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fuckboy20

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  1. fuckboy20

    No More Hiding

    By fuckboy20,

    Since i was 18 I've always been a bit of a slut. But I was more of the selective slut back then and used condoms. First barebacking I was selective for a while because of fear but as I progressed I realized it didn't matter. But even then, I didn't really whore out. Nah, just a few loads up my butt everyday. Becoming poz, I even had less sex.
    But I'm starting to realize more and more about myself.
    I went to a club on saturday night. My goal was to dance, drink, have fun, and maybe hook up with a guy. So if that's the case why do I go to the dark room first. Barely being there for a few minutes I decide to bend over the pull table. In even less time I pull down my pants and reveal my ass in my jockstrap. Who the hell was this person? Was this really me? What happened to dancing and having fun? What happened to not being so slutty and being more selective? What happened to saving yourself?
    I'll retract a little before I get to this point. I talk with my exes sometimes. I'm not sure why or how but after talking with one of them last week something just clicked in me. Yeah I still love them, miss them, wish it would work out. But for some reason I just let the idea of me being in another relationship, me waiting for someone, me saving myself, me being reserved, me being a total subservient boy to a bastard top, or being walked all over. I just let it go. *don't sue*. After my client that night I went to a club and got pretty damn drunk and then I went to a sex club and got 7 loads. I got in an orgy and a guy raped my hole while I was fucking another guy. It was fucking hot. One guy pulled me into a room and after fucking me I thanked him and he said he wasn't done with me and pinned me against the wall and bred me again. Maybe after that black guy raped me, I kinda like that now. And then to end it all I just went into the dark room, bent over, and let whoever fuck me. I didn't care. And when I went to cumunion I got in a sling and let anyone fuck me and just took it. I didn't feel lowered, desperate, I just did it.
    Back to where I left off.
    "Is this who I really am?", I asked myself while I was spreading my cheeks and backing my ass up on guys who walked by. A few guys felt me up. One guy kissed me. And a very hot daddy commented on my hole and asked if I had any loads. He chuckled when I told him I didn't and he fingered my hole roughly. He told me that he'll be back once I have some loads. One guy fucked me but with a condom. I sucked a few guys but all of them asked for a condom. But that's where I was most of the night just against the pull table and sometimes mostly bent over. No one made me do it. The alcohol didn't really make me either. It wasn't the poppers it was me. I wanted to be fucked by anyone I don't care who the guy is, how old, dick size, just wanted cock in me.
    This is something. Like a fear I've been trying to avoid and fight for so long. Giving into becoming a complete cumdump and slut. I figured I'd be at truckstops, sold off somewhere, or just completely destroyed mentally and physically if I gave into this. But I don't feel. I just did it. And I'll do it again. If I'm in a place where I know sex is possible especially raw sex I'll bend over and let anyone fuck me. Hell if I see a guy look at me with desire I'll offer him my ass or mouth. I just want to be used and love being used.
    I did try to dance for a ltitle just a break from the room. Had a little fun and when i went back to the room some guy comes over and said he watched me most of the night. He fucks me raw in that room, in the bathroom, and outside and then he breeds me. There's no mention of condoms or status. Hell he didn't even tell me his name. I was just a hole and mouth for him and I loved it. I thought that I'd feel sad or depressed if I let myself give into my inner slut. And I don't. I don't really feel empowered either, just slightly less horny and satisfied each and every time.
    The only drawback to this is I'm becoming more of a bottom. I tried getting with a guy recently and couldn't really get it up to fuck him. I liked fucking before but that came from some power, strength, and drive. Right now...I guess I just want to submit. But I'll make no more excuses or hide from the fact that I've only discovered a small portion of how much of a slut and cumdump I really am and how subservient I am. I honestly, can't wait to see where this takes me.
  2. fuckboy20
    Ah, hows that for a title.
    Soooo where do I begin.
    Well I was in utah for about 2 weeks or so going to school.
    Nothing but studying, notes, and sleeping. Until my day off on Sunday. I got together with a guy who was local. Cute sexy bear of a man. He picked me up and we went to the mountains and went sight seeing and I saw the ski areas. He grabbed my dick a few times while we were driving and I grabbed his too.
    When we got back to his place we went to making out, sucking, and just having fun. He seemed very versatile, which I like. When we got to the bedroom we both rolled around on the bed making out and I sucked his cock and his nipples. He got hard quickly and put me on all fours. No lube, no poppers he just shoved his cock in me. Fuck it hurt, but it also felt really damn good. He wasn't pushing it in easy either. But I'm experienced I have guys fuck me dry or just with spit regularly. But just the aggression, domination, and lust of this guy who seemed verse was such a turn on. I backed on his dick and he really fucked me. He fucked me on my side and my back too. Every time he just popped out and just shoved it back in. I was loving every minute of it. We made out a bit too while he was fucking me on my back. Finally, I jacked my dick and came, and so did he. And afterwards I realized he had poppers. He wanted me to fuck him. He's neg but apparently doesn't mind getting fucked raw as long as he doesn't get cum in his hot ass.
    I fucked him raw and we both took poppers. It was really hard not to but I pulled out right before I came. But damn his ass felt great. We both made out a bit afterwards, chatted, and just bullshitted. It was fun. I like guys like him who seem calm, cool, and collective yet when fucking they turn into an animal. It's hot as hell. We showered and he took me back to my hotel afterwards and we planned to meet again. Although, he was in town yesterday we couldn't because I already made plans with a certain leather top.
    Now for the other part. By the way I consider that guy someone who "Used" me in a rough and fun way.
    The other experience was similar to one I had in Atlanta which I haven't written about actually..
    The following week on a Friday I got a growlr message from a fucking sexy muscle bear. He told me he wanted to be more dominant and was looking for a submissive boy to use. So we talked and decided to get together. Since last time I got dropped off too close to the hotel I walked a bit away from it to get picked up. I saw him pull up and saw he was a pretty hot looking guy. We chatted a bit in the car until we got to his place. He seemed laid back from talking to him. Not overly friendly but just an average guy. Until we got into the bedroom.
    Ordering me to strip he grabbed my balls, slapped them, spanking my ass, slapped my face several times, and even punched my stomach a little. My dick was fucking rock hard. He then forced my head on his dick and skull fucked my throat. My dick was dripping pre-cum. He slapped my face a few times too. He then threw me on the bed and put my legs in the air. I was a bit worried at this point but I knew what was coming. No lube just shoved his dick in me. He fucked me extremely aggressively. I didn't even have a chance to relax at first and it actually hurt a bit. But I still took it. All the while he called me a bitch, whore, slut, and other names. He flipped me over on my belly and continued fucking me. His hand came up to my face so I couldn't even moan or groan I just muffled into his hand. I could tell he was loving it but so was I. I was tightening my hole while he fucked me and it didn't take long for him to breed me. While he was milking me I continued working my ass muscles on his cock and he bred me again. After he bred me he forced me on his dick, slapped my face a few more times and squeezed the fuck out of my balls too.
    From there it was basically rinse and repeat. Slapping, heavy pain on my balls and cock, spanking my ass, raping my ass, breeding me, and sucking him. He grabbed my throat once while fucking me which was fucking hot as hell. But this was the entire night. He didn't kiss, didn't cuddle, didn't do anything like that. I was truly just his bitch cumdump and my dick was rock hard the entire time. I don't believe he let me cum and I had no problem with that. Eventually we did go to sleep but I slept on my side. In the middle of the night or morning I felt a sharp pain as he entered me dry fucking me. I had no choice to take it so I did. Fortunately he shot several loads in me which helped for lube. He humped me a bit until I worked my ass muscles and he bred me again. He repeated a few times too. I got a bit horny in the middle of the night myself and tried to finger his hole but he pushed my hand away. He had me suck and choke on his cock some more and fucked and bred me one last time before he said he had stuff to do. I grabbed a quick shower and he took me back to my hotel. It was hot I'll admit that. I didn't get any sleep really, face hurt a bit from all the slapping and so did other parts of my body. But I felt like I was fucking shinning. I grabbed some coffee from a coffee shop that morning and it made for a great day.
    The experience I had in Atlanta was similar to this except bondage, watersports, and a bit more physical pain. I was actually quite scared in that situation. This one, not so much just a little at first. But I was really happy to learn that there are dominant and aggressive fuckers in Utah. Definitely warrants a trip back.
    Also it was nice learning and comparing even more guys that use you rough and guys that rape you. There is a difference and they are both hot in their own ways and have pros and cons. But as I've confirmed (knew all along though) from last night passion and the desire to please the fuck out of the top you're with is also hot. I might not have as much sex as I used to or get out much. But when I do, it's fucking memorable and worth it.
  3. fuckboy20

    End...

    By fuckboy20,

    ..At the very least no more fucking nightlies to download tonight. Stupid clear ass internet is slow as jesus.
    I might be poz now..
    Got tested in october and was neg. Was surprised as fuck especially since I went to a bareback party the day before. The guy told me to get tested again in 2-3 months if I'm active with sex. Fast forward sex slowed down a bit after pride and I don't remember november. Well actually november was stress with wanting to move out and trying to plan that and escorting for the first time. December escorting and wanting to move out is something I told my roomates about and that was less stressful. I had sex more with clients then hook ups around that time frame as well. I got very sick in december. I took a few days off work too. Holiday season was not a fun time. I was sick for a while and stressed so much I did not have sex. Until new years eve.
    Went to a club and chatted with a hot bear. His friend was hot too and was kinda preppy daddy looking. After another drink I nearly passed out while the bear was groping and molesting me and fingering my hole and whispering sweet nothing about fucking me raw and breeding me and making me his bitch. Yet turns out, I went home with his friend. We went to a hotel and damn was his friend hot. Especially naked. Huge PA dick too. He fucked and bred me 3 times that night. And three more in the morning without the PA. When I took a shower the next morning I realized there was a little blood back there. Afterwards when I was getting to leave he asked me what my status was and told me it was stupid of him not to ask earlier. I told him I got tested almost two months ago and it came back as negative. He assured me he was negative too.
    Fast forward to this week and get texts and calls from him claiming he tested poz and I'm the only on he's had sex with. Sent me test results and everything. He is scared that much is clear. He doesn't blame me since he never asked status and since I was honest about when I got tested. It just diddn't show up yet. That is if I am poz. But with as much cum as I've taken up my ass and as much raw cock as I've had it would be a fucking miracle if I wasn't poz. Fuck there were some nights I had almost 10 loads up my ass and used the previous cum as lube. And I've gone to bath houses and bookstores and just taken raw cocks and loads. I got much more when I hooked up though. So I am somewhat ready to face it. But I have no health insurance so medications might be hard for me to get. And then there's the whole viral load..no way I can have sex with anyone until I am on meds. Especially if it's high.
    Besides, I'm just almost completely recovered from a top scratching my hole and the cut getting infected. That was a pain. I don't know if I'm poz or yet but there is a high chance. And also escorting? No way I can do that if I'm poz. Who wants a poz boy anyways. I know I can always have random sex with poz men but still. How much will it chance how people view me and limit me.
    But with lack of health insurance and money. If I can't really get the medication than that's basically it. But I'll say this much. If my life really gets lowered that much and things look that bleak I'm going for it. If I'm gonna die I might as well live it up until the point where it's over. I'd rather burn out bright then just fade away from nothing. I wonder if this will chance me to. Will it make me braver, stronger, or weaker.
    I'll know Saturday for sure. I just wish I had someone to talk to right now.
    I am a little scared. But more scared for the guy who had sex with me. At least with others I've had sex with most were undectable, not caring, or poz. I just need to figure out where to go from here.
  4. fuckboy20

