Poz1956

Don't go seeking it bud. At 19, you may think you know what you want. As with many other things you imagine you want now, your mind will change a dozen times over the rest of your life.

There is no romance to being Poz. Your life is NOT better when you become Poz.

If you choose to follow a BB lifestyle, and this bug finds you, then it was destiny. But ideally you'll stay a happy, healthy, piggy Neg guy for a good many years. If you're lucky, and I hope you are, you'll stay Neg the rest of your life. If you have the option of PrEP -- TAKE IT!

I've known I am Poz for 28 years. I've probably been for 30. I can tell you that my life would have been much better, and I would have been much happier, if I had been fortunate enough to stay Neg. It wasn't even an option for me though. I got it before the words Safe and Sex were ever used in the same sentence. Back when condoms were used to prevent pregnancy, and gay men didn't get pregnant. Back when this was just called Fucking, and didn't have this catchy cowboy moniker, or rebel connotation.

If you are hell bent on getting bugged, first go buy a cheep "Term Life" insurance policy. That's not one with savings. It's just insurance. Buy a big enough policy to cover the price of the house or condo you eventually plan on purchasing. Keep up the payments - it's only going to be something like $25 a month. You'll need life insurance insurance to get the mortgage, and you won't be able to get it when you're Poz.

And that's just one small example of unintended future outcomes from being Poz, that you haven't considered.

Oh for crying out loud. Have any of you heard of Imodium? (Generic name Loperamide Hydrochloride)

You probably know it as an anti-diarrhea medication.

It slows down the speed at which stuff moves through your digestive track.

As a Poz guy, my meds changed me from well formed stool, to pasty sausage press. By taking this daily, my stool has changed back to reasonably well formed. (I know - TMI) Take more, and I get to Pebble consistency (and that is a real term doctors use ). Take too much and you get a single large hard log, that will hurt like fuck to squeeze out of your hole. Yea - constipated. Now we gay guys know about enemas. So if you get to constipated, douche it out. At the worst end of constipated - an impacted bowl, you have to dig it out with a finger.

Medically, medium sized logs that slide out easily, and enter the water almost silently is what's considered ideal. That's Bristol type 3 or 4. There really is a fine line between Pebble and constipation.

Of course what comes out of you ass depends a lot on your diet. Add more fibre, as most of us in the western world don't get enough. That might be enough to get you where you need. Sometimes more protein will solidify it too. Try eggs, whey or vegetable protein. (Might want to avoid Soy though - not good for guy hormones)

If you're going to try the Imodium type product, get the generic -- it's WAY cheaper. Ninety pill generic box for less than $10 at Costco. Walmart generic Equate brand is the next best price I've found. Other parts of the world, check around. You'll find it cheep someplace.

Start off with half a pill. If that works - that's your dose. Next try either a full pill, or 1/2 pill twice daily. Experiment until you get the poop consistency you're looking for.

Cumslut - You're another Cannuck, right? Up here, you can be pretty well assured that almost any guy who know he is Poz is on meds. Maybe a homeless guy - or addict might not due to life situations. But since we don't have the same financial struggles re the ARVs as the US guys, it's a fairly safe bet that Canadian Pozzies are shooting blanks.

As for the guys you describe -- It takes (at least) two to have sex -- It takes the same number to screw up and make bad decisions.

Both Poz and Neg guys are a the tubs. Most of you are terribly afraid of Poz guys, but in reality most Poz guys are under treatment, and have an undetectable viral load. The chance that an Undetectable Pozzie could infect you are very low.

Doctors literally are saying that an undetectable viral load is as good, if not better protection than a condom. (Of course a low viral load doesn't give either of you protection from another STI.)

The recent report from the first two years of the Partner study showed that None of the Neg partners caught HIV from the Poz partner, in the first two years of the study. The reality is most of the Pozzies at the tubs are shooting blanks.

The guy you're most likely to get it from was Neg at his last test, and still thinks he's Neg. Guys who are Poz, but DON'T know they are Poz are responsible for over 85% of new transmissions.

The only person whose status you can be 100% certain of is the guy who tells you he is POZ!

There is a certain irony in the fact us Poz guys, who the Neggies are most afraid of, are probably going to turn out to be the ones least likely to infect them! Our status is 100% known verses all the "think they're neg" guys. Many of them don't test regularly, if ever.

Yes I was too quick to post a reply. Read the first few bits of the thread, went of to view the site & read their twitter feed. Came back here and posted before reading the rest of the thread.

Guess this was just one more case of being a little too quick to hit "Send" or "Post." We've all done that, right?

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:

The stigma and prejudice against a Poz guys is so incredibly high. Think of how many profiles you read that refer to themselves as "clean." If they're "clean" what does that make me? DDF equates me to the crack addict who'll steal your wallet while your pants and down. It seats me beside the heroine addict shooting up in an alley. Dehumanizing language like Diseased, Infected, and Unhealthy leads to people hiding their status. It also makes people choose to NOT get tested. After all, who wants to find out they're not "Clean." Though I'll admit I at least got a smile out of "walking petri dishes.'

It just drives me nuts how people respond to us. For some reason the first thought that enters the mind for a large portion of Neggies is "You're mad as hell at the world for getting HIV, and you're trying to get even by infecting as many people as possible." I always wonder about those guys. Is that what they'd do if they got it? They thought of it first. Remind me again, which one of us is supposed to be the sociopath?

But other threads show that cumslutfordaddy has 100% bought into that mentality.

