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I am a nice clean cut guy, in my late 40's, but look younger - and get to the gym often enough to keep my flat stomach and "relatively" tight lean build. I'm the type that puts on his suit and tie everyday to go to the office - where I spend far too much time in a very demanding stress inducing job. I am out - so that is not a problem at least. And if you looked at me you would assume I was really vanilla when it comes to sex.... and up to recently you would be right. Very vanilla and always play safe, mostly a top - but do bottom sometimes (and I do sometimes like the taste of cum) but those few times I have been fucked were ALWAYS safe. I have had numerous boy friends over the years... nothing really lasted more than a year - sometimes two... but I would get over it and move on... nothing too emotionally devastating. But my last one got to me - I had really fallen hard for him, - so when he dumped me I took it hard. I was still really horny all the time, but found it hard to find guys to hook up with. Now that we have all assimilated almost the gay bars are closed so if you want to hook up - you have to go online... and that didn't really work for me, hard to tell from a photo if the chemistry is a match.... cause horny as I was - even for just a hook up, I still needed to feel some actual connection with the guy to fuck around. So about three years ago I stated going to the male massage therapists that advertised in the "men for men" massage section. I enjoyed the seduction that the good ones would use. Most of the time I got an amazing hand job, and sometimes I would play with their cocks too... - but all safe - I mean what is safer than a hand job? But even though I earn very good money, the hot masseurs are not cheap... and so somehow, I think one of my friends talked out them - I found an ad for a free phone chat line...and started calling. I was hooked. Most nights I would come home late from work, make a drink, strip down and call the line... and soon I was spending hours on the line... 4, 5 nights a week. Edging my cock while I had phone sex with the other guys. And I soon discovered that while you "could" sometimes have hot phone sex, and still be safe and vanilla - soon I was chatting with guys who were into three ways, WS, and .... barebacking. I was soon hooked and only talked with the guys who liked to do it "raw", "Bareback", "unwrapped" and damn,,, when guys started talking about "unprotected" and it was way hotter. Then I was talking with guys into "risky" sex, damn I would get SOOOOO HARD!.... I still remember that huge load I shot all over myself, while a that first guy was phone fucking me with this "big uncut raw cock", and when he started getting close, he started telling me how he was going to fill me up with his "dirty cum".... FUCK!!!!! Soon I was hunting out the other guys into "breeding" the guys who liked to talk about "pozzing my neg ass" - It drove me wild. It was weird how in "real Life" I had mostly been a total top.... but on the phone I was turning into a "total cum dump slut bottom." I guess it was my reaction to gay being so totally "normal" now. When I was young and just coming out... just sucking cock or fucking guys was so,,, "dangerous" ... even "edgy"... but now... ? Hey don't get me wrong, I am all for our civil rights... gay marriage...( I was even getting close to proposing to my ex before he dumped me). But when you are a nice , clean cut, WASP in a suit and tie.... you need a little danger in your life. The adult movie theaters were closed, the bars where you could get sucked of in the bathroom were closed.... and so now on the phone I found it. I found the equivalent of the back room of a leather bar, I found that edginess that I had been missing. And best of all.... it was still TOTALY safe!.... I mean I could "talk" all I wanted about breeding guys, or getting bread.... about anonymous train runs on my ass.... or "fucking a guy and watching other guys use my cum for lube as they used the bitches ass next".....I could TALK about being s "cum slut whore for poz cum." Hell sometimes I could even pretend to be poz myself and tell some twink that I was breeding his ass. But I was a whore for poz cum only on the phone. The only guys I actually did anything physically with were the Masseurs I would go to sometimes. And that brings me to "C" there was just something about him that I liked - kind of unassuming.... nice looking but not "HOT". He had worked in the Bio research filed and lost his job in '08 in the crash when the startup he was working at closed, so he started giving massage. And he gave a nice one. and was not as expensive as some of the other guys I went to. So when I found out he did out calls, I had him over, I was comfortable around him. I had arranged all my appointments with him by email and so I did this time to. I asked him how he did his outcalls, wondering if he "traveled