    A trip to Alabama

    By fuckboy20,

    It's been a while since I've done some writing lately. I decided that this would go best here.
    So, last weekend I went to Alabama to see a client. I left on Saturday afternoon and arrived close to midnight.
    I arrived early so I showered and prepped myself for the client who was at dinner. When I was just finishing up my shower I heard him enter the house. I greeted him naked and we made out a bit. We went to the bedroom and he turned on his bareback porn and I got into bed with him. We kissed, I played with his cock and balls, and sucked him as well. I love it when I'm sucking him and he asks, "You wanna be daddy's boy. You wanna take daddys cock up your ass?"
    I hear that ringing in my ear sometimes. I know what to do after I respond. I got on all fours, lubed up my hole and spread my ass for him. He loves that. I felt his big cock push forward into my hole. I'm always so horned up for him especially after driving for so damn long, passing truck stops, truckers, or just stroking myself when I drive sometimes. I opened up with no problem and felt him sink into me. He pounded me from the start as normal. I love being fucked doggy style on all fours. It never takes long, but I love to tighten and relax my ass while he fucks me. He came inside me in no time and as usual pissed in me too. I went to the toilet to let his piss out and went back into bed with him. We kissed and fooled around a little more and slept.
    When I woke up the next morning he fucked me again and pissed in me and took me to breakfast. When we got back he had some errands to run so I was left by myself. I prepped myself while I had some time to ensure I'd be ready for him. I also tried to find some guys to invite over for him to fuck or for me to fuck. Someone did want to fuck me and have me go over to their place, bend over, take his load and then leave but he got too busy with work. When he returned we went to dinner and he also had to go to the hardware store and get something. After dinner when we came back he fucked me again and pissed in me. Beautiful combination. He fucked me again after he pissed in me and bred me with the piss mixed with the previous load. I love that feeling. We slept together again that night.
    The next morning I had coffee and cleaned up quickly because he had to go to work. We didn't have time for sex in the morning unfortunately. He thanked me for coming and told me he really enjoyed having me over. I thanked him as well and let him get on with his day and left.
    But that wasn't the end of my trip. Normally it is.
    After leaving I had a guy from bbrt who wanted to hook up with me. I wanted to hook up with him too. We tried last time I was in AL, but I didn't have enough time and it didn't work out. This time, I was going to change that. He gave me his address and I headed his way. He wasn't that far from my client. I missed his address the first time and the second time he was out in the driveway so I wouldn't miss him again. Fucking jackpot was what I thought when I saw him. He was a fucking bear of a man, and I loved the grin he was giving me. I parked and we went inside. He immedietely took me to his bedroom. I was a bit nervous but he grabbed me and started kissing me. And he was a damn good kisser. We both made out and pawed each other back and forth until we were both undressed.
    He took me into his bed and we rolled back and forth on the bed making out and exploring each other. I felt his cock and damn it was pretty fucking thick. I immedietely went to suck it and it felt so good in my mouth. I felt his hand at the back of my head and felt him push me farther on his dick. I loved the face fucking he gave me. We went back to making out until he told me he wanted to fuck me. I lubed up my hole and he lubed up his dick. His cock felt so fucking big when it entered me. I know I was just fucked the last few days but still. But I was able to relax completely and take it. He thrusted me a few times and pulled out. He told me he didn't want to cum to quickly.
    This went back and forth for a while, making out and him pumping me a bit and pulling out. Finally I knew he needed release. I was on my side and he pushed inside. He was intense when it came to fucking. I felt not only his big thick raw dick in me but he was pushing and using his weight and strength as well. It felt so fucking good. I was in sensory overload and didn't quite tighten and relax my hole like I normally do. I just wanted him to keep fucking me. He fucked me like mad until finally I could tell that he really wanted to breed me. I tightened my hole around his cock and felt his load fill me up and heard him yell and growl as well. Even after I got bred I continued to tighten my hole, milking every last drop from his cock.
    We collapsed afterwards and we cuddled a bit and made out some more. We both got horny again and he fucked me and bred me again. We chatted some and I learned more about him and I shared some of my details with him. After talking for a while my dick was hard and rubbing against his leg. I felt him getting hard again too. This time he put me on my belly and felt his fat dick go inside my cummy hole. This time he was much more verbal calling me his boy, property, and that really sent me into overdrive. I was using my hole muscles on him the entire time he was fucking me. I've realized that I don't do that for everyone. Again he was using his weight and strength to power fuck me and not only did I take it but I loved it and craved it. And he shot another load into my leaking cum hole.
    We rested again after and yet again we both got horny again. This time I sat on his dick and rode him. He jacked me off while I was riding his dick and he bred me yet again. I can always get a guy off when I'm riding them I've learned . I was so fucking horny, I played with his hole a little and rubbed his ass. I was able to get a finger in them. I spoke very softly telling him I wanted to fuck him. I know from us talking that he doesn't bottom and hasn't in years. I grabbed some lube and lubed up his hole and lubed my cock. I didn't know if he was clean or not, I just wanted to fuck and breed. He was tight, and damn did it feel good. I eased in letting him get used to it and I could tell he was loving it. It didn't take long until I was fully inside him and fucking him. I fucked him on his belly slamming my dick in and out of him. I love fucking like that. I humped his ass after long dicking him until I groaned out and felt my load drain into his hole. I thrusted a few times after to milk the rest of my load out. It felt fucking incredible and he was clean back there (fortunately).
    We talked some more after and I could tell he was still horny. I rode his dick again and he shot another load into me. I fucked him again too but this time he couldn't take too much more so I bred him faster. We went back to making out but he told me he had work to do today and that if we keep going on we'll still be here hours from now. And he was probably right. When I was bending over to get into the shower I felt his cock rub against my hole and push inside. He pulled out quickly though telling me he can't start that again.
    He also told me he usually just fucks and breeds once and that's it. He says that for him to go back and forth like he did with me is very rare. It sucked that we both had to end it, but we both had things to do and places to go. We made out a bit more and said our goodbyes knowing we'd see each other again. And I drove back down the road with his loads up my ass. I stopped to get lunch since we were fucking for maybe 6 hours or so. Didn't realize we were going at it for that long. After lunch I called up my friend who lived more in the southern part of Alabama. He was happy I wanted to get together.
    A bit of a long drive but I made it to him. It was fucking hot greeting him in the doorway he groped me, slapped me, squeezed my balls, and fingered my ass when I was barely in the door. He also had me down on my knees sucking his cock which was rock fucking hard. I knew I was going to have fun. We went to the bedroom where he did more of his sadist type stuff on me. He shoved his fingers down my throat and covered my mouth and nose, wrapped his hand around my throat a few times, and slapped me hard on the face as well. Spitting on me was normal too. I fucking love the rough treatment and he doesn't seem to hold anything back and nothing seems forced or faked. I sucked his cock and got it nice and hard too. He fucked me for a little bit and held my hands behind my back while he fucked me too. But he pulled out after a little while. They were very small motions and hints but I had a feeling that he wanted to be dominated. I did it last time, so I know he likes it.
    So I turned the tables on him. I flipped him over on his back, spit in his face, punched his chest, slapped his nipples, grabed and squeezed his nipples, bit them, covered his mouth, and other creative things. Once I was really into it I was fucking hard. I flipped him over on his belly and lubed up his hole. I told him I'm going to fuck him and breed him and he's going to have to take it. I saw him grab the poppers and popper himself up. Like last time he kinda bucked when I was fucking him. I learned later why. But it angered me a little and I got even more rough with him when he moved around trying to shake me off. I grabbed his arms and pushed him down securing him so I couldn't move. I loved fucking him and it diddn't take me too long to bred him. I fucked him again and gave him another load.
    He told me after that he struggles because he hopes it will frustrate me and make me more agressive. Well, it definitely works thats for sure. He made me dinner which was delicious and we fooled around in between. I was a bit tired from the drive and fucking earlier though. He also had a busy day so we turned in early and went to bed.
    The next morning we both had some coffee and I fucked him again in the morning. He hinted the night before that he wanted to be flogged. Not something I have experience with, although I've had it done to me. I figured, what the hell might as well try. I put him on his belly and got out the flogger and felt his body first and rubbed it. Slapped parts of his body with my hands first. Then I let the flogger just run over his back and his ass too. I started light at first, even though I knew he could take more. After feeling a little more comfortable I flogged him a little harder on his back. I liked his reaction and loved the effect that was made. The skin rippled a little when he got flogged. I liked seeing that for some reason. Eventually I really got into it and my dick got rock hard while I was flogged him. When my dick was hard I put the flogger to the side and shoved my dick in him. I didn't give him any warning. His ass felt great and I wanted to fuck.
    I saw him reach for the poppers and start to take them. I know how he wanted to be treated and I know how he thinks, because I think like him and still have a submissive nature too. He thrashed around as usual but I held his hands back and relished in fucking and owning his ass. It took me a bit longer this time but I also enjoyed fucking him too much. I finally bred him and flogged him a little while I was breeding him.
    After that I wanted him to come. He was kinda humping me a bit in the morning and the night before. I was tired last night to figure it out but this morning I did. If I'm ever to go by the name "Sir" I know what it's like for a Sir to ignore his boys needs and for the boy to either get used or not get used and not be allowed to jack off. I don't believe in that, nor do I believe in withholding certain things from a boy. I took out some of his toys and used some dildos on him while he jacked off. I also played with his nippels and made out with him too while he came.
    After he came he much different. Less aggressive about wanting to get fucked or needing sex. Something I'll remember. He was more docile is a good way to put it. Afterwards we cuddled a bit and made out and took a mini nap. I was proud of him for taking so much and it made me feel a lot more affection towards him. He even cleaned out his hole in the morning for me. I cleaned out mine too so he could rim me because he wanted too and I like being rimmed too.
    After our nap I told him I have to get going soon. He talked about wanting to give me a haircut and he apparently meant it. I went over to his barbershop at the next building over. He gave me a combination of a flat top and a small mohwak. It's up to me how I want to style it but it's incredible. He was extremely proud of it and I loved it. I also wore his shirt so we has happy to get that back. He likes my scent a lot. He gave me a little gas money too since he knows I travel quite a bit to see him. And he wants to do it.
    We said our goodbyes and even though I really didn't want to leave and neither did he, I knew I had to. I also decided I was going to head back home because I missed it surprisingly. I definitely called him boy a few times during sex since he took the role of a submissive, and a masochist at that. But I don't call him that outside of sex. He still is very much a daddy and has a daddy appearance. But for the time being at least during sex, he'll definitely be my boy. I have no problem assuming the role of Sir during sex with that man. It feels very natural.
    It was more driving but I drove to birmingham this time. I stopped by at a bar to have a drink and then I headed to bluff creek falls. The gay campground in Alabama. I lost reception getting close and when I got to the gate I had to wait until an employee helped me in. I was given the tour of the campground and very much got the vibe that sex goes on. The staff was really nice and some of the guys there were nice too. A leather top and his boy talked with me a little as we showered. I could tell his boy definitely took a shine to me I saw him staring at me most of the time I was in the shower. They both liked the shorts I wore too. But they left for the day since i came late and so did most of the other guys.
    But I came for a reason. After exploring the campground and finding the sling area and plotting and marking locations in my head I found the guy I came to hook up with. I took a shower from walking around so much and went to see him. He was much fucking hotter then his picture online. He was taller too. He sucked me, I sucked him, and we made out a bit too. For some reason I felt very submissive to him as well and I was mostly on my knees sucking him. I even got down on the floor and licked and sucked on his feet, he seemed to like it.
    He didn't get into fucking because of his ex so we didn't fuck or anything but we had fun sucking each other and making out. We also talked quite a bit and I learned a lot about him. He also gave me a lot of advice and encouragment which I was lacking lately and really needing. It helped a lot, I feel he gave me a lot of direction and motivation. He was kind and sweet too. I decided not to stay overnight and just head home. I got a bit lost getting out because of no reception but I finally got on the highway to CN and then to head home. I stopped at a bar in Chatanooga to have a drink. Tried to hook up with a poz top nearby but he couldn't host. A shame, the guy was hot as hell too and my kind of top. But after Chatanooga I stopped a truck stop. I did cruise a trucker a little and he cruised me. But nothing happened. On one final rest stop there were no bathrooms. A hot fucking cowboy looking trucker with a cowboy hat caught my eye. We were both looking for a restroom and realized there was none. We talked very briefly but I saw him look at me. I figured he may have been bi or something, but neither of us had the guts to make it lead anywhere. I was a bit tired anyways.
    I finally made it home after that and jacked off a few times thinking about everything that happened. A weekend and part of a week of getting fucked, having piss up my ass, and getting fucked some more and even fucking. It was a good trip and one that I needed. I saw some friends and made some new ones. And there were some guys I couldn't get together with in Alabama who I will get together with next time. And visiting more bars will be a goal too. And when I got back I have a few guys in Chatanooga who want to get with me now. That's not too much of a drive so I might do that sometime.
    I was hoping to be a bit more of a cumdump but I did get quite a few loads up my ass from two guys and I got to fuck some guys too. So all in all a good trip, and next time there will be more sex. Hopefully anonymous sex too!
  5. fuckboy20

