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Bitter Cum


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1993

How do you deal with being dumped, rejected? The 23 year old version of me didn't handle it well. I was immature and inexperienced and handled it all wrong. I got bitter.

The Story:

I met Craig on one of those personal ads you put on the phone. We're talking land-lines here. It was local and you paid a certain amount to record a description of yourself and what you were looking for, then you could listen for responses and delete them or call them back. It was very old school by today's standards. I got a reply from this guy with a sexy voice who made it a point to mention how big his dick was. Several times. Well of course I called him and we phone-chatted off and on for about a week. Once our schedules coincided, we met at gay country bar. I'd never been there, but he said it was a good place. So we met.  He was a little goofy-looking and not someone I'd normally look at twice. He also had some really ill-advised tattoos that look like they were done by a beginner. But we talked and he was so nice and seemed honest. Plus his big dick was in the back of my mind. We ended up making out right there in the club, with all the guys in cowboy drag looking on. We ended up going back to his place around midnight. His dick was every bit as impressive as he said it was. I kissed and sucked that thing for a long time. He sucked me too, but he never got fully hard. I knew from having seen porn videos that guys with extra big penises sometimes just can't force enough blood into the shaft to get it erect.  It was fun though. We ended up dating for awhile.

I don't know if this goes on elsewhere in the country, but in my city's gay bar community there were semi-regular 'big dick contests' at the clubs. Endowed dudes would come out in their underwear and were judged by how much the audience applauded or hollered. The prize was usually a hundred bucks or less and Craig participated in every single one of them. He always wanted me to be there to cheer him on. I usually went even though I found the whole thing a little embarrassing. Craig never won. I could have told him that the tattoos on his torso were unappealing or I could have mentioned that his plain white jockey shorts didn't really highlight his package or that maybe he could go to the gym once or twice. He could have also tried to work up a bit of a chubby. But I did my part and made as much noise as I could -- even though people looked at me like I was an idiot. After his turn, he came out in sweats and sat with me to watch the rest of the contest. There was one hunk who I just knew was going to win. He had on a pair of boxer briefs that were probably two sizes too small. He was a big beast of a man with a beard and tons of body hair. Also he was erect. The audience went wild. I almost had to sit on my hands to keep from applauding. 

"I hate that guy," Craig muttered. "He's not that big when he's soft, but gets himself all worked up right before he goes out. Fraud. Show-off."

Craig came in fourth. No prize for that. He drowned his sorrows in bottle after bottle of Bud Lite, cursing that guy again and again. I suggested we leave. 

"Yeah. Just let me go pee first." He got up and wobbled his way off to the restroom. I sat and waited. And waited. No way would he ditch me. I was his ride. But he had disappeared somewhere. I bought another beer and started to wander around. I almost walked right into Mr. First Place. Damn, he was hot. We held eye contact for a few seconds before I moved on to find my boyfriend. I found him alright....making out with a blonde college kid in a dark corner. OK. Fine. He was drunk and the kid was pretty cute.

"OK, Craig. I'm leaving, Ready to go?"

He had the decency to look embarrasses at least. He and the blonde made code with their eyes and I somehow knew they'd made plans to hook up. We were silent in the car and I didn't even turn off the engine when we got to his apartment building. I just went home. Why was I so bothered? It's not like we were in love, and I didn't really see a future for us. I think what bugged me the most is that he was more attracted to someone else. I thought I was a decent catch. I was too good for him and he couldn't even see that. So I didn't call him the next day or the day after. My phone stayed silent as well. So I guess that was that. I found myself getting bitter about it. Stupid goon with bad tattoos and a dysfunctional dick. I regret every cent and every second I had spent on our dates. Damn him for making me feel this way -- it was going to give me early wrinkles. Motherfucker. Months went by and I still wasn't over being rejected. I studied myself in the bathroom mirror. What needed improvement the most? I grew to hate how I looked.

And then he called one random Saturday afternoon. 

"Hi. It's Craig. How you been?"

"Great!" (lie)

"There's another big dick contest at 'Trey's' tonight at 10. I need all the audience support I can get."

Was he kidding? He had to be.

