Seeing your boyfriend/partner with other men

[bottomboib]

Hi all, 

Hope im posting in the right place and hope this all makes sense.  My bf and I have been together for 11 years.  We recently started playing together and I was nervous at first about seeing him with someone else.  To my delight, not only did it turn me on, but it fulfilled things inside me that i've never experienced before.  We of course are extremely dedicated barebackers, he took this guys cum raw, no questions asked.  What happened after that though was, (considering I took a ton of pictures of this) that all i did was jack off to thoughts of him with other men.  And not just sexually.  My mind was drawn to him not only having more and more men put their DNA inside me, which to me almost meant that my cum dominated his inside less and that he almost "belonged" to more men than me, but also wanting to see him lust for other men.  I know for some its just about sex, but for me, i wanted to see feelings develop, see things get messy emotionally, see him obsessed with loving on another man in front of me.  The same goes for me taking other mens cum in front of him.  I wanted it to be so much more than sex, i wanted it to be a full embrace of any feelings at that moment, no matter how silly it would seem to develop feelings for someone using you, but I just want it.  I wanted to feel jealousy and lust, and feel his fire for not only being a sexual slut but an emotional slut as well.  Hopefully im explaining this to point you'll understand.  At this point, while I never want him to deny himself anyone, or that I would deny MYSELF anyone, I almost lust for us to play with couples.  I want to see him and some other boy's boyfriend falling for each other in absolute ecstasy while I do the same with the other half.  Just to be clear, its really the only thing I can fantasize about anymore. Him giving in sexually and emotionally to anyone, and myself doing the same.  And yes, its always bareback and our promise to each other is thats its ALWAYS no questions asked bareback

Has anyone else ever experienced this?  Or am I totally and utterly on a limb here by myself?

Edited July 26, 2020 by bottomboib

[BootmanLA]

My general rule of thumb when someone asks "has anyone else ever experienced this" is "Of course someone has." I don't mean this in an insulting way in the slightest, but it's highly unlikely there are any sex acts/emotions/reactions that have never been experienced before.

But even if nobody had ever felt that - it doesn't matter, because YOU do. Some of the questions to ask yourself, therefore, are:

1. How do I feel about these feelings?

2. How will my partner react if he knows I feel this way?

3. How does my partner feel about emotional attachments developing outside our relationship?

4. What, if anything, do we do about it?

In other words: Are you feeling this way because you want a multi-partner relationship? Are you feeling this way because at some level you're bored with your partner, and want to him to move on to someone else (and for you to do the same)? Does my partner look at this outside play as sex only, and I don't? Am I worried my relationship won't last if he is willing to move on from guy to guy instead of developing feelings for a particular guy or couple?

In any event, the answer is communication. Ask him how he feels, and LISTEN - don't make it just about how YOU feel. You can ask in hypotheticals - "What would you do if one of us developed feelings for one of the guys we play with?" For guys who are open to outside sex as long as it's just sex, it's not uncommon (though hardly a "rule") that there's a limit on the number of times an outside party can be involved, for instance.

You won't know any of the answers to these questions unless you talk. Nothing ANYONE else can tell you here is particularly relevant to your circumstances, because this is a question of how YOU two deal with this. There are no rules, there's no system that works for everyone. But I can pretty much guarantee if there is a disconnect here - if your partner doesn't want any outside emotional entanglement, and you do - then addressing it and deciding which is more important is something you'll have to face.