    Becoming...Sir?

    By fuckboy20,

    Such a weird way to phrase it. But then again, I've been told that my typing, reasoning, and posts are contradicting and confusing and just a mess. Couldn't be more accurate.
    I don't know why but it seems lately I keep getting called Sir. Granted, most of the guys I fuck now are clients. Most of my sex is fucking anyways now. But damn these are really submissive, obedient, and subservient bottoms. I see a little of myself in them.
    It's really weird how I can be so timid, polite, shy, and good mannered when I'm talking to these guys on the phone or first meeting. I'm not sure what triggers it, I know it's more than just me shoving my dick in them. Some of them, call me Sir right off the bat. Some are just submissive and go down on my dick and some of them I don't really feel their submission until their on their belly or all fours.
    But it's weird, I feel like a completely different person when I'm fucking guys. Love just spitting on my cock and shoving it in. Yeah, it hurts my dick a little but it makes them feel every inch of me. And maybe I want to leave that mark and impression on them. Same goes for slapping them, spitting on them, and some getting a little verbal. And yeah some guys I'll even call, "boy". It's not a forced thing, it just feels natural to call them that for some reason. But I'm still a boy, aren't I. Well, that's another topic in itself.
    I love fucking them rough, and I love the ones that will pretty much do anything to please me or let me do anything to them to get them off. I think it takes a little more then just a rough spit fuck, breeding multiple times, and having them be subservient to be a Sir.
    I'd say if anything I'm just more of a wild top. I don't really have the finese and skill to fuck like some tops too. I just jack hammer bottoms until I bred them, and I keep doing it. Sometimes I can do it nice and steady but I really like to cum. Part of me asks myself why I didn't do this sooner. But another asks me if I'm a bit early at doing this. And I'll admit, some guys feel more like a hole to me then others. I don't think I quite have the protection trait that some tops have. It's really more about me getting off and my dick feeling good and fucking with and fucking the bottom.
    But I also know that the bottoms I'm with love it. They love to be degraded, slapped around, spit on, and treated roughly. Same goes for fisting them, pissing up their ass, and pushing them. I know this, because I have bottomed and still do (if I ever will again..I hope) so I'm partially going off what I like to. But I haven't really decided if I want to be an outstanding top and improve or try to learn more. I'm not sure if it's good or bad that I'm more of a selfish top right now. But I don't tell them not to call me Sir or ignore that. I accept being called that. But then again it could be said if I'm going to accept being called that then I should accept everything it means. Even if it's a client or a trick.
  6. fuckboy20
    Crap, I'm not sure if I should right this right now. Feeling like crap right now so maybe this will help. But before I do just to get it out of my system. Missing exes, wish things could have worked out and sad with shit they are dealing with unrelated to me. Learning more about topping now and because of where I live I'm dead to former Sir. Being poz has really gotten to me lately especially being single, alone, and can't talk to roomie about bb and being poz. Feeling guilty for sexing so much being not on meds.
    ...Now that that's out of the way.
    Friday Night.
    The first day of being back from my trip to Florida and I was home alone. Roomie was a work. After unrelated stuff around the house I get on craigslist. I see a hot fucking guy on craigslist who advertises as a poz top wanting to be serviced by an obedient bottom and fucks raw. Can't tell you how many times I see every fucking craigslist post say "raw but safe and clean only" "bare for neg bottom". But the guy also looked familiar. His pictures reminded me of someone familiar too. I took a chance. I sent him a lengthy email. I went to the credit union and when I got back he replied. My suspicions were right. In the email he told me his name. I replied, with exactly what he wanted to hear. He was the same man from cumunion a few weeks ago.
    After dinner wth roomate and watching some tv we planned to meet in a few hours. I cleaned myself and apologized for running a little late, but he was too so it was okay. I raced to get to his place. Parking my car I stepped out and saw him in the parking lot. Fuck, he was just as hot as I remembered if not hotter. He summoned me and I followed him inside. Once inside, he grabbed my hand leading me to his apartment. As soon as the door opened, he continued guiding me to his bedroom. He was shirtless and his sexy nipples, furry chest, where completely exposed. He had a great smile too, with his sexy thick beard and short black hair. He commanded I strip. Like last time, he wanted me to do it slowly.
    Slowly, I removed my shirt. Taking it off one sleeve at a time and doing the signature porn star thing where I raise my arms allowing my body to be in full view. I slowly took off my jean shorts, making sure I rubbed my thumb along my skin and slowly exposing my hips. Once those where off I was in nothing but my orange jock strap. I asked him if he wanted me to remove the jockstrap. He told me he wanted it to stay on. I commented that I only wore my "orange" jockstrap because the only other one was red and I'd probably do anything, anytime, anywhere anyways. Pretty close to. He laughed, impressed a little of my knowledge of color codes. He had no idea what kind of boy I really was. After some idle chit chat he finally broke the ice.
    His lips met mine, his tongue entered my mouth, and we both made out heavily. We continued making out, he grabbed my body forcefully, causing moans and gasps to escape. He growled as he held, caressed, and rubbed my body. I was completely surprised at how passionate he was being. He was a tad bit rougher at manifest. I sucked his nipples lightly, chewing on them a bit too. He continued to growl. He went wild when my tongue lapped at his pits. I slobbered all over his pits, sniffing them, tasting them. Finally we went to the bed. The bed was on the floor, so we made out while next to the bed. He gently, yet firmly pushed my body down onto the bed and eye level with his shorts. I rubbed my nose against the huge bulge in his shorts, licked and sucked at the bugle too. He slowly pulled down his shorts and licked the area above his cock and balls.
    He stopped pulling his shorts down while I was licking his groin region. "Fucking tease," I thought to myself. I pulled his shorts down completely, he stepped out of them. His cock was hard, bouncing in front of my face. I looked up at him, slowly opened my mouth, and took his cock in my mouth. Slowly, I licked around his shaft, wetting his cock all around. Going down further on him, I came up, went back down making sure that every area my mouth reached was slick and wet. I pulled off his cock for a moment to lick and suck on his balls. His moans signaled that I was doing a good job. I returned to his cock and took him deeper into my throat.
    In his craigslist post he said he wanted an expert cocksucker. Someone with excellent oral skills. I'll be the first to admit that I can't really deepthroat and that there are tons of guys who can suck cock better then me. But I really wanted him. Just like I wanted him that night at cumunion. Hints of doubt entered my mind as I took his cock all the way in my throat, deepthroating him. Moments of doubt, led to my throat starting to close up, panic filling my head. But then, a desire to overcome my flaws, to service him completely and in every way. "I don't care what it takes. I'm going to deep throat him, service him completely, and make Sir happy," I told myself. I don't know why I wanted him so much but I did. I was able to deep throat him completely and succcesfully. Constantly, I'd bob up and down on his cock completely and at times keeping his cock in the back of my throat and partially going up and down.
    He was in overload. His growls, grunts, and moans were very vocal. He kept saying, "Good boy." That was all the praise and encouragement I needed. He pulled me off his cock, raised me to his level. His lips met mine again, we made out passionately and full of lust. He pushed me on the bed on my back, raising my legs into the air. His tongue made contact with my hole and I couldn't stop moaning as his tongue dug deeper into my hole. I relaxed my hole and pushed it out as well as holding my ass cheeks apart. Feeling his fuzzy beard tickle my hole kept me squirming as well. He stopped, and I knew what was coming next.
    A small part of me thought about when he fucked and bred me at cumunion how I was bent over doggy style and using my poppers. I knew my poppers where in my shorts. I knew he was big and that I could really take him with poppers and really go wild. But i didn't want that. I wanted to feel every inch of this man. I don't care if it hurts or not. I want to feel all of him. Pain, pleasure, I don't care what it en composes. I just want to feel him inside me naturally. His thick cock head started to push into my hole. I relaxed myself completely and felt him enter. He felt perfect as he started slipping into my hole. Taking a deep breathe I pushed back on his cock taking him in quicker and in a fast motion. He was surprised and commented, "Damn. You're a horny fucker."
    He slowly started pumping in and out of my ass. I was in bliss feeling all of him and looking directly at him. I didn't want to look away. The look on his face. He started thrusting harder and I closed my eyes momentarily as I winced in pain. Fuck it hurt, but it also felt so good. I told myself I don't care how much it hurts I'll fucking take it. I'll take him. And I did. I relaxed quickly and again, looked into his eyes, he looked into mine. He lowered his head and we made out while he rocked back and forth into my hole. While fucking me he also licked and sucked on my toes too. All the while I was tightening and loosening my ass muscles for him. I felt him thrust harder and pick up speed. He started swearing, breathing heavier, and becoming much more aggressive.
    Hellyeah. I continued tightening my ass muscles around his cock. He started jackhammering me telling me that he's going to breed my ass. He's going to give me his load. I yelled out. "FUCK ME SIR. PLEASE SIR. MARK ME SIR. TAKE MY HOLE SIR, IT'S YOUR HOLE SIR. BREED ME SIR!". That sent him over the edge and I heard him growl and grunt, filling me with his seed. I continued to tighten my hole around him milking his cock. He commented. "FUCK BOY. YOU WORK HARD BOY. YOU FUCKING WORK YOUR ASS AROUND MY COCK!". I thought about what he said and I do work hard. Sucking him, deep throating him, working my ass muscles. But I rarely do this for anyone. No one I really feel comfortable doing it with. But I do it for him. I'm not entirely sure why. I continued milking his cock, tightening my ass refusing his cock to go soft. He continued to slowly pump away at my hole. He started jerking my cock up and down. I started to tighten up a little more too. "Sir, may I cum?" I asked.
    He gave me permission. He started fucking me while I was jacking my dick. Sir's cock felt so fucking good in me. He kept calling me good boy. I was his good boy, I was his hole. It didn't take much and I shot my load. I felt my ass tighten around his dick and he pumped me a little more. He pulled out though and we made out again. He grabbed my body and put me on one side of the bed. He layed on the other and we cuddled for a while. We made out a little too. While we were making out, exploring each others bodies, I knew his cock was hard again. He broke away from our kissing, and firmly guided my head to his cock. I took his cock in my mouth with greed and pleasure. I started blowing him again. Going up and down, making his cock nice and wet and sloppy. Circling my tongue around the head of his cock too. My jaw was starting to get a little cramped but I didn't let it stop me. I wanted to please this man so fucking bad for some reason.