with a table - if so he could set up in the living room in front of my gas fireplace... or we could use some mats on the floor of the living room...or on my bed"... he replied that he had a table, so we set a time..... It was a nice massage, - One thing I forgot to tell you about him was that in the massages at his place he would slowly undress himself during the massage, and that he was in his way a total top, but he had this little skinny 4" dick. Which I would end up playing with an jerking him off.... and then he would then jerk me off.... In our cock-size obsessed gay community - there was something kind of hot about how confident and assertive he could be with such a small cock. The other interesting thing about "C" was after the first massage at my place, he had just finished jerking me off and had kind of cleaned up the "mess" but then he just leaned over the table and kind of hugged me..... gently caressing me... very slowly..... it was nice, but I kept thinking that it must be kind of uncomfortable for him... bending over like that... so after like 10 minutes of this... I finally said..."this is really nice...but you must be uncomfortable like that....would you like to move to my bed?" - to my surprise,... he said yes, so we went to the bedroom and just cuddled, and he ended up spending the night, which was really kind of nice.... I hadn't actually, literally "slept" with anyone since I had been dumped. - nothing else happened, just slept together. the next morning he got up and left... (and I tipped him extra, for his extra time). Over the next year I had about four sessions with him... all the same... nice massage - I jerk of his little dick, he jerked me off... and then moved into the bedroom. But then last year just got crazy, partly work, partly life, and mostly the weather - that winter with so much snow that there were no parking spaces to invite anyone over. But then just last month,... I was going through old emails... and found our email chains... so found one - deleted out some of the general chat about miscellaneous things, but enough of the history so he might remember which former client I was.(including my very first one to him where I asked about Table v. Bed) and emailed him to ask if he were free for an appointment. He got back to me right away, to say yes this next Friday worked, and said that if it was OK, could we work on the bed this time... his table was really big, heavy and cumbersome. I of course said yes, that would be fine... and then spent the rest of the week (this was on Monday) horny as fuck, wondering (fantasizing) how his bed massage would differ from the table massage. I got home from work early, showered and got ready (I had washed the sheets the night before). "C" showed up right on time, I noticed he was looking a little scruffier than before, baggy stained chinos and he had, well not a beard, but more than just a 5'oclock shadow,,,, but somehow it looked sexy to me. We chatted in the living room for awhile, and then he said... "so should we start? - I just need a bowl and have you remind me where your microwave is so I can heat up the massage ointment." (he didn't use an oil which was nice but some sort of cream that he thinned with water and then heated. I remember it being slippery - an yet it did not leave any oily residue. I got him set up - and showed him where the bathroom was if he needed to clean up and went into the bedroom and striped, an lay down, naked on the bed. He came in shortly after. At our previous appointments he had always started off in a tank top (which hinted at his nice furry chest) an shorts... an during the course of the massage, they would slowly one by one come off. This time as I looked over to watch him come in - he was still fully dressed in his street cloths, but then slowly undressed, - fully - skipping that pretense of it being a "legit" massage by starting off wearing the tank top and shorts. Even though he was naked from the beginning, he started off with a normal legit massage, and soon, - I started to mellow out an I felt the knots in shoulders and back being loosened, he then went down an worked on my legs... and then my gluts.... and then he got up on the bed and felt his legs between mine has he knelt on the bed.... he drizzled more massage ointment onto my legs, ass and back, and then his hands started just above my knees, as he slid them up my legs, my ass and then my back. As his hands reached my neck, he was now laying on top of me,,, I could feel his furry chest against my back and his pubes, and small cock against my ass. then he slid down again.... he did that several times, it felt great - and I was totally relaxed now,.... getting very mellow when his hands were working my legs, and up, reaching my ass, but not just sliding past it - but massaging my smooth ass cheeks, and then his thumb sliding into the ass crack, just sliding over my hole... I involuntarily let out a low moan, so he