Dating an ex-cumdump, mix of anxiety/fear/excitement

[lycis]

Hey y'all, guess this is a weird thread since I know this kind of thing is just another tuesday for a lot of folks here ?

I've been lurking this site for years and years, love hearing about people's stories, really turned on at the idea of cumdumps, love WS, etc. For most of my life this sort of thing had remained fantasy material for me. I've got a very high (and extreme) libido but am blessed/cursed with it being like a lightswitch - when I'm really into it I don't have many limits (which my boyfriend loves), but can also find myself happy to keep celibate for a week+. I think this is a big reason why I've never actually got involved in cruising or hookups in general. I get a lot out of non-sex life even though I still enjoy my kinks a lot!

I've recently met an amazing guy though and he's the first person I've gotten to know who's literally into *everything* I am. The sloppier/rougher the better! And he's the first guy I've been around that inspires me to pump loads into him several times a day with how much he turns me on. To top it off, he had a big cumdump phase a few years ago that he's left behind. I've heard a few snippets of stories here and there and some of it is the hottest shit I've ever heard of. He's very vague on details because it isn't something he likes to focus on in the present but I definitely know he had weekend long benders of no sleep with hundreds of loads at one point, and that he has a large hard drive full of old footage that I've not seen.

Hearing this stuff literally makes my heart skip a beat with how much it turns me on, but also makes me feel pretty anxious. I'm worried about fetishsizing my boyfriend's past too much - sometimes it's hard to get the thought of his real experiences being filled all night long out of my head, and I feel guilty/anxious about it. I don't want to feel like I'm losing myself too much to indulging into cumdump stuff and hurt our relationship. At the same time I feel really excited+nervous about the idea of stepping out of my comfort zone and exploring this side of me I've essentially repressed (which he's definitely expressed openness to exploring a little in the future, especially with mutual friends).

Has anyone else been in this situation? Like in the "Oh shit I've never been this close to this kind of stuff before, can't stop being curious+anxious about it" sense. I've talked with him about my feelings and he's been super understanding and supportive - one of the reasons I like him so much as a person is he's always DTT (down to talk). When did you get to the point where you stopped feeling anxious/guilty/curious about a similar situation and just let yourself indulge? Did you ever feel indulging got in the way of having a good relationship?

Edited June 2, 2018 by lycis

[Ozpig]

Don't be anxious. I am a total cumdump and was able to maintain a very loving relationship for 13 years with a man who understood my desire and my constant need to be fucked. he accepted, sometimes participated and knew that I was not contented if I felt like slutting myself out. After 18 months of monogamy we had to discuss the situation and he enjoyed the freedom it gave us both - in fact we set the second bedroom up as our stray fuck room. Even if I went to the backroom or a naked sex party I always came home afterwards. My own experience says you can only keep the lid on your cravings for cock as a cumdump for so long and he understood totally when I felt in the mood to be the arse party for a number of tops at HQ or somewhere similar. I didn't want to know their names, sometimes I didn't even see their faces, I just wanted their cock and seed and that is just the way cumdumps are.

[dirtymsclfun]

Openly communicating your feelings and fears as you figure things out will be key. May I ask how you met him?