Now considering that cumslutfordaddy is now calling himself an escort, and his plan is to upcharge for barebacking (admittedly once he gets on PrEP), I find it odd that he is throwing stones at a bottom who goes to the tubs. Unless he's getting tested for everything after every client (especially throat swabs, because I'm sure none of his clients will accept a condom covered blow job), isn't it a bit of the pot calling the kettle black?

They are back up with as caughtlads.se

I believe Swedish privacy laws are stronger, so they're probably using that as a shield.

I think it's most likely a jilted bitter possibly newly Poz boyfriend who started this.

Not quite true. The gut is lined with two layers of anal mucus. A stickier layer that adheres to the cells along the walls, and a thinner layer that helps things glide along.

One of the "safer BB" guidelines is to douche a couple of hours before getting fucked. That give enough time for the somewhat protective anal mucus to regenerate.

While a vagina will produce a mucus lubricant when the woman is excited, I doubt an ass will respond the same way.

Good question for the power bottoms. Does your ass get more naturally lubed when you're excited? I mean before you start taking loads.

I've seen a post in another thread saying that eating chia seeds, with lots of water, seems to double up the slick factor of a nice fuckable butt.

My fear wasn't offending you Bear - I knew you'd understand what I was saying. I was half expected someone to jump to your defence, being certain I had besmirched your honour, and saying "Bear only plays with Poz people. He would never pass it on."

The head of the HIV clinic here has referred to Ritonavir as "one of the most Puke-A-Genic substances on earth." That was certainly my experience. At random times the slightest smell, or even sight of some foods and other stuff would have me retching. I'd wander the grocery store for hours trying to find something I was even the slightest bit interested in eating.

And I guess I have to make a correction to my use of "geneotyping." Phenotyping is drug susceptibility testing. In it physical samples of blood from a patient, are spiked with individual ARV drugs, and notes are taken about how much (or how little) virus is killed. They test samples against all ARVs, thus allowing a doctor to pick the best combination for that particular patient.

Genotyping looks at the genetic sequence of the RNA in the virus. It can be compared to a known database for drug resistance. But is rarely used that way. It is also used to compare the virus between different people. If the genetic sequence has very few mutations, there is a very high probability that one transmitted the virus to the other, or that both of their viruses were sired by the same third person.

You're seriously going to tell me that per-incident risk is irrelevant to individuals? Seriously?

I've given you two examples of guys I've spoken with since December 1, 2013, on a Non-BB focuses site.

The uncut top had a 1 in 161 chance per exposure to HIV of become Poz. In 1 out of 1 bareback fucks he became Poz.

The cut guy had a 1 in 909 chance per exposure of catching HIV. In 1 out of the 2 bareback fucks he had in his entire life, he became Poz.

Sorry, but around here science is king.

So getting back to the original point - my differing times were based on the average length of time that someone can claim to be neg. People build up a certain amount of cumulative risk. Bottoms accumulate risk faster than tops, so they can't claim to be neg as long as a top.

Science. Facts. Let's stick to those please.

If you want to talk about cumulative chances, then you better count the number or BB fucks. A guy who BB's once a month in a closed circle of buds has a lower accumulated chances of exposure over the year, than a top fucking a random hook-up several times a week, or a power bottom taking ten loads a night at the tubs. Time alone is has no bearing on that.

Tell me, what's your cumulative chance of winning the lottery today verses two years ago? There is no cumulative increase in your chance. Your odds of winning the lotto is exactly the same each and every time you play it. It doesn't matter how many times you play it, your per ticket chance of winning says exactly the same.

I don't understand how a per exposure risk, translates into "an average length of time that someone can claim to be Neg." Explain the science of that calculation. You may have a reference I haven't read.

The bottom has a 1 in 71 chance of catching it, per exposure to HIV. The uncut top has a 1 chance in 161 exposures. The cut top has a 1 in 909. Those numbers don't change over time.

You're thoughts on downgrading are based solely on the risk of CATCHING HIV. In your view, the bottom has the bigger responsibility to get himself tested.

Regardless of the 1 in XXX chances, ANY exposure to a high viral load Pozzie, could actually be THAT ONE.

Lets flip it around and look at it from the risk of TRANSMITTING the virus.

The bottom had a 1 in 71 chance of catching HIV. Once he's got it, even though he doesn't know he is Poz yet, he only has a 1 in 909 chance of transmitting it to a Neg cut top, and a 1 in 161 chance of transmitting to an Neg uncut top.

The newly Poz tops, regardless of foreskin status, now have a 1 in 71 chance of infecting their Neg bottoms.

Viewed from that perspective the tops have a greater responsibility to keep up to date on their status than the bottom does.

But under your suggested system, he could unknowingly be spreading HIV, until the system more or less forces him to go get tested in 18 or 24 months.

I would certainly hope that everyone would take the personal responsibility to get tested on a regular schedule. But we know many people don't do it. If it takes a hook-up site's status downgrade to talk someone into getting tested, so be it. But set a high bar. Use the standard "best practice" recommendation, which is especially important for guys who BB.

I say everyone has an EQUAL responsibility to get their HIV status tested frequently. The guys on PrEP have the responsibility to take their pills daily, and have their serostatus and kidney functions checked checked every three months. Us Pozzies have the responsibility to take our pills daily, and have their viral load checked (at least where I live) every four months.

Again I suggest, first downgrade at three months. "Unknown - Overdue for Testing" at six months. And yea, that's very blunt and "in your face." Sadly, it needs to be, because guys aren't getting tested, and the uptake on PrEP has been relatively slow. But maybe you have to tone that down a bit for anti buzz kill purposes.

Nobody hears the old "Condoms, Condoms Condoms" message. Heck, ignoring that message is what this site and BBBH are about. Lets present guys with a new mantra, appropriate to what they are actually doing. "Testing, Testing, Testing!" Because it's different, they might actually HEAR it.

