Do I expect too much?

[losttop]

Was dating this guy for over 7 months and he has lately decided we needed a break....met him while organising gangbang for him and somehow it clicked between us and we fell for each other...we both live in different parts of the world but due to my job I get to travel a lot and have lots of time off, so we managed to c each other every month for like 2 weeks and also during my work layovers....we decided to have open relationship and in the beginning I would whore him out to other guys which I found exciting and so did he....after few months he decided he didn't want this any more and wanted to do 1-1 with me for time being and when we were not together we would play with others seperately...a few times I tried to convince him to play together with others as I do like the group scene.... But the few times that he agreed, he would always find excuses not to hook up with guys..... Nobody was ever good enough.... I'm uncut and I know he prefers cut and after like 3 months into our relationship he simply refused to suck my dick.... He would let me fuck and breed him.... But he wanted it to be quick..... He preferred to have his hole seeded and was not into the fucking as much.... Needless to say that it made me kind of insecure and our arguments started mounting..... Specially after we went out drinking.... I became jealous and suspicious of him.... Looking back it was due to the insecurity he created by not sucking my dick and wanting to be fucked quickly...towards the end we fucked less and less which was frustrating as I'm a very sexual guy.... When I would be with him I would also go on sex websites .... Something he considered not done....the truth of the matter is ,that I miss him and want him back.... But I also need to be realistic and realise what I want in a relationship.... And that would be him sucking my dick and from time to time having sex with others.... Tell me guys if I'm being selfish here?

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Hmmm, well; yeah. You are clear about what you want. If he requires you to change to be "suitable" for him, while you might fake it for awhile, long term you'll resent him. Ditto with him.

Clearly you're attracted to him; but from your POV, the magic happened when you were whoring him out. He enjoyed that, but tired of it. I think all the other conditions are probably just excuses...

This said, if you can get to an open/honest dialogue you MIGHT see if you can find common ground. But I think that ship sailed. Sorry...

[einathens]

i think you're being unrealistic, and selfish is just one factor. let him go while you still have some good feelings for him.

[bearbandit]

What does HE want? If you can't take that on board, then , as einathens says, let him go while there are still good feelings between you. You can cherish those feelings and hopefully learn from them so that your next man, or maybe the one after him gains the benefit of what you've learned...

[pipesmokin'manfucker]

I'm unable to pass moral judgement on you but I do suspect this relationship is emotionally toxic for you both. Doesn't sound like either of you enjoys it anymore.

I've discovered through experience that "being in a relationship" can mean several bewildering, even contradictory, things. One of the things it can mean is that it's demanding & challenging in ways neither participant expected.

[hungry_hole]

My sexual needs and fetishes are mine and mine alone and I never expect no one guy to satify me sexually. For my sexual gratification I have porn and sexual escapades to saunas and other anon sex places. A relationhip is something else where sex is really unimportant. Sex may be part of the relationship for a period of time but it will never be a fundamental part of it.

[skinster]

I think the insecurity is yours alone, and the disconnect that you now find is something initialy both of you have omitted from sight just because of being warm and fuzzy. It is a wonderful feeling while it lasts but very unintentionally misleading. We all meander in ideas and fantasies at times, some successful some not. You need to know what the other side wants out of you coming from THEM before you fill it in on your own from your own fantasy role that you gave them only later to realize it has nothing to do with reality. See if the other side is willing to discuss the matter in the open and put everything on the table. Make a bullet point plan for it and target it on the 2 of you in the future, not the past of who said what and did what else. If the mood and circumstances are right, you will clear a lot of air in the room. Then you will see what's left to sort or figure out. And may be you will stay together.

