Finding that special one

[bigdick4you]

I'm a top who enjoys sex very much....have a special weakness for slutty bottoms. Love to organize sexpartys for 1 or 2 bottoms where I have other top guys use them...don't have a lot of regulars FBs as I get bored very easily...normally will use a bottom once and if he is particularly good.... Will use him other times. Have also a very romantic side to me.... When I connect with a guy, I'm all over that guy and love to do the normal bf stuff...like holding hands and going out for dinner and stuff.... Have noticed that last couple of years I have been in and out of short relationships... Sometimes I break up with them and other times they break up with me...due to my work(I work for an airline) it's easy to travel the globe and meet new guys....some of my friends who r in relationships.... Say that I should give sex a rest and concentrate on normal dating and getting to know someone...ideally I would be in open relationship with someone who is as piggy as me, but who also has his romantic side.... Normally it's always the same: guys who I'm interested in, r not interested in me beyond the sex thing.... And vice versa....

[barehole4use]

Finding the perfect partner is not as easy as people think, Most likely you'll come across the guy when you're just not looking for it. I always say be honest about what you like & let him be honest too.

[bbzh]

I have been in a relationship for a year and a half now and thank goodness he has piggy tendencies too. I think the relationship works because we don't live together, allow each other a zone of privacy and respect each other. It's alright to set some boundaries but you've got to be open to revisiting certain issues from time to time. If you really do love somebody, you do want to make them happy - but not necessarily at the expense of your own happiness of course. If you are not willing to make ANY sacrifices for the sake of the relationship, you won't be in one for long. Just stay single. And sex won't sustain it if you don't genuinely care for the person.

The other thing I am learning is that relationships evolve and you have to allow yourself to feel vulnerable.

Check out Brene Brown's TED talk on ted.com. It was a game changer for me.

[bigdick4you]

I have been in a relationship for a year and a half now and thank goodness he has piggy tendencies too. I think the relationship works because we don't live together, allow each other a zone of privacy and respect each other. It's alright to set some boundaries but you've got to be open to revisiting certain issues from time to time. If you really do love somebody, you do want to make them happy - but not necessarily at the expense of your own happiness of course. If you are not willing to make ANY sacrifices for the sake of the relationship, you won't be in one for long. Just stay single. And sex won't sustain it if you don't genuinely care for the person.

The other thing I am learning is that relationships evolve and you have to allow yourself to feel vulnerable.

Check out Brene Brown's TED talk on ted.com. It was a game changer for me.

Actually make lots of sacrifices when I'm with someone....put them mostly first then...want to be with guy who is easy going and drama free.... Someone I can trust completely...can't stand game players or liars.... My last relationship went wrong as I had feeling he felt superior to me and that made me feel insecure...some things he said.... It just didn't feel right....in the end he broke up with me...also found out that although I'm a top.... I have a submissive side too.... Which was hot. We r still good friends and both have feelings for each other.... But know that we r very different to be in relationship together. I do still love him and will always be there for him.

[bbzh]

If your ex lurks here, I would refrain from making specific comments about the relationship. Whatever you learned about yourself and him in the process, be thankful for it and move on. You will put a strain on the friendship by airing your business here for all to see.

[AversiveSublime]

I cannot begin to express the level of "BULLSHIT" that bigdick4you is sharing in his posts on this site!

We dated for a year, on and off, had a lot of drama that was caused by his jealousy and just lack of respect for what we discussed and agreed on. Between him starting fights with me at bars and on the streets in gay areas all over the world, him scratching me when I didn't do what he wanted and just the constant unending complaining about doing anything remotely fun together that didn't involve him fucking me like a spastic jackhammer, there was a complete disconnect.

You can talk to him until you are blue in the face, explain what your needs and wants in a relationship are in a series of short easy to understand sentences but still not ever get it through to him. An open relationship to him is very simply

A. He sleeps with any nasty rash covered bottom that is willing to have him

B. Groups scenes with him together where he invites the guys that find him attractive even though he isn't topping them and its supposed to be a gang bang type scene with him sharing the bottom.

C. You don't have sex without him. If you talk about it or look at another human being and he knows it, he will do what he can to either cock block it (if its in person) or make you feel badly about your looks or body in some other way.

