any suggestions on how to get my husband to use me, with his friends and others?

[profwhtforhung]

is there any way to help a hot man learn to love watching his husband get used?  all suggestions welcome...

[evilqueerpig]

Be honest with him.  Without honesty, there's no relationship.

[BootmanLA]

I agree that honesty is essential, but you don't really give a lot of information to go on here. You ask if there's a way to "help [him] learn to love..." but you don't say how he currently feels about it. Is he repulsed by the idea? Is he reluctantly open to it but hoping it doesn't happen? Is he open to it but doesn't really want to help facilitate it happening? How to go about things will vary depending on where he is NOW.

If he's repulsed by it, chances are he'll never make that change. If he's reluctantly open to it, he's still unlikely to grow to love it.

The bottom line is, you're trying to change someone else, and that seldom works out for the best. Instead of seeking a way to "help him learn to love" this, I think the first thing you should be doing is deciding whether *you* can be happy and learn to love doing without this activity. If not - then it's on you to explain to him that this is something you don't think you can go without forever, and if he's set against it, then it's better to break up now rather than later.

And who knows - maybe when confronted with "If I want to keep him as a husband I will have to accept this", he'll find a way to at least accept it, if not love it. Or maybe not. But the thing is - you can't "make" someone else change. All you can do is specify what you need in order to stay, and he can decide if that's a price he's willing to pay. Because you'll have already decided whether doing without this is a price YOU are willing to pay.