Ex Fuck Bud Freaked Out When I Told Him About My Poz Status

[RWHID]

Reading this, knowing you are dealing with this drama makes me sad. I have been dealing with the same thing. I tested poz in June of last year. I didn't start fucking around until October of 2012. I got sick around the end of March, lasted for about a month before I got tested and found out for sure. Between October 2012 to February 2013 I was with about 20 different guys. I was with my boyfriend (who is poz) in December and used protection, so I assumed all was okay. I continued on with other guys until February. On Valentine's Day I was with my boyfriend without protection, thinking it was just one time, that I wouldn't get it, but afterwards I decided not to hookup with other guys. The nurse said I needed to go to police and explain all of this, so other people who were with us can get tested... yeah right!! They asked me a bunch of shit, made me make up shit, and boom, arrested my boyfriend and put lies in the headlines. They asked me for a list of guys I was with, and I gave them all I could remember, some were random off Craigslist so there was no way to give them everyone's name. One of my friends who I was with in January turned on me, told police he was having sex with my boyfriend at my house, which as far as I know never happened. Another man, who was friends of my friend's boyfriend went to police and said he was also with him, which I still doubt. He said he would have never had sex with someone with HIV.

Here comes the fucked up part... my so-called "friend" later told me he lied because I had had sex with him after having sex with my poz boyfriend - with a condom. Because of something I did, my boyfriend was punished. The other guy admitted he also lied because in January I refused to have a 4-way with my friend, his boyfriend and this other guy. Even funnier, this second guy who said he would never have sex with anyone with HIV, came to me online after my boyfriend was arrested, knowing I was poz and invited me over to fuck him... pretty sad.

In Missouri, according to police here, anyone can make up a lie and say you slept with them and didn't tell them, even if you never slept with the person, and you will be charged since you can't prove the sex never happened. They automatically side with the victim. My boyfriend and I were set to start treatment 3 days after his arrested. He has been in jail for going on 7 months now, and they refuse to let him have any kind of medication. In their words, he should die there since he is a criminal.

Now, as for people who is saying this guy is trouble, I wouldn't call it trouble. When I got the news I was poz, I was pissed... upset... hurt... embarrassed. I put all the blame on my boyfriend. I hurt him a lot. I realized at the week went by I was the one that was wrong, and I have been trying to make it right ever since. I realized I had to take responsibility for my own actions. I wish I had realized that sooner, but the way these clinics work, they try to get you to put all the blame on the other person. I think it has to do with getting it in the news, which will have many people running to the clinic to get tested...

I hope this guy you are talking about realizes he has to take responsibility for his actions, not just you.

[barehole4use]

You have a poz boyfriend & you really put him in the shit, If i was him i would dump you big time. You sound like a right little asshole going to the police after knowingly fucking around bare with complete strangers & then blaming your boyfriend for it. It's guys like you that gives homo's a bad name. I hope one day you get it back - Jerk.

[RWHID]

You have a poz boyfriend & you really put him in the shit, If i was him i would dump you big time. You sound like a right little asshole going to the police after knowingly fucking around bare with complete strangers & then blaming your boyfriend for it. It's guys like you that gives homo's a bad name. I hope one day you get it back - Jerk.

I already have, but thanks.

Edited February 27, 2014 by RWHID

[barehole4use]

don't thank me, if i would come across you- i'd punch your lights out.

[RWHID]

don't thank me, if i would come across you- i'd punch your lights out.

And might I add. I didn't actually know he was poz until I did what I did. His ex roommate called and told me in June, which is why I got tested... but yeah, thanks.

[barehole4use]

I think you need to grow up & take responsibility of your own actions.

[RWHID]

I think you need to grow up & take responsibility of your own actions.

I do believe I have.

[Poz1956]

. . .Also, I'm told HIV can be in you 10 years without knowing (so I'm told), so tell him it was someone he fucked with in last 10 years, and not you!

Are you sure? Not even my loosely sourced public schooling taught me that. I mean, I'm open to being proven wrong with real sources, but this sounds like information that may have been taken out of context (even if not meant intentionally).

Posting this for late readers.

If a guy chose to never get tested, he might not know he was Poz. That's not saying there wouldn't be effects on his immune system. Just that he didn't know they were there.

His first indication might be an opportunistic infection. Something odd, and out of place that would cause a doctor to order an HIV test. Honestly that's how many Bi guys find out. 50% of Bi Poz guys were never tested before they were diagnosed.

Do you want a real source. Take me for example.

I was infected in the fall of 82 or spring of 83. I had an allergic reaction to an antibiotic at the height of the AIDS panic in 85. In emergency, they asked if I was gay, and it was clear they made the intimidate assumption I had AIDS, though nothing was said. I didn't see anybody from that point forward without gowns, masks, gloves, booties, hats, face splash shields -- the full medical drape. Biohazard markings on my room door, and biohazard disposal bins in the hall -- the full BS. They ignored all the signs of the allergic reaction. After all the compilations calmed down a week and a half later, an excited, thrilled internal medicine resident walked into my room and said "We finally think we figured out what you've got. We think you've got AIDS." His tone was "I won the Lotto - Millions of Dollars!!" It was the first year a test was available. They ran the test, and I was Poz. At an office visit a month later an infectious disease specialist said, "It was obvious form the first blood test in the ER, that you were having an allergic reaction. Sorry we missed that!"

