the top got offended that i wasn't emotionally available for romance after those shattering sessions.

woe to the top who throws any swagger my way if (like most) his fuck was/is a yawn. luckily for them, most seem to understand this instinctively. however, here in NYC, Adam4Adam is more ghetto than BBRT, and i have had cause to castrate the souls of a few fools. their meltdowns r always tasty, and their threats such comedy when a real-life encounter occurs by coincidence. one guy actually took it maturely, which i found very honorable given how far he'd overextended himself in his previous email.

anyway, all of that was my way of defending my own use of "ask me" in terms of taking loads anally. i also have it for both giving n getting oral loads, as i cant stand most blowjobs and it's very rare that i'll suck a dick myself.

i definitely prefer online hookups to offline...vastly less expensive, a much wider range of guys, a much wider range of adventures and misadventures, and it's been quite educational. i have dealt with such a vast array of flake-out scenarios that i find myself able to read the situation far ahead in the last 5 years especially.

i've had some guys on my buddy lists for years without hooking up, and i still hope to fuck them someday. there r other guys i have blocked on a fukn whim. this thread dilutes the meaning of "flaking", which started as "arranged to hookup n then never showed/called/etc".

not everyone can hook up when u want them to. not everyone can be bothered explaining that to u every time. not everyone can afford to give a big shit about ur feelings, bcuz ur a fukn stranger to them...they can only afford u a Little Shit.

for my own part, i tend to make reliable use of status indicators "now, ur place" "now, my place" "later today" "not looking" etc. most people dont bother reading, however. most people r myopic, and see only their own needs. me, you and everyone else here included.

if someone gave me the OP's attitude, i might have to read back to see if i possibly led them on somehow...just my own OCD, as i'm pretty good about not doing that. if/when i see that ive done no such thing, my next question would be "ok, is this nutjob worth the hassle?"....the answer is usually not. i will tell them either way, politely.

only rarely will someone try go down in flames...too bad, i like fire.

to the OP: not everyone is as polite as i am, or as direct. u may have fucked up chances with some of these guys n they're just too nice to tell u.

Guys (especially tops) listen up:

If a bottom tells you he doesn't want you to cum in his ass and you do anyway, that's rape.

If that bottom subsequently freaks out as a result and calls the police, you can be arrested and charged. If the bottom's negative and you're positive, that can pile on even more serious charges depending on the prosecutor, like attempted murder or assault with a deadly weapon (yes, anything can be a deadly weapon). You can go to prison for a very long time and you can be forced to register as a sex offender when you get out. The potential legal consequences are that serious. Your life from here on out will irrevocably change for the much worse.

I know the whole dominant top and rape scene thing can be very hot. Hell, it turns me on too. But this is the kind of thing that needs to be negotiated out in advance and in such a way that you have a written record of what he wanted, like an email conversation.

And you need to respect the men you're fucking around with too, including the limits they want to set. Not just because it's the right thing to do, but also because you can get yourself into serious trouble if you don't.

oh im well aware of the many games guys try to play, and i will leave them no wiggle room. i tell anyone with the slightest interest in taking my dick that it will enter them without a condom, and i will cum as i please...all my encounters r layed out as a consensual rape-play scene in writing b4hand, and if any hassle presents itself i just end things. i've thrown out quite a few bottoms who already took my load without knowing it, bcuz they asked me to NOT cum in them after i'd already done so. they were very lucky to be given just enuff paper towels to keep their drip off my floor.

nowadays i actually aim for a short fuck first to get the seeding out of the way.

what remains pleasing to me is my self-control when some scumbag has suckered me across town really late in bad weather and THEN tried to power-play me this way. so far no one has tried to start a fistfight over it...if/when they do, i would hate to be in their shoes.

Sorry, that last post should have read "there someone doing it right now"...