Edited January 19, 2013 by skinster

[losttop]

I think the insecurity is yours alone, and the disconnect that you now find is something initialy both of you have omitted from sight just because of being warm and fuzzy. It is a wonderful feeling while it lasts but very unintentionally misleading. We all meander in ideas and fantasies at times, some successful some not. You need to know what the other side wants out of you coming from THEM before you fill it in on your own from your own fantasy role that you gave them only later to realize it has nothing to do with reality. See if the other side is willing to discuss the matter in the open and put everything on the table. Make a bullet point plan for it and target it on the 2 of you in the future, not the past of who said what and did what else. If the mood and circumstances are right, you will clear a lot of air in the room. Then you will see what's left to sort or figure out. And may be you will stay together.

I luv him very much and I'm sure he loves me too.... It's just that sometimes I feel insecure due to the fact that he simply refuses to suck my dick.... Not that it's that important as I rather fuck and breed him....he is ok with me fucking others while we r not together as long as I tell him.... Which I think is weird as for me they r just a fuck when I'm horny.... I can understand that he doesn't want me to go on hook up sites when we r together as its kind of disrespectful....the truth of the matter is, that he is much less sexual than me although he goes through gases....and I know he has some FBs with who he hooks up when we r not together.... But he is always honest about it....the major problem is my jealousy....don't know where that comes from either as I'm normally not the jealous type as it doesn't bother me that he has sex with others as long as he is honest about it and it doesn't mean anything....a lot of times our discussions r fuelled after a lot of drinking when we go out.... I should get that under control...think that the long distance thing doesn't help either...

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

lostop, some good introspection I see. You already know because you state it that "the major problem is my jealousy". I'm sure being long distance complicates things. I can imagine you, being jealous, playing all sorts of scenarios in your head - and I further imagine that blowjobs he gives to others plays a part there. Whether you're capable of letting this go only you can answer. But from my POV, no relationship can endure with jealousy as a part of it. If you two are going to evolve together, he needs freedom to alter his fulfillments, sexual and otherwise, with you as a supportive partner. Sounds like he is already willing to do that with you.

Hungry_hole states it well above; separating carnal hunger and needs from relationship. Our society has bullt a whole culture around the notion that good relationships mean ones partner satisfies every need. The ones that seem to last though recognize that individual within a relationship are still individuals. And ones partner shares the journey; but doesn't fulfill every need.

You're at a juncture here lostop. You might do well to let this one go, and focus more on YOURSELF and what about you takes you into jealousy and expectations. If you absolutely must have those things; then you need a partnership that gives you that and this fellow is clearly not going to be the one. You risk pushing it with him now, and changing a sepearation with some love/longing left to one where he despises you; and potentially you him.

[losttop]

lostop, some good introspection I see. You already know because you state it that "the major problem is my jealousy". I'm sure being long distance complicates things. I can imagine you, being jealous, playing all sorts of scenarios in your head - and I further imagine that blowjobs he gives to others plays a part there. Whether you're capable of letting this go only you can answer. But from my POV, no relationship can endure with jealousy as a part of it. If you two are going to evolve together, he needs freedom to alter his fulfillments, sexual and otherwise, with you as a supportive partner. Sounds like he is already willing to do that with you.

Hungry_hole states it well above; separating carnal hunger and needs from relationship. Our society has bullt a whole culture around the notion that good relationships mean ones partner satisfies every need. The ones that seem to last though recognize that individual within a relationship are still individuals. And ones partner shares the journey; but doesn't fulfill every need.

You're at a juncture here lostop. You might do well to let this one go, and focus more on YOURSELF and what about you takes you into jealousy and expectations. If you absolutely must have those things; then you need a partnership that gives you that and this fellow is clearly not going to be the one. You risk pushing it with him now, and changing a sepearation with some love/longing left to one where he despises you; and potentially you him.

No I don't play scenarios in my head as like I said I'm not really the jealous type....I don't mind him having sex with others or sucking others as I do same.... It's the fact that he simply refuses to do it to me that bothers me.... What has changed? My dick is still the same...I don't want him to fulfil all my dreams as I know that is impossible.... Besides I enjoy fucking others and know that it's different to love someone and have sex with someone...what ever happens I will always be there for him as a friend as I think he is good guy....