Brutal Honesty, In More Than One Way

[HungLatinDom]

This is a post to reply to splitface:

I guess I'm just scared. Also, sorry, as I didn't mean to come across as a little punk (as I think I may have) who knows more than the other members of this community.

As bbbtm20 said, there is also a lack of brutal honesty. I would like to see poz guys share their stories, their information, not just the fun half of the truth. I often see and hear guys talking about how being poz is great because they get to convert neg guys, and all of the other great points, but you don't very often here about the bad points with full disclosure.

Sorry, but there is not a lack of brutal honesty here. We have discussed in the past in different posts the outcome of turning positive, the problems, the health, emotional, economic and work issues:

http://breeding.zone/threads/7545-Poz-guys-Any-Regrets?p=16995

http://breeding.zone/threads/4261-Poz-Guys-How-Has-HIV-Changed-Your-Life-(aside-from-sex)

IMHO, you see more of the good side because this forum is about bareback sex, not about HIV related conditions, but also because we refuse to mourn the rest of our lives. When I got diagnosed, my bf was there, he has been positive for 20 years (and he is undetectable, he was not the one that I got the virus from). I was very lucky, I cried for like 5 min., and he was there, I realized this is not the end, the game is not over. He raised two kids while infected, he is a widower (not because HIV), he kept in great shape, so, I understood that if I have not terribly bad luck, the future is still very bright for me. After I cried and felt sorry for myself for those 5 min, I saw him there, strong, masculine, intelligent, understanding, a pig in bed, holding me and I knew that my life had changed, but that I could still live a great life and be happy. That very same night we went to the gym and then to the leather bar to watch him take loads and me fuck holes.

What should we do? To lament forever that we are poz so the younger people and the uninfected see how miserable we are and they become afraid of dying? Should I lie about how incredibly better is my sex life with other poz guys (but how miserable it is when no poz guys are around, mind you) so you can feel righteous because you are negative, or scared enough to keep that way? Sorry, but no, as Sullivan said on his article. Life goes on and I want to enjoy it. Lamenting, feeling miserable and depressed won't change anything. it won't make my T-cells go up, neither my viral load down, it won't keep opportunistic diseases at bay, it won't substitute meds. Being depressed and miserable is not on my plans and only makes my life suck. Of course, there are times when I feel that way, and HIV makes it slightly worse.

We talk more about the good things because that's we got left. We deal daily with meds, diseases and panic sometimes (when you are not on meds, every flu can be scary), why on Earth would we focus on the shitty parts here? Sex is supposed to be pleasurable, hot, to make you feel good, so no surprises that's the main focus here.

I suggest you look for forums where the main focus is HIV related conditions, coping with post-diagnosis grief and healthcare issues. There you might see the kind of information you are looking for in more detail, but a bit of that it's also here, it's not our fault, despite your claims, that some people don't do their research before posting.

Human beings are plastic, malleable, we adapt to the circumstances, we learn to make lemonade out of lemons, we get up after we stumble and fall, and we start walking again. It's in our nature to try to make the best of our circumstances, like Monty Python expressed so well: Always looks at the bright side of life. We are stuck here, no cure, a chronic condition (far less disrupting than diabetes, I'd say), but we chose to embrace life. If you don't like that, it's your issue, not ours. We can help you and give you information, but a little of humility and effort from you would help more than anything at this point, in the end, it's _your_ responsibility to inform yourself. When I was your age, 10 years ago, I knew better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1loyjm4SOa0

[splitface]

First off, I'd like to say again that I am sorry. Like I said in the other thread, I had no intention of coming across as a smartass punk as I think I have now.

Alot of what you say here does make sense. This is a website that celebrates bareback and the things that go with it, one of them being HIV and others. So it makes sense that men who love bareback as much as you would take the consequences with a smile. Let alone bug chasers in the first place.

Another part if all of this is that I don't know. I have never experienced that life first hand, so I am ignorant from the first. I also don't mean to be a downer, reminding you (and the rest of the community) about the shitty parts, it's just that sometimes you need to hear the shitty parts to understand.

Once again, I am sorry if I have offended you or any of the other users here with my comments. It was not my intent, at all, and I fully respect your lives and opinions. Sorry.

[HungLatinDom]

Don't worry. It's not about reminding the shitty. You cannot forget it if you are going to be alive for long, in most cases. HIV can be a wake up call to take better care of yourself and use wisely your time.

As for you, well, these choices are not easy. Whatever you do, just remember this: Unless you have no sex at all, it might happen to you, even if you are not looking for, like it happened to me. The more sex you have, condoms included, the more likely you'll get it. So, if you are going to be a slut, condoms are not perfect. Keep that in mind. I knew that from day one. It will make life a lot easier for you if/when you get infected. Many of the guys I have seen have more trouble accepting it were the ones that never thought it could happen to them, just to others. If it happens, it's not the end, it might be the beginning of a new life.