redoubled his efforts. Soon - not just his thumbs were working my crack, but his hands too. He drizzled more of the hot lotion right on my crack - holding it open with one hand while he poured. Then both hands... fingers teasing my ass lips, the one well lubed finger sliding in - just the tip and he out, then in again deeper, and I let out another moan... and as he pulled out and started to slide his finger in again I just naturally raised my ass up welcoming his finger into me, deeper, as he massaged my prostate .... another moan - deeper and longer escaped me..... he kept it up for awhile.... the whole time he was massaging the inside of my ass with his finger... his other hand was busy massaging the outside of my ass. I was in heaven. After a while he pulled out and I whimpered a little... but then I felt his chin... with what I would discover was the perfect amount of stubble, right at the bottom of my spine, and then it slowly..... very slowly slid up my spine... just grazing ... my back, all the way up to my neck where his chin nuzzled me...and I could feel his hot breath on my cheek..... and I could feel his steel hard little dick sliding up and down my very well lubed ass crack. Damn - it felt..... I don't know - I was totally mellowed out from the massage (which is why his finger could so easily slide into my ass) and yet I was also tingling..... like I had never felt before.... it was as if the universe was centered right at the lips to my ass. I felt his breath on my cheek and he even nibbled my earlobe, his stubble was rubbing my neck sending shivers down my spine. His fury chest was rubbing against my back, and his cock was sliding in my ass crack, - teasing my hole.... sliding over it but never INTO it. HOW.. how the fuck could something that small be driving me crazy, turning me, a guy who had only been fucked a few times, into someone who with every fiber of his being needed to be fucked. Needed to be fucked without a condom, bareback. I wanted.... no I NEEDED to be fucked - and to be fucked RAW. I had talked about it on the phone so much that I needed to actually do it. My arms had been up over my head during the massage, so I lowered them both to my sides, and then as he lifted his crotch up a bit I got my right hand in between us. finding his cock.... so slippery with the lotion. I formed a fist and he started to fuck my fist. making little murmuring noises of his own into my ear. I whimpered in reply. Then - I couldn't help it... I lifted my ass a little and tried to guide his cock into my ass. He resisted. I tried again. I reached back with left hand, trying to grab his ass so he could not pull away - while trying to push my ass back onto his cock. "Are you sure" he whispered into my ear. "Yes" I hissed. "I charge extra if you want a real 'penetrating' massage" "Fine ... yes... please?" I said tying to push my ass onto his cock. "Are you sure?" he said teasing me by slipping the tiny head of his dick past the 1st ring of my ass and then pulling out. He had me so relaxed from the massage and had opened me up so well with his finger, and everything was so slippery with the lotion that it had slipped right in. And little though it was, in my nearly virgin ass I felt it. "It's an extra hundred, for the penetrating massage." he said, his lips right next to my ear, so that his scruff was tickling my ear- driving me even crazier as he poked the head of his cock into me again and the puling out. "But that does include my special 'massage lotion' you get with it, and I will make sure it gets massaged in well" "Fuck ya... yes.... YES!....... please..... I need it" I whimpered as I tried backing my ass onto his cock.... clearly the year of bareback talk on the phone line had done something to my defenses... I didn't even stop to say, hey put a condom on and then fuck me..... I knew it had to be his raw cock... I wanted to have him cum in me,... and somehow that fact that I was paying for it... not that I really "thought" about it at the time.... but somewhere in the back of my lizard brain I knew - and that made it even hotter... knowing that I was going o pay a man $100 to be the first unprotected dick I ever took up my ass. I was going to pay a man $100 to cum in me. And somewhere there floating around was hearing his voice saying "But that does include my special 'massage lotion' you get with it"....... "You sure?" he asked one more time. "YEEESSSS, pleeeaseee" I replied. I grabbed his cock with my right hand and guided to my welcoming hole. I felt his head find the opening, an he started to push, I moved my hand back to my side and arching my back I raised my ass up a bit more so that he could fully penetrate me. It was AMAZING to feel him enter me. to feel his raw, unprotected cock enter my ass. I FELT IT. That echoed in the back of my brain. Not only the sensation of being fucked for the first time in years, but the first time I had ever felt skin on skin - instead of