Story of A Very Twisted New Yorker

[Hotload84]

I wanted to get POZZED because of a POZ Boyfriend I had in ’96. He was all I ever wanted in a guy, but we never did it bareback because he didn’t wish the virus (and the opportunistic infections and meds with their side effects) on anyone. He was just too nice a guy. After he died (even the good die young), I moved to NYC because it was allegedly a slut’s paradise. Not true - it was Gulliani Time. American hero, my ass!

Anyway, the bottom Line is, I BECAME OBSESSED WITH GETTING POZZED. I’m just a nice-looking buy who works out. Good bod, chem friendly, masculine, tight, BI (at the time). Just the type dudes like to convert. I’m actually more of a top, so it was more of a matter of attracting bottoms and convincing them to flip.

I tried for almost three years, generally seeing the same counselor four times. Finally he asked, "What are you trying to do? Catch the virus?" He’d hit the nail on the head, which got me leaking so badly, it stained through my shorts. Fearful of the consequences of being truthful, I lied. After each visit to the clinic, I’d head over to the West Side Club. Just before a guy would shoot, I’d ask "Your charged up?” or “You poz?" If the guy said "No," I’d move on. Numerous times I had NEG guys admit they were POZ when they saw what I wanted. And I’d hop back on ‘em (which was they wanted, too).

One guy told me I should try the East Side Club. Older Guys who were more likely POZ. I tried that, but many of them were not versatile enough to swing both ways. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but I even cruised my doctor’s office in Chelsea. And I kept my eyes open when I walked past the GMHC AIDS place on 26th. It got to the point where I asked guys to take their meds while they fucked me. But I realized I was probably taking spunk from very low viral load boys. I was so completely obsessed, I started doing research on the impact of VL on infection probability. One day I read about this dude in the Village who’d infected his boyfriend with a drug resistant super strain. Of course, the names had been changed to protect the not-so-innocent. In very short order, I tracked ‘em down. It’s not hard to do once guys understand you have only the best of intentions—like getting pozzed. I’m certain they finally pozzed me 'cause I didn’t do any other fucking around while I awaited my latest test results with almost Dickensian Great Expectations. I got the last laugh on that stupid ass counselor. So I personally think you gotta do a dude with a potent strain or at least a very high viral load.

I do wish I’d been more intimate with the couple who POZZED ME. There’s nothing I can do to repay the debt of gratitude I and so many others owe them. Of course they’re dead now, so it doesn’t matter, anyway. Theirs was a strain made in heaven, and, by my best calculations, the answer to the prayers (and dying wishes) of at least a dozen other NEG and POZ guys whom I’ve bred.