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Am I seroconverting?? Worried


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1 hour ago, LondonLegendUK said:

I get that but I have a wife and baby daughter so I can’t have this risk ever again.

although as my results came back as NEGATIVE, when I got home and put some porn on when the wife was out I truly wanted a poz guy to breed me! I don’t know why after this scare I wanted that!

I don’t know either, but there’s a lot of that desire going around these days. You are not alone.  This might be the only rational, sane and normal reaction to the condition of the world today. 

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Guest CuriousDallas
1 hour ago, LondonLegendUK said:

I get that but I have a wife and baby daughter so I can’t have this risk ever again.

although as my results came back as NEGATIVE, when I got home and put some porn on when the wife was out I truly wanted a poz guy to breed me! I don’t know why after this scare I wanted that!

I would suggest seeing a counselor or therapist. It’s not that what you’re feeling isn’t normal but you want to process what you’re feeling. We want certainty in life and the fear of knowing you could get it makes you want to get it and be done with it. I’ve often had those feelings as well and knew where they’d lead. Before I went on Prep I was letting undetectable guys fuck me bare and cum inside me. I knew soon I’d be taking detectable loads and wanting to get pozzed. Now that I’m on Prep I’m taking detectable loads and part of me wants to stop taking Prep and get pozzed. I worry that the Prep isn’t going to work and I’m still going to wind up poz. I’m also getting off on poz guys stealth fucking guys I know and kinda freaking out how often guys lie about their statuses. I had no idea I was taking so many risks sexually before going on Prep and how many risks guys are taking. So many ask no questions about other guys statuses and just take it for granted when they say they’re neg or on Prep when really they don’t know they’re neg or aren’t on Prep but just say it in order to fuck. I did that too.

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14 hours ago, LondonLegendUK said:

I get that but I have a wife and baby daughter so I can’t have this risk ever again.

although as my results came back as NEGATIVE, when I got home and put some porn on when the wife was out I truly wanted a poz guy to breed me! I don’t know why after this scare I wanted that!

That's self-destruction on whole other level - you family is in the picture assuming you'd be there for them entirely unaware of what you are doing on your own. Taking risks with people that depend on you and are unaware of risks you take is an ethical problem first and foremost, before you start mixing your emotions into it, before it becomes a health problem for you and possibly a financial problem for them down the road [however much you're willing to mitigate and negate those already]. I donnow if you were considering Splitsville for your wife there, but it doesn't sound like it.

You need not only therapy but a major support group (sexaholics anonymous or something) and for a very long term, because now that you know the taste of the forbidden fruit, you will not willingly forget it on your very own. And there is plenty of that fruit all around and easily available. And your kid sounds being still very young - it is hard for me to see those scales in balance.

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First thing you need to do is delete your profile and get off this site ! Coming onto this site only feeds your illness. Many of these forum topics are jerk off fantasies and should not be taken seriously 

second is to get therapy ! 
 

Third if you think being Poz is such a great thing then be a grown up and split with your wife and don’t ruin 2 other lives

Frankly I find this whole topic I find highly disturbing 

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Guest CuriousDallas
On 10/14/2019 at 4:25 AM, LondonLegendUK said:

I get that but I have a wife and baby daughter so I can’t have this risk ever again.

although as my results came back as NEGATIVE, when I got home and put some porn on when the wife was out I truly wanted a poz guy to breed me! I don’t know why after this scare I wanted that!

I get what you’re feeling. You want to take control in a perverse sense by getting poz and being done with it. You want to end the constant worry about getting poz. I get it. I’m the same way. I’ve contemplated stopping Prep and taking poz loads. I know several guys who are poz and detectable and I already take their cum. I could Easily stop Prep and take their loads until I pozzed and they’d never know I’d stopped Prep and converted. I think subconsciously that’s why I forget to take my meds, part of me wants to convert. Maybe that’s you too.

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