    Suddenly, I felt myself being pulled off. He flipped me on my belly. I felt his weight on my naked body. His furry chest and body felt great on top of me. I then I felt his cock starting to enter me. Fuck it felt so good and I relaxed and allowed him to enter completely. Raising my ass, I matched his thrusts as he fucked me. He kept calling me a good boy, again commenting on how I work so hard at pleasing him. He also told me to look into the mirror in front of us. I looked in the mirror and saw the sexiest man ever pumping my ass. Him on top of me looked so right. I continued tightening my ass back and forth around his cock. I was really working my ass and my legs making sure i could give Sir as much pleasure as I could. Thank god I'm young and that my legs have more muscle and are stronger then my arms. He fucked me for quite a while, as he did when I was on my back. Finally I heard his breathing become heavy, his growls become louder. Again he told me he was going to breed me.
    I begged for it again, he shot his load in me continuing to pump it into me. I tightened up again around him making sure he felt it. Of course, he did. He stayed still on top of me for a while his cock still hard in my hole. I tilted my head, he tilted his and our lips met again. We made out while he kept pumping his load deeper into my hole. Finally, I felt him pull out slowly. Fuck I felt it when he pulled out completely. We resumed cuddling for a while again. He started jacking off, so I asked if I could too. I came, and he was close, but he stopped. I said, "Let me Sir." I straddled over him, lowering my well fucked ass onto his cock. I felt him enter me again, moaning out with lust. I relaxed, taking all of his cock inside me. I rocked back and forth and immediately heard him groan.
    Sir gave me a great pounding multiple times and some hot making out session. Now it was my turn. I gyrated my ass constantly, pulling off his cock, lowering myself back down rapidly several times. I could tell he was getting close from his face and the sounds he was making. He was loving it and so was I. He told me he probably wouldn't be able to cum again but wanted me to. Not a problem. I rode his cock and came over his chest. I pulled off him and we resumed cuddling again. I was so fucking horny I asked if I could jack off a few more times and I did. I came another two times. We lay still for a while but then we both took a piss. I let the load out of me while he was getting towels and damn it was a huge load.
    He turned the hot water on and we both took a shower together. We made out in the shower and I sucked on his nipples, and worshipped his pits again. He loved when I made love to his pits. After we showered we chatted for a while and he told me had to get some sleep. I wasn't sure what time it was until he pointed to the clock. It was 2:30. Holy shit, I got over there at 11:30. We were really going at it for 3 fucking hours? Damn. Not even me and my former partner went at it for that long, but he would fuck me for an hour or two. We made out a bit more and chatted a little more too. We said our goodbyes. He even walked me to my car. We agreed to get together again.
    Part of the reason why I wrote this was because this was extremly romantic and passionate. Not something I do with tops that much. Especially as much as we did. It was something special. I'm not sure if the next time it will be as romantic or if it will be more rough pig sex like at cumunion. But I can't wait.
  7. fuckboy20
    Fucking right, I'm back.
    Oh lord, give me the fucking strength to write everything that's in my mind right now. Well the basics. Out of my relationship I was in for 8 months and last week had a hell of a time taking 12 loads up my ass from 3 different guys. And that Friday I fucked for the first time in a while, two guys that came over. One was verse and he fucked me too. Actually prior to that, I saw a bottom guy. Hairy, bearish bottom and I fucked and bred him twice. Now that the intro is out the way.
    Cumunion. I've been dreading, dreaming, anticipating it for a while now. I took some change to get into cash today so I could afford it. Going to Ft. Lauderdale this weekend so budget is tight. But i haven't had sex since friday and some guys have been wanting to get together with me and some old friends too. I figured what the hell. Normal Pysllium, coffee, and water procedure and I'm good to go.
    I got there early but wasn't let in at first. 5 minutes to they opened the doors. I had to pay for a membership renewal but that was okay. They were giving out free dvds but I didn't want them. I wanted to fuck. Was a little nervous at first, walking around, not many people, and being so long since I've done something. I saw someone I knew and passed him a few times. I motioned a guy in the dark area by grabbing my crotch and he came over. He started sucking me. Cute guy. After I was good and hard, I bent him over, spat on my cock and his hole, and shoved it in. He was tight, and he felt fucking good. I fucked him for a LONG time, then some other bottom came next to me. Took my cock out and shoved it in the other guy. He was lubed though. He felt better then the guy I was fucking. Even though I was enjoying it though still not enough to cum.
    I spotted my friend after I left the dark area. We instantly embraced and made out passionately. Fuck, he's a damn good kisser. We went into a room and we continued making out. Once the clothes were off I got on top of him, kissed him, licked him, sucked his neck, nipples, licked his pits, and ravished the fuck out of him. I even felt some dominance and I grabbed his wrists and slammed them to the bed and secured them with my grip. I sucked his cock while he was partially restrained. I had enough foreplay, so I flipped him over. I spat on my hard uncut cock, spat on his hole too. I shoved it in, he pleaded me to go a little easier so I did. Once I was in he was mine. He felt fucking, tight and wet. I fucked him for a good while until I couldn't hold back and I bred him. First of the night.
    He flipped me over and fucked me too and bred me. We made out more, cuddled, and realized we had to go our separate ways. More guys to fuck and get fucked by. I went back to the dark room and couldn't believe who I saw. An old guy, I had a crush on and we semi dated for 6 months almost. We've talked since then and I knew he was going to be there. But still, to see him in person. I grabbed him, he grabbed me, and we embraced each other. Our lips locked, and we made out desperately, needing each other. After heavy making out he said he wants to fuck me and we went to the public flat sling. We made out some more, I blew him, and I was on my back. I took a hit of poppers, but still couldn't prepare me. Nothing can ever prepare me for him. I don't know how big he is, but aside from being long he's also fucking thick. Felt like my wall was being ripped open when I felt him enter me.
    It fucking hurt like hell but I took it. I grunted, groaned, moaned, and yelled but I took it. It started to get a little more comfortable, slightly. Not by much. Other guys came around and watched us and he bred me and I screamed, when we was breeding me. I'd be truly fucked if he was an aggressive top. He's not, just big. He pulled out, and a skinny older man shoved his cock in me. Fuck, he was just as big as my friend. It didn't hurt as much since I was a little more opened up but still somewhat painful. I sucked my friend while the guy fucked me. He bred me, and a guy to the side of me wanted me to finger his hole. I ended up semi fisting it. He asked me if when I was done if I could fist him. Of course, southern hospitality after all.
    Once he was on the flat sling I fisted him. My buddy came behind me and started fucking me again. Holy fuck what an incredible feeling. I was fisting the bottom like mad and sucking his cock and he came while I blew him. My friend blew his load in me another big one. My friend had to go, I said goodbye. I went back to the bathroom area to piss. I found the fisting bottom and we got a room. He wasn't much of a kisser, but I still got him turned on and myself. I fucked him on his belly and bred his hole. Then I fisted him and he came.
    I mentioned Brian in the blog title, because I felt like fucking Brian Kinney tonight. From Queer as folk. I had the swagger, attitude, looks, and confidence of a cruising man. A strong one. If it weren't for that I wouldn't have gotten as many guys as I did tonight. I cruised around some more and saw a hot bear man in a camo shirt. I glanced him up and down and he grinned at me. He grabbed me and we made out. He put me on my knees and I blew him. He pulled me up saying he wanted to fuck me. We went to a room and no lube (like most of the guys) he shoved his raw cock in me. It felt so fucking good, I worked my ass on his cock and he bred me rather quickly.
    After leaving another fucking session took another piss, listerine rinse, and water. I walked back to the cruising area. I found a hot daddy bear and we made out. He told me I was a good kisser. So was he. He wanted me to fuck his bf and told me he'd find him so I could fuck him.
    Around this time a really hot man in leather came in. I was fucking drawn to him, I felt he had the same swagger and attitude I had though. He was fucking bottoms left right center, have them servicing him, and never seemed hesitant or worried. Unfortunately I choked around him several times. No matter how confident and chill I was, he broke it for some reason.
    Up on the rafters I saw a hot bear in leather. I slowly walked towards him and saw him checking me out. I gently rubbed his crotch and his chest. I sensed no dissaproval so i kissed him. He kissed me very strongly, aggressively, and passionately too. I licked his pits, nipples, neck, cheek, and sucked his nipples. Finally I got to his cock which was huge. He took me in a private room. We resumed the foreplay, and even sucking him I never let my glance leave his. He noticed I could tell. He had me strip for him too. He watched every motion and movement I was making as I slowly took of my clothes and it got him rock hard. Finally, he bent me over and fingered my hole. No lube, he just started pushing his cock in. He was pretty fucking big so I took a hit of poppers. I felt him push in completely, and I sank down on him. He fucked me, extremely rough and talked verbal while fucking me. Once he bred me I didn't let his cock leave my hole. I backed up on his cock several times, tightened my hole and he fucked me again. He told me I'm the only one he's bred twice.
    I told him I knew I wasn't his first. He told me I was No. 8. When we went back to making out he pushed me again the wall and secured my wrists while he explored my body. He kissed me again and backed away from me and told me to stay there. He said, "You're very special boy." After that, we got dressed, but i got his number. I know he won't forget I had him shoot twice. Tops don't forget that. I blew him after he sucked me too.
    I found the cute daddy bear guy again and we made out near the flat sling. I sucked him and a friend of his. We found his partner but his partner didn't want to kiss me or do any foreplay. He just bent over with his ass in the air and I couldn't do it. I felt no connection. And leather man was right next to me as I was trying to fuck him. Thank god not paying attention though.
    A little later I saw a cute cub in a red shirt. I sucked him in the dark room and sucked him on the couch. He rode me for a while but that was it. Sucked a few more cocks in the dark room, and sucked daddy bear too. Was there another? I don't think so.
    When I was getting to leave Mr. Leather came over when i was pissing. He actually talked to me and told me he was leaving and he shot. I told him I've been competing with him all night. He said he just shot once but fucked a bunch of guys. Totally beat him. He seemed interested in me at least. I said goodbye to some people I met there and made one last gesture. I went over the Mr. Leather and gave him my bbrt profile since he was on the computer. Little good it will do, but I made an attempt.
