BDSM - Maddening Experience

[Guest]

I am wondering if anyone has ever had an experience like this, because it is is maddening.

There's a guy I met down in Phoenix who claims he wants to be a submissive bottom. Wants the whole shebang, aggressive, hard and rough. I can be a firm dominant top or a gentle teddy bear, depending on the situation I am in.

So we meet up and this guy is talking about getting roughed up good and all hot and heavy. So he drives over and undresses and presents himself. So we go through the motions and get to some mild CBT (which he says he was into and needed) then he tells me that he thought I would smack his cock and balls gently with my hands. He kept using his safe word.

We went through reasons why tying him up, fisting, hot wax, slings and a slew of other things were apparently not okay with his safe word shouted in seconds. Essentially, it came down to him wanting to be held down and fucked with a little aggression bare. So vanilla sex. The rest was fantasy talk to apparently get me in the mood. I'd prefer honesty. Casually fucking someone is in a different frame of mind from the dominant mindset in the other.

When he got home, he shot me an e-mail saying how it was a lot of fun and that I was the most aggressive and extreme person he's met. Next time we should take things to the next level and try some some actual bondage.

This seems to be a trend. I had another guy earlier in the week tell me he wanted to give fisting a try. I got two fingers in, he had enough and just wanted to be bred by a redneck. lol

So is the new trend saying you are into something then backing out just so you get dicked instead? I haven't done the random hookup thing in a few years because I had a great bottom guy who was in the same zone I was.

I hope this is a good enough general topic and if it isn't y'all can move it. Thanks.

[bearbandit]

First requirement of any BDSM sex is honesty: doesn't seem to be taught now. After being ill for so long I'm feeling my way back to where I was: for me it's important to let the other guy(s) know that at times I honestly don't know what I'm capable of, as top or bottom. But even before I got sick there's be the odd guy who didn't convey his desires clearly: the top guy who over-rode my stop word (I literally couldn't sit down for a week) or the bottom guy who asked me to leave before I'd even laid a finger on him saying I was too dangerous.

My opinion is that we lost so many natural teachers in the eighties and nineties that we haven't been able yet to step into their boots. The other side of the coin is that I think it's possible that BDSM has become "scaled down" by many. I'm certainly conscious of having to hold back when I top and having to "make allowances" when bottoming, as I try to stay awake.

Are John Preston's books still in print? Even more than Larry Townsend, his books offered a perfect "how to" guide...

[Guest]

You make some very good points. But I agree, honesty is essential. I am more than willing to adhere to boundaries. No matter how worked up I get, I have always stopped the second the safe word comes out. Both presented themselves as individuals who have been in and have done these things before.

It does seem to me it has scaled down also. I think the biggest thing is the push for something on one end and then looking for something else. I guess it's a sign of the times.

The "dangerous" comment I have received before myself. I also understand that everyone is different.

I for one find it an honor to have a response from you. You are a hell of a poster on here and very wise. I have mad respect for you brother. You are always very level headed. I mostly come here to read the conversations and chime in on the rare occasion.

[bottombottoy]

I know im into what ever my top is into. I like being used for your pleasure.

[fuckboy20]

First requirement of any BDSM sex is honesty: doesn't seem to be taught now. After being ill for so long I'm feeling my way back to where I was: for me it's important to let the other guy(s) know that at times I honestly don't know what I'm capable of, as top or bottom. But even before I got sick there's be the odd guy who didn't convey his desires clearly: the top guy who over-rode my stop word (I literally couldn't sit down for a week) or the bottom guy who asked me to leave before I'd even laid a finger on him saying I was too dangerous.

My opinion is that we lost so many natural teachers in the eighties and nineties that we haven't been able yet to step into their boots. The other side of the coin is that I think it's possible that BDSM has become "scaled down" by many. I'm certainly conscious of having to hold back when I top and having to "make allowances" when bottoming, as I try to stay awake.

Are John Preston's books still in print? Even more than Larry Townsend, his books offered a perfect "how to" guide...

As bearbandit said too it's just not the same anymore. Hardly any teachers, mentors, and the young guys get their info from porn and online. You see how cheesy porn acting is. Josh W. Bean is good too. I read one of his a while back. Some of the books are on kindle now.

