Why do I get bored so easily?

[losttop]

As cabin crew I travel the world and therefor there is no shortage of hooking up with guys through sex websites or finding guys for sex in sexclubs and baths... The problem is that I get bored after 1 hookup.... Most guys want to hook up with me again.... But once I have fucked them once... I'm kind of done with them. My bf broke up with me not to long ago.... So not sure if that has something to do with it...he was kind of controlling and he did a lot of damage to my self esteem...the truth of the matter is that I love the feeling of being in love and being with someone...it's like a high for me...have a feeling that just sex alone won't do... Need to have some kind of connection with someone.... What do u guys think.... Should I stop having casual sex and concentrate on dating without having sex?

[bb1991]

There's no right answer I'm afraid -you have to go with what feels right for you.

You're obviously not getting what you need from just casual sex. But you're scared to get back into a relationship after being hurt and scared you will get bored.

If you're craving a more meaningful connection it might be best to stop hooking up for a little while. Or maybe only hook up with friends/regular fuckbuds -those who you get more of that connection with.

I'd also say don't jump straight back into a relationship. You've said you're bf hurt you. Sometimes you just need some time to heal and feel more confident about yourself.

I have worried about being bored in relationships and sometimes it happens sometimes its not. If you love a guy I don't think you get properly bored. Sometimes it just takes a bit of spice like some roll-playing. Other-times, you might think about maybe having a threesome or swinging. Or even an open relationship.

It all depends on what's right for you and the other party.

So overall, just take things slow and take some time to heal and work out what it is you want, before you jump into anything.

[fskn]

Having endured a 9-year relationship that compromised my sex life as well as my self-esteem, and being a loving person who seeks a degree of intimacy (eye contact, kissing, touch, conversation) even in one-time encounters, I think I share your dilemma.

Virtually all cultural influences suggest that love is "better", that it is a "necessary" element of human happiness, and that there's something "bad" about casual sex. On the other hand, high rates of infidelity (and divorce, heretofore a straight people's concern) reveal that many established relationships don't provide hoped-for levels of emotional or sexual satisfaction. Given the structure of our society, it's definitely true that love increases personal economic stability and confers social status (witness the battle for gay marriage).

Since you get bored after single sexual encounters, is there some way to enrich those encounters? I realized, for example, that saying or hearing "I love you" during sex turns me on physically. Now, I make "I love you" an element of role play, in exactly the opposite sense of bb1991's suggested use of role play, I'm ashamed to admit! But maybe it's not role play at all, because bareback sex is an intimate act.

On the relationship side, how do you feel about open relationships? Perhaps you could leave sex entirely out of the bargain, and have an emotional/domestic companion while continuing to enjoy sexual encounters all over the world.

[TigerMilner]

You could be like me. I think sometimes that I am mostly into casual sex now after being burned three times. I never was a casual sex kind of guy until about 12 years ago. Sometimes I want to be in love and to have what I see some of my friends have with their partners, but I can't give my heart to someone to crush again. One partner died, one killed three other people and the last one committed suicide. Not sure what else could happen, but I feel safer with a blindfold on waiting with the door unlocked for a stranger to come fuck me than I do with another "dream catch". I hope it's not the same for you. Just know that nothing is worse than being in a bad relationship. The results can worse than a broken heart.

[losttop]

There's no right answer I'm afraid -you have to go with what feels right for you.

You're obviously not getting what you need from just casual sex. But you're scared to get back into a relationship after being hurt and scared you will get bored.

If you're craving a more meaningful connection it might be best to stop hooking up for a little while. Or maybe only hook up with friends/regular fuckbuds -those who you get more of that connection with.

I'd also say don't jump straight back into a relationship. You've said you're bf hurt you. Sometimes you just need some time to heal and feel more confident about yourself.

I have worried about being bored in relationships and sometimes it happens sometimes its not. If you love a guy I don't think you get properly bored. Sometimes it just takes a bit of spice like some roll-playing. Other-times, you might think about maybe having a threesome or swinging. Or even an open relationship.

It all depends on what's right for you and the other party.

So overall, just take things slow and take some time to heal and work out what it is you want, before you jump into anything.