    I contacted someone at the eagle to see if he'd still be there but knew he probably wouldn't. I went anyways. I got a screwdriver and saw a cute guy at the bar. I passed a fucking hot redneck man who wanted me to suck him. I told him I was poz though and he wasn't interested.
    I saw the couple from cumunion that I played with outside on the patio. A fucking hot strong bear made out with me and groped me like hell. He kept commenting on how daddy bear's cub is cute too though. After I said goodbye to daddy bear and his cub we were left alone. He left once to get a drink. And then told me he was getting his keys. And I saw him getting into a cab leaving. Fucking liar, and a pointless lie.
    One hot black guy came out and I didn't follow him in. I talked to the cute guy at the bar when he came out. But black guy pulled me away. He shoved me on the floor and made me suck him. I was a little drunk so willing. He picked me up and placed me on the pool table and rammed his black cock in me. It fucking hurt and he kept it in, wouldn't pull out. He was fucking huge and I started screaming. He back handed me telling me to shut the fuck up. I took my hat and bit into it to muffle my sounds. He pulled out and had me suck him and someone else. He went back in, easier this time and it actually felt good. I wanted to be fucked by him. The redneck guy came over though and blew him so I left him be.
    I talked to shy guy in another dark area but the black guy interrupted us. But I learned, he wasn't so shy. I saw him again at the troff, and I realized he wasn't shy. He fucking appeared that way though.
    While outside drinking my drink I talked to redneck man who was actually a veteran. I gave him a hug and kiss to thank him for protecting the country. Even though I was honest that I'm not 100% patriotic and he chewed me out for that. Well before he told me he was a vet. He said he loves fucking pussy and women but likes guys sometimes. Typical. He mentioned kissing or something so I leaned over and kissed him passionately. He returned telling me I kiss like a woman. Soft. He was a charmer. We went to the dark area and I sucked him. He had a fucking huge cock I loved it. He bent me over and FORCED his dick in me. It kinda fucking hurt, but I relaxed and took a hit of poppers. I needed his cock in me. We moved over the to the pool table and he fucked me good. Someone else came over and distracted him so we went to his van.
    He enjoyed me blowing him, calling me his bitch. But then when he wanted to fuck him I reminded him I was poz. He thought I was kidding. But he said he took raw loads from the guys, and I knew several were poz. Dumbass. I fucked him, sort of with a condom on. And that was it. He said I scared him so I left him.
    And that was my cra cray night. This was just an interlude. Wait until Ft. Lauderdale.
    Also the 6-7 loads I took I kept them all in. Didn't let any of them out until I got home. It was fresh lube for me.
  8. fuckboy20
    Yeah fucking feels so fucking good. Fucked my partner a few times the other day. My partner told me the other day I'm cleaned out". Didn't take much more than that for him to throw his legs in the air and for me to fuck his ass raw. While fucking him I really got into it and I really pounded him and felt my cock so hard. I turned him on his stomach and shoved my cock back in and fucked him some more until I couldn't hold back and I bred him.
    I fucking love the feeling of breeding I miss it. Can't believe how strong and intense shooting a load into an ass feels. After I fucked him and bred him he flipped me on my stomach and shoved his dick into me. It hurt a little since I'm tighter then I used to be but he makes me take it. He always does. I just bite the pillow or my hand and just moan while he sinks his cock into me and fucks me not even allowing me to completely bottom out. But after fucking me for a while i did evenutally take it all the way and moaned and begged him to fuck and breed me. He delivered. We both had cummy asses. I ate his ass a few times too. Fuck his ass tasted so good.
    My other partner then fucked me. His big PA always hurts a little going in but he made me take it. Can't say how long he fucked me for he always fucks me for quite a while. He usually punish fucks me too pulling his hard PA cock out and shoving it back in. He loves to tear up my hole and stretch it. After he fucks me for a while I sit on his cock and ride it until he shoots his huge load up my ass.
    Nice having two partners. I've lost some of my sluttiness from the past and desire to fuck and breed but it's slowly coming back. That and and it's different without poppers but not bad.
    Now that the post is out of the way.
    I wanted to write and thought this would be the only way. I know some people follow me on here I'm not able to get on here much because of limited internet right now but moving within the next month. Happy with my two partners. One is more of a SIR with a huge PA dick who loves rough and piggy sex. The other is more vanilla with a big dick as well but he loves passion and tenderness and I love fucking his ass and he loves taking my cock. I love getting fucked by him too. So I am happy and taken by two men that I love and care about deeply. I still want to learn more about leather and I am still always up for making friends but I am happy. Might do the fetlife thing too but once I move I hope to make some leather friends and I always like talking to people who bareback or are new or unsure about bbing as I once was.
    Don't know how often I'll be back on here before I move but I figured this is really the only way I can let people who read this and other posts know how I'm doing. Thanks everyone
  9. fuckboy20
    Got to phouse on friday afternoon. Went to the pool and flirted with a guy. Went back to his room and I played with him and his partner. I suck his partner and I feel him playing with my ass and his bare cock sliding in my ass. He starts fucking me really hard and his partner tells me to breed him.
    I suck his partner until his partner is hard and his partner fucks me and breeds me.
    I suck a guy back at my room but he rejects me for being poz.
    I have a few drinks and go to the maze. I suck a few cocks in the maze and one guy fucks me bare for a bit but pulls out since I was really tight. One guy fucks me for a bit with a condom on and I just sort of accept it. Someone goes down on me and I fuck their face but don't cum yet. A guy cruises me in the maze and he fucks me by the hot tub outside even while others pass by. I suggest we go to my room.
    I take him to my room and he fucks me some more and he fucks me in the shower, he pulls out and cums all over my dick and I cum as well.
    We shower and I go to bed.
  10. fuckboy20
    Oh yeah and my blog is done with. Damn google's new terms. To be honest I don't even know if I can continue blogging on here. About sex, hook ups, and stuff like that it's probably okay.
    But things like my Sir to be and his partner, geek technology stuff, clients, emotional shit or stress I go through, and all that other stuff. No one here cares about that shit. All they wanna do is pyscho analyze me and go, "LOLZ you batshit dude". Not that talk like that will stop me but at the same time majority opinion rules.
    And I post a lot sometimes. I don't. Hmm interesting.
    Restrict entry viewing to Contacts and Blog Moderators
    The Restrict entry viewing to Contacts and Blog Moderators option will restrict the viewing of an entry to just those members on your contact list and to Blog moderators. This allows you to leave your blog open to all members but still have the ability to restrict viewing on an entry to entry basis.
    So with that. I could make it so I don't "blow up" the blog forum with my constant rambling, bitching, crying, and shit like that. Only moderators and people on my friends list could see it. That might be something I'll do. Since I know people will eventually complain if they see too much.
    Okay. Now lets get on topic. A topic about not being on topic is actually on topic now? Inception.
    For those who care and want to know what I've been up to.
    As for sex. I haven't really been having it lately. I jerk off sometimes and sometimes I don't. Clients are the only times I've had sex recently. But last night. I've fucked clients safe and have been fucked safe too. But that man is just a passionate man, all the making out we did, the chemistry, a little weed, little alcohol, poppers, he wanted me raw. He told me it was okay so I fucked him raw and bred him. And then I fucked him raw some more but did not breed him.
    But I know how it feels after sex if there is emotion or chemistry for a guy to just say, "Thanks bye." It feels kinda shitty. So I stayed longer. We had dinner too like he promised. It was delicious and I ate like a fucking starving kid in africa. I devoured the salad, the pasta, and the bread. I was so damn tired and full afterwards. We went back to the bedroom and played around some more and I dozed off for a bit. I woke up though and thanked him and left. We already discussed the amount and I already told him the price of an overnight. Which he does want to do in the future.
    So maybe becuase I really like him, we have such good chemistry and I did fuck him raw, really fucked him and bred him, I wanted to give him more. I'm sure he really appreciated and knows that I gave him a partial overnight. So I'm sure we'll see each other again. But damn I felt like shit after. I went to mcdonalds and got a smoothie and some sprite and a parfait. And now I'm getting hungry too. Was probably more of the weed then anything. Even though I barely took two puffs..not even full ones. That shit burns my throat a bit and it does make me feel a little sick. I prefer the alcohol.
    Oh right and I did not put in drinking. From going out with dad earlier this week to a gator bite, a fish bowl size drink, a drink at hideaway and that was one night. Then friday it was a pitcher of beer but my friend drank most of it, a cape cod, and me and the bartender did a drink together but he beat me. I still drank it in under a minute. I was buzzed and hungover after that and the next day. I was not hungover on wednesday. That and Sunday when I had my dad over for dinner I made vodka smoothies and whisky frappichinos. Despite the huge meal I was pretty fucking drunk that night and did have a bad hangover.
    But last night I did drink 2 screwdrivers, huge meal, little weed, but I wasn't hungover. Throat hurt a bit (damn smoke) but now I am pretty hungry. But then again I've been up for 4 hours or so. Mmm yummy yogurt parfait. Now I can proceed.
    I should mention food though. I've eaten real shitty lately. Mostly fastfood or out. I've been cheap too and just done dollar stuff and tried to be healthy but it's been so so. Oh and I might have a fucking hemmroid, hpv, rash, or something with my ass. It's been hurting all this week and was really worse last night and today. But I do a lot of heavy ass lifting a work and lots of stress. But I also have a cream for all of those to help..well if it's HPV that's more complicated but still.
    So lots of shit going on. Some problems but a lot of them are being worked on and overcome. And why is that. That's because of love. I'm madly in love with my Sir. He's shown nothing but patience, love, trust, and hope and he's been right about everything and the faith he has in me and that things will work out has gotten me through so much. Can't recall how many times I've stressed and bitched to him and him just re-assuring things will get better. And they will. Every obstacle so far has been overcome and even the ongoing problems like the phone resting, tablet, and pc troubles, and food. All those I'm working on and close to fixing.
    In two weeks time we'll finally meet. Two weeks from today I'll be with my Sir. Just two more weeks..
  11. fuckboy20