the barrier of latex. Even though he was small..... I felt totally full.... I had never had a sexual experience like this. I felt so .... totally..... connected . I let out a long low guttural moan has his cock sank into me, and he let out a contented sigh. Feeling his cock (small but DAMN it was like a piece of steel) jabbing into me.... he would pull all the way and then jab back in, sometimes sliding right back into the hole, other times, just missing the hole and stabbing into my now oversensitive lips of my ass before going into me. other times not pulling out all the way - just almost and then fucking in again. He had started off with slow steady strokes, but he sped up as the fuck went along - more jagged thrusts rather then smooth strokes. His breath was doing the same thing. His contented sigh when he first entered into me, had turned into murmurings, and then grunts and then his breath became as ragged as his fucking.,.. jerky, .... primal.... I had stated off with my ass slightly raised, but midway though the fuck I was flat on my stomach, my own rock hard cock being thrust into the mattress with each of his thrusts. It did not take him long.... three, maybe four minutes - but what a four minutes. "Here it comes" he said trough gritted teeth into my ear.... "that .... special.....massage... lube ... " he was giving me a HARD brutal jab with each word "you... paid..aaaahhhhhhaaa" he stopped breathing for a second,"...... fooooor." the last word was said as he jabbed one last very hard time into my ass as he came. I felt him. I felt his entire body tense and release, as he came. My first load... fuck..... as his body slammed up against me that last time, something happened.... in one kind of cosmic moment where you can see everything at the same time.... feel everything at the same time.... I realized.... my phone sex fantasy life had become real.... I could see myself face down in my bed... being fucked, being fucked raw, "C" was not wearing a condom that would catch all of his cum that was spurting..... and spurting.... and spurting out of his piss slit. No, all of that cum that had been milked out of his testicles, up the urethra, out of his penis, had been injected into my rectum. His cock had just fucked my faggot pussy. HE. HAD. JUST. BRED. ME! I had just taken my first load. And I had fucking paid for it. $100 cash. I also FELT it... felt his raw unprotected dick in my ass, yes - only 4 inches.... a tiny cock.... but I felt it - I felt it unload into me. I felt each spurt - damn his balls made a LOT of cum. What the fuck had I done... all those years of being "good" of being "safe" of always,,,, ALWAYS using condoms... what had I done,.....who the fuck cares... I was cuming now... onto the sheets that my cock had been trapped against..... ARRRRGGGGHHHHGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck.....His cock was still cumming as I came, and my orgasm made my ass spasm around his cock.... I could hear him grunt one more time as my ass milked one more spurt of cum, out o his cock, into my welcoming ass. It was the most amazing orgasm I had ever had. "C" had collapsed on top o me now.... his breath still ragged - as was mine..... After a little while "C" finally rolled off of me. He took the towel and gently wiped all the excess lotion off my ass and then his cock and crotch. Then I felt his finger tips on my ass lips and felt as they very slowly traced up my spine up to my neck then back down to my ass and then back up again to my neck. He leaned down and said "ok Paul time to roll over" I was still in my blissful fog but did as I was told and he continued with the rest of the massage. This was normally when he would have given me a nice hand job but as that was not necessary this time he just continued with a slow gentle massage and then lay down next to me and placed his arm over my chest. "Feel better?" He asked "mmmmm" I replied sleepily as I nestled into his embrace. I felt safe and protected in his arms like that. Looking back of course those two words, "safe" and "protected", were the two last things I ever should have felt. He had arrived for the appointment at 8:00 it was now not quite 10:00 but after just a little cuddling we both drifted off to sleep. At our other sessions we had woken up in the middle of the night and cuddled some more before drifting off to sleep again. But this time, I at least did not wake up until early morning. When I did drift awake I found myself on my side with C on his side behind me - his arm around my chest and his cock nestled in my crack - not fully hard but not totally soft either. I reached back behind me and took his cock in my hand- slowly massaging it to full erection and then turned around and slid down and took his cock in my mouth. I had never had it in my mouth before and I found it very exciting to taste the cock that had been in my ass just a few hours before. After sucking him for a little while I felt him