Look, I'm relatively new here, and don't have the street cred for you to give a damn about what I have to say. Bear is a long time member, and his knowledge and opinions are well respected. Have a PM conversation with him, and ask if I'm totally off base.

In the end BBBH is your site. You have the final say as to what info is there, and what status is display, and how downgrades will happen.

I'm just trying to frame a discussion in the best interests of the broader BB community.

My reference for the numbers I used: Putting a number on it: The risk from an exposure to HIV

The only guy who knows he is Poz, who COULD possibly even stealth you, is a Poz guy not under treatment. Look up the initial reports from the Partner study.

For some reason the first thought that enters the mind for a large portion of Neggies is "You're mad as hell at the world for getting HIV, and you're trying to get even by infecting as many people as possible." I always wonder about those guys. Is that what they'd do if they got it? They thought of it first. Remind me again, which one of us is supposed to be the sociopath?

Painting all Pozzies that way is Bull Shit and Stigma.

If you're going to catch HIV, it is MOST likely from a guy who doesn't know he is Poz. I don't think you can call that stealthing.

Those "Clean U B 2" guys, who aren't so clean, and are newly infected have viral loads in the Millions (Had a recent conversation with a newly diagnosed guy who's VL was 9,300,000 - and that's not unusual.) Those "D & D Free" guys, who actually aren't "D Free" and have moved into the chronic phase of infection, have viral loads generally in the 60,000 to 120,000 range. Combined, those two groups of guys who are Poz, but don't know they are Poz, are responsible for well over 85% of new transmissions. Another 10% comes from guys who know they are Poz, but are not under treatment, again with chronic phase viral loads. And there is a mix of injection drug users that are men who have sex with men which makes up few more percentage. And all of those are BB.

Compare those viral load numbers to the undetectable Pozzie with a viral load less than 40! I guess there is a rare few who never quiet get to undetectable, and we shouldn't paint them as evil either.

There are only two reasons a guy will state he is POZ. He is showing his respect for you, and hoping to earn your respect in return. Thank him, because it was a difficult conversation for him to start. If a guy is up front and honest enough to tell you he is Poz and Undetectable, it would be paranoid crap to question his honour and integrity.

I've given a lot of thought to escort ads I've see who post BB videos. I question their professionalism. If I were neg, I'd want to do an OraQuick Rapid HIV Test with him before playing bare. But of course that would use up 20 minutes of play time. Perhaps you should carry a couple of those test kits in your trick kit. That would up your trustability with some clients.

Have you given much thought to your testing frequency? At least monthly would be wise. You should be able to find a free clinic that does the one minute finger prick test. Of course testing for all the other STIs on that same schedule is best

The pure wacko who is trying to stealth, won't tell you he is Poz. I don't think my opinion on what should happen to them is any different from a Neggie. I suppose I might be slightly more charitable than most, on the concept of getting those guys mental health help.

Personally I think steathers are extremely rare. Though I acknowledge there are a number here who talk about it. I can't really tell how much it fantasy, and how much is reality.

But quit the "All the Pozzies are out to get me" Shit!!!!

Can you be sure that something mail order from India really is going to be what the label says? I'd want lab tests, but I'd wonder if that would up the cost to more than the real thing.

I know there is a website that does rate an approve internet pharmacies. Maybe the one you referenced is on that list.

I guess another question is with customs let it in?

You just answered your own question - because tops are at much lower risk. 7 times lower risk to be precise. Hence their claim at being neg is more likely to be true.

Every single one of us Poz guys, at some point said, based on statistical chances, I don't think I'm at much risk.

I actually remember having that conversation with a friend in spring 1982. I didn't live in a multimillion population centre. I almost never went to the tubs. I wasn't sucking or fucking and taking 25 loads a night. Hell, I only got laid once or twice a month. I wasn't doing drugs. I wasn't snorting poppers. (Those were ALL of the risk factors back then.) I was sure the chances of me catching it were extremely low. And yes I was topping - thought that wasn't recognized as a lower risk factor back then.

Based on what we know now about seroconversion symptoms, I caught it six to eight months later.

I'm not quite sure what you're current though is. Hover over just the status Neg and get the last test date, or are you still planning a "Neg, Recently Tested" with other possible descriptors for longer periods of time since the last test?

I'm just going to throw this out there.

You were very lucky for a lot years (thank God). And now you're on PrEP so your chances are extremely low. Is your opinion on downgrading "Recently Tested" possibly being tainted by your own personal experience?

You really shouldn't give other tops a false sense of security. If you're going to facilitate hook-ups, it's better to reinforce the best testing practices, public health message. It's for the protection of all the other neg guys.

I don't think you ever want the situation where some guy says "RawTop said I didn't need to be tested yet, so I though I was Safe." In the overly litigious USA I can actually picture that as a defence somebody spews in court.

And lets be honest here, safe because a guy is on PrEP, for the foreseeable future, is going to be a very rare exception.

Most of the guys doing it raw will still be thinking "I don't think I'm at risk because _________." And they will fill in that blank with anything they can get their hands on. Especially youth, who already think they are Immune and Im-mortal. (The straight ones think they're Infertile too.) We all know they're not getting tested nearly enough.

Lets not allow them to fill in the blank with "Because BBBH says I'm not."

