When my ass is healed, should I start taking loads?

[rawTOP]

Part of the reason why I'm a top is because I've had a reoccurring anal fissure. I've never really felt the need to bottom strong enough to get it fixed (since it only flares up occasionally), but now I'm finally working with a colorectal surgeon to get it fixed since it was a major complication last time I was sick.

You guys know me fairly well... When my butt is fixed should I start taking loads? I know it's a personal choice, but just wondering what you guys think... I think inherently I'm a vers top - I do really love to seed a hole, but once I've scratched that need and blown my load should I let guys fuck me? If so, how much bottoming should I do? Should I just do it rarely, or should I do it anytime the opportunity presents itself? And how do you think it will affect my reputation as rawTOP? I mean since I usually only blow one load a day, it's conceivable I could take more loads than I give if I start going to things like sex parties where I give one and take multiple.

[rawTOP]

I'm really surprised no one has anything to say about this question...

The distribution of poll responses is interesting as well.

[BrotherDeposit]

I'll jump! I would say bottom occasionally. I would talk EXTENSIVELY to the doctor BEFORE venturing out.

[bboriental]

I say mainly stick to being top, but when you find a guy thats HOT let him fuck and breed you. Heck i'd love to fuck you too!!

[rawTOP]

I should probably say I'm not going to do what a poll tells me to do. It's more like I'm curious what people think. The discussion here and opinion on the poll may get me to think differently, but generally I'll do what I feel like doing (as always).

Where the discussion here and the poll will definitely make a difference is in management of my brand. If you guys want rawTOP to be an exclusive top, then that's the part of my sex life that I'll write up and present publicly. (It's not like you need to know everything I do). Thing is, it seems like it's split 50/50 - half of you want me to be a huge slut and give and take as many loads as possible. The other half wants me to be completely or mostly a top.

Either way, it'll be months before I can even think about getting fucked. At the moment I'm just toying with the idea... In the past, the few times I've been fucked (other than 20+ years ago), I really sorta hated getting fucked. I don't know if that was because of the fissure or if it was something more fundamental. So who knows - maybe I'll experiment and find I still hate getting fucked. I know even now there are a lot of bottoming scenarios which will never work for me - I'm just too much of a top. The energy with the other guy would have to be just right for me to bottom...

[vesrhungatl]

I think being is versatile is way hotter than being total top or bottom. I mostly only fuck around with other vers guys and it's definitely more fun to give and take loads and it makes sex a lot more unpredictable - which I like.

[rawTOP]

I think being is versatile is way hotter than being total top or bottom. I mostly only fuck around with other vers guys and it's definitely more fun to give and take loads and it makes sex a lot more unpredictable - which I like.

Agreed - if nothing else it gives more variety... My sex life has gotten pretty routine.

[Jonnyni]

Really depends on what you prefer.

I love being a btm, somtimes I have to fight the urge to cum through.

When I cum, it knots my ass up, and I suddenly lose interest in sex.

So my main aim, is to get fucked repeatedly, and never cumming - as I can take cock, until the cows come home, as long as I dont shoot.

[rawTOP]

Really depends on what you prefer.

That's the big question... The point being that I'm not quite sure what I prefer. I came out of a fundamentalist environment into the middle of the AIDS crisis and then a year after my first sexual encounter I started escorting. My foggy memory is that the tear happened towards the end of when I was escorting - so say 18 months after my first sexual encounter. I don't remember much of what I enjoyed sexually from back then. I hadn't really figured sex out (so to speak) and then I was renting out my body. I remember at the end of the 9 months of escorting feeling like my body didn't belong to me. I was rather fucked up sexually (some may say I still am). Now I understand so much more about sex. Things would be very different if I went back and did things over knowing what I know now. But that is what it is.

All I can remember of bottoming back then is a few snippets. I remember two johns at the Marriott Marquis working me over, plugging me from both ends. I remember feeling out of control - not knowing whether they were using condoms, etc. (I used condoms fairly religiously back then). My mouth constantly had a dick in it and I couldn't talk, and they held my arms in a way that I couldn't reach around and check for a condom, or when I did check I couldn't be sure what I felt was a condom. I didn't like feeling so out of control. And I remember hooking up with a rich muscular guy on the Upper West Side (not a john) who kept trying to fuck me without a condom - it got to the point of rape since he tried over and over and over to get inside me when I was saying no and physically pushing him off me. Needless to say, I didn't like that either. But then I remember going home from the Spike to a Latino's place on West 15th Street - 5th or 6th floor walkup across from what is now Google's NY headquarters - it was by far the roughest, hottest, sex I had ever had. He was completely in control, took me past what I ever thought I wanted to do, but I felt safe with him.

So from what I can remember - I like giving up control to a top who I trust, but when it feels like I can't at least stop or slow down what's going on I get completely weirded out. It's sort of the topish side of me coming out - even in bottoming I need to have a certain degree of control - though I know I'm not a pushy, controlling bottom - I understand that when I bottom I need to let the top call the shots (to a point).

