Sex has no pleasure... thoughts?

[hard.dude]

hey guys.

I found this site; love to bareback, love to be barebacked.. love felching too.

but I need some help. If I top someone, I don't get ANY pleasure at all... condom or not (but I LOVE no condom, haha). Like, there's just no pleasure at all.

Has anyone else had this? I'd really love to start barebacking a lot more.. but it's no fun if I don't enjoy it.

hard.dude

[rawTOP]

Maybe you just need to concentrate on the pleasure of your top (or your bottom). Stop making sex about you - make it about the other person. You're there to make them happy - not to derive pleasure out of it.

[bottomcub85]

Maybe you just need to concentrate on the pleasure of your top (or your bottom). Stop making sex about you - make it about the other person. You're there to make them happy - not to derive pleasure out of it.

That's actually great advice; I've had difficulty enjoying topping as well.

[ECinUNow]

I like most of what RawTop has to advise. Giving pleasure with your body is an amazing experience BUT many have trouble ACCEPTING pleasure. The inability of us to accept pleasure may have its roots in our wham-bam hookups where no trust is built over time. Statements like "You're there to make them happy" may make some groins tingle (and in the right scenarios may be "hot.") Not being able to experience the physical or true emotional pleasure of sex is miles away from that advise.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn...is just to love...and be loved in return." (Nature Boy)

This all said, a great sex partner communicates THEIR needs---and responds to the needs of their sexual partner.

[slowfuck]

Good posts. I won't restate things already said. One size doesn't fit all so you can take the views and see which ones resonate with your experience and situation. I am assuming you mean you are fucking and it doesn't seem to be exciting you in the way that you feel you will be able to ejaculate anytime this week?

It could be simply that the position you use to fuck doesn't give your cock enough stimulation, although I LOVE the view I get with fucking doggy but I find it doesn't give me the best stimulation for the most part as I am average length but thick so I don't get as deep as some. For me the bottom on his side on the bed, top leg pulled up to 90 degrees and me one leg on the bed between his legs, one on the floor and cock pumping his hole gives me much better stimulation. The bottom reaching back and squeezing my nipples kinda completes the deal and a hot wet cumload up his hole is not that far away

I had difficulties like this for a while. Thinking I HAD to cum for the bottom, and concentrating on the feeling of my cock in the hole - my thoughts centred around my crotch - and finding I was not being able to cum. So I was not thinking about myself in the context that I was concentrating on delivering for the bottom, but was totally thinking about myself in being centred on my inability to perform as I THOUGHT I should perform. When all is working well then you will no doubt be there with bottoms queueing up to get the pleasure of serving your cock, and you will derive your pleasure and big squirty orgasms from doing, so big time. That's a hot thought!

I learned that for me I was too much in conscious thought. Thinking about whether you will cum or not is you being in conscious thought. You really need to be having a 'party in your head' with the fantasies, sensations and dirty thoughts all happening in your mind. Feelings should be felt in your head and you should not be thinking about the mechanics of what you are doing except for imagining yourself fucking the ass off him and dumping a massive load which will drip out and run over his balls, and manoevering yourself and him to make it so! It should be the pleasurable thoughts around what you are doing, or what is happening, that you are concentrating on in your mind - if your attention is diverted into reality like your penis feeling like it is getting floppy or your ass getting sore then that will become true and it won't work until you get your thoughts back inside your head again. If that happens take a break and remember real life isn't a porn film - it's much better because you get to direct it yourself... that's what I learned in overcoming it anyway

[HardaddyMA]

This 'problem' is often the result of the anti-sexual, anti-pleasure culture so many of us have grown up with (and internalized w/ out knowing it) and still saturates our popular culture. Even though sexy big-titted women and mostly naked men are selling everything from cars to vacations to tooth-paste, we still live in an anti-sexual, anti-sensual world in many ways. And so few poeple are really comfortable with their bodies, what it looks like and how it works.

So, I much prefer to take the time with any new bottom I play with to get him connected to his body, with lots of kissing, touching, rubbing and in general getting him to relax and helping him become aware of how really good it feels when I lick his nipples or tickle his balls w/ a feather. We all need to take more time to get 'into our bodies' and into 'listening' to the signs and signals our sex-partner is sending us... I try very hard to get a boy to tell me how he is feeling. I have met several men who had a hard time vocallizing anything during foreplay, so I try to get him to moan and groan and give him signs with my breathing, my physical contact and my voice how much I enjoy it when I see his cock throb when I eat his ass or the deep inhale he makes when I stroke his cock nice and slow w/ spit all over it.

And for lots of guys who have quick suck/fuck encounters (both TOPS and bottoms), they are only interested in getting off, but my experience convinces me that it's worth taking the time to get comfortable, get some connection and really explore pleasure on more than the 'cock-mouth-ass' level. The satisfation of BOTH the top and the bottom makes it worth the investment of time and energy for me! Once we get a 'good connection' the stars are literally the limit to how profound and mutually satisfying an experience you can share with another man!

[slowfuck]

Well said, HarddaddyMA. Agree 100%