(I now Im-mortal is spelled wrong - for some reason it kept getting replaced with *******)

If you are correct that your viral load is 7,070 is not very high at all. Yes, you can still pass it on, but you are not "Highly Infections." Typical chronic infection viral loads are in the 60,000 to 120,000 range. At primary infection back when you had the fuck flu, you probably had a viral load in the millions, maybe 10's of millions. So if y0u've settled down to a natural set point of 7,070 that's great news. Generally doctors don't think it can be transmitted with a viral load below 1,500. You are not hugely above that

You're CD4 count is excellent -- normal for someone without HIV, when under stress. You don't have to worry about some cold or flu wiping you out right now.

Sooner is better with starting the antiretrovirals, but there isn't a great panic to start them immediately. It doesn't sound like you have impediments to starting the drugs, like insurance or finances, so you can start them at any time.

Start them when the time is right for YOU. You have to be mentally ready. If you are already, then start them.

You are making a lifelong commitment. In some ways I liken it to buying a puppy. Not a decision to be made lightly, or on the spur of the moment. Something to be carefully considered.

With a puppy, you're committing to adding stuff to your day, every day, regardless if you feel like it or not. Stuff like daily walks, and making sure he's got food in his dish. There will be some problems at the beginning too. The first few night there's a whining, yowling, whimpering little furry bud. There are some puddles and accidents, and maybe even an occasional upset tummy with an upchuck on the carpet. You take it all in stride, and the early stuff settles down. Eventually it's all just a daily part of your life. Throw in those occasional vet visits, and regular shots. But in the end, your furry pal becomes part of you, and a regular piece of your day.

With HIV, you have to be ready to take the pills. From the outside it sounds easy, but there are days it feels like a burden. For some people taking the pills is a daily reminder that you're Poz, and a daily reminder to beat yourself up about it. That's a mental hurdle few consider in advance.

You may need to find a method that reminds you to take them every day. Something that's right for you. A daily alarm on your watch, a phone app, those seven day pill cases, check mark on a calendar - whatever works for you. There's two sides to that. One is the reminder. The other is that, after it becomes really routine, you may have sudden moments when you can't remember IF you took the drugs or not. It helps to have something you can look at that says, Yes I did, or No I didn't.

If they need to be taken with food, the kitchen is a good spot to keep the meds. By the same token, the prescription bottle out on the counter, might be a great reminder for you, but you don't necessarily want anyone who walks into your kitchen to know that very private piece of your business. In the cupboard beside your coffee mug or plates might be more discreet, but still in your face enough. And maybe when you've got company - as part of cleaning up the house, consider moving them.

Modern drugs are MUCH better tolerated than the crap I started on. But it can't hurt to be prepared. In the beginning, many people get an upset stomach or the runs. Or it may just be a change in consistency of your poop. Pasty sausage press isn't unusual. Have an extra pack to two of toilet paper on hand, above and beyond what you'd normally have in the house. Have some anti-diarrhea meds in the medicine chest. The Costco sized generic 90 pills for under $10 is the best price I've found. The Walmart house brand is the next cheapest. And you may need to play with how much you take, and when to take it, until your stool returns to normal. After years on drugs, I still have to take it every day to change a smeary paste, into well formed nuggets that don't leave me feeling in need o a bidet.

Sometimes food, or sips of gingerale, Coke or Pepsi settle an upset tummy. Can't hurt to have on hand, a bottle of Pepto/Divol/Malox or whatever other liquid product works well for you.

If you do start to have some gut troubles, try to figure out if there are some foods that just aren't playing well with the meds.

You'll get the "take it the same time every day" lecture. That's mostly about making it a habit. I'm not saying ignore it, but don't let it rule your life. You can still sleep in on the weekends. The meds don't disappear out of your system at exactly 24 hrs. There's wiggle room there. Take em every day at the point that's convenient on that particular day. (If you look at the PrEP trial data, they could tell from blood tests if someone had taken the drugs 3+ times a week -- it doesn't go Poof in 24 hrs)

You will miss a few doses. It happens. We're human. Don't trash yourself about it. It's not a crisis. Missing too many is bad. But if there's a slip-up, and you remember later take it later, do it. Discover that you skipped a dose, and well - you skipped a dose. Don't stress. 95% compliance is what they aim for. Personally I miss about one a month, and my VL has stayed undetectable. It's always on the days when your schedule is wacky or different. The special holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving, or getting up early for something special and rushed (like a trip to the airport) are common culprits. Pay attention to those.

Green said that you were secretly chasing. People are ALWAYS going to have an opinion on how or why you caught it. Ignore them. They'll eat at you. It happened - period. No used playing it over and over, with should-a, could-a, would-a done things different.

My experience with people who say "Neg Only" is that they didn't know much about HIV. Usually they have no idea about the Window Period. They have a false perception that HIV is spread by the guys who know they are Poz and under treatment. Maybe you were one of those. Almost all new infections are from "Clean U B 2" and "D & D Free" guys.

Reach out to Mr. "I can't cum" again. Maybe just ask if he's been tested since you played, cuz you just want to make sure he's OK. I'd bet he still has pre-cum. A good hard fuck, and micro-tears in his dick (with no blood) would be enough. If he continues to be an ass - then he is one.

With your low VL, when you get under treatment, you will become undetectable very quickly. When you're undetectable, there is almost no chance you can transmit the virus. Take a look at the preliminary results from the "Partner" study. 16,400 gay sex acts, and 28,000 straight ones over two years, and none of the neg partners became Poz from their spouse. Read this stuff and watch the presentation. Good for your moral, great hope for the future, and great info to hit the Pozeaphobes up the side of the head with.

I hate to say it, but prepare yourself for a lifetime of stigma and prejudice. It's worth looking at the graphics on The Stigma Project. Share them via social media if you're that type. Hell, I'm using them as avatars on some hook-up sites.