stir and moan as he drifted wake "this is a nice way to wake up. I looked up and smiled at him with his cock still in my mouth. After a few more minutes I left his cock and moved back up to lie next to him. "So how far in advance do I need to book my next appointment?" "That all depends, every week is different." "Well" I said reaching down and stroking his still hard cock "I was wondering if you had room in your schedule this morning?" "Hmmm" he replied has I felt his hand, that hand been holding the back of my neck, he started to slide his fingers down my spin to my crack, his fingernails were not clipped short, they were not "long" but I felt a shiver as I felt their sharpness graze the skin down my back and I felt his fingers, and the nails starting to play with my hole again. The contrast between the softness of his fingertips and the sharpness of he nails was exciting. "I might be able to fit you in my schedule, do you think you can fit me in you?" He said as two fingers with their sharp nails started to work his way in. My breath caught in my throat with a quick intake as I felt him enter me. As his fingers entered me and he heard my breathing catch, I felt his cock, which I still had wrapped in my fist, twitch. I took my thumb and wiped it over the head of his cock and felt the precum leaking out of his piss slit. I wiped that gently around the head of his cock and felt his cock twitch in my hand again. "Can you give me another 'penetrating massage?" "Sure" he said leaning over to my ear, giving my earlobe a quick nip and that scruff of his on my neck sent a shiver down to my ass. "But" he whispered into my ear "it will cost you an extra $100." "That seems only fair" I replied as I rolled over onto my stomach and spread my legs. He was kneeling between my again. He reached over to the bedside table where the bowl of ointment was and scoped some into his fingers and started to massage my ass crack and then I felt his slicked up finger enter me. I groaned, spread my legs a bit wider and raised my ass, presenting my hole to him as if I were a bitch in heat. Which actually was how I felt. This time I was not wanting to take him into me because he had spent an hour relaxing me, massaging me, teasing me. No this time was purposeful. Wanting. Wonton. I reached over and got some of the lotion on my fingers and reached back to find his cock. I found it, hard and waiting for me. I grabbed and started to stroke it lubing it. He took his finger from my ass and took my hand off of his cock and lay down on top of me. "Are you sure?"- his lips and stubble were again brushing against my ear as he whispered the question to me. I answered by again reaching back. He lifted his hips so I could get my hand between us and grabbed his cock, and lifting my ass a bit guided hi cock to the entrance of my hole. "Yes. Give it to me." I took my hand away and he pushed in. I was not as relaxed and loose as I had been the night before but I was just as desperate for it to happen and pushed back to take his cock as he pushed forward to take my ass. Again he started off slowly but then started to fuck harder, rougher than the night before. "Yes, yes" I hissed as he fucked me. "Oh yessss..." My arms were up over my head, my fingers clutching into the pillows as he fucked in and out of my ass. His hands had been on my shoulders, not to hold me down but more I think to help give him leverage as he thrust in and out of me. But now his hands were sliding up my arms until they found my hands and then our fingers interlocked, gripping onto each other tightly. My mind was flooded with my phone sex conversations- talk of unprotected sex. Poz guys talking about how they liked to stealth guys. Of the intense pleasure they felt feeling their raw dick in a bottoms ass. The thrill of skin on skin contact. The intimacy of it. Guys who had talked about how, once that latex barrier had been removed when they had fucked or been fucked by a total stranger at the baths that amazing connection that they had. It had always been theoretical fantasy - now it was real. I understood. More importantly I FELT it. With each thrust of "C"s raw unprotected cock into my ass, I FELT it. This fuck lasted longer. A good 15 minutes or so. He took his time changing his rhythm. Slow and soft then fast and hard. Then somehow slow and hard at the same time. He would pull all the way out and then slam it in. He would tease me by just moving a little. Neither of us said anything for most of the "massage", we just exchanged noises- grunts, groans, whimpers, a catch in my breath when one of his rougher thrusts would catch me off guard. Near the end when both of our breathing became more jagged, he blurted out "Fuck, your ass is so tight, it feels so good." "You feel so good inside me." I managed between gasps and whimpers to reply. Finally he came with four or five hard, almost brutal jabbing thrusts of his cock into my ass. "Take it,... take it, ... take