"Sure. No problem," I said, surprising myself.

"This one is going to be wild. It's a wet underwear contest. They pour water over your crotch to show your stuff off. Oh, and good news! That asshole who always wins -- Alan? , the one who always cheats and wins? I've heard from several people that he has AIDS! And he's already showing signs and was even hospitalized once. I stand a fighting chance this time!"

Seriously? He considered it 'good news' that some man was terminally sick? I really had to wonder why I ever liked him. 

"Well, I'll be there. It's close enough I can just walk there. Good luck."

click

I thought I would be over it all the sudden. A really nasty person was out of my life. I guess rejection is enduring, though. All that day I plotted how to get revenge. I'd cheer for every contestant except him. I'd sit on my hands and let him listen to crickets after he was soaked. I decided I'd cheer loudest for his rival, Alan. Poor guy. Maybe I could teach my self how to whistle between my fingers in the next few hours. I decided to go early and get a seat up close so Craig could see me not support him. Bitterness and immaturity are a potent combination.

Trey's was just a few blocks away and I never went unless I wanted to get too drunk to get behind a wheel. It was seedy and smoky and too dark  -- even for a bar.  I got there about 9. I could tell where the show was going to take place. A bunch of tables were circled around a little plastic wading pool. Guess who was already sitting at the front? Craig and his blonde. They were STILL together.  Maybe he got prescribed some of those boner pills and was able to use his tool finally. I had to stay cool, but a strong drink would help. I ordered a very tall gin and tonic. I really had no choice but to sit with them. I needed to drink this fast.

"Oh, hi Kevin. You're early. Wow. This is Jacob."

The blonde extended a slender hand and said, "Nice to meet you, Kevin."

I guess he didn't remember the first time we met, making out with my boyfriend. Maybe Craig doesn't remember either. I drained my drink fast. 

"Let me go get you guys fresh drinks and then I have to go backstage. Kevin, what he hell are you drinking? I usually see you having Bud Light."

"Super tall gin and tonic...with a heavy pour."

I looked around at the crowd that had started to gather. I guess they were all 'size queens' and they probably guessed the same about me. Jacob started to ask me something, but Craig came back with the drinks.

"He said they don't have 'extra tall' glasses anymore, so I brought you two plain tall ones. Extra Pour. Here's your Sunset, Jacob. I gotta go now."

What the hell was a 'sunset'? They quickly kissed each other and Craig walked off behind a curtain. I never even thanked him for buying me the drinks. This Jacob started talking again. His voice was feminine and scratchy. "How do you know Craig?"

(We used to date until he cheated on me with you, you fucking twink) "Through friends," was all I said.

"He's never mentioned you. We need to save the other seat. Craig invited everyone he knows to come cheer for him."

I snort-laughed. That chair would most likely go unoccupied all night. 

"What's so funny?"

"Oh nothing... I guess they just put way too much gin in these drinks. I'm feeling loopy. How's your sunset?"

"Nice and sweet. Wanna try it?"

God, no. I didn't even answer him. I was drunk enough to be rude at this point. I'm never rude. It's not my style. 

The show was starting. The lights went down and a spotlight landed on the wading pool area. If you can believe it, the blonde put his hand on my knee. Seriously? We were in an infinity loop of cheating all the sudden. I pulled my leg away. "What are you doing? Aren't you dating Craig?"

"I don't love him or anything. It's almost over."

Unbelievable. The two of them might not be i love..but they deserved each other. 

A drag queen was the MC for the night.  Miss Dora was pretty entertaining. She got the crowd all riled up and in the mood to see some wet bulges.  I finished drinking the first glass and started in on the second. The guys came from behind the curtain in nothing but their underwear and stood in the little kiddie pool while Miss Dora poured a full pitcher of warm water on their crotch. It was great. I clapped and cheered for all of them, but I think my favorite so far in the event was the chubby Young man who obviously gave no shits about what he looked like. He didn't get much audience support, but I thought he was awesome.  And then Craig came out with a smirk, just thinking the night was his. His junk didn't look so bad when wet, but he didn't get much more approval than usual. His little Jacob screamed and clapped like mad, and kept nudging me to do the same.  I stayed absolutely silent and still. 

