Why doesn't he want to give me his load?

[VersatileBreeder]

Here's my story. I recently started messing around with this hot 50 year old bi guy. He's married, got kids, etc, but loves having a guy to plow on the side. He oozes masculinity- deep voice, hot body, beautiful 8 inch very thick cock, the whole package.

Anyway, the first couple times we met, he insisted he use a condom to fuck me. I am neg, so is he, but he insists on safe play. I, like most people on this site, hate condoms but I couldn't say no to having such an awesome cock plow me, even rubbered up.

The third time we met up, he was fucking me with a condom, then he pulled out and took the condom off. I assumed that meant he was done with fucking me, even though he hadn't cum yet, so I turned around to suck him a bit. After sucking him for a minute, he told me to turn around. Next thing I knew, I felt the massive head of his cock at my hole and he pushed it in, completely raw.

I turned around and asked him "you sure you wanna do this?" I was asking him to be sure that he wouldn't have any regrets or remorse later, but I think he construed my asking him as my own insecurity of having a raw cock in my hole. His response was "don't worry, I'm not cumming in you." Knowing perfectly well that wasn't my issue and that I would LOVE this man's sperm in my hole, I said, "you can cum in me if you want." I thought he was going to agree to that, but I was wrong. His response was, "nah, I don't mess around like that." He fucked me for a little while raw, and when it came time to cum, he pulled out, put me on my knees and shot all over my face/mouth.

So here is what I am wondering... First of all, have any guys had similar experiences with tops before? Why would he not want to give me his load? He is neg, was all about being safe in the beginning because as he told me, he has a wife, kids, etc, but once he goes in me raw, he isn't further compromising his safety by loading me, so why would he not want to? I just don't get it. We are meeting up again this week, I think that after this time that he was able to relax with me, we probably won't be using condoms again, but I really want his load. I don't want to push him on it, but I want to let him know that its okay to shoot it in me. But I think first I need to figure out some possible reasons why he doesn't want to give it to me in the first place.

[XTF2020]

Yeah, i have had the same experience with a couple of guys, both bi guys. I think they are under the misapprehension that they are at less risk if they don't cum, which is a bit mad as cumming and then withdrawing straight away might be safer for the top than withdrawing without cumming in my opinion.

[cnyrawfukr]

I used to mess around with a "bi guy". Total mess of a guy, later found out he used to trick and was a crackhead. The first few times he dumped in me no questions asked. The last time we met he refused, and said he didn't do that any more. I assumed he found out he was poz.

[bearbandit]

Bear in mind also that the gift of cum, poz or not, is a very special gift. I might be over-romanticising or getting over-emotional here, but whenever I cum in a guy, or he cums in me, we've formed a connection. Even guys I've ended up disliking, if one of us has cum in the other's ass, there's a bond there. Even after more than twenty years I can remember the look of awe and astonishment on the face my first husband when I came up his ass in a hotel room in Bournemouth. Wasn't the first time, wasn't the last, but it's the one I remember.

Your guy might just not be willing to make that connection just yet...

[VersatileBreeder]

Yeah, i have had the same experience with a couple of guys, both bi guys. I think they are under the misapprehension that they are at less risk if they don't cum, which is a bit mad as cumming and then withdrawing straight away might be safer for the top than withdrawing without cumming in my opinion.

That's not a bad observation, but as this man isn't stupid, I would think he should have more sense than to think that not he not cumming inside a guy lowers his risk. I don't know. Maybe I just need to ask him flat out why he doesn't want to cum in me.

[VersatileBreeder]

I used to mess around with a "bi guy". Total mess of a guy, later found out he used to trick and was a crackhead. The first few times he dumped in me no questions asked. The last time we met he refused, and said he didn't do that any more. I assumed he found out he was poz.

Wow, sounds pretty crazy. I try to steer clear of guys with drug issues. I once met a guy who was pretty hot, he wanted to fuck me. We started messing around, a little foreplay, and then he wanted to do some coke to "get the party started." I told him sorry but I just wasn't really interested anymore. As for the possibility that this particular guy might be poz and might be withholding his load to not infect me, I have no worries about that. Of course, there is always a possibility that guys lie and he could be lying about his neg status, but with him, all evidence points to him truly being neg. When we first met, even when we were using a condom, he asked me about three times if I was absolutely sure I was neg and disease-free because he could not bring anything home to his wife, that it would ruin his life if he did. Also, before he left after his first time, he told me to please be careful with what I do with guys. I assured him that I don't bareback with everyone and those I do bareback with, I do take risk-mitigating measures. So I am not really worried with him being poz as the reason for him not wanting to cum inside me.

[VersatileBreeder]

Bear in mind also that the gift of cum, poz or not, is a very special gift. I might be over-romanticising or getting over-emotional here, but whenever I cum in a guy, or he cums in me, we've formed a connection. Even guys I've ended up disliking, if one of us has cum in the other's ass, there's a bond there. Even after more than twenty years I can remember the look of awe and astonishment on the face my first husband when I came up his ass in a hotel room in Bournemouth. Wasn't the first time, wasn't the last, but it's the one I remember.

Your guy might just not be willing to make that connection just yet...

Bearbandit, thank you, I didn't really think about that, but your response seems to make the most sense. Especially as this is a married man, that could be what holds him back. I am not sure how much of an emotional attachment he has with his wife and since he cheats on her, it would seem that it might not be all that much emotion. I could be wrong, however. He and his wife might have a great relationship and he might love her to death, but his bisexual nature drives him to also need to be with a man sexually. I can tell this man has no aspiration for wanting intimacy or a relationship with me or any other man for that matter. At age 50, he has come too far as a "straight" family man with a wife, kids, etc to possibly want to forsake any of that just for some guy.