it, ... FUCKING...... TAKE... IT" he managed to squeeze out between his clenched teeth as his cock once again exploded into my ass that in just a few short hours he had managed to turn into an eager, welcoming cum hole. "Ooooohh fuuuucck" was all I could moan in reply as once again, feeling him cum shoot inside me triggered my own climax, making me fuck my load once more into the sheets. It took awhile for us both to recover. But when we did He said he should be leaving. Fortunately I had enough cash on hand to pay him for two "massages" (his normal rate for a 90 minute out call was $250, so I normally paid him $360 as he would spend the night) so that was , well no need to pay him twice for spending the night but with the two "extra penetrating" extra payments, so that was $560, so round up with a tip to $600..After "C" left, it sunk in... I had just paid a guy $600 to fuck me bareback and cum inside of me. Twice. Not only that but a guy with a little 4" dick, not like I had some hot young stud with an 8" dick breeding me... no just 4". Something about that got me horny again... I went back to bed buried my face in the wet spot where I had shot my load into the sheets and jerked off thinking about it....paying a guy with only 4" to breed me bareback... to cum inside of me raw..... It was hot and humiliating all at the same time. I shot yet another load on my stomach this time, and fell asleep.... When I woke up I showered and then went to the office, as I did most Saturday's to organize my desk and get ready for the next week. That evening I met a few friend for a concert at the symphony. As we were leaving the concert we bumped into two straight couples we knew who were walking up to the Taj Hotel bar for a drink and invited us to join them. So there I was at the bar at the Taj Hotel (I still thought of it as the old Ritz Bar) having a civilized evening- all so fucking assimilated. I wanted to blurt out " I got fucked last night, and then again this morning. ..... "Bareback" ..... " and I paid him to do it" ..... "I paid a guy to cum in my ass" But of course I didn't. I sat there enjoying my single malt and mindlessly chatting about the concert and people we knew. The next few weeks went on as normal. Going to the office,coming home, having dinner, a drink or two, and the calling the phone line and jerking off while talking to guys about hot unprotected sex. Never getting the nerve to get on grindr or manhunt (I did not yet know about BBRT) and actually "DO T" with anyone. It was still all just talk. Except of course for "C". The memory of taking his cock into my ass without protection, of him cumming inside of me, still made made me rock hard every time I thought about it. But on the phone it was different. I was, at least in theory a bigger pig than before- having incredible verbal scenes Guys who talked about fucking me with their poz cock, filling by me with "their dirty cum.". Even with guys who wanted to tie me to a St. Andrew's Cross and whip me and make me beg to be gang banged, beg to be filled with poz cum. It would drive me crazy and I would shoot massive loads of cum while talking about. But that is all it was - just talk. It would be too soon to make another appointment with "C" (I thought that might look desperate if I called for another appointment too soon. But I was desperate. I was jumping out of my skin horny. So I made an appointment with another "massage therapist" and it was a nice massage with a nice "happy ending" but he didn't even play with my ass, much less penetrate it. He did not fuck me or fill me with his cum, which I realized is what I needed. And soon, I was back on the phone line jerking off to verbal scenes about breeding and pozzing. Hoping that one of these days I would have to courage to find a guy to do it for real, not just talk about it Finally, on a Monday about 5 weeks after my last appointment I emailed "C" to see if I could schedule another appointment. As luck Would have it he was free that Friday. Damn it was going to be a long week.Then on Tuesday I started to feel a little achy. On Wednesday I could feel the fever coming on, so I left work early and went home to bed. Hoping that going to bed early would nip what ever it was in the bud.Thursday I woke up feeling worse so stayed home the whole day. Thursday evening I was still feeling really bad, so emailed "C" "Hi "C", I was really looking forward to getting another massage tomorrow, but I have come down with a nasty flu, and think I need to cancel. I feel like shit and would hate for you to catch it. I understand that this is too late for you to fill in with a new appointment - so I will pay you for your time lost at our next session, which will be as soon as I am feeling better" "Hi Paul, Sorry you have the flu. Lets check in tomorrow to see how you are feeling... hopefully you will be on the mend... in which case, a good massage may help get rid of the last of the toxins - "C" "