It just drives me nuts how people respond to us. For some reason the first thought that enters the mind for a large portion of Neggies is "You're mad as hell at the world for getting HIV, and you're trying to get even by infecting as many people as possible." I always wonder about those guys. Is that what they'd do if they got it? They thought of it first. Remind me again, which one of us is supposed to be the sociopath?

Most conversations where you reveal your status will go like this

I now start disclosing status conversations like this. "After years of study I've determined that there are only two reasons I have this conversation. You may think there are more, but really it all boils down to these two. I am showing my respect for you, and hoping to earn yours in return."

I've got a post at the end of this thread It's worth a read, just for some of the things to think about when responding to docs, and other medical staff. It's also got the internal struggle I go through each time I have to reveal my status.

There appears to be a great group of guys on here, with a ton on knowledge. Reach out to them when you have a question, or are having one of those "fear of Monsters under the bed" moments.

There is a definitely a trend that fewer guys get naked in the locker room. A large percentage of guys at my gym take off their swimsuits or gymshorts, and put on their underwear while wrapped in a towel.

I was watching the movie "UnHung Hero" and a doctor in there explained part of it. Straight guys these days don't even know what an average dick looks like.

When I was younger we showed and changed after gym class. Hell when we had swim class as part of gym, it was in the nude. With most high school gym classes these days, nobody showers, and they wear the same undershorts under their gym shorts, then just take off the gym shorts, and put their pants back on.

Personally I've wondered if that was a side effect from from all the shaved and trimmed pubes these days. Most young guys don't even know what a normal bush looks like. I get the extra optical inch principle, but my dick is still the same sadly average size with the pubes trimmed or not. Personally I have not yet found a reason to manscape.

Personally I prefer that a crotch on a man, looks like it belongs on a man, not a pre-pubecent child.

I've also noticed that especially amongst Muslim men, they prefer to change in the private cubicals, or failing that, definitely under a towel. I have a theory that it may be the male equivalent of modesty that we always her Muslim women speak about when they refer to the Hijab or the veil. Any Muslim men on here care to comment about that?

If a guy is going to lie, regardless of how you present it, he will still lie.

I like Bttm2go's suggestions. It should be there, but give me some control over who sees it.

Is it really important that Everyone see it, or only really relevant when there is actual potential for a hook-up? If there ain't going to be a hook-up, how is not showing it up front a violation of disclosure laws?

Maybe behind the scenes if a guys is filtering for only Poz or only Neg guys, or only Undetectable guys, it takes it into account. I don't show up in his filtered list, but I'm not exactly outed either.

I've been Poz for 30 years, and I've gotten every response under the sun to revealing status. Most of it pretty hostile. Including a setup for a pre-sex bashing just for chatting with somebody for a few weeks to get a feel for what kind of guy he was, before disclosing my status. It was even negotiated safe sex - with his pre-discussed choices of what we would do - and they were at the most extreme edges of safe. Afraid of a little undetectable Pozzie cum INSIDE a condom, where the load wasn't even blown while in his ass, but perfectly willing to beat my head in with a tire iron. Tell me, which would have been of more risky to him? Some neggies are insane!

That was fairly recent, so I'm a little over cautious these days.

Even after 30 years of doing it, revealing status is not easy. My gut gets tied in a knot, and I almost hyperventilate before hitting send. Most of you who have chimed in are really comfortable about it, and it's not difficult for you. I suspect that those who find it easier are in multimillion population bases. I think it's worth adding the point of view from someone who still struggles with it.

I never lie about it. But I hate that everywhere I turn, somebody's always screaming "The Possies are ALL Liars." Heck even in post 14, Poz friendly RawTop said "a lot of guys will lie if they are asked to tell their HIV status to a complete stranger." It's virtually impossible for an undetectable Pozzie to "stealth" somebody, but a huge number of threads on here spew that BS in our face.

On other sites that ask it, and display it openly to everyone (Manhunt, DaddyHunt, A4A) I choose not to answer it, period. My status is only relevant if I've passed through their other very shallow checkbox requirements (age, dick size, height, weight, furrieness, musculature, etc).

I've had enough stigma in my life from gossip queens, and whisper campaigns, and outings on message boards. Am I reinforcing stigma by not wanting to scream it - perhaps, but I fight it in other ways.

Obviously this is a pretty out handle. There's not exactly a lot of identifying info about me here, is there? I know I wouldn't use something like this on a hook-up site.

That said, I was thinking of having a field in the profiles for last HIV test (for neg guys). In fact I was going to require a test date to get the status "Neg, Recently Tested" and then after six months it would change to "Not Sure, Probably Neg". The question is what to show when the test is even further in the past - say 12 to 24+ months. I'm thinking it'll go to just "Not Sure" after 12 months for bottoms, 18 months for vers guys, and 24 months for tops.

Everybody gets the same time frame - regardless of position. Follow the best testing practices. Three months - PERIOD! Maybe grant a "Possibly" between 3 and 6, but over six months between tests and all neg guys should be "Unknown," or maybe something more blunt "Not Recently Tested" or "Overdue for Testing." The guy on PrEP MUST go for testing every 3 months, or he doesn't get his prescription renewed - and he's pretty well protected. Why should all the other "less safe" neg guys get a longer time?

Yes a top has a statistically lower chance of catching it on any given fuck. But like rolling snake eyes, it could come up at any time.

You give him 18 months, and he could be Stealthing / Gifting / Pozzing -- whatever you want to call it, for 21 month (almost 2 years) without knowing it. Not everyone gets fuck flu - or recognizes it as such when he gets it. Let's not forget that, other than sharing needles, a Poz top, not under treatment, fucking a Neg bottom, is the most efficient way to spread HIV.