"I'm going to tell him you didn't cheer for him. You're no friend."

"And I'm going to tell him you felt me up. You're no boyfriend!"

"Like I care. I'm already seeing someone else anyway."

Of course he was. A little Italian guy came out and got the pour. His bulge was just okay, but most of the crowd reacted to his muscles and hairy chest. I thought he might even win. Then the famous Alan came out and he did indeed look a little different. He'd lost some weight and looked a few years older than the last time I'd seen him. He also had some little bruises on his legs and neck. He still looked great, just a little sick. His dick had not lost any weight at all. It was still huge and looked downright magnificent in wet undies. The audience went wild and even gave him a standing ovation. I cheered as loud as I could but couldn't do that whistling thing I wanted to. Didn't matter. He'd clearly won the night....again. I was going to say just that to Jacob, but he had vanished. Big surprise. Just one more guy came out to get drenched before Alan was announced the winner. He seemed humble and shy under the light as the drag queen riffed with him. This night could not have gone better. 

I stayed in my seat because I knew Craig would come back out to look for his blonde. He arrived, wearing the same sweats and tennis shoes he always did. 

"Well...I guess he got the sympathy vote. Wasn't counting on that. God, I hate him! Hey -- where's Jacob?"

"I'm not sure. After he started touching me and I made him stop, he disappeared. I'm sure he's around here somewhere."

"Are you being for real? He did that? I guess I'm not too shocked. He knows he's too good for me."

"Oh stop. Maybe he just drank too much."

"I shouldn't have treated you the way I did. You were so fun to be with." His hand reached out to touch mine.

I stood up and went to the bar for another drink. It felt good rejecting him and making him feel like I'd been feeling for so long.  The place had started to clear out. Trey's was not THE place to be on a Saturday night -- especially now that all the wet dicks were gone. I walked up and ordered another gin and tonic.

"Put his drink on my tab," a deep voice said. It was Alan, wearing jeans and a t-shirt. I didn't even see him there before. 

"Wow. Thanks."

"No problem. First prize was a hundred dollar bar tab and I can't drink that on my own. Sit here -- we're gonna party."

I couldn't believe it. If Craig saw me talking to him, it would drain the rest of my bitter venom away. Salvation!

The bartender got distracted and forgot my drink. Oh well. I'd probably had enough. 

"Congratulations on the win. I cheered for you along with everyone else. I'm Kevin by the way."

"Thanks. I'm Alan. Did that moron forget your drink? I'll get him over here. What you having?"

"What are you drinking?"

"It's a special cocktail only I can order. It's a tall glass of espresso and vodka. All the bartenders in town know I drink only that. It takes a long time to make."

"Okay. I'll have one too and we can wait together. I'm fine for now."

He ordered us his special drink and the bartender looked super annoyed. Alan took out a small pack of cigarettes and offered me one. 

"Thanks. I can't believe you smoke. You're so fit."

"Yeah well, I used to live a very healthy, but now I am doing whatever I feel like doing. Caffeine and nicotine can't shorten my life anymore. Know what I mean?"

"No. What do you mean?"

"Seriously? Every body in town knows I've got the plague. You must not get out much."

Before I could answer, our drinks arrived. I took a sip and it was awful. There were so many different parts of it that tasted bad.

"Wow. That's pretty potent."

"Really? I guess I drink so much coffee and vodka that I notice it. Sip slow and you'll grow to kine it more."

I did like it more and more over time. Something about the taste of the concoction mixed with the taste of unfiltered cigarettes worked well together.  We continued to drink and smoke and talk. And the he leaned over and kissed me on the lips. I was unprepared but eager for more. We full-on made out right there in front of the sparse crowd. 

"That was nice. Thanks Alan."

"Did you seriously just thank me for kissing you?? Come on. I know a place where we can go."

