How to overcome shyness while cruising?

[NastyBrazilian]

I barely find ppl that are into barebacking in my city or near, on any app, but I know that we can get bb on cruising places... The thing is, I do like my body, but it's a hard stigma for me 'cus I'm not a beauty pattern, and everytime I go to a sauna or darkroom (in here it's not really dark tbh) I see Greek gods or really skinny guys, then I find myself extremely afraid of being rejected and unwanted, so much that it kills my boner. I feel like these goddamn saunas are lacking body diversity, and I'm sure there are a lot of ppl with that type of stigma.
Should I seek for therapy? Or try to fit in and join a gym?

Edited January 26, 2020 by BrunoSP

[skinster]

This is not shyness but elevated self-awareness. Most people are not physically perfect. You are too young to give up on your own abilities and seek external help in some 'therapy'. What you need is motivation. And may be a gym. Now - that alone can have it's own rather persistent fecal nature showing, so you need to define your objective first - getting repeatedly or reliably laid or looking and feeling good. May be both. Neither of the two is guaranteed, and motivation comes and goes. Especially if your life is unsettled. So split it into smaller chunks and goals. Then work on them like individual steps to reach the top of the building. You don't expect to be able to jump up there from the get go. Same thing is here. There will be plenty of rejection anyway. Remember that it is a mutual loss - you're not the only one not getting laid at that minute. So you're not the only one left to bear it.

[Guest CuriousDallas]

There’s a universality to what you’re saying as I think almost everyone doesn’t view themselves as beautiful or Greek gods. I know I don’t. We are our own worst critics and enemies. When I first started playing with guys and girls I felt the same way because I was uncut and kind of goofy and gawky. I had a LOT of people turn me down on account of being uncut and some said truly awful things about me. But I discovered some guys thought it was hot that I was uncut, that I was more desirable because I was uncut. The same thing with being goofy and gawky. There is someone for everyone. I’m totally into bigger guys but most bigger guys think there’s no way a guy like me would be into them...WRONG! I have a bud my age who’s really into older guys and not into guys our age. I could go on and on. Don’t put yourself down or in a corner because of what you think you are. You’re believing what others have told you and they are WRONG.

would therapy help? Sure. It helped me to become more confident, but a bud had been getting me on that track anyhow. He taught me that confidence in yourself and how you look is sexy and that guys will react to that and he’s right. I used to cower in the locker room afraid to show my body to others. He taught me to be proud to be naked and show my body off to everyone, and he was right. I did feel confidence instead of shame.i learned to proudly stand there naked and let everyone see me for who I am. I learned to walk with confidence and my dick out, not covering it with a towel, showing it off as I went to shower. I knew guys who wouldn’t even shower as they were so ashamed to be naked and I was like that but stopped. It wound up that guys started talking about me in positive ways; I became cool and what other guys wanted to be...because I was confident in myself. I may not have been at the time but my confidence grew. Hotter still, some of those guys watching me wanted to get with me and soon enough, some did.

shyness is rooted in self doubt and fear. Those are very hard things to shed. But you have to understand, you will face a lot of rejection before you find acceptance, but you find acceptance if you keep trying. It’s a numbers game. Jesse, the guy I’m kind of dating is a good example. He’s a big guy, plays football and is kind of fat, but he has a boisterous personally, makes jokes about his size, is funny, but also very confident. He owns his size and doesn’t make apologies for it. And that is dead sexy. He screams sexy because of it. I met him through a bud and within five seconds of being around him I wanted him bad. I was praying he was gay and would want me I was that turned on by him. I tried to be cool but ultimately wound up making it clear I wanted him and he was down. But like I was saying he learned to take rejection by laughing it off. He knows that most guys aren’t interested in guys his size. Not everyone will say yes, like the bud who introduced us, who thinks Jesse is a gross fat pig. I can see why some guys would say that but not me. And there’s enough guys out there that are into him as he’s constantly hooking up with guys and I don’t mind cause I’m doing the same. Because truly, there is someone for everyone. But you’re not going to find that person if you’re ashamed of yourself and cowering in the corner ashamed and embarrassed for who you are. Own it and boldly go forward. 

[NastyBrazilian]

9 hours ago, CuriousDallas said:

There’s a universality to what you’re saying as I think almost everyone doesn’t view themselves as beautiful or Greek gods. I know I don’t. We are our own worst critics and enemies. When I first started playing with guys and girls I felt the same way because I was uncut and kind of goofy and gawky. I had a LOT of people turn me down on account of being uncut and some said truly awful things about me. But I discovered some guys thought it was hot that I was uncut, that I was more desirable because I was uncut. The same thing with being goofy and gawky. There is someone for everyone. I’m totally into bigger guys but most bigger guys think there’s no way a guy like me would be into them...WRONG! I have a bud my age who’s really into older guys and not into guys our age. I could go on and on. Don’t put yourself down or in a corner because of what you think you are. You’re believing what others have told you and they are WRONG.

would therapy help? Sure. It helped me to become more confident, but a bud had been getting me on that track anyhow. He taught me that confidence in yourself and how you look is sexy and that guys will react to that and he’s right. I used to cower in the locker room afraid to show my body to others. He taught me to be proud to be naked and show my body off to everyone, and he was right. I did feel confidence instead of shame.i learned to proudly stand there naked and let everyone see me for who I am. I learned to walk with confidence and my dick out, not covering it with a towel, showing it off as I went to shower. I knew guys who wouldn’t even shower as they were so ashamed to be naked and I was like that but stopped. It wound up that guys started talking about me in positive ways; I became cool and what other guys wanted to be...because I was confident in myself. I may not have been at the time but my confidence grew. Hotter still, some of those guys watching me wanted to get with me and soon enough, some did.

shyness is rooted in self doubt and fear. Those are very hard things to shed. But you have to understand, you will face a lot of rejection before you find acceptance, but you find acceptance if you keep trying. It’s a numbers game. Jesse, the guy I’m kind of dating is a good example. He’s a big guy, plays football and is kind of fat, but he has a boisterous personally, makes jokes about his size, is funny, but also very confident. He owns his size and doesn’t make apologies for it. And that is dead sexy. He screams sexy because of it. I met him through a bud and within five seconds of being around him I wanted him bad. I was praying he was gay and would want me I was that turned on by him. I tried to be cool but ultimately wound up making it clear I wanted him and he was down. But like I was saying he learned to take rejection by laughing it off. He knows that most guys aren’t interested in guys his size. Not everyone will say yes, like the bud who introduced us, who thinks Jesse is a gross fat pig. I can see why some guys would say that but not me. And there’s enough guys out there that are into him as he’s constantly hooking up with guys and I don’t mind cause I’m doing the same. Because truly, there is someone for everyone. But you’re not going to find that person if you’re ashamed of yourself and cowering in the corner ashamed and embarrassed for who you are. Own it and boldly go forward. 

Ty for sharing your story and encouragement.
Social stigma is so strong that it affects us, and I'm saying that because of your uncut frustration. I know most american dudes are circumcised, but where I live it's extremely normal to be uncut.
I gotta work my self-esteem indeed. I'm happy with my body, I'm not fat at all, but I need to stop comparing myself to others. I wish to see more average and fat guys so I could feel better in my local gay community.

[Mtfujisx]

Very quick and easy way to conquer your shyness and or inhibitions is to get horny watching porn videos and then open up a bottle of good poppers and inhale deeply a few times until you are feeling the heat and rush and then just give in to it and have fun.