Testing partner for HIV without him knowing using Oraquick and his load from my ass?

[rawfuckr]

Hi,

Sort of an aside.

I have one friend who's never been tested for anything (despite being 28) and really thinks he should get tested but believes if he gets a HIV+ result he will immediately commit suicide.

I keep explaining statistics, medication options, progress of condition etc; but no help. I've also suggested he goes and gets tested for everything else only... He is very worried about having something and passing it on, but can't get confident enough to go...

I have another friend who always agrees he needs testing (would be first time at a GUM clinic, so I offered to go with him for support) but he never makes an appointment because he's too busy; even though he has lots of spare time. So I think he's in the scared first time thing.

And bf wont get tested (he's been twice in 15 years) but gives no reason - I think in his case it's another case of his avoidance tendancies...

My point is, there can be many ways people avoid testing....

My first boyfriend was the very same way. His ex had just found out he was HIV+ and they had been fucking bare all along so it was clear that he needed to get tested. He didn't, in all the time I was with him. That meant we had to use condoms all along. He kept saying he was too afraid of finding out he was HIV+ and that's why he didn't want to get tested. I sort of understand that, but it's always better to know and deal with it.

[seaguy]

My first boyfriend was the very same way. His ex had just found out he was HIV+ and they had been fucking bare all along so it was clear that he needed to get tested. He didn't, in all the time I was with him. That meant we had to use condoms all along. He kept saying he was too afraid of finding out he was HIV+ and that's why he didn't want to get tested. I sort of understand that, but it's always better to know and deal with it.

that was selfish of him to deny you one of the benefits (as I see it) of having a boyfriend and being in a relationship, bareback sex.

[Poz1956]

What bothers me most about posts like these is the mental attitude. A "Neg" guy is HIV Negative until proven otherwise. I their own mind, they delude themselves into thinking "As long as I don't actually have a Poz result, I can think I'm Negative, and advertise myself as Clean."

For an experiment, ask each one of your "never tested/long time since tested" friends if they would ever have "safer sex" with a Poz guy (Not a question for the hard core barebackers of course). I'd bet they'll scream "Ewww - Ickkk - NOOOOOOOO!" and run away with wrist flapping like butterflies.

There are several studies showing 46-54% of of guys agree they will NEVER play with a Poz guy. I was reading a UK study that had an interesting additional statistic. For guys who had never been tested, it was 68% who would always refuse someone who knew his status.

I wish some survey would ask a follow-up question to the guys didn't agree with "Never." What situations would they? I'd bet 20% or less would be completely accepting of Poz guys. The rest would parse it out to "only if I loved him," "he was incredibly hot," "I felt the desperate need to just be held by someone that night" or other minimizing situations. In my experience, most guys who wouldn't agree with "Never," will turn down a Poz guy when actually faced with the situation.

Of course most guys who think they never have and never will sleep with a Poz guy, are only fooling themselves. They probably already have, in one of those "status never discussed" situations. Perhaps they've even fucked around with another "Negative until proven otherwise" guy, who wasn't as "D Free" as he thought. And with the growth in new infections and predictions of 50% of 22 year olds becoming Poz by the time their 50, if they haven't played Poz yet, they will.

Lets just hope when they do hook up with a Pozzie it is a guy who was responsible enough to get tested, responsible enough to seek medial care, and responsible enough to take antiretrovirals. Or maybe they'll be lucky, and dodge the bullet on those occasions, because not every raw fuck with a high viral load Poz guys results in transmission.

It just gets me really FUCKING angry that guys who are don't know they are Poz are responsible for over 83% of new infections, but Pozzies who got tested because they cared about their own and their community's health, receive 100% of the blame for spreading HIV.

For the "I don't want to get tested" crowd, ask them when they'd rather find out. They could do it now, while their immune system is intact, and treatment will let them live a normal life as a Poz guy. Or they could wait until they're sick in hospital, with a permanently damaged immune response, and get a "surprise" diagnosis of AIDS. Local data had some of them die within seen days of diagnosis.

Why can't these guys behave like adults, and grow a pair? It's time we started slut-shaming the men who don't get tested. THEY ARE DRIVING THE EPIDEMIC!!!!

The "I'm too chickenshit to get tested" attitude, is exactly why Poz guys under treatment are now predicted to outlive the average dude. "Neg" guys will put off going to see a doctor about any medical condition.

WDS82, why not trick your friend. Set up a date to do something fun (during hours when the GUM clinic is open). You make the appointment for him and yourself. Then drag him there. Plan some fun stuff for afterwards.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

that was selfish of him to deny you one of the benefits (as I see it) of having a boyfriend and being in a relationship, bareback sex.

Selfish, perhaps. That "I don't want to know mindset" is so self destructive I find it really disturbing. Knowledge opens up options. Ignorance does not... Are we as a global society returning to the dark ages?

[VersatileBreeder]

I agree with all of the above statements, especially from Poz1956- that was very well said. My best friend is a straight dude, has been with a fair share of girls/women throughout the years, usually used condoms, but has had his few instances where he went without one. Now, looking at this, all things put aside, he IS in a low risk category.

There was one day that I went and got tested a while ago and I casually mentioned to him that I did. He told me that I "have balls for going to get tested." I asked him why he's never been tested. He said it is because if he has anything, he doesn't want to know. I mean, if that's not irresponsible, I don't know what is. There are too many guys in way higher risk categories than he is that also refuse to be tested and I can just never understand it.