Tested Negative - Relived but still tempted

[Jm441]

Hi all,

Had to make an account. 

Since splitting with my female partner I have sucked a lot of cocks. 

One guy in particular - twice my age - total "service top" drives me wild. He will tie me up, suck and finger and rim me until I explode. 

He gave me poppers and tried to fuck me a few times having told me that he was totally "clean" managing a few thrusts but each time he would pull out and cum on my cock or face - I just couldn't take the pain as I am extremely tight. 

This sounds weird but I had a dream a few weeks ago that he was poz and so I made a different account and he admitted to that account that he was poz. 

I have gone no-contact and been tested (negative). 

It's a relief but I have since discovered this site. 

I want him again but it feels so weird. Like I dodged a bullet but want to go stand in front of it again. 

Can anyone identify with this? Or could anyone talk me through something similar that you have been through?

[viking8x6]

1 hour ago, Jm441 said:

This sounds weird but I had a dream a few weeks ago that he was poz and so I made a different account and he admitted to that account that he was poz. 

You really need to clarify whether all of that was in the dream, or whether the part after the "and so" actually happened.

Also, if you want to discuss bugchasing more than obliquely, please use the report function to ask a moderator to move this topic to the Backroom.

[norefusal]

you're not alone

when i first came here after my divorce with similar stories and desires, i spent a long time scrolling around and reading and taking everyone's stories in. that helped. 

for my own situation, all i can say is: post-trauma addiction left untreated only leads to worsening behavior. had i not been talking more openly w people about these desires, id most probably be poz and regretful as we speak. but that's just me. 

usually, as w me, it all really stems from unresolved issues from childhood abuse.

 

[Jm441]

On 4/30/2024 at 9:04 PM, viking8x6 said:

You really need to clarify whether all of that was in the dream, or whether the part after the "and so" actually happened.

Also, if you want to discuss bugchasing more than obliquely, please use the report function to ask a moderator to move this topic to the Backroom.

Sorry, that did happen. I feel bad for tricking him, but he did mentioned that he is completely y negative which is a bit of a lie obviously now. 

I don't think that I want to discuss bugchasing - he admitted to being undetectable and as far as I have read that is ok? 

[RawNerdUK]

"U=U" as they say.

[Guest]

I'm HIV+ 35 yrs+/- and in appreciation of fetishes and there are many i understand the powerful draw. Assuming no one here is fibbing about their age, we can only be responsible for ourselves in any chosen engagement or roleplay. Personally I would not wish hiv on anyone and know the appeal for sharing. At this point in my life....having sampled the menu broadly, I offer a request that we support each other in making choices that will allow us to continue pursuing and enjoying all kinds of sexual opportunities with others for years to cum.

Please do not read as a parental warning but the extending to you all my gratitude for your being here and having access to chat and share with you.

(have outed myself ....maybe or maybe not.....feel free to share what i share)

 

Edited May 14 by faggot4play

[Guest]

1 hour ago, RawNerdUK said:

"U=U" as they say.

"HIV Undetectable = Untransmittable (U=U)"...had to look up the reference, and figured i'd share. thank you. 

Edited May 14 by faggot4play

[Guest]

1 hour ago, faggot4play said:

I'm HIV+ 35 yrs+/- and in appreciation of fetishes and there are many i understand the powerful draw. Assuming no one here is fibbing about their age, we can only be responsible for ourselves in any chosen engagement or roleplay. Personally I would not wish hiv on anyone and know the appeal for sharing. At this point in my life....having sampled the menu broadly, I offer a request that we support each other in making choices that will allow us to continue pursuing and enjoying all kinds of sexual opportunities with others for years to cum.

Please do not read as a parental warning but the extending to you all my gratitude for your being here and having access to chat and share with you.

(have outed myself ....maybe or maybe not.....feel free to share what i share)

 

I am so proud of you for your transparency!  Keep up the great work!

When HIV/AIDS hit the USA, I was marries to a woman with 3 kids.  I worked with a man who's married with 2 kids.  

We were in our early 20s.  He and I had sex many times.  He was terrifies of this "new gay disease" that was going around. 

He and his wife divorced and he went to live the gay lifestyle and ultimately caught HIV but his family, parents, brothers, etc disowned him and his brother burned down 2 of his homes. 

He drank himself to death before the HIV moved to AIDS.  I learned this from his last BF.

I stayed married, went to Bible College and into ministry, and then my now ex.wife, started cheating on me with multiple men of color.  We divorced.   I left ministry. 

So from age 37 to to 54 I was a whore in Colorado Springs, D.C., and back to Colorado Springs (company moved me) and I loved it.  

Always bareback (bottom here) and how I've not come down with HIV I don't know.

However,  with that being said, at age 53 I had Prostate cancer, did surgery and have not been able to get hard...I miss my dick!

And 2 weeks ago, I have a "type of blood cancer" that I can live 14 to 20 years...it's still not good news.

I tell my story, only to say if we can share, have hope, learn things, share best practices,  and oh yes...nasty dirty stories...eh hem...I am here!

Some of may be doing the age math of me reading this story...I have now problem saying I turn 62 this year.   

I am grateful for all this conversation that is going on.  Hopefully I didn't violate any rules, conditions, policies, etc.  If I did...I will be told so.

Enjoy life every one!