There were no ARVs in 85. I didn't even see a doctor again until a friend's death in 88 prompted me to seek out a GP, and the local specialist. Single drug treatments started in 89, but from what we know now, the virus would have been resistant to them within weeks. My CD4 counts were in the mid 700's, which is low normal for an unaffected person. Viral load tests did not exist yet. Multi-drug cocktails started in 96.

I had no major illnesses, or opportunistic infections between the time I caught HIV and the time effective treatments became available 13 years later. CD4 counts and all other blood work were within normal parameters. Had it not been for that allergic reaction there would have been no reason to suspect I was Poz. Though I probably would have chosen to get tested sometime in that 13 years, there was no indication that would have made a doctor suspect I had HIV.

Most of the people who died in the early 80's, were infected in the wild and fee 70's. We now know HIV has been in the US since the 1950's.

Sadly lots of people did progress quickly. We lost a whole generation of our organizers, leaders, political activists and mentors. Our community is not as strong as it could have been.

It is well documented in the literature that a person can live for ten or more years before anything bad happens. After primary infection the viral load settles down to a constant level - the so call viral load set point. If the body is fighting off the virus well, that set point can be quite low. I know I saw someone on here who's viral load before treatment was on 7,000. I read one study that calculated the optimal viral load for maximum spread of HIV is 30,000. With that you can live for more than 10 years without any adverse effects on your health, but you are infectious enough "efficiently" spread the disease.

So if you are choosing to not get tested because you don't think you've ever had the fuck flu, you can easily be carrying HIV. Recommendations are to get tested every 3 to 6 months. Because you're BBing - make it every 3 months. Twenty percent of guys have never been tested.. About 25% of all guys who have HIV, DON'T KNOW they carry the virus. In the under 25 crowd, 40% have never been tested, and 60% of those younger guys with HIV, DON'T KNOW they have HIV. Get checked, then carry on fucking.

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

This is exactly why I didn't tell any fuck buds when I tested poz...they all freak out and blame you. Just stop engaging with him as clearly he doesn't believe you and you shouldn't believe him. You sound a lot like ,e...you rolled the dice and lost. Try to make the best of it and move on. 

[Guest BBBoyfromTN]

Your mistake was trying to do the "right" thing by taking ownership and responsibility, but here's the reality: you don't know this guy and what he's doing with his life 24/7/365. Maybe someone else gave it to him. He could be taking anon load after anon load for all you know. I would never text/email/call someone to let them know this. They'll find it out in time. The guy who pozzed me didn't do that for me. I have no idea at what point I pozzed or how many guys I gave it to. There's the expression "no good deed goes unpunished" and that's where this falls. 

[Guest UsernameTaken]

I would rather hear directly from the guy than get an uppity, interfering call from the health department - which is what happened to me.  A fuckbud went all quiet on me - turned out he had tested poz at the doctor's office and they reported it to the State.  I waited, got tested, turned up neg, and then confronted him.  He apologized for not having told me himself and now we're fuckbuds again (he wanted to wait until he was undetectable), but I wish he'd just had a conversation with me. 

 

[michaelcross]

On 2/4/2014 at 0:18 AM, poptronic said:

I swear since I found out I am poz, I just cannot catch a break. It's just been one thing after the next. Here's the latest...

Last night I had a dream about an ex 19 year old fuck bud of mine and when I woke up, I remembered that he had fucked me once a couple of weeks before I found out I was poz, probably two weeks after I converted.

When I woke up, I realized I forgot about this encounter and I never told him. I texted him and told him about how I recently found out I was poz and he needs to get tested. He absolutely flew off the handle.

He called me right away and was screaming things so fast and loud, I couldn't even understand him. I told him to calm down, he didn't so I hung up. He texted me and made a bunch of threats. He said that his aunt is a high powered lawyer and he will sue me for involuntary manslaughter. Then he said that his uncle is the sheriff in his town and he is going to come up to my house with him right now. He said he was going to tell my roommate, then find my girlfriend and my family and tell them everything. He said that my life is basically over and he was going to see to it that my life is ruined.

I pleaded with him to calm down. I tried to assure him that when we met last, I had been tested just a few weeks prior and it was neg (which is the truth). He didn't care and didn't want to take any responsibility for for his own action. He told me that I was a "dead man," and he knows a lot of people who are going to "bring me down."

I told him he needs to get tested and that's the only thing he can do right now. He called me names like "diseased AIDS whore" and "the walking devil." He said I must have given him HIV (though he hasn't been tested since the incident).

It was just one threat after the next. He said that he can't come up today to me "because of the snow, but make no mistake, I'm coming for you."

I always knew this kid had a temper, but clearly he has serious anger issues. I don't know if he is just making a series of empty threats or if he is serious. I don't know what he is capable of or what he will try to put me up against.

Under the legalities of HIV (I'm in NJ), did I do anything wrong here? It's clearly documented the date I learned I was HIV+ and it was after I met him. I need this to become a public spectacle like I need a hole in the head right now.

What would you guys do in this situation?

GROW A PAIR OF BALLS!!! 

[VersatileBreeder]

On 8/24/2017 at 0:03 AM, michaelcross said:

GROW A PAIR OF BALLS!!! 

Wow! You had to search as far back as three and a half years to look for posts where you can just tell someone to grow a pair of balls. Can't imagine all the other comments you're throwing out there on other posts. You might just be the worst troll on here. 

Keep it up buddy you're doing a great job. Awesome service to this site.