Starting a weekly party

[Aixactif]

I am thinking about starting a weekly sex party this winter.  I really hate the apps, but I want regular sex that is different from the typical sex club scene. 
 

If you have hosted a regular party, any tips or advice? 

[Guest]

43 minutes ago, Aixactif said:

I am thinking about starting a weekly sex party this winter.  I really hate the apps, but I want regular sex that is different from the typical sex club scene. 
 

If you have hosted a regular party, any tips or advice? 

Oh dear, oh dear, where do I start?! 

I would say that hosting a weekly, regular, sex party is almost a full time job. Here are things that you need to think about and organise:

- Venue. If it is your home, you may want to set aside a couple of rooms just for play, then the kitchen and the toilet. You need to lock your other rooms. No valuables in the play or accessible area. Also, think about the garden, balcony or terrace. If you are on a higher floor, need to make sure that there is enough space there and that the railing is high enough for people. Also think about your neighbours. House, apartment, or anything else, you have to worry about neighbours. Even if you live on a farm, or in a chalet on top of the mountain, you still have noisy neighbours who may report you to police, just for fun.  If it is not your home, then a different set of rules apply, but they are all consistent with the above: play area, toilet, cloakroom/ garderobe, etc.

You have to at least cover everything with impermeable sheets (amazon has them). Remove any carpets, rugs, heirlooms, antique chairs and precious Sevres or Rosenthal porcelain from anywhere where it can be damaged. In the heat of the fucking, and hopefully cumming, nobody will pay much attention to that 17th century Japanese vase on the table next to the chair where the fucking is happening.

- People invited. How are invitations sent and who/how you manage the RSVPs? Usually there is a 10:6:3 ratio. For 10 invited, 6 will responde, 3 will come. Rules for the invitees: such as no forwarding, no friends of friends, etc. You'd be surprised how many people show up at a party with a "friend" they picked up 10 min earlier on grindr !

Also, make sure people understand the concept of group sex, expecially when they are within your circle of acquaintances. Some people will not fuck with the others because they don't like them and then they ruin the mood of the party. So make sure, everyone gets along with everyone.

- Lube and drugs. Not everyone will come with the lube on them. Make sure there is some available. Make sure you state clearly what drugs are allowed and what not. Depending on your jurisdiction, some drugs are legal, some are not. Poppers, weed, etc. Advice is to steer clear of any drugs other than popppers. And on the poppers subject, make sure you have a first aid kit. More than once, people confuse their nostrils with other parts of of their face. Not funny,

Make sure there is enough paper towels and toilet papers in the bathroom. Also a plunger needs to be there, just in case. Trust me, a plunger can save the life of a party LOL

- I assume that this is a bareback party. Make sure everyone understands and is clear about the risks. There's a significant number of people who are mesmerised and fascinated by the idea of raw sex, but after they have a load in their asses, they start feeling full of regrets and they go besirk to their doctor (and you) asking in panic for PEP.

- Maintain a 4:1 ratio for tops vs. bottoms in the invite. This way you have a chance of an even number of top vs bottoms. Very few tops are exclusive top. A very large number of tops will certainly entertain a nice cock in the depths of their gut.

- Make up a list of rules. From no phone, or no photos, to opening time and behaviour rules, these are all yours to make. Speaking of opening time... Ideally you want to organise something when noise and people traffic around your apartment shouldn't be much of a concern. Consider afternoon to mid-evening. Something like 16:00 t0 20:00. Be prepared to kick out the last two fucktards who just fell in love on your couch and they snore in a blissfull sleep. 

- Have a friend or two attend the party and make them the host and minder. They should be free to partake in the fun, but no drugs, alcohol for them. They should be your trusted home-guards.

- If you have any pets, consider taking them out for the time of the party. Apart from allergies that some people may have, you will be exposing the poor animals to some very unnerving noises and strange people. Also, with smoke and fumes, that's not good for them.

- Unorthodox as it may sound, IF you trust your local police officer, consider telling them about the party. They may come in handy and know what's going on if things go wrong.  Now, I am not saying that you should post a notice on the police door, but only if you know them and trust them. Of course, having a policeman or a fireman in your circle of friends is great. And they don't need to necessarily be gay; just as close friends. 

As horny as we are, a regular, weekly party is an adventure and it may prove to be too much, as the time between the just finished party and the next one is really short: you have to clean your own house, need to do the laundry, picking up stuff from behind the sofa, etc, etc.  Think about maybe once a month or at least every two weeks. 