I know an uncut top who only fucked ONE guy outside his relationship raw ONCE -- for half a dozen strokes. It was a 3-way with his partner. He was fucking the outsider with a condom, pulled out and took of the rubber, then decided to go back in. He swears it was about six strokes. The top is Poz now! (The partner luckily has stayed Neg.) Clearly the guy he was fucking must have been newly infected, with viral load in the 10 million or higher range. He didn't even know he was Poz.

I know another top. Only fucked ten people in his entire life. Only Two of them without a condom. Yep - Poz. Probably the bottom was another Pozzie who didn't know he was Poz, again with a high viral load.

Neither of these tops knew they were Poz, until about two years after the fact!

If you're basing your top free pass on statistics, better take into account cut or uncut. An uncut top is only about 2-3 times less likely to get it than a bottom. A cut top is about 15 times less likely to catch HIV than a bottom.

I agree with Tiger. Unless a Neg guy is on PrEP, one fuck would be enough. And that's assuming the last test was accurate. But of course he could have been in the Window Period when he took that test.

Yea, I'm passionate about the subject of keeping Neg guys Neg. Just imagine how much heat and hormones I'd throw, about something more personally important, like me fucking a hot ass, or some stud plowing my hole.

Just to clear something up here - Sustiva is brand name of the single drug Efavirenz. It is not a multi-drug combination therapy, and does not contain Tenofovir

I believe Super Infection can be either a second infection with one of other the HIV-1 Sub-types (A through K), or with HIV-2. In the western world pretty much all us Pozzies have HIV-1 Sub-type B.

I have seen a report that female sex workers in subsaharan Africa, that were co-infected with a second sub-type. They did exhibit a higher immune response to that second virus. But I'm pretty sure I've read something else where multi-sub-type infected people did not do as well. It may well depend on what combination of sub-types they were exposed to.

It sounds as though the OP may have had genotyping performed on his blood samples, and the Efavirenz resistance showed up in that. Genotyping determines what ARV combo your particular virus is most susceptible to (or in Bear's case probably least resistant to). It seems to have become common before starting on ARVs, as opposed to the old way, of trying one combo for a few month, and and taking the "wait and see" approach on how the CD4 and viral load reacts. It probably preservers more options for treatment later on, should they become necessary.

There has been much flailing of arms, and wringing of hands from the medical establishment that Poz on Poz BB would lead to Super Infection with multi-drug resistant strains. It's just has not really turned out to be happening that way.

Though they are seeing newly diagnosed at risk youth with resistance to at least one ARV (similar to the OP's resistance to Sustiva). While the population samples are too small to make a real determination, it's theorized that they caught HIV from older men, with long treatment histories. For example IF someone caught HIV from Bear (calm down - an example - not a finger pointing), they could inherit the drug resistances that Bear has. However they wouldn't necessarily have same intolerance to drugs that Bear just can't stomach. (Only about 5% of people are allergic to Abacavir, and perhaps that person's tummy can handle something that makes Bear barf till his stomach turns inside out.)

I think I just got way too technical, and did a TMI thing. That happens to me when I've been sitting all night at the computer. Get on a roll, and can't stop typing.

The free floating virus in the blood plasma only survives at most a few weeks, then they die off. That's why PEP works. It stops replication and keeps it stopped until what's still floating around is cleared from the system.

And of course it makes perfect sense that the viral load will drop in the late stages. If there aren't many CD4 cells kicking around in the bloodstream, there aren't many new virus factories.

As for the original question - Undetectable, thank you very much, and proud of it. Been that way for about ten years.

The highest viral load I've ever tested was 120,000 back when I took too long of a drug holiday in the early 2000's, and stupidly fell out of what they now call the Care Cascade. The CD4 stopped dropping at 89 once I got back on the wagon. It never recovered to the mid 700's I used to have, but I guess I'm happy with the mid 400's I now maintain.

I caught HIV a couple of years before the words Safe and Sex were ever used in the same sentence. It was at least a year before a tax refund was used to privately produce a booklet in New York with some of the ideas that became safe sex. It was back when condoms were used to prevent pregnancy, and gay men didn't get pregnant. It was just called fucking back then, and didn't have the catchy cowboy moniker, or rebel connotation. Diagnosed in 1985 -- the year an antibody test first became available. We didn't have viral load tests until after the first multi-drug cocktails became available in 1996.

If I wanted something that was called a Cunt or a Pussy, I'd be screwing a woman.

It's a Fuck Hole!

And the CDC has been recommending anal pap smears since 2010.

HPV DNA screening of the rectum is not recommended. I wonder if that's what you saw?

I can speak to a few points, as I live in the same province as the OP.

There may be a difference between Mike accepting the "inevitability" that, because he barebacks, he will become Poz, and him seeking to become Poz. I'm hoping it is the former, rather than the latter.

I'm a Poz guy, and I wish I wasn't. I'll leave it at that. No lecture from me.

As to your original question, I probably caught it at 26 -- Next month I'll be 58. I'll die on whatever date I'm destined to die, and it is highly unlikely that some HIV complication will put me in my grave.

If/when you become Poz, the province covers the total cost of your ARVs, regardless of what regime you're on. You pick them up at the same time as your regular visits to the HIV clinic.

I probably shouldn't say this, but you're most likely to catch HIV from the "Clean U B 2" crowd. The guys who are Poz, and don't know they are Poz are responsible for almost all of the new transmissions.

News just in from the "Partner" study shows that it is highly unlikely you'll catch it from Poz Undetectable guys. Based on the number and type of sex acts, the researches would have expected about 30% of the Neg partners to become Poz. With an estimated 16,400 gay guy sex acts not a single Neg person in the study caught it from their Poz partner. It's not specified if the sex acts were mostly BB, or includes JO and BJ.