    All I Know

    By fuckboy20,

    Heh for some reason I feel like writing a hell of a lot right now. And keeping with my promise to make "certain" entries on here still.
    I was thinking of this when I was reading what I wrote in the "Strong" entry and when I was talking with someone on mancunt about getting tested, poz, and ryan white grant.
    I don't know how many times I've repeated the thing about Atlanta hating poz guys and fucking things up. I even said, "All I know is A-". And I thought to myself.
    ..Who am I really to say that. Yes I probably never will get a gay card..I did learn about gay history, conduct unbecoming, and the band played on, harvey milk, stone wall, and some other gay history and others about HIV. It's probably said by almost everyone in the older generation, "Those who don't know their history are damned to repeat it." But what about the present. I thought to myself that yes I know how things used to be because I read about it, studied it, and have known people who lived during that time period. And I'm learning more being positive. But what I really don't know is the present. I really don't know what's going on in the world right now and what's going on with gay politics, HIV advancement, grants, research, or hell even leather. But I stepped back from that last one.
    So I felt like such an ass when I said, "All I know." I then emailed them explaining.."I really don't know". Because that's true. I'm freshly poz, 22, and while I do know some history I don't know what the hell people are doing right now to help. I should learn about that. But it's not just that there's a lot of things I don't really know about. Even obama care I hear that being mentioned sometimes and how that will help me not having health insurance and stuff like that. I hope I don't get cited for mentioned that..please gods no. LOL someone at my work says that..I laugh everytime he says that.
    But on a serious topic. I guess maybe I shouldn't try to think I'm so fucking high and mighty sometimes. Even with technology, media, and computers. There's still a shit I don't know a lot about. Much more I want to learn about. I'm an enthusiast as best. Far from a fucking expert. But I won't deny that I don't fucking adapt to technology like a (really lame pun..in a really lame pun) and that I absorb knowledge like a sponge sometimes..
    But really I don't know a damn thing about this world. I don't know a damn thing about AIDS, being poz, being gay, leather? But that's okay. Because there is so much I want to learn about. There is so much I want to help with and maybe someday I can even help someone as well. So i kind of felt like shit when I thought that I'm really just an insignificant little shit who is just a smear on this world. But I have to recognize my own talents and abilities and keep in mind that what I don't know. That's just an empty canvas ready to pain on and fill with knowledge, experience, and so much more.
    So I guess I'm happy that I made that stupid "Strong" post. Because it reminded me that I have so much to learn. I just wish I could find the time to learn more about things. But I'll work harder to try and read about stuff or study stuff more than just technology, gaming shit, and porn after work. Because even as much as that I look at. Do I still know how to arch my back. That makes me a fucking failure of a bottom if I don't even know how to arch my back properly. Even a whore on the street could do that. Wahhh I'm worth less than a 2 bit whore on the street. I only bring that up because a Sir once told me that there is a certain way a boy should arch his back and present his ass to his Sir and that really turns on a Sir. But things like positions or slave positions..damn that takes me back. But even as far as bottoming goes I still have much to learn with that. And topping. I just need to learn to control that shit. Every guy I've fucked they've either told me to slow down or pulled out and same for blowing. I'm just an aggressive and untamed wild little fuck when it turns to topping. And I'd like to learn more control and more with just fucking someone until I come. But in time I'll learn that too. It might be somewhat truthful when a guy once told me, "Stop topping boy. You're too young for that. Top when you are in your 30's are so learn to bottom and submit right now.
    There is some truth to that. But lets see taking an average of one month was like 6-7 loads a night (in january) and all the guys I've been with and all the times I've been fucked and bred. Not only that but the Sirs I've submitted to, obeyed, showed obedience to, and even was a slave/boy to a man at one point. Yes I might have never gotten gang banged or done an orgy. But I probably have a hell of a lot more experience bottoming to the point where I am ready to learn to top.
    So much to learn. So little time.
    *and I'll probably end up insulting someone and apologizing for this post later on*
  12. fuckboy20

    Strong

    By fuckboy20,

    Lately I've felt so much stronger. Through work, at home, and just overall. That's pretty much because I've fallen in love with someone and fully realized who I am and what I am not. I have also pretty much decided which course to take and it's right for me.
    Not only that but being poz isn't easy. With all the stigma everywhere and fucking criminalization? Really GA. A guy backs up on my dick and doesn't ask and I don't say anything and I'm the criminal?
    Fuck. I knew I had to be stronger. But I had no idea I had to be that much stronger. Basically this state probably wants to imprison us to control the HIV Epidemic which and I quote GA considers it "A public health hazard." I think an extreme one at that.
    Just wait for fucking pride. Shit I might even march in the fucking parade. I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of being weak. I'm tired of being concerned of what others think of me. And now because I'm in love with a man and he's in love with me I have so much more strength. Not only that but lots of changes are coming soon. Good changes. And changes that will allow me to be even stronger. So fucking get ready pride and Atlanta.
    You want to try to hide the criminalization and how you treat and really feel about poz guys in Atlanta. Hell I'll show it all. I'll fucking shout in parade, "I'M FUCKING POZ WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?"
    I'll show Atlanta that there's at least one fucking proud poz boy and that I don't care what this city, grady, the government or the public health system thinks of me.
    But this also shows. If some people in that high power are really afraid or hateful of someone who's poz and considers them a threat. Than that means. I really have to be a hell of a lot stronger in the future. Because someday. I'll really fight some of this. I'll really make a difference. Whether it's with leather, poz, barebacking I'll probably make quite a few enemies. Enemies I couldn't take on today but someday I can. But whatever I do. I'll be fucking proud and strong.
    Because that's who I am!
  13. fuckboy20
    It's like a secret, within a secret, within a secrete. It's called JUB...errr extra, hidden, bonus, alternate, aw who gives a fuck.
    So yes I have three blogs running now...seriously wish I updated them more. But writing for me I'm like a fucking primadona. One my hair has to be the right way, the temperature has to be right, I prefer chill but not frozen..
    Basically I have to sort of be in the mood but not only that have the time and I guess allow myself to relax and be at ease enough to in a hippy, faggy, spiritual sense, "let my soul flow through me and have my writing reflect what my soul feels.." soul.
    That's so gay.
    Okay now I'm just being a n00by, sarcastic, interwebz asshole right now. I guess I feel sort of random or something. I need a way to channel that. But anyways. So I'm running three blogs. Because I haven't said that enough and I haven't made enough of a production about that. Damn I can't be fucking straightf-..lol straight. Err..I can't be forward with anything right now. Wow if these are a complete analysis and literal transcription of my thoughts I'm more fucking batshit than that kinky crazy bitch on the zaxbys commercials. You know the one who will harvest your organs if you fucking touch her zaxby's salad or her special horsey sauce, dressing, or whatever the fuck they call it. LOL.
    (This Blog is Not Rated because it makes no fucking sense and has no flow, premise, rationality, or purpose at all please delete)
    In a sense. This will be the extra. I have the other three bases covered. I have them covered because I'm tri-polar..oh yeah that was a good album. But because I have three aspects of my life that can be broken down into three categories so they don't get mixed mashed and confusing. So those are properly channelled. Too bad for this one. So here I go..and no one can say I'm that bat shit crazy with the fucking drama going on in certain parts of this forum right now. For fucking christ's sake those two need to get the fuck of the interwebz and go on fucking maury or Dr. Phallus or something so they can get humilated and paid. Because yes we can. Not that I have an opinion on it..diddn't even realize shit was already going on before I replied to that one. Oh wellz, too late to delete or edit. But not too late to get another warning, violation, probation, house arrest? (please no)
    So I'm probably seriously fucked at work. That guy probably isn't coming back to warehouse, I pray his surgery went well and he's okay but with the department I worked for before just hiring someone a few days before I left and went back to warehouse and certain things that have been said. I can't help feel that I've been set up. Don't think that the guy diddn't have surgeory and isn't in seriou shit. But the way my possibly former boss said, "Well..don't know if you'll be back here or not tomorrow but we'll find out tomorrow." He has an asshole/gleefull like way of lying or bullshitting people. I seriously think I got trolled. I pray to fucking god that friday is my last day in warehouse and I'm back in printing but somehow I think I'm pretty fucked and there for another week at least or permantely. And to be quite honest, the only way I've been able to get by and mantain my composure is because I THOUGHT it wasn't permanent. Be it physical or mental pain/pressure I can deal with shit as long as I know that it's not forever and the pain will subside. But if it doesn't and it's never ending then what?
    I'll promise this much. If I do end up being permanent. I'm going to speak my fucking mind. I already got laid off and hired back for shits and giggles by them. If someone tries to fuck with me or bullshit me I'm fucking calling them out don't care who it is. I'm not afraid of being fired anymore and I'm not afraid of getting in trouble. I've already been let go. There is no job security, there is no growth, there is no future. But I'm not going to let those fuckers treat me like shit anymore or try to blame me for something. And I'm not gonna be some scared little kid like, "OH BOSS BOSS THEY DID THIS THEY CAN'T DO THAT." That will get me nowhere. But I shouldn't worry about that too much right now..but I can't help but shake these deep feeling that it's coming. And when it does do I swallow it or do I just go numb and say, "Please, is this the best you got?" But that's painful as well.
    Being poz now and having to be more careful too. This job will fucking erode my health so fast. Shit I already can't sleep at night worse than before and stress is higher than ever. If they think I'll really just idly sit by and just take it they have another thing coming...
    elsewhere...
    I think of my old fuck bud who I don't see anymore. Part of me regrets saying to him that night, "I wish it was you that pozzed me". Wasn't asking to marry him but that was sort of a deep thing to say. Even after the weeks of silence and he talked to me again I stated, "I don't take back what I said. I meant it." I decided to let him take that how he wanted. And he did so it can't be helped. But my new fuck bud that I see. Young 30 stocky bearish man with younger features who is smart, sharp, observant, and hot as hell. We've fucked a few times and we do stuff besides just fucking and he made a lot of effort when we first hooked up and let me know I'm a bit more than "just" a trick. And visa versa. But when at dinner he said, "YOU NEED TO GET OFF YOUR ASS, FIND A JOB THAT HAS HEALTH INSURANCE, TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEALTH, AND GET OUT OF WHERE YOU ARE NOW" I think in some ways that also might be his qualifications. I think everyone has qualifications for what they desire in a partner or friend. But having a partner, boy, whatever that has no insurance, a crappy job, and will someday deterioate because they don't take care of themselves. Not the best choice to make. So I know he said it because he cares. And it probably hurts him a bit since I'm in a crappy situation. But then again, that's why I'm not looking for someone right now anyways.
    I'm just glad I get to see him very often and that we have fun and I'd rather take it slow either. As for the leather couple. I really like them, and I can't help but wonder if they are looking something closer with me. But not sure if I'm ready for that after the poly leather experience I got. But I do know that in terms of leather education, play, growth, and desire. That man..they are the next step. Teachers, friends, mentors, or whether it goes farther then that. That's up to me and them. But if nothing else I can't ignore that. Because in many ways what they possess and who they are. They are part of what I've been searching for. But that also brings out some old fear and fear in general. But I've shown I can get past that.
    ...And now I'm boring or tiring myself out. That's so bad that my own writing bores me or puts me to sleep. Or it could be that technically speaking, "I've exhausted my thoughts, feelings, and released myself so I can rest now"
    ...Probably not.
  14. fuckboy20