Degradation is in the eye of the beholder. One of the most powerful sessions I had last year was one I shouldn't have allowed to happen: he was a good ten years older than his online photos, and lied in other ways, but I was thinking with my lower brain. Had he been a bit more honest and a little more flexible in outlook, ongoing emotional stuff might have happened. Breath control was a big thing for him ("the border between life and death"), and I let him put me out. It was something I'd always been scared of, giving up control as fully as that, especially as a guy who'd known the technique had snuck up on me and put me out as a joke. Despite all my misgivings and the past I let him do it and remember waking up in tears at what he'd given me. He'd exerted pretty much the ultimate control over me, and I'd loved that. Was that degrading? I don't think so...

wow. glad i come from a culture of Blood Vengeance several millenia old...

i used to serosort but learned that neg bugchasers can lie, so i universally disclose, control my own infectiousness as much as possible chemoprophylactically, and disregard anyone's claim of their own status.

I've always maintained that the only people who can sure of their serostatus are people who are poz. In the 25 years I've known my status I've met two, perhaps three, disturbed individuals who have falsely claimed seropositivity. Since re-joining the fray (detailed in another post) I've always kept my HIV+ status as part of my profile. Hell, I even give my real age ;-) In private chat one of the first questions I ask is "have you read my profile? All of it?" A lot of chats frequently end at that point: in the UK it's seen as the PwHIV's responsibility to look after the sexual health of the HIV-unknown. I asked in a recent speech at a World Aids Day event "Is there a single HIV-unknown person in this entire country capable of rational thought once they've got their underwear off?" Lots of uncomfortable looking faces - clearly the joke didn't go down well.

I think you and I, Tony, are preaching the same message to the same choir, just under different sets of rules (the UK and US legislature). We've had a number of prosecutions for transmission of HIV and even for herpes: I'm waiting for middle class moms to get prosecuted for chicken pox parties...

For myself, I want the sex I want, as safely (both medically - I don't need hep C or syph or anything else - and legally) as I can make it. If that means missing out on some hot HIV-unknown guys, then so it.

Interesting that you mention the "Typhoid Mary" laws: my first TV appearance as a PwHIV was on a chat/documentary in 1988 about a Swedish proposal to imprison HIV+ people (they even had the island prison chosen already) who refused to adopt safer sex/injecting practices in order to protect the general public.

heh...ironic. thanks for that perspective!

I was reading the NY Times book section online this morning and there is an interesting review by Jeanette Winterson of a book about Henry Miller titled Renegade: Henry Miller and the Making of “Tropic of Cancer” by author Frederick Turner.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/books/review/renegade-henry-miller-and-the-making-of-tropic-of-cancer-by-frederick-turner-book-review.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ref=books

Now I realize that Winterson is a famous lesbian and feminist, so her problems with Miller and with this book have to take those things into account. But what I found interesting, and perhaps applicable to this site is what she had to say in her final paragraph:

"There is beauty as well as hatred in “Cancer,” and it deserves its place on the shelf. Yet the central question it poses was stupidly buried under censorship in the 1930s, and gleefully swept aside in the permissiveness of the 1960s. Kate Millet asked the question in the 1970s, but the effort to ignore it is prodigious. A new round of mythmaking is ignoring it once more. The question is not art versus pornography or sexuality versus censorship or any question about achievement. The question is: Why do men revel in the degradation of women? "

I found her final question intriguing. It is not just women that some men revel in degrading. Look at the stuff people on here are into. I made my way to this site after seeing some of RawTop's vids on x-tube. I love bareback sex, and was surprised at the open attitude towards people like myself who are HIV positive.

I think bareback sex is FUN! I like FUN things!

Yes my idea of fun is probably kinkier than most regular people's. Not everyone wants to swab off a 12 inch cock with their throat straight outta another guy's asshole. I think it's a blast and I don't need to be drugged when I'm doing it.

But, I have had my eyes opened to a great deal more on this site than just FUN bareback goodtimes. Around the same time I started reading this site I had a strange experience in my real life (I posted about it probably when I was high off my rocker a few weeks back). Sex is starting to not seem to be about fun goodtimes.

For so many people the whole taboo of bbing relates to degrading others or being degraded themselves. Bugchasing and chemming are also about degradation.