There is a certain irony in the fact us Poz guys, who the Neggies are most afraid of, are probably going to turn out to be the ones least likely to infect them! Our status is 100% known verses all the "D & D Free" guys. Many of them don't test regularly, if ever.

For the guys pushing PrEP:

Truvada is not yet approved for PrEP by Health Canada. It can still be prescribed, with PrEP being an Off-Label use.

I've heard rumours that Gilead may not even seek its approval for PrEP in Canada. They have not applied for it as of yet. The smaller population and low uptake may not worth the cost to get it approved.

Gilead assistance programs are only applicable to US residents, so they're leaving us Canucks doubly out on the cold.

If a guy chooses to go on PrEP, he will either have to shoulder the cost himself, or hope his employer's health benefit plan will cover it. With it being unapproved, I doubt many insurers will. I know of one person who does have it covered. I've heard that it cost here is $1.400 a month, but a recent DailyExtra article said it cost $850 in Quebec.

There are a couple of Canadian studies going on, in Toronto, and Montreal. If a guy could get in on one of those, he would get the PrEP for free. At least he would for the length of the study. But nothing that I know of out here in the West. Even in BC, where the efficacy of the multi-drug cocktails was discovered, and the home of Treatment as Prevention (TasP), they are kind of lukewarm on the idea of PrEP.

Things work differently up here guys. In the US, insurers have calculated that it's cheaper to cover a two drug regime, for a few "wild and crazy" years, than to cover three ARV drugs for the rest of a guy's life. There was only about 2,000 guys on PrEP in the US last year, so it's not costing the insurers a heck of a lot of money at the moment. Up here, because the provinces cover the cost for the Poz guy's HIV meds, the math isn't the same. Let's face it PrEP has had a very slow uptake.

One of my friends who was diagnosed HIV+ last year also ended up with early stage anal cancer, most likely brought on by his initial infection. He had the HPV, but his HIV infection and compromised immune system allowed it to progress. He is fine after a minor outpatient procedure, but still he's 27, and already had a cancer scare and HIV.

The cancer was caused by the HPV, not his HIV. Very unlikely he got both at the same time. Most gay guys get exposed to HPV within the first couple of years after they start playing. The 18 or less crowd, or those just out of the closet, should consider getting vaccinated against HPV as soon as possible.

If his immune system was seriously compromised by the time of his HIV diagnosis, he, like most of the rest of you, wasn't getting tested often enough. If you're BBing get tested every three months like clockwork! Top - Bottom - Doesn't matter -- Every Three Months! The full suite of tests for all the STIs

It's not like you come in contact with HIV, and then next day the immune system is completely destroyed. For most, it takes years to reach the point where the immune system is considered compromised (ie a CD4 count of less than 200). Of course your friend could have been doing lots of other stuff with negative impacts on his immune system -- Drugs, Not eating right, Not sleeping enough, and getting very little exercise.

It's just as likely that your friend already had the HPV caused cancer, which could have affected his immune system, and the rectal cancer also left him at greater risk of catching HIV.

Uniagnosed, and and Untreated, HIV does leave you a higher risk for all the other STI's, and a host of other infections. But under treatment, with a healthy immune system, a guy with HIV isn't at higher risk of catching an STI. With HIV, the STI can progress quicker, and be harder to treat, but that's a totally different matter.

HPV caused rectal cancer rates amongst gay men are hugely on the rise. And yes, docs are recently seeing it a lot more in LONG TERM Poz guys.

Neg or Poz, you really should talk to your doc about getting an anal pap smear test done every year.

Lets face it, we all know lots of gay guys who are shallow and judgmental. Ours is a youth obsessed culture, and sadly 49 seems to be the max acceptable age for lots.

My personal experience on other sites is that when the age ticked over from 49 to 50, the number of views dropped by about 50%. At 55 another half dropped off. Personally I'm terrified of two years from now when that first digit flips over to a 6.

I certainly can see why a guy would press the "HOLD" button at 49, but they'll figure it out when we meet so what's the point of lying?

I have a top and a bottom profile on another site. I will admit that I do shave a year off the bottom one. I have him located with a postal code that's a block away too. That's more about not making it obvious that they are the same guy, when I'm cruising online with both at the same time.

10% of people with european ancestry are extremely lucky to probably have some degree of immunity. Whereas the rest of us aren't so lucky.

Ten percent got one copy of the gene, from one of their parents. Those people can still contract HIV, but in the days before anti-retrovirals, did not progress (or progressed very slowly) to AIDS.

I know somebody who only slept with ten people in his life, and only two without a condom, both times as a top. He became Poz. Clearly one of them was a very high viral load, just newly infected guy, who probably couldn't even test Poz at the time.

Re: Keeping yourself Neg

Talk to the guy you're going to play with. Don't just assume he's Neg. It is as much your responsibility to ask the other guy his HIV status, as it is his to tell you if he is Poz.

If your only question is "What was the result of your last HIV test," you don't have enough info. How long ago was that test? How often does he get tested? How many guys has he barebacked since that last test? Does he have this kind of conversation with all the other guys he fucks? Those may not be popular questions around here, but you do have a right to ask them as part of selecting your play partners. Just asking them may make some guys bail, because you're spoiling the mood, spontaneity, pigishness, and whatever drew him to barebacking in the first place.

Ask if he's on PreP.

As others have said, get yourself on PreP

There are also some "safer" bareback protocols

Don't get yourself so high that you're out of it, and don't know what's going on.