Another thing is of you want to ask the attendees for a token monetary participation. This can cover your utilities, some snacks, paper towels, etc. Also this may pay for drinks, unless you tell them that this is a BYOB. In which case, I guarantee you that will be one person who forgets it, and will start begging the other for a drink. Gênant... 

Check your home insurance to see if you are covered in case of flooding, fire (yes, a stub can ignite a very undesirable fire) and if you are covered for parties and how many people will they allow in your home. Some jurisdictions have explicit limit on number of people allowed in your house for a party, depending on the size of your place. And this covers theft as well. I am not implying that this is a regular occurence, but it happened more than once, so be prepared.

It can be fun to have a party like this, but it's a lot of work before and after. But if you are after something more intimate, like 3-4 people, then all of the above still apply, but obviously as a more relaxed and easy atmosphere, and less work.

One place in the world where it comes close to a house party, is called Ajpnia in Berlin. They are a bunch of volunteers, organising twice weekly  sex parties. They are a sex club in its own right, but very much different atmosphere. You have couches and armchairs, mattresses, and there is no shoes policy. Everything is very clean and well maintained. It's more like a shisha joint where people lie on the sofa, have a drink, fuck a little, go downstairs in the paly area, which is also carpeted wall to wall, and go crazy fucking each others brains out, or just sip a Cosmo watching. do a search on google for ajpnia and check it out. 

I am sure  there are many others who will add to these points, but overall, the important thing is to understand the difference between attending a sex party and organising one.  Happy to add to the above. If you ever are in GC, feel free to drop me a line, and we'll go out for a drink and tell you more.  Happy fucking!

[Aixactif]

Wow, thanks so much for the detailed response. I had though if some, but not all of these things! I’m going to do some more research but monthly sounds like a good starting place!

[yunghungtop]

I’m not saying this to discriminate, I’m saying it from experience. 
 

You need to carefully select and limit your bottoms, and you need to get as many tops as possible. 
 

Assume 25% of the guys you invite will show up. Or less. People get nervous and flake. 
 

If you don’t specifically screen by top and bottom and just invite 40 men, 10 will show and most of them will be bottoms.

Communicate clearly that it is a bareback / breeding party. Select a few trusted bottoms maybe 3 or 4 and get their permission to share their pussy pics. That’s your top bait. 
 

Then invite 30 or 40 tops using those pussy pics. If Vers guys hit you up tell them that they can bottom but only if they also top. 
 

Have a start time and a lockout time. Party starts at 5 pm. Door is locked at 6:30. That psychologically forces guys to make a move and show up. 
 

Provide lube and towels. People can bring their own poppers. 

I’m serious about the top to bottom ratio. And I’m not trying to be mean. It’s just a fact. You have to limit your number of bottoms and maximize your number of tops for a successful party. 

[Aixactif]

Thanks for the reply! I completely agree.
 

I went to a horse fair event last year that was small and 2:1 tops to bottoms. A couple of the tops were done quickly and one of the “tops” was really a bottom trying to get fucked. it was fun but could have been so much better.

[LetsPOZBreed]

10 hours ago, yunghungtop said:

I’m serious about the top to bottom ratio. And I’m not trying to be mean. It’s just a fact. You have to limit your number of bottoms and maximize your number of tops for a successful party. 

This cannot be understated.  I had a mate in the US who hosted his parties about once a month (an ideal frequency, if you ask me - I think weekly is too frequent).  Each month would feature a designated cum-dump - one guy in particular proved really popular; wasn't me, but man did I pump gallons inside him.  Only rarely would his parties be what he'd call a "free for all" in which there wasn't a specified bottom for the evening.

Sure, some peripheral bottoming might happen when guys were waiting their turn; however, this was more along the lines of "fluffing" like they'd do in porn.  The cum-dump-du-jour would be getting all the loads like the rules of the party stated.

Just like you'd need a mate or two to be your eyes and ears for purposes of making sure there's no theft or craziness, these same mates can help out if some unscrupulous bottoms start hogging the attention away from a designated cum dump.  End of the day, it's your party - cump dumps aren't going to trust you if their night is a bust because all the tops are allowed to bust their nuts in someone else.  

That being said, being a regular party host does requrie building up a good repuatation as a host.  You will become the face of these events, and guys want to feel safe and relaxed at your events - otherwise, you're finished.  Most of this is covered above about specific behaviours on the nights themselves.  A few others I might add to ensure that your frequent events continue to be successful:

- seriously, once a guy gets naked, make sure you (or your mates) get a good look at what's being presented.  Don't be afraid to put a stop to a guy with any obvious, visible signs of STI infection or some other condition that might put others at risk.  Sure, there's always risk of contracting stuff when barebacking is involved - but there's a big difference between a risk of something happening and a certainty.  