    Live

    By fuckboy20,

    Finally did it..
    Finally have my three blogs up and running. The gaming/tech/geek side one. The sex, hook up, bb, poz, raw one with insight to what's really on my mind and things I can't talk about elsewhere and my escort one..
    ..Everything is full circle and complete...
    ...Now I can rest.
    And lest I forget.
    This blog. Which is a very special blog to me.
    Now rest.
  15. fuckboy20

    Three Lives

    By fuckboy20,

    How about nine?
    Ya know I used to joke to myself that I had another life. I recall once at my former Sir's leather group when I was around a bunch of leathermen I said something to my former Sir and retracted it. I think I called him by his name when I normally called him Sir.
    You see I was living at home with my two fathers at the time (adopted by gay men when I was younger..long short boring story. Shitty years of my life..and painful) but going over to see my former Sir and his partner/sub almost every day. He said, "Haha living two lives taking a toll on ya boy?"
    I would pretend around my parents and them for us to be normal gay friends. But around my former Sir and brother I was a leather slave/boy. With protocols and everything. And I would submit.
    So I used to lead a normal straight like life/gay leather slave life.
    So let's look at things now. Let's look at a time line actually. Straight-ish (can still pass for straight thank you)/Gay (to very few people)/Liking older guys/Leather/Bareback/Escort/Poz.
    Now everyone wants to ask, "WHAT WILL HE DO NEXT." Well I told my co-workers Imma go rob candy at the bank. I only got one.
    Damn.
    I used to blog a lot in the past. When I was in middle/school/highschool I'd do something called "RPG" online with friends on forums. I'd stay up all night sometimes and some of them would make other forums after the ones we used were gone. Some had blogs and I'd blog my life on there but hid that I was gay. But I eventually told them and some of them were like "WTF", some were like, "K", some were like "Cool" and others were like, "I still hate you". But that was almost like home to me and an escape from my home. Even I faded from that I went to a gay forum called JUB after I turned 18. I spent a lot of time on there and a lot of time blogging. I made lots of friends on there and even some JUB meets I was able to meet some of these men. The Atlanta one was a bust since I was underage. But the Anaheim, CA one with Gaydays at disneyland was so much fun.
    So basically me+blogging=win. But examining the aspects of my life. Gaming/Tech/Geek/Media/Drinking/Bars/Sex/BB/Poz/Load/Cums/Escort/Work/Rants/Travelling/Food
    How do I combine these all into one. Well honestly I can't. I'm not strong enough to admit to everyoin in the world. "I'M A FAGGOT/GAMER/GEEK/POZ/BB/LEATHERMAN/SOCIAL DRINKER/LOVE GOING TO BARS AND DANCING/CURSE/ESCORT KINDA GUY".
    That's a little too much to take in.
    I already have my blog for escorting which I need to work on some more. I have a blog for hook ups/poz/bb/and random rants. I think I'm gonna make one more for the tech/geek/gaming side. I asked a poll on my blog and someone said that if I can show more of my personality/attitude people will like me more for who I am then just hook ups and sex. But that balance is good.
    But I can't balance the tech/geek/gaming because it's impulsive and I can go on and on about.
    So I'll three blogs.
    One is mleatherboy for escorting.
    fuckboy20 is for the hook ups/sex/bb/poz and rants.
    And the third will be? I'm not sure what I'll call it. Maybe one of my old usernames like Videodude. That was a favorite. I used that name for a HELL of a long time. But I'm drinking too much right now to continue writing. But damn it sucks being broke right now. But things will get better.
    Wanna have fun on cinco de mayo though. Eh, i'll find a way.
  16. fuckboy20

    The Best Medicine

    By fuckboy20,

    Is drinking..
    Wait, what?
    So last night was depressing is an understatement.
    Today is better, random fire alarms going off, roomate making muffins (they bring all the boys to the yard) and bullshitting with gamestop employees. So cool that they get info first about PS4 and next Xbox since a lot of what they told me the media and news doesn't even know. I want their sony rep. But I can't get shit for my PS3 so back to craigslist.
    So friends from TN for spring in the south couldn't come over because of the hellacious weather. I got chinese even though I'm a broke ass ho. Because chinese is a balanced diet of broke ass hoes.
    Had a shmirnofhowthefuckyousayit. It was good. Had my manga chinese icecream. Chinese ice cream is awesome. And decided to actually do something productive and work on my escort blog. AND I made a new blog..It's totally shite right now since I'm drunk and being stupid. But it will hopefully get better.
    http://fuckboy20.blogspot.com
    My lazy ass hasn't even changed the fucking template. I had a dilemna of putting bareback and cum dump pics on my escort blog. But I decided the best medicine is...SEXY PICTURES.
    Sexy picture time. I'm going to make this website my gallery (you should be honored by my greatness). So any new pics I get from good ol' drop box, (she's a good girl...lol) I'll upload here. I don't believe in that locking or private shit but for my pppp-professional escort site I want to keep that as clean and professional looking as I can. But I'll find a way to link that to the gallery on rawtop's lovely website. Gotta give him props yo. I'll try to find a way to make a slideshow like viewable gallery on my escort site too.
    But rejoice. Naked pics and stuff. I do probably need some new ones. And people can actually see what I look like with my weak as mustache. At least I look like I can actually take a punch without crying like a bitch (I can't..but I look like I can) so that's some improvement. Some people have mixed feelings about my facial hair. But fuck em. They are fucking kissable. I might make a whole blog post on that later.
    So posting on mleatherboy/fuckboy20 and breedingzone.
    Three blogs. And two of them are gonna probably be the same. Now do I need one for professional straight life...
    Yeah right.
    But enjoy my gallery. That's all you get for now because I don't know kind horny men who will take pictures of me in suggestive positions and scenarios. Woe is me
  17. fuckboy20
    These words had me in tears tonight. This is gonna be a sad post. It sucks to be all emo like this when I was in my younger days. I'm sure I made people want slit their wrists..or mine back then. But it's been a while since I cried. And since I allowed myself to feel. Let's do a little re-cap first.
    I don't know if I posted this on here but my roomate gave me an ultimatum after I became poz. The day after I was confirmed to be poz. He told me either I pay him for cleaning the house (while he stays unemployed and doesn't search for work) or I can get the fuck out. I calmly told him, "You are going to have to find something else to keep you occupied during the day. You are going to find another way to get money. Because it won't be from me." I loaned him 60 bucks and he only paid me 20 of it back with a rant and cry about how he does so much house work and I don't do shit..except work 7 days a week and 8 hours a day while he doesn't.
    If this was a few years back I would have broke down and cried. I used to cry so much when I was younger than 18 and 18. I remember nights at my former leather family how I'd beat myself and say how much I hate myself and how I'm so worthless. And how my slave brother would stop me and essentially save me from myself. But thanks to "both" of them I've been able to love myself and find value in myself. I've come a long way since then.
    I felt my eyes grow cold, I felt like I was sinking when my roomate who is my former Sir tell me this. After all the times I took him out for drinks, took him to dinner, bought him stuff because he isn't working he pulls that shit. I told him I'm doing my own laundry, buying my own food and he can buy his, and making my own meals. His response, "Oh no you won't you never keep your promise you don't have honor." Him daring to tell me I have no honor. He fucking died to me at that moment. That Sir that Master. The one who I knew since I was 18. Who I was in service to, loved, wanted to make so proud, disappointed, and even let him move in with me to an apartment. After everything we've been through even friends he's tried to use me for money and in a manipulative way to keep his pride.
    He fucking died to me. Inside. Lingering affection, lingering thoughts, all of it died. Inside, something severe happened but I wouldn't feel it. I just became poz. I couldn't go back to being the scared little kid I used to be. I couldn't be lazy anymore. I couldn't be spoiled. I had to be stronger. I've always wanted to be strong. But now being poz. I have to be strong. No matter what. I cleaned my whole room that night, the kitchen, my bathroom, cleaned my clothes and laundry and a few days later I bought my own groceries. A few days later I started cooking too. Stirfy was awesome but recently the tuna casserole kinda failed. But it was still yummy and I ate it. And it was mine.
    We cleaned the house today. He did nothing but criticize me, his former partner/slave, and bitch the entire time. I wanted to slap the shit out of him. But all I could see when he spoke and how he acted was a scared, senile, and pathetic old man who is trying to hold onto any sense of pride or superiority he can have even though he doesn't have shit. And he's scared because I stand up for myself now and I might very well move out with a partner one day. He even said that. And somewhere inside. I actually believe it myself.
    Because he made me feel like shit and pissed me off I felt like running away from my own home. But I had to pack up my PS3 first. I fucked up and did not budget power bill which we got two months later. And I got fucked by the goverment for tag registration for my birthday and paid way too much. Even with taxes, I'm short for rent. So instead of being LATE on rent and getting possible eviction, lower credit, cash scams, or loan scams I decided to sell my PS3. I tried new escort sites the week before but no luck. I'll work on that later. I called my former roomate and friend and asked if I could come over. He said it was okay. So I stopped halfway through "The Dictator" kinda funny movie and packed up my PS3. My plan was to get the playstation camera and av cable so I could go to gamestop after and get a quote on it. Since someone was already asking $150 for it and I'm pretty sure that's what gamestop will give me.
    When I got over there I bitched about our former Sir and how he is talking shit about my former partner and friend. We both got pissed off and said our own things. But while we were talking I realized some things. First is that we don't really know who he is. Nor do others. But I realized how much of an impact in a negative way he had on me. I knew it was because of him that I bareback. I would have been fine being his boy and taking his cock and loads but he decided not to have sex with either of us. And I eventually started barebacking because I wasn't getting any. But the way he treated me during sex was the same way a trick treats me. Which as impressionable as I was at the time is very likely the reason to why I like to take loads and hook up. And unfortunately even though it's hot, the reasons aren't.
    I realized so much talking to my friend. About who I thought my former Sir is and how much of everything he told me is a lie. His faith, his confidence. Everything. How he used me. How he still tries to. How he talks shit about my best friend and his former partner and my former slave brother. And how he is such a fucking asshole.
    I had to cuddle up and lean on my former brother. I wanted to be close to him. That familiarity and that safe and warm feeling I got in the past. And like in the past I felt everything. Memories from the past of things Master told me and how I tried to act like him, how I'm sexist to women now because of him, how I hate the pans because he is, and how I tried to become everything he was to make him happy. And although he wanted me to as well his plan failed because my natural stubbornness broke me away from him. But also freed me.
    I looked up at my former brother and told him, "I still love you. I miss you and I appreciate everything you do." He questioned, "why are your eyes red."
    I was crying. I told him, "Because I'm hurt." He asked me, "Why are you hurt." I thought of saying because of our former Master. But I thought about it harder. I told him, "You know I know I'm poz and everything. I've known it for a while. I know former Sir lied to me and used both of us. But knowing is different than feeling."
    I broke down in tears when I said that. He just held me close and rubbed my hair and told me to let it all out. I did. Ever since I became poz. Ever since my former Sir and roomate died in my eyes. I never let it out. I never expressed it. I just brushed it off and told myself to be stronger. And I've become a hell of a lot stronger. But it still hurt. It still hurts. It hurts alot. I want to cry. I told him, "I really miss this. But I understand that being an adult means that sometimes you have to be alone and deal with things on your own. Even though it hurts. That's just part of life. But I appreciate that right now you are here."
    ...
    This is why. It's probably so important for me to blog. Someone who can't express himself normally or verbally. Needs a way to let things go, vent, bitch, and let certain feelings and emotions out. It did cripple me sometimes in the past. But I'm a lot stronger then I used to be. And I'm going to keep getting stronger. Because now I no longer have to feel, "guilt" for barebacking, for being poz, for being who I am. Because that man's views no longer matter to me. I don't give a shit about what he thinks. But I can't ever deny that I don't care for him. That would be a regret in the future. And I'm someone who doesn't want to have regrets. Even though I have several.
    I just have to keep going the way I'm going. Keep finding leather people in unknown places. Keep following my leather and submissive heart. Because even that is slowly changing and evolving. Find that leather path that I've started on and keep moving forward. Keep my friends and people who care about me close and in contact. Whenever I feel down or depressed as long as I know that people somewhere care and want the best for me I'm able to summon strength and stay strong.
    But it is hard. It's really hard to be strong sometimes. Because lately I have felt more alone. But now I realize that I don't have to. And maybe even if I do feel really alone, scared, and wanting to cry. That it's okay. Even strong people cry.
    Because I'm strong.
  18. fuckboy20

