Can't protect yourself from someone you love

[Pisapis]

Recentely, I recieved some terrible news.

A boy I was in love with years ago has just passed away. I don't know why, I don't know how. Only the irreversible, irrevocable truth on the pages of a newspaper. 

Many many memories of us together, wandering around, meditating aside the river are coming continuously in my mind, and this hurts a lot. But I also need to tell you that what I miss more than ever, and that will never can happen in this universe anymore, is having a real intimacy with him. At the time we were together (I was very very young and scared of everything) I was obsessed with safer sex, so he couldn't leave anything in me on the physical/etheric plane. And that is something I regret so much right now.

I know some of you might think it's gross thinking like that in such a moment, and won't understand, but I don't give a shit. My feelings are true and my thoughts are what they are: I won't put a mask on them. 

I just want to tell you that time don't go back, you can't turn back the clock, and if you really love someone you cannot try to protect yourself from him at the same time. Condoms are OK for occasional sex (if you want to stay safe), but you might regret it forever if you use them with someone you feel a deep connection with and who means a lot for you. Please don't do the same mistake I did. I would happily die right now if I could rewind and love him properly, and keep him inside him, and die with him inside. Don't follow your reason if it doesn't follow your heart. 

Follow the love, or you will regret it sooner or later.

Peace to you all

 

[Leather69]

Hi

Believe me you are not alone in this situation.. it is something that I have experienced too.. with my employment moving me about the country and thus leaving some very significant partners in other cities. Two unfortunately are no longer with us and it does leave me depressed at times.

Have you tried to reach out to his relatives/friends to find out what happend  ???

Peace to you too... and good luck.

 

[Pisapis]

Leather69, I tryed but nobody answers. More over nobody of the guys who we both knew was at current of the events. He disappeared in silence. I fear he might have committed suicide.

Thank you very much for your kindness ❤️

 

[ErosWired]

I understand you very well. I had a friend in high school, who came out after he left for college, and our relationship had an almost breathless, achy quality to it that I never understood until years later, when I realized - I had loved him. Had I not been such a ridiculously late bloomer, had I understood my feelings even slightly at the time, I sometimes wonder where a moment of intimacy might have taken us...

And then, like you, I learned second-hand if his death, hundreds of miles away, causes unclear. No chance now to deliver a message from one heart to another.