He stood up, grabbed me by the hand and led me away from the bar. We were walking through the bar, hand-in-hand like a couple. He was taller than me by about half a foot, and his hand was huge. Either the caffeine, nicotine, alcohol or lust made me dizzy. Possibly all four. We passed Craig who had been looking for his blonde. I smirked at him and the look on his face was priceless...a combination of shock and anger. I'd won. But at what price? A man with AIDS was taking me away somewhere to possibly have sex. Alan took me up to the back of the bar and opened a door that led up a long set of stairs. He let go of my hand and started up ahead of me. That's when I saw he was barefoot. 

"What happened to your shoes?"

"Oh shit. I had sandals on, but they must have slipped off at the bar. It's okay...they'll still be there at closing time. Nobody is gong to steal a nasty old pair of size 15 sandals."

We got to the top of the stairs and it was surprisingly well-lit. This was the DJ/sound booth.  There was one nerdy guy there, sitting by himself.

"Hey Junior - can my fella and I have this room for a little while?"

"Well...I guess."

"Go down and get yourself some top-shelf booze and have them put it on my tab. I've got at least fifty bucks left on it so you can drink as much as you want." 

"Wow. Thanks, Alan. Have fun." I couldn't help but notice that 'Junior' did everything he could to avoid making eye contact with me. He left.

Alan took me in his arms and put his face near mine. "Where were we?" 

We had a long passionate kiss. It was possibly the most aroused I've ever felt. He pulled away and took off his jeans. He wasn't wearing anything under them and his glorious hard dick was right there within my reach. 

"I forgot to bring some dry underwear to change into after the contest."

He took off his t-shirt and I marveled at the body hair. He was perfect in so many ways. Of course I also saw the bruises which under this light, looked more like burns. He must have seen where my eyes were going.  "Want to touch one of them? They don't hurt." They were harder than the surrounding skin. Bumpy.

"What happened?"

"You really haven't heard about me? You are new."

"What should have heard?" I was playing dumb. And being dumb. And....

"Well. You should have heard that  I fuck like a beast and never use a rubber."

I didn't answer. Just took off all my clothes and looked at him with pure desire in my eyes. 

"Maybe you should have also heard that I like a good blow job. Get down there."

I got down on the floor and started french-kissing his prize-winning meat. I took as much of it in my mouth as possible. It took some effort and my technique probably wasn't the greatest, but Alan made some appreciative mutterings. Whenever he expressed pleasure, I continued to do what he obviously liked. My mouth stretched as far as it could and my lips were getting numb. 

"Get it good and wet. It's the only lube we got."

I wondered if I could make him ejaculate with just oral. No. I needed way more practice. And then he had me pinned to the floor, breathing hard and grunting like an animal. No actual words were spoken. He hoisted my legs over his shoulders and started pushing that tool around between my cheeks. This was going to hurt. I knew it in the back of my mind, but I was looking at his handsome face and beautiful brown eyes. I'd never been so horny or aroused in my life. Reality set in when the head of his dick pushed through, tearing and ripping its way up my ass. My God! No way did guys like doing this. It felt like a fire bursting inside of me. I yelled out but his mouth soon covered mine. 

"Hush now, sweet baby. This won't take long if you relax and try to loosen up a little."

"No! Stop for a second. I can't do this."

"It's kinda late now...my precum is already swimming inside of you. Let's just finish."

He kept kissing me and then talking dirty as his thrusts got deeper and faster. I adjusted to it and almost got a chance to enjoy it a little. But he suddenly stopped.

"Ahhh.... there it is. There's your little gift from me to you. Let it sink in for a minute."

"Thank you," I groaned.

"That's twice you've thanked me tonight. Rest and recover there for a second. I'm gonna get dressed and go downstairs. Meet me down there."

I was left alone there with a disease spreading through my body. Foul, tainted sperm. I'd lost one form of bitterness and then gained a more potent version that would kill me eventually.

When I'd recovered and cleaned myself up a little, I went back down to the bar. The DJ was there but not Alan. Damn. I should have tried to please him more. 

"Is Alan here or did he leave?"

"He just left. Did you at least get his number?"

I reached down and grabbed his huge forgotten sandals. "No, but I got these."

He just smiled sympathetically. My guess is that this had happened before. And it happened again and again. I scanned the gay news rag and went to all the big dick contests. Alan and I would do the same thing every time. Bitter drink, bitter smokes and bitter cum.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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