    Fading Light

    By fuckboy20,

    This has always bugged me. A certain club in Atlanta and I felt the same when I was at slammers in Ft. Lauderdale. I felt that being selective and not being an all out whore was a bad thing. But I also felt that certain tops and men controlled the whole scene at the club. Especially those on the cat walk. I saw some bottoms getting gang banged but they put themselves out there as bottoms who will take any loads and any cock. Some diddn't have to do that though.
    ...I felt that regardless of how much a natural bottom and how much I've grown I can't compete with these bottoms or these tops. Sure I got fucked 3 times but not nearly as much as I should have at a place like that. Also, I know men love my ass but is that really what I need to show to get fucked? I can't get fucked unless I bend over? That's somewhat sad..
    ...These feelings of sadness, regret, guilt, and shame, flooded me as I left slammers. I wish I stayed at ramrod.
    So I went back to ramrod. I already had one drink at rumors earlier and I had another at ramrod earlier when I was there with my host's friend.
    I went back to ramrod. There was WAYY too many people there when I returned. It was much better earlier when I talked to a few people and was starting to relate to some. That was unlikely now. After walking around and feeling alienated and alone I decided to get a drink. I looked for a place where I could be somewhat alone and have some space. That wasn't happening. So I found a space at the very least. I ordered my third cape-cod of the night and began to drink. I decided that I'm not here to hook up or try to reclaim sex that was ruined from slammers. Nope. I just wanted to be in a bar around people and drink. So I drank. I drank rather fast and did not care who was around. Lots of hot men but I felt alone. Part of me really enjoyed hanging out with host and his friends. And I enjoyed hanging out with the guy the other day and enjoyed being with the tops.
    ..But I was alone now. I'm usually better at being alone. I'm generally not afraid to be alone. But this moment I was. But regardless of if I was alone or not. I was going to dive into darkness and see how far I'd go down. How far would I fall? Would I lose myself? Would I be myself again? I diddn't care. I just wanted to drink. Before I knew it the drink was finished. I bought another and went back to that spot. I could feel my mind somewhat slipping. I wasn't stupid drunk or happy. I felt sadder then before. Like I made a mistake or that I just wasn't good enough. Old feelings of the past came to mind. I was falling and fading fast.
    Everything around me seemed to fade. The music seemed to slowly end. It felt like everything was distorted and I was the only one there. I felt my eyes start to close. I did not want to see anything around me anymore. I did not want to be anywhere. I diddn't want to be anyone or anything. I just wanted to fall. To fall and fall until there was nothing left. What would become of me?
    As I was about to fall completely, whether it was blacking out, or losing all train of thought I saw something. From a blur I saw a light. It was the leatherman from the previous night. Everything about that man made me feel, safe, happy, respectful, horny, submissive, and made my leather heart that has been neglected beat. I opened my eyes more and it was really him. For a second I felt happy. But then I thought that he probably doesn't really care. That it would be pointless to say anything. And then these stupid twinky boys nearby started singing the song that was playing off key and loud. It was so fucking annoying and it got worse. I wanted to choke or slap the shit out of them. Decided not to and realizing how drunk I was and how moving was hard I decided regardless I need to talk to that man.
    ..I went over to him. He was really happy to see me and his friend gave us space. The making out, embracing, touching, holding, warmth, happiness, and safety was back. I felt so happy. I told him about my night and he told me not to worry about slammers and that lots of men bb there anyways. Suddenly guilt filled me. We continued making out and embracing. And somewhat I think he sensed that I was hurt and that I felt lost. His embrace was not only warm but it was full of security and assurance. It's almost as if he was saying, "Cheer up boy. It's going to be okay. You're okay boy. Don't give up on yourself."
    ...But like before it was short lived. He had to go. However, he gave me some light. But the light was also painful. It brought memories from before I barebacked, when I was a slave, a leather boy, and had a Master. That same light that my Master gave me. But that light was extinguished. This light..felt stronger then the past. It felt stronger then Master, stronger then myself. This light. What is this light. And who is this man. In some ways I felt like crying. If I met this man sooner. I might be a different person then I am today. For better or worse. But regardless. Stronger is what I would be.
    ..But I accepted this man's light, warmth, strength, and my own regret. I was able to overcome the alcohol and stand. Still drunk but not on the verge of passing out and can still think and reason. But I felt bad that I let myself get that bad. I decided to prove to myself I can overcome more. I have to. I had to. I have to prove it to myself. I have to challenge myself. I have to push myself. I have to give myself..substance. If I don't then who will. Who will acknowledge me...
    ....
    ...
    ..
    .
    I went out on the patio drinking. I became somewhat of a drunk ass. But I still had personality. But somewhat in the back of my mind I could hear my inner voice questioning what i was doing or saying. I still had some sense of myself left. But I was determined to extinguish it. I had one final drink. I drank it fast but it was strong. I felt my inner voice die even more. I left like there wasn't much left of me. Impulse, rudeness, and arrogance is what had remained. Is that was I always hold back? I did somewhat talk to some people though and enjoyed some of it. But some were annoyed by me. I finished my last drink and before I knew it closing time came. I had a hot dog and went home. I was too tired at that point to think of anything else so I slept..
    ...Like I'm going to now.
  19. fuckboy20

    Crossroads...

    By fuckboy20,

    Time and time again it seems I'm at another crossroads.
    The main things are to bareback or not to bareback.
    If I do bareback am I going to be a total cum slut bottom or am I just going to get together with a few guys.
    Hook up everyday or hook up every so often.
    To be open about barebacking or not be open.
    These are on my mind...but they need to be solved soon.
  20. fuckboy20
    ...Ahh the old blog post box. How many years has it been since I have done a blog? God when I was in middle school-high school I always blogged..and it was about a girl, my life at the time which sucked, being alone, video games, and sometimes rpg gaming I did on forums. I used to have blogs on gaming forums too and wrote about my straight parents since I did not want people to know I had two dads who adopted me. Then, when I finally became 18 I blogged all the time on a very popular gay forum. But it was again about depressing stuff like school, becoming a philosopher, being lonely, and trying to find someone. It got better as time went by though and I started blogging about sex, hook ups, people I met, and random things I did or ate (pre-twitter/facebook shit) and other stuff. I never used any names except partners because I wanted people to know about them and they were cool with it.
    But after I grew out of that gay forum I sort of lost touch with blogging. I used to stay up all night blogging sometimes or thinking. It was an outlet for me to express myself *breaks into madonna* or just feel at peace with myself and it felt like I was having a conversation with myself. I've never had a lot of friends or ever really been that popular so I always overthink things and overanalyze everything. And now I am inventing words and using poor grammar. Also I was always bad with my grammar and punctuation.
    And I had massive wall texts which caused MASSIVE boredom and "eww this blog sucks", *delete page*. Some people were kind enough to comment on my blogs and others were like, "WTF" or "lawl, get a life" and other hateful shit that people commit suicide over now. That shit never got to me. I believed regardless of whatever pain or people go through in life that you just have to live with it because maybe something good will happen someday and everything you go to will be for a reason and not for nothing. But not everyone is fortunate and not everyone lives a long time. I have never expected myself to live that long. With what I'm doing now..heh maybe I really won't live for long. I am afraid of dying though I'll admit that. I'm a coward. I'm afraid of a lot of other things too.
    But extremely turned on by sex. Started reading porn and watching porn and shit in my early teens and became addicted to it. Dreamed of the day when I would lose my virginity and went after it when I was 18. Actually a guy went after me and he took my virginity. Not a pleasant experience at first but it got better after we did it the second or third time. Coming out gay was easy but not out to everyone even now.
    Discovering leather was easy for me to find but harder to find guys in it. Feeling like I was living two different lives as a leather boy/me was tricky though. Especially referring to my Sir as his name in public. I even was commented once, "Haha, it's like you are living two different lives boy". I miss those old days with leather. And the community...
    That actually was what I was going to write about first. Skip right past intro and into community. But see how selfish I am?
    I am still trying to figure out myself right now and decide who I am and who I want to be. There are some things I do know about me though but the rest I am trying to figure out. Although, everything I have done seems to have always been controversial or forbidden. Being gay, being into older guys like bears and daddies, being into leather, and now being into barebacking.
    What's next..really what else can I do to piss people off or make people judge me more. I've never been one to piss people off but always been judged. But I'm still here I guess. Oh yeah, I'm also 22 and somewhat sarcastic and a little bit jaded. Well when I post about community that will be an interesting one. I just hope I can get out of this rut I am in and finally be what I was meant to be..whatever that is.
    Bai for noa.

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