why is cheating so prevalent in our community?

[fskn]

I've always gotten off on the thought -- or better yet the sight -- of a boyfriend, or even my ex-husband, fucking around with other guys. When I knew my ex-husband was attracted to someone, I would hint that they should fuck. We were officially monogamous.

When I cheated, the risk of getting caught and the thought that I was breaking rules made the sex incredibly hot. My cheating was physical; I never crossed an emotional line. My ex, on the other hand, ended up starting a second relationship, and then chose the new guy over me.

Rules don't shield couples from the risk that one or both people will be physically or emotionally attracted to others. I don't believe that being straight or gay, male or female makes any difference. We are all capable of multiple attractions, and on an instinctive level, we want to act on those attractions. I don't know how it works for women, but for men, it's hard to refute an erection.

I don't understand leaving when someone cheats. It seems silly to let a whole relationship come down to where a guy is allowed to stick his dick. I am going to enjoy my partner, and others. I hope he will enjoy me, and others too.

[norcalraw]

My ex-bf was always surveying craigslist, adam4adam, bbrt...every site to see if i was there with a profile. He was a super hot guy, we had awesome sex together, but sadly it just wasn't enough for me and I did have to post the occasional ad and profile...he'd catch me once in awhile and it'd be pretty tough dealing with the fallout. He'd bareback me all the time, but then when he'd catch me having fucked/or gotten fucked by someone else, that would end...he wouldn't even kiss me, then he'd get over it and make fantastic love to me and teach my ass a lesson on who it belonged to. In the end, I'm just better with NSA hook ups, its less drama...better sex not worry about emotional attachment. I can sit back, enjoy getting fucked, or do the fucking and focus on my cock or ass and how it feels to me not the other dude.

[seaguy]

cheating occurs just as often in the heterosexual community I think. They have a tv show dedicated to it. LOL

[Hungry hole]

I think its a case of the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. I have never cheated on a partner and never will. Having raw sex with your partner is so intimate and to be cheated on is such a betrail.. but some guys want more more more

[Guest Matias47]

Personal experience; I have been in heterosexual relationships as well. May not be more prevalent in our community, but I do notice it more. Have never explored this topic outside of my own preponderance so, for now, this is my only data. Thank you for raising more questions, though.

Well, let's take a look at personal experience. Right around my late twenties and early thirties a group of my friends and I all got married within a little over a year of each other. Out of 8 couples, 2 are still married. Out if the remaing 6, 5 marriages ended because the wives had affairs. In mine, we both fucked around, but we did some swinging and, strangely enough, our sex life kept us together longer than we otherwise would have. But personal experience is not scientific and rarely applies to mass behavior.

I think the real question is one of promiscuity, especially M2M. I mean, I've heard of lesbian bars, but not lesbian bathouses. And I've only heard of a couple hetero sex clubs, though there are swinging parties you can go to. You also don't hear of lesbians or straights going to the brambles in Central Park or getting off in tea rooms.

When I want dick, I generally get it the day I want it. Pussy takes a little bit longer. I may fuck 10 women a year, guys 50 or more. (But there's that pesky personal experience.)

I guess my general point is, where there's any kind of promiscuity, chances are there will be adultery. And for those who make the blanket statement that you don't condone or would never take part in said behavior -- if you have the amount of sex that is advocated on these boards, go to BH's, darkrooms, etc., and don't seriously vet your partners (beyond taking their word they're single), you've probably fucked or sucked someone in a relationship. Allowing yourself not to know for certain is merely quibbling so you can moralize.

Just an opinion.

Here's to loads of jizz for all ...

[cuntboy]

I'm in an open relationship of about three years now, which is a pretty significant amount of time at my age. I said right from the outset that I wasn't capable of being monogamous and didn't expect monogamy from partners either so long as nobody was stupid about it. We are both committed to building a life together, but neither of us puts some huge spiritual significance on sex. It's just sex. It's great and it's wonderful and it's fun and it doesn't have to be anything more than that. Saying that the only right way to have a relationship is to only have sex with one person for the rest of your life is a pretty damn tall order for most men and a surprising number of women. It's also worth taking into consideration that the odds of falling in love with someone whose sex drive perfectly matches yours are slim. If I want it twice a day but I fall for someone who only wants it twice a week, one of us is going to end up resenting the other if I can't fill the gap (no pun intended) elsewhere.

That being said, other guys seem to be more okay with cheating than with open relationships. If I post an ad on CL saying I'm in an open relationship, I get more hate mail than serious responses. If I post an ad saying I'm cheating, I get tons of offers to fuck and no judgment. What the hell?