I'm not afraid to get back into relationship with right guy...and relationship for me would be open with boundaries of course...it's just just that most of the time It doesn't develop any further as I get bored after having sex.... When I occasionally meet right guy.... I want him to stay and then I love to do the romantic stuff like holding hands and have sex all the time...but that happens very rarely...normally after I shoot my load, I want them to go...and rarely want to hook up with them ever again...

[pipesmokin'manfucker]

"Nothing is worse than being in a bad relationship." Amen, Brother Tiger, amen!

Been there; done that. Don't wanna do it again, nothankyouverymuch. But I do wish I could meet and get involved with Mr. Right, not just Mr. Right-NOW.

One of my aquaintances says he likes a man to come over, fuck the hell outta him and then turn into a pizza at 4 a.m. LOL!

[losttop]

"Nothing is worse than being in a bad relationship." Amen' date=' Brother Tiger, amen!

Been there; done that. Don't wanna do it again, nothankyouverymuch. But I do wish I could meet and get involved with Mr. Right, not just Mr. Right-NOW.

One of my aquaintances says he likes a man to come over, fuck the hell outta him and then turn into a pizza at 4 a.m. LOL![/quote']

No don't want to be in bad relationship either just for the sake of being in relationship...but yes looking for mr right instead of always mr. Right now...

[Bear4Breeding]

I can relate to this. For me it is just my nature, my zodiac is Sag, the Sag is a wonderer, we tend to get bored easily and quickly.

I've had 2 relationships to speak of in my 42 years, my first was at 19-22, to a drunk who was a very decent and nice guy when he was sober but when he was drinking well it wasn't all that much fun. We'd fight and argue into the late hours of the night, once he even tried to choke me on the living room floor. After about 2 years of living with him I had enough and moved out and back home with my mom. We continued to date for another year or two after that until I finally ended it completely. The second was only 6 months, we where doomed from the beginning, he was a leather man into all the kink and things that I wasn't, at the time I wasn't much into an Open relationship but if I had been it might have lasted a bit longer, but it doesn't matter really as I was a rebound for him.

Anyway, I am the same way I get bored after a single fuck and don't always really enjoy a one time encounter but repeats tend to go bad for me as I get attached to the person and "think" I love them but am not really sure anymore what real love is outside of Family Love, which is totally different.

As bb1991 said, do what feels right for you and take things slow and take the time to heal and recover from your last relationship. When you find the right one you'll know it and you'll go about things differently. Best of luck to you man and hope you find what you want/need. Hugs!

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

One heuristic a therapist advised me to follow was to give a full 12 months after a relationship ends before THINKING about starting a new one. There is some value into going through four full seasons; and when I did that, it worked better. During that time, learn what YOU need and actually value in relating to another. That way when you do start opening up to relationships you will know what human qualities you desire. So many of us go for the "hot" guy rather than the right guy. "hot" always fades. So taking time to date humans rather than pretty wrappers can make a huge difference.

My own partner (now) is not my "type". I favor dark haired swarthy guys. Blonde/blue was never my thing. But he is absolutely perfect for me; and me for him. 13+ years later we've learned more of each other, gone through a couple of challenges; and accept each others imperfections. Prior to that, I had controlling/abusive; or lying partners. Lying partner was "interesting". Even with clear evidence in front of him, he would deny...

Anyway, I call it "the 12 month rule"; a time between relationships to find yourself again and get past the tendency to be shaped by the abuse. You''ll know you're ready when that abuse ceases to affect you...

[Guest GoodExercise]

@losttop - Fuck me next time you are in Chicago. It sounds like your question is not why you are bored, but whether and how you can stop being bored. It seems like you might be in a phase at the moment -- give it some time.

[bearbandit]

One heuristic a therapist advised me to follow was to give a full 12 months after a relationship ends before THINKING about starting a new one.

That's excellent advice. After Stuart died in 92 I got together with John only a few months later and I'm still amazed we lasted out through that first year. Irrational jealousy, John competing for my love with a dead man, and it sure didn't help that I spent a year as a stoner. Anyway, somehow John and I survived that time and had fourteen years together before he died. When he died, I stepped back and decided that I wasn't going to make any life changing decisions for at least two years. As it happened it was nearly four years before I felt easy enough about it all to put myself out there again and get back to my normal "come and get it guys" self.