Why? Why can't sex just be FUN?

sex is too big to be just one thing...it will inevitably bring up core aspects of ourselves that go far beyond simple pleasure.

the inevitability of political groupthink has always been an amusement to me. inside the HIV+ community, there is controversy regarding the amount of responsibility HIV+ people have for preventing themselves from infecting others. OUTside the HIV+ community, there really is no trace of such controversy...only the broad consensus that transmissible diseases need to be controlled. 30 years into HIV, the trend toward criminalization is accelerating. personally i do most of my cruising online and maintain a consistent practice of broad, open disclosure in all settings...i used to serosort but learned that neg bugchasers can lie, so i universally disclose, control my own infectiousness as much as possible chemoprophylactically, and disregard anyone's claim of their own status.

i am comfortable that my practices leave me somewhat less vulnerable to unscrupulous nutjobs making false claims about lack of HIV-disclosure...but i am also comfortable that i can defend myself against broader charges of spreading a deadly illness. i don't think everyone here can say the same, and i think it's a mistake to assume u'll never have to.

here in New York State, we have "Typhoid Mary" laws that allow the state to preemptively incarcerate individuals who present risks to public health. they have never been applied to HIV+ persons before, but it's a mistake to think that they never would be...the NYC DOH has been announcing plans on better coordination with the NYPD n with other DOH's...specifically about "people of concern". some of the conversations here would make their radar for sure.

...not to mention the possibility of a right-wing political feeding frenzy the likes of which would make Jesse Helms look up from his deep pit in Hell, n blush...

cant stand it. turn off.

i have long said that the campaign to demonize natural sex (ak "bareback, raw") would result in fetishization of it for the specific reason it was demonized, aka HIV. for every X-number of emo kids, there's a hopefully-tiny sub-population of nutjobs reading Anton LaVey n sacrificing pets...and the subset of those who become serial-killers of people...or the fools who seek those killers out.

i'm sure the existence of generally effective anti-retroviral therapy will encourage some to dispute the similarity between the bugchasing/gift-giving disposition n the example of voluntary cannibalism, but i'm curious to read how such ethical parsing would look in this case.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Armin_Meiwes

i guess the definition of "trolling" varies by setting. this thread is horrifying...and almost hackey in the way it fulfills stereotypes i thought were mostly mythological. already i see a smorgasbord of right-wing attack points on universal healthcare, gay rights, and hiv-criminalization. r u all sure ur all for real? barebottomphx almost sounds like a Rick Santorum campaign staffer on safari...

intentionally giving someone a deadly illness is pure evil. intentionally giving someone a potentially deadly illness is as at least as evil as the potential for harm, along with the cost of that harm, to the individual and to society.

i should note that my favorite music is silence, only the sound of my fat hard head snapping in n out of an anus gradually turning from tight to soft...those wet squishy-smushy sounds r completely cosmic, love it. u also get to hear a bottom's breathing, n the nuances of his voice more clearly...helps me detect acting sooner. when i fuck u, u dont get to simulate ur defeat...reality only.

i've fucked to all kinds, and i DO mean all kinds of music. from Black Sabbath to Charles Aznavour to Al Jolson to Aphex Twin to Painkiller to Geto Boys to Abba. for some reason the memory that occurred to me regarding this topic is of a session in 2007 in the East Village, fucking some chunky Asian who didnt understand what he'd gotten himself into. the session was often marked by deliberate acts of mercy, and at one point his ass spasmed in a way that still haunts my erotic dreams, yet i stopped moving n allowed him to slowly pull off my dick instead of giving the hammering such a spasm primordially demanded. still managed to coax him into taking a bit more fuck, but i never got to nut...again, mercy on my part.

the song that was playing for the last 10 minutes of that was this long techno remix of The Doors "Bird Of Prey"....

Huge musclebear in Washington Heights. A very nice guy, but luckily he caught me in a gentle mood. We managed to meet halfway, as my gentle fuck was more than he could take, but after a certain amount of softer play we were in missionary position and my long-dicking fuck had commenced n accelerated when he started wanting to bail out. I just said "I'm close" and he went "Oh fuck, ok" and ceased all resisting. I felt the natural urge to just extend the fuck, but the excitement of his full submission brought me to a strong pummeling orgasm, without doing too much damage to him. Very nice musk on him.

This is exactly why I say that if you're feeling pain, you need to at least stop and probably back off and take a break. Pain is a signal that there's something wrong; failure to pay attention can end your career as a bottom.

u would hate my fuck...