- make sure your designated cumdumps are really knowing what they're getting into and are prepared for what will happen (i.e. not showing up in front of 20 guys but too tight to take them).  Also, making sure your bottom(s) are cleaned out and are reasonably not going to have any unfortunate accidents during the party.

- If your cum dump is a novice, have a trusted vers buddy there as a back up.  This way, if guy #1 doesn't work out, you have someone else there willing to step in and take it for the (literal) team.

- anonymity is key.  You'll likely get men who go to these parties for the fun of it, yet they have no interest in being identified on the outside.  If you see your attendees outside of the party, I wouldn't bring it up unless you know them well enough to know that it's okay to discuss such things. 

- Along the same lines, if anyone from the party asks you about anyone else at the party ("hey, can you put me in contact with that hot guy with a scorpion tattoo - I want to play with him again").  Don't be tempted to give that info out.  Just like the anonymity bit above, it's not your place to be matchmaker.  

- if there's any fetish play that's allowed to go on during the party, make sure the guys attending know this in advance.  For example, if you intend to allow fisting to happen - say that to everyone who is invited.  This way, if any prospective attendees are put off by that, they can politely give it a miss.  

[BootmanLA]

39 minutes ago, LetsPOZBreed said:

- Along the same lines, if anyone from the party asks you about anyone else at the party ("hey, can you put me in contact with that hot guy with a scorpion tattoo - I want to play with him again").  Don't be tempted to give that info out.  Just like the anonymity bit above, it's not your place to be matchmaker.  

I generally agree here, except that I'd say it's OK for two attendees to swap contact info IF they want - though everyone should be forewarned that badgering someone for contact info will result in swift ejection. 

I'd also suggest setting aside an area for clothes storage, and getting a bunch of large grocery or trash bags for people to stash their clothes (and keys, etc.) in. And this is where those "assistant" hosts become really helpful - divide the party time into shifts, and make sure one of them is in the room where belongings are stored, making sure nobody goes "shopping" through other people's wallets, etc.

One way to keep tabs on these things: get a supply of full-sheet (8.5 x 11 in the US) labels, and cut them into halves or quarters. When a participant hands over his bag of clothes, etc., write his name on a label and seal the bag with it. That should eliminate arguments about "I had $200 in cash in my pocket and now it's gone" - if the label is undisturbed, nobody went into the bag. (And I suggest those large ones because smaller labels sometimes "pop loose" or can be dislodged, while these sections of full-sheet labels are much harder to tamper with.)

[LetsPOZBreed]

23 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

I generally agree here, except that I'd say it's OK for two attendees to swap contact info IF they want - though everyone should be forewarned that badgering someone for contact info will result in swift ejection. 

If attendees negotiate this directly amonst themselves, that's totally fine.  I'm speaking about situations where that didn't happen (for whatever reason) and one person decides to try and go through the host.  If there's not an agreement ahead of time, just err on the side of caution and not divulge.  

[AirmaxUK]

I'd say you also need to have a clear policy on phones and cameras.  You have to ban them outright or make everyone aware they're permitted. The halfway solution of 'only film if you ask permission first' or 'phone allowed but no photos/videos' never works - someone always tries to get away with a few surreptitious photos or video when they think nobody will notice. 

[Aixactif]

All of the responses have been very helpful. Thanks!

[ErosWired]

I’ve been involved in several different sorts of arranged group sex events, on the  organizing/hosting side, from small, home-based gatherings to monthly meetups in a (semi)public venue. The one thing I would say that all these things have in common, from a hosting perspective, is that being the host means you are absolutely not just another participant. Someone has to be in charge and responsible in order for everyone else to be able to let loose and enjoy. Someone has to have his finger on the pulse of the event, watching what goes on, anticipating problems before they become problems, meeting needs before the people are aware they need them.

This isn’t to say that the host can’t have fun too, and get in some play, but the host’s first responsibility has to be in making sure everyone else’s experience goes well. The host is the oil that lubricates the whole event. The host is the one who, for instance, notices the guy who isn’t getting any play and makes it his business to see that he does, whether by tending to it himself or facilitating connections.

If this sounds a lot like work, it’s because it’s a lot like work, and you may not get to play in the same way as your guests - but you’ll be setting yourself up for a potential network of reciprocal invitations that can be very much worth your time and effort.