I guess what I'm trying to say is I know I like being a top, and I know I'm not a bottom like many of the bottoms I hookup with who love not being in control and just love being used and worked over - I'm pretty confident I'll never be that sort of bottom. But I could totally see swapping loads with a versatile guy where I'm the dominant versatile top and he's a versatile bottom. I could even see being a submissive bottom for a top who makes me feel safe. But that's just all theoretical. I won't really know what I like until I actually do it, and I can't do any of it until my ass heals - and that's months away...

I see the poll is shifting now - 2/3rd in favor of me being a slut to gives and takes as many loads as possible. I'd really like to see more guys respond to the poll...

[Belfast-Bottom]

I have two distinct views - so I didn't vote.

My first piece of advice is to rawTOP the man: do what makes you happy, gets you high and feel fulfilled - if that includes becoming a cumdump, it's YOUR happiness that matters.

My second view is about rawTOP the brand. This is a personal view and others are welcome to disagree with me. It seems to me ( after years on the gay scene and a couple of decades watching gay porn ) that the guys with most status on the gay scene are 100% Tops who never get fucked. They are closest to the "hetero guy ideal" which most gay men fantasize about. Many gay men chase actively BI guys because they are "almost straight". Some gay men find that even a 100% anal Top who sucks cock shatters the illusion. Gay men generally find hyper masculinity attractive. I've lost count of the number of gay porn stars who have built careers out of "he's really straight - he just lets guys blow him and he fucks them on cam for the money".

Once a "professional Top" lets it be known that he likes to get fucked, his brand and desirability suffer. The "dream" is shattered. It's a bit like discovering a hunky macho porn star does drag. I realize I write as a bottom and that may colour my perception, but my bottom line is that a versatile rawTOP damages his brand and image and appeal.

What rawTOP does in his private life, is HIS business. I fully support his right to pursue happiness, but I don't think that becoming "versatile" will please most of his fans.

Edited October 2, 2012 by Belfast-Bottom

[rawTOP]

What rawTOP does in his private life, is HIS business. I fully support his right to pursue happiness, but I don't think that becoming "versatile" will enhance his appeal.

Thanks. You're probably right. Despite the poll telling me to be a slut, rawTOP (the persona, not the person) should probably continue to be a top. And now that I've said what I've said, that also has the added allure of guys wondering what has been left out of the stories. Especially since, if I start taking loads, my HIV status will probably change... Guys will wonder what the real deal is when I fuck "neg" bottoms... Controversy and intrigue is a good thing in my business...

So I think that sorta settles it... I'll do what suits me, and write up the parts of the story that are consistent with the brand and leave out the other details... In ways that's what I've already done with some of the stories I've written in the past. It's not like every detail gets into the story. Some bits are glossed over because, for one reason or another, it's not something I want to share with the public...

[Belfast-Bottom]

An analogy that occurs to me is:

DARK chocolate, MILK chocolate, WHITE chocolate. People buy DARK chocolate because of it's intense chocolate taste and bite. If the producer of a leading DARK chocolate brand, suddenly decides to replace it with MILK chocolate but keep the original name and branding, loyal buyers who like DARK chocolate will be disappointed. He MAY attract new MILK chocolate fans to the brand, but he risks alienating and losing his loyal core purchasers - with no guarantee that MILK chocolate fans will buy the product in significant numbers.

[rawTOP]

An analogy that occurs to me is:

DARK chocolate, MILK chocolate, WHITE chocolate. People buy DARK chocolate because of it's intense chocolate taste and bite. If the producer of a leading DARK chocolate brand, suddenly decides to replace it with MILK chocolate but keep the original name and branding, loyal buyers who like DARK chocolate will be disappointed. He MAY attract new MILK chocolate fans to the brand, but he risks alienating and losing his loyal core purchasers - with no guarantee that MILK chocolate fans will buy the product in significant numbers.

Except that the survey research above says that 2/3rd of the existing customers like milk chocolate... But clearly they also like dark chocolate and 1/3rd may be alienated...

[bucky]

I guess what I'm trying to say is I know I like being a top, and I know I'm not a bottom like many of the bottoms I hookup with who love not being in control and just love being used and worked over - I'm pretty confident I'll never be that sort of bottom. But I could totally see swapping loads with a versatile guy where I'm the dominant versatile top and he's a versatile bottom.

I fall somewhere in this range. Versatile guys are my ideal usually. Sometimes, when I'm being fucked, I suddenly want to know what his ass is like, or if I'm fucking, I wanna jump on his cock. I like the possibilites and variety more.

[bucky]

I think being is versatile is way hotter than being total top or bottom. I mostly only fuck around with other vers guys and it's definitely more fun to give and take loads and it makes sex a lot more unpredictable - which I like.

Totally agree man.