I wouldn't say that you're over-romanticizing this at all. You are right- there is a connection formed when a guy cums inside another guy. Many gay men will probably overlook that all in the heat of "breeding" another guy or "using a cumhole slut" etc, but there definitely is that bond. So, maybe he does not want to make that connection to me. Maybe he is afraid that if he does breed me, I will become more attached to him. I didn't think of any of that, but it surely does make sense.

[drscorpio]

When I was in my early 20s, I had a fuckbuddy relationship with a young hoodlum type guy who considered himself straight. We always had to go through the pretense of me buying him beer or porn or giving him a ride somewhere, so I knew he wouldn't just give it away

This was in the early 80s in the rural South, so we always fucked bare. He insisted that neither of us cum inside the other though. In his mind, cumming inside another man was an extreme gesture of disrespect. Apparently you weren't really being treated as less than a man until you were bred. It took me several months to convince him that I wouldn't be upset by taking his load. Once he started cumming inside, he was more than happy to keep doing it.

[slowfuck]

I can't understand it either but just another slim possibility springs to mind. Logic aside, it might be that he doesn't want to have any risk of being accused of infecting you, by cumming in you, if you were to become poz? Just a thought. Asking him 'out of curiosity' should be fine, he sounds quite a direct and to the point sort of guy. Good luck.

[HMR89]

I'm gonna go out on a limb here but I'm gonna try thinking from his point of view here:

If I'm a straight/bi married guy, with kids (who would, arguably, be *****'s spawn) and I'm 50 years old the one reason I'd have for not wanting to cum in a guy is because:

1. I'd be scared that he could collect it and prove that it's MY cum and use that proof to turn my family against me if he fell for me

2. Because I may be carrying something that I don't want others to know of

3. If I said "Nah, I don't mess around like that" that could be because of the two factors mentioned above AND/OR because I suspect I have something that I'm not sure of aand don't WANT to be sure of because I'm scared of getting tested.

Bearbandit- the guy's bi and he knows he'd be losing his family. I don't think the emotional connectivity part matters much. I think it's something much more selfish.

[HMR89]

If you REALLY want to know, try asking him but do it playfully and see how his body language changes. Don't be afraid to go a little psychotic either. I test people intentionally and unintentionally that way ALL the time and I always end up getting answers

OR get him REALLY horned up and pull away and then, ask him. He'd definitely give you his answer because he'd really want to get done with the QnA and get to the fucking bit.

[Deaner]

Really no use wondering unless you ask him or he tells you, and honestly, sometimes that kind of discussion or information can be enough to kill the mood if he's on the fence.

If I were you, next time I'd just play as usual, maybe even wait to see if he rubbers up the first time. Either way, remind him how much better it felt (no need to mention better for your or for him) without the rubber. Once he's worked his way a bit toward cumming, just start asking for the load. Please and thank you are the magic words.

[eightndeep]

My completely different take on it is this: He is 'bi'. They say once a player always a player. So if he's spent years getting nookie on the side, maybe a lot were women. Maybe mostly women.

With women, he'd have years of stimulus-response conditioning. Cum inside, you might get her pregnant. Cum inside, you might get her pregnant. Cum inside, you might get her pregnant. At very minimum, cum inside a woman, and you give up the power of birth control to her. And I bet (conjecture I know) that for women, even more so than for gay men, having a man cum inside is a crossed line, a hook in him so to speak.

As a 50 yo myself, I know behaviors repeated over and over for decades do start getting etched in. I think it's not so homo-HIV-centric as the other theories. I think he's conditioned to retain his power by not cumming inside, to lowering the risk to his family life by not cumming inside, and to maintain proper sexual-affair-not-emotional-affair distance by not cumming inside.

At age 50, it amazes me how often when I am nice, cordial, routinely polite to someone female out in public, at stores, wherever, that she'll give me a "humph" sneer and turn away like I was trying to flirt. Ha ha - AS IF! It makes me wonder if his pool of women sex possibilities is shrinking fast since most women who'd fuckbud a 50yo could just as easily get a 30yo. While his pool of men is - hot "straight" top daddy (?!) - I imagine bigger than ever.

[eightndeep]

I wonder, if when you're in the heat of the moment, and he's inside you fucking raw, you say something like "Cum inside me. It's not like you'll knock me up" if that'd work? If I was a straight(ish) man used to being apprehensive about cumming in pussy, that'd be very freeing to hear, and mind blowingly hot.

[VersatileBreeder]

When I was in my early 20s, I had a fuckbuddy relationship with a young hoodlum type guy who considered himself straight. We always had to go through the pretense of me buying him beer or porn or giving him a ride somewhere, so I knew he wouldn't just give it away

This was in the early 80s in the rural South, so we always fucked bare. He insisted that neither of us cum inside the other though. In his mind, cumming inside another man was an extreme gesture of disrespect. Apparently you weren't really being treated as less than a man until you were bred. It took me several months to convince him that I wouldn't be upset by taking his load. Once he started cumming inside, he was more than happy to keep doing it.

Interesting to know that guys actually thought (or think) like that. Though it's an interesting observation, I don't think that is what's going on here. We are also talking about deep south early 80's versus NY 2013, different times, WAY different values. I don't think this had anything to do with him not breeding me. I mean, we are fuckbuds... We have a mutual respect for each other, but at the end of the day what matters is his cock and my ass. He knows I had no objection to him cumming inside me, in fact, I welcomed it. I don't think he was thinking of it as a disrespectful act as what was holding him back. Something else there. But thanks for the response.