Recently tested and found neg

[CCbttm]

So currently at the hospital and had an HIV test done (here for a separate reason, stomach ulcer, lots of blood loss, had to have minor surgery) but asked if one could be done while I was here, because i honestly had never tested before and after years of assuming I was probably poz by now it came back negative. And strangely I was disappointed. I've been in a dry spell for a long while now, and have been craving some dick, but now the urge is just in maximum overdrive. I never really considered myself a chaser, but it's like one voice in my head said "After all the loads I took from strangers I still don't have it?! Why?!" But another said "Guess I'm lucky." And I don't know how to feel about it. Part of me wants to just play safe now, but another wants to go take at least 10 raw loads a day until I get the fuck flu.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

[tallslenderguy]

i had been receiving bare cocks and loads for >30 years before testing poz, and i've long been in the >'1000 cocks club.'  As it turns out, i was getting routine testing and had decided to go on PrEP, but didn't turn out that way.  

Psychosexual urges are hard to resist, and often impossible to comprehend, but i'd encourage you to go on PrEP.  Untreated HIV is a death sentence, and not a friendly or sexy one at that. If you have ever cared for  someone dying of AID's it's a devastating disease.   We are all fortunate that pretty much no  one in this era need die of AID's, it is  a treatable  disease with few, if any, side effects for most.  

But

It takes away an element of freedom. You are tied to a daily dose of medication. We are lucky to have that, but it is still a tether, a dependency. 

i do not regret on fuck or load i have ever received... i am grateful for every one, including the one that pozzed me. But i am not grateful for HIV. It's a disease that takes away a human freedom, it's not a 'gift,' any more than Covid, or the flu or a stroke or a heart attack. It's a pathogen and the opposite of life giving seed/semen.  

i would not wanna eat poisoned food, no matter how much the Guy Who made and served it was, why would we purposely wanna eat the same guys poisoned seed? lol, it's a mystery, but i understand that not all urges/desires are reasonable.  Still, i'd try to avoid giving in to the "chaser/gifter" urge if you can.