Don't douche immediately before getting fucked. It's recommended to douche a couple of hours before play, to give enough time for the somewhat protective anal mucus to regenerate.

Douche with warm water only. Don't use the prepackaged enigmas available at the pharmacy

If you douche often, eat pro-biotic yogourt, or take pro-biotic capsule to restore the balance of good bacterial in your gut.

Spit and push just doesn't cut it. Use LOTS of water or silicon based lube. Apply more lube as you fuck. Water and silicone based lube will minimize the risk of irritation to the mucosal lining of your ass.

Spread your barebacking adventures over time to allow any potential damage to your ass time to heal.

Be aware of pain levels. Fucking may cause discomfort or sensitivity, but it shouldn’t be painful. There doesn’t have to be blood for there to be damage.

Don’t get fucked if you have sores or pimples around your ass.

Before getting fucked, relax your asshole as much as possible: try anal massage, get finger-fucked or rimmed (lots of foreplay!). Repeated deep breathing helps your hole open up

It's best not to put toys (like a dildo or butt plug) that has been in another person's butt, in your ass. You can cover them with a condom. Are BB guys so condom adverse that a condom covered toy would violate their code of behaviour?

Eat a diet rich in fibre and plenty of water can increase your overall ‘fuck-a-bility’

Get regularly tested for other STIs including a blood test for Syphilis, and Hepatitis C and an anal swab for Gonorrhea, & Chlamydia. It's a good idea to get a throat swab done for G and C too. Infection with another STI can significantly increase your sustainability to catching HIV. If you've got another STI, don't play until it's cured.

From my nick, you can tell I'm a Poz guy. Got it before the words Safe and Sex were ever used in the same sentence. Back when condoms were used to prevent pregnancy, and gay guys didn't get pregnant. Back when this was just called Fucking, and didn't have this catchy cowboy moniker, or rebel connotation.

It might interest you to see what the latest research is saying.

Last week the preliminary results from the European "Partner" study were presented at CROI 2014. (Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections)

The European based Partner study is following a large number of couples in mixed HIV status relationships. We sometimes get cutesy and call them Magnetic couples, because it's a relationship where one person is HIV Positive and the other is HIV Negative. The medical terms used to describe them are Serodiscordant or Serodivergent. The study includes both gay and straight couples. Before this study there was very little research of HIV in gay relationships or anal sex, and none with enough data to draw statistically significant conclusions. All of the Pozzies in the Partner study have an undetectable viral load.

NONE of the HIV Negative partners contracted HIV from their Poz partner, in the first two years of the study. With an estimated 16,400 gay guy bareback fucks (and 14,000 straight ones), ZERO Negative partners caught HIV from their Positive spouse. Including the straight couples, there is a cumulative 894 years of couple following up, and there was not a single transmission from the Poz mate.

Based on the number, and type of sex acts, had the Pozzies not been under treatment, the researches would have expected 86 (30%) of the neg partners to catch HIV.

Before we celebrate that as a carte blanche in BBing with neg guys, they are about 95% certain -- their "best guess" is we are 0% likely to transmit. They don't have enough data to get that certainty higher, especially for Poz top cum dumping in a Neg bottom. The outside edge of that statistical certainty means, there is a 32% chance of the Neg bottom becoming Poz withing 10 years. (I wonder how many of those relationships will actually last for 10 years.) The quoted <1% per year (for a neg top) and <4% per year (for a neg bottom) are worst case scenarios, and theoretical numbers based on statistical calculations using a 95% confidence interval. They need 450 more European gay serodivergent couples, and study until 2017 to get that certainty higher. The researchers believe those percentages will drop to almost zero, if not completely zero. They will probably Never be able to say absolutely zero chance.

There is a certain irony in the fact us undetectable Poz guys, who you Neggies are most afraid of, and immediately reject, are probably going to turn out to be the ones least likely to infect you! Our status is 100% known verses, all the "think they're neg" guys. Many of them don't test regularly, if ever.

Those "Clean U B 2" guys, who aren't so clean, and are newly infected have viral loads in the Millions (Had a recent conversation with a newly diagnosed guy who's VL was 9,700,000 - and that's not unusual.) Those "D & D Free" guys, who actually aren't "D Free" and have moved into the chronic phase of infection, have viral loads generally in the 60,000 to 120,000 range. Combined, those two groups of guys who are Poz, but don't know they are Poz, are responsible for over 85% of new transmissions. Another 10% comes from guys who know they are Poz, but are not under treatment, again with chronic phase viral loads. And there is a mix of injection drug users that are men who have sex with men which makes up few more percentage.

Compare those viral load numbers to the undetectable Pozzie with a viral load less than 40!

I can't help but note how many "The Pozzies are lying" comments are here.

There is real data to PROVE that the Undetectable Pozzie is not spreading HIV. Look at the preliminary report from the European "Partner" study.

There is a certain irony in the fact us undetectable Poz guys, who the neggies are most afraid of, are probably going to turn out to be the ones least likely to infect them! Our status is 100% known verses, all the "think they're neg" guys. Many of them don't test regularly, if ever. Those "Clean U B 2" guys, who aren't so clean, and are newly infected have viral loads in the Millions (Had a recent conversation with a newly diagnosed guys who's VL was 9,700,000 - and that's not unusual.) Those "D & D Free" guys, who really aren't "D Free" and have moved into the chronic phase of infection, have viral loads generally in the 60,000 to 120,000 range. Combined, those two groups of guys who are Poz, but don't know they are Poz, are responsible for over 85% of new transmissions

Compare those viral load numbers to the undetectable Pozzie with a viral load less than 40!

Stop the Stigma!