I am wondering if anyone has ever had an experience like this, because it is is maddening.

There's a guy I met down in Phoenix who claims he wants to be a submissive bottom. Wants the whole shebang, aggressive, hard and rough. I can be a firm dominant top or a gentle teddy bear, depending on the situation I am in.

So we meet up and this guy is talking about getting roughed up good and all hot and heavy. So he drives over and undresses and presents himself. So we go through the motions and get to some mild CBT (which he says he was into and needed) then he tells me that he thought I would smack his cock and balls gently with my hands. He kept using his safe word.

We went through reasons why tying him up, fisting, hot wax, slings and a slew of other things were apparently not okay with his safe word shouted in seconds. Essentially, it came down to him wanting to be held down and fucked with a little aggression bare. So vanilla sex. The rest was fantasy talk to apparently get me in the mood. I'd prefer honesty. Casually fucking someone is in a different frame of mind from the dominant mindset in the other.

When he got home, he shot me an e-mail saying how it was a lot of fun and that I was the most aggressive and extreme person he's met. Next time we should take things to the next level and try some some actual bondage.

This seems to be a trend. I had another guy earlier in the week tell me he wanted to give fisting a try. I got two fingers in, he had enough and just wanted to be bred by a redneck. lol

So is the new trend saying you are into something then backing out just so you get dicked instead? I haven't done the random hookup thing in a few years because I had a great bottom guy who was in the same zone I was.

I hope this is a good enough general topic and if it isn't y'all can move it. Thanks.

If you really want a BDSM scene with a bottom you need to screen them and talk to them a bit first. I don't know if this applies for everyone but I've found that the more I can talk to someone whether on the phone, in person, or through text communication (email or via online not SMS) the better I can know the person. Partially on how they think, feel, what motivates them, or doesn't. Are they honest? Genuine? You get a better feel the more you talk to someone. It might be a turn off for some and some might say you talk to much or ask any questions. But for BDSM play which requires trust, respect, and honor you NEED that connection and trust with the other guy.

This isn't a trending thing. People know (or should) the different between an agreesive and rough top and BDSM top. BDSM sex and rough aggressive sex can be intertwined or separate. If you still want to play with these guys just say "I don't do BDSM just rough".

If you just want a cheap fuck or don't mind a boy that wants to be used aggressively for fucking, then you don't need BDSm for that. But yeah, in a former relationship I was in the guys would sometimes take a strap to my ass randomly. It was fun and hot and I'm sure it was used a spicer. I would have prefered a proper scene, but I'm glad I got a little sample.

I think you need to be more selective and stricter as a top too. Safe words are meant to protect bottoms and tops to ensure that they both have fun. There are also different degrees of safewords. There are sometimes words to be spoken that end everything in the scene. Make sure it's not "Stop" or "No" too since bottoms say that a lot. I can't speak for the bottoms since I don't know them but they sound like they just want a little "spice" not bdsm. It's your job and decision as a Sir and Top to decide if you want to put it up with it and find another boy or set of boys, disregard them, or maybe put the boys in line and let them know you aren't bullshitting or playing. Maybe they just need a challenge or to be put in their place in a sense. But that's your call as a top.

When I've done BDSM scenes with Tops, which was very rare, I only called the safe word once or twice maybe. When I was blindfolded I was fine for a while but I had a strong and deep fear drown me and I thought the top was doing something else when all they were using was a dildo or butt plug. But I yelled stop and had a muscle spasm on my ass. But the top was understanding and we stopped and I had time to rest. The rest of the scene was lighter but the other times we got together it didn't happen again and me and the top did more. Lots of bondage, cbt, gags, sensory play, fucking, and I'm sure things I don't even know because I was blindfolded and gagged. But I trusted the top.

Just know that when it comes to BDSM patience, understanding, trust, and respect is a major fucking pay off for both the top and bottom and can lead to repeated sessions and some really hot fucking sex. But that's just my view on it.

Edited May 5, 2014 by fuckboy20

[Guest Pwrfkme06]

My hole is the tops play ground and he owns it when I give it up

[barefootbob]

I am honest to the top, if he wants to do something I haven't done or have done infrequently I will be up front about it and I will let him continue until I can't tolerate the pain, then we can back off and try again later.