Found out I'm HIV positive last month, freaking out - crying for help or support here

[jtonic]

I need to talk with ppl.

I had a diagnosis last month.

Still waiting on test results to find out viral load and CD4 count.

In the meantime I've read up a lot about HIV treatment

But I'm struggling with the social / disclosure / normal life aspect.

If anyone can talk to me - I appreciate any support or advice

I haven't felt well for weeks

Please

[power0459]

Just know that you're not alone, man. You have millions of people in the same boat as you. It's not a death sentence, though I know it feels like one right now. I can only imagine what you're going through, and yeah, it's scary. My best friend has been POZ for three years. The only people that know are him and myself. That was his decision. We treat it like any other chronic disease, like diabetes. He chooses not to disclose his status to anyone, and has a good sex life plowing 20 year old college boys, the only thing that's changed is he has to wrap it up. HIV is an inconvenience, yeah, but in time you'll be just fine.

[jtonic]

I can't stop crying at night, I know I probably won't die from HIV. But I've been discriminated against my whole life and I feel like part of it is over now that HIV is a reality for me. I'm only in my 20s, but already dealt with a lot of pain by the so-called 'gay community' where I live. I'm gay (for one), asian (you won't believe how many guys turn me down or don't even talk to me on dating sites because I'm asian).. and now HIV+ . I despair and wonder what I did to deserve this; I have so much to offer and have been outcast all my life. I'm also scared about meds.

[power0459]

I don't want to sound like I'm trivializing any of your emotions, but this may be the best thing that happened to you. It could possibly give you a fresh start in life. Have you considered moving?

[jtonic]

Moving where? I'm in Canada where the meds are covered. Btw I'm not doing too well in other aspects either (financially). Trying hard to make it. So moving isn't really something I can afford.

[power0459]

College? And most people in the US get their HIV drugs either through state ADAP programs or manufacturers, so cost really isn't an issue.

[rickjamel]

What you're feeling comes from within and from who you are. You don't have to tell anyone so don't for now unless it's to seek out other poz guys or chasers who get boned taking poz loads. The possibilities to have a better rather than worse life are endless. Look for them.

[jtonic]

I haven't told anyone except relatively distant friends on the internet. Any poz guys out there, even undetectable - is it always going to haunt me? Because so far, it has. I dread the doctor visits but I know I have to do it because I want to keep healthy and go on. But I'm so sad I don't know what to do.

[jtonic]

I feel like I can't have a normal life anymore; I don't want HIV to dictate my life

[nvanguy1]

If you're in BC, you're in the best place you can be for medical...and if you're in Vancouver that is even better. Everything is 100% covered. It's easy easy to say "don't worry" but just take it one day at a time. If you have a job, keep it. Go to work, go home and just take it one day at a time. Try to focus on other things to occupy your mind. Sleep is the most important thing. You can't deal with anything if you're tired. If you're not sleeping go see your doc and get something to help you sleep, or read a book (that always puts me out, lol).

[jtonic]

I'm in Quebec. i have to pay $80 for a 'franchise' every month if i start any treatment. even that is taking a toll on my budget in the near future. is there any way i can ask for financial help from a health care plan or pharmaceuticals? (im on public RAMQ regime)

[nvanguy1]

I'm not sure about financial help in Quebec, but I'm certain there are options. The local clinics should be able to provide assistance with finding that information for you. When I was in Ontario there were programs to get into if needed.

[jtonic]

Thanks I'll look into it and ask my clinic next time.

Also, anyone with HIV able to tell me whats the impact on life/home insurance, maybe travelling from Canada to the States? am i in trouble?

[Voyageur666]

Talk to your dr about the cost. There are so many programs to get free meds. I'm in Montreal, going to the Clinique du Quartier Latin, and all the people there have been so helpful it is amazing. Been poz for 12 years, never been more healthy in my life since I converted. PM if you want to talk, depending on where you are we can get a coffee or a beer...

[jtonic]

so far i've been to L'Actuel. it's where i got tested so i just keep going there by default. do you know if they're ok? i havent thought about this, but it's happening so fast i didn't take time to compare clinics.

i tried talking to a few guys on sites like 411 or dudesnude.. no one wants to talk to an asian 'boy'.