We tried to be friends after being split up for three months now. I suggested we meet in LA because it is easy for me to get to and he can fly direct relatively easy from the UK. I told him there would be no sex, that is just where I am with our relationship at this point. He claimed it wasn't a huge deal but when I brought up the possibility of either of us meeting someone if we are out it suddenly became a problem. Chances are it wouldn't happen or if anything he would meet someone and I wouldn't. I am flirty and social but rarely pick up guys when I go out because i am not worried about quantity like that. I was really more interested in just getting away for a few days, seeing some of the gay LA nightlife, checking out the Tom of Finland exhibit at the MOCA and seeing if we had a friendship worth salvaging after a long year of trying to make a doomed relationship work. It turns out that he was unable to commit to that without a sexual sub-clause there of "if we are both up for it", which I explained I would not be "up for it" with him. He just doesn't understand that friendship doesn't always include sex I guess, which is unfortunate but no longer my problem to try to correct.

I just wonder though, he has a few friends that he sees from time to time and he has claimed he doesn't sleep with them, so why if he goes out with them and they meet someone and go home with that person is that OK, but if I were to do that it would be too much after being split up for three+ months? If we are just friends it shouldn't be an issue. If we are ex's who had an open relationship it shouldn't matter. It is not about worry for me meeting some murderer or anything like that... Jealousy has no place in an open relationship or even a friendship.

It is just very uncool to try to make plans as friends, have that person clear several days to be away from home to do it, and then dick out on them because you can't handle the jealous feelings inside.

Oh and he loved to say "I would bottom for a guy I was in love with", well, guess what happened after months of hearing "I love you".... Screamed like a little girl as I just barely pushed the head of my raw, well lubed, cock into his clenched hole. Utter bullshit!

[bearbandit]

Dignity, my mate... I know I lose my temper here every now and then, but all it means is having to apologise for being a cunt and so on. I understand your frustration and anger: last guy I was seeing regularly turned out to be a lying pisshead (as in a litre or more of whisky per day), but we kept the arguments private and after eight or nine months we've even managed a civil phone call. I've done the public message thing like you just did, and it honestly doesn't do you (that's a general "you") any favours. What I try to do now is to prepare the text of a message like that in a text editor, save it, and read it 24 hours later to see if I really want to shout it all out to the world, send it as a private message, or simply not send it. Sometimes pride is like cum: you just swallow it...

[bigdick4you]

First of all, I think this post is a lot older than 2 weeks and I posted it after we had broken up.... Don't know why my ex goes off on me as it is about my feelings and me trying to find that perfect match.... I didn't say anything negative about him.... It's about my feelings.... So why try to make me look bad!? I'm no angel.... Never said I was.... I do have feelings for u and would like us to be at least friends....

[bearbandit]

Okay, I said it to your ex, now I'll say it to you: show a bit of dignity. Grow up and act like a man. The two of you: get a room and fight it out or fuck it away. Don't embarrass yourselves with this bitchfight. Krystle and Alexis did it a lot better than either of you could ever hope to.

[AversiveSublime]

Dignity, my mate... I know I lose my temper here every now and then, but all it means is having to apologise for being a cunt and so on. I understand your frustration and anger: last guy I was seeing regularly turned out to be a lying pisshead (as in a litre or more of whisky per day), but we kept the arguments private and after eight or nine months we've even managed a civil phone call. I've done the public message thing like you just did, and it honestly doesn't do you (that's a general "you") any favours. What I try to do now is to prepare the text of a message like that in a text editor, save it, and read it 24 hours later to see if I really want to shout it all out to the world, send it as a private message, or simply not send it. Sometimes pride is like cum: you just swallow it...

My original comment to this was three times as long. I don't apologize for saying it how it is. The truth is I was always honest from day one and he wasn't. I am not stupid and know he was only with me so he could be the one who "poz'd me" and it makes him nuts to think it will be someone else and that even then I am still very much negative after all kinds of exposure. I know that if I became poz he would lose interest and move on too. We've done the private message thing over and over and over but he keeps coming back here to share it all with you folks. I really don't mind clarifying it all and saving some other poor guy the trouble of buying into his BS and getting hurt though. I don't meet anyone off this site and there is little or no connection/relation to my identities on other sites, so what do I care???

TO BIGDICK:

Obviously this is older than 2 weeks too, I can read a fucking timestamp! I don't need to make you look bad either, you do that all on your own and this perfect match you are looking for is never going to be found. You use and discard people, you have a sex addiction that is out of control. You think it is a good thing but in the end it isn't and should talk to a professional sex counselor about it. Contrary to some of the things I've written on this site in moments of extreme heat and sexual desire I don't actually want to catch HIV. I have lost many friends to it over the years and am thankful that in spite of my wreckless behavior, with drugs, group sex with poz and unsure tops and everything else I've done, that I have some how miraculously managed to remain HIV Negative for almost 15 years. I don't discriminate on hiv status because for whatever reason it seems I am in some way resistant and/or immune, but it doesn't mean I don't worry about it, that I don't plan to accept it every six months that I have myself tested. It is maddening in ways to prepare for the "worst" and then find out there was nothing to worry about. This isn't a game for me, it is my life! I don't seek becoming infected. I know that my sexual tendencies will most likely one day lead to it, but I don't wake up and go through my day wishing for it. I know you have no concept of that being poz yourself, even with zero viral load. You get a sick thrill from the idea of making me poz. The fact is though, that would not bring us closer together, in the end it would only have driven us further apart.

What would have brought us closer was the easing up on the jealousy. Backing off sexually and letting me be a horny 30something, flirting and hooking up unhindered with other guys. We were already committed together but there was this empty space inside of me that I needed to explore and fill up, a swagger that I had lost somewhere to meet guys and feel comfortable and confident like I used to. I needed to explore my sexuality in full as a TOP and a bottom, and not with you, it was something I needed and wanted to do on my own after you built up this anticipation but then rejected taking my dick. I was fine with that but I sure as fuck didn't want you under foot when I explored my top side after the way you practically cried like a child over it all. Once someone stops me from topping them I lose interest in them in that way. And the more you kept your vice of jealousy on me the less I was interested in you sexually at all. Now there is nothing there for me sexually when it comes to you. I don't know how to make that any more clearer than that. I have feelings for you, yes, and don't wish you any harm but that is where it begins and ends. I ultimately had to make the decision for you that we cannot continue with anything because you are just too blind to see how over it is with us. You want to live in some kind of hopeful fantasy state that we will spend time together and end up back together like we did in the past but you are forgetting that only happens in the movies. Where there is a will there is a way doesn't apply to us because I don't will it to happen, sorry...

If Rawtop allowed us to change our names and delete our posts/accounts I would have been long gone from this site. I really don't care though and find it amusing how clueless most guys are here about sex and their own damaged psyches.

[AversiveSublime]

And the fact of the matter is if I am going to end up positive from my sexual activities then I am sure as hell going to PICK the guys that give it to me. I am not going to sit back and just let any old dick fuck me like I used to. I might as well go for the hot guys that turn me on. But truth be told I am really more of a monogamous type and will likely just find another hiv neg guy to settle down with and leave all this underworld of sex to the truly damaged and dejected. Good luck with your doomed quest to find "relationship perfection". You push it away by putting it out there, rather than just let your partner be who they are and you be who you are. If you could be comfortable in your own skin, sit back and not feel the need to micromanage your partner's interactions then there might be hope, but I doubt that you could ever be that calm and collected outside of your career as a steward. I know it is beyond my power to change or influence that in you because you are like a dog begging for a treat, and maybe will do the trick once or twice to get the treat but in the end you revert back to your old habits.

[bearbandit]

Well all I can say is "thank you": you've proved to me that there's someone here who's capable of being a bigger idiot than me. Boys (and I use the term advisedly) take it private... You'll only regret it if you don't

[AversiveSublime]

Well all I can say is "thank you": you've proved to me that there's someone here who's capable of being a bigger idiot than me. Boys (and I use the term advisedly) take it private... You'll only regret it if you don't

No one is a bigger idiot than you Bear, lol, you actually use this site as a source for your dating pool. BigDick is just trying to manipulate people's emotions and I am just incapable of holding back the truth, but you are clearly the idiot here for getting involved at all with this thread. Congrats! ;-)

[TigerMilner]

I'm a top who enjoys sex very much....have a special weakness for slutty bottoms. Love to organize sexpartys for 1 or 2 bottoms where I have other top guys use them...

Well the first line or two of this thread got my attention and I was very interested. Men like you turn me on. The rest of the thread is so boring I can't read it, but if you really mean the first two lines, hit me up. I'm not far from an airport so come see me, once or twice. lol.

[AversiveSublime]

Tiger,

Good luck with that! The fantasy is better than the reality, trust me on that. If you can have Rawtop organize a bb group for you that would be much better. I did it and any "party" BigDick will host pales